lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: [Short Fic] Revenge of the Exile
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 08-04-2006, 06:37 PM   #1
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
[Short Fic] Revenge of the Exile

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Revenge of the Exile
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The dark side. Once you embrace it, you become a part of it. Once you embrace it, you can never return to the light. Once you embrace it, death and destruction is all you long for. Only several have managed to renounce the ways of the dark side. Even if someone manages to renounce the dark side, it can still be a part of you. Once you embrace it, the darkness will take you. – Luke Skywalker

*****

Jaden Lennon, was meditating in the core of Malachor V. He was still an exile and he always would be. The Republic and the Jedi were failing and soon they would be destroyed. Either by him or the upcoming war. Jaden was angry. Very angry. He continued to meditate, with his dark thoughts in his head. Soon he could sense his companions coming to him. Was it to save him? Was it to kill him? Or were they going to join him? Only time would tell.

*****

“I say we fire a rocket at him right now, and blow his screaming, burning body into the core of Malachor.” Mira whispered to the others, from the entrance of the Trayus Core.

“It wouldn’t work,” Atton told her, “He is too strong in the Force. I bet one thousand Credits that all of us won’t be able to stop him.”

“I’ve worked with the General before,” Bao-Dur told them, “He has his strengths and weaknesses are. Perhaps we can work out his weaknesses. We should overwhelm him.”

“This battle won’t be decided by weapons.” Brianna told them.

“You are wrong,” Visas told her, “Perhaps we should plan our attack and defeat him, before he can become much stronger.”

Brianna pushed passed the others and walked towards her lover. She needed to do something, anything that would bring him back to the light.

“Don’t go Brianna!” Atton shouted, “He is too strong!”

“We better follow her,” Mira told them, reloading her pistols “Just in case.”

*****

Brianna approached Jaden.

“Why?” She asked, “Why have you done this?”

Jaden opened his eyes, but didn’t get up.

“I have no idea,” He told her, “The dark side is what I am, I control it.”

Brianna was shocked at what she was hearing. Jaden had become different. It was all Kreia’s fault.

“Come with me,” She pleaded, “We can start a new life together, away from the Republic.”

Jaden stood up and turned to face her. She was nothing to him now. She had her uses, but now. Now she was just a follower of the Republic. Not him. Anyone who didn’t follow him would die by his hand.

“I’ll never come with you,” Jaden told her, “You are brave to come alone.”

“She isn’t alone old friend,” Bao-Dur told him, “We stand with her. With the Republic. And soon the new Jedi Order.”

“And now I come in and say something suitably heroic.” Atton commented.

Jaden looked at them all. His loyal servants. They were never his friends, not really. Kreia was right. They followed him, because he was a leader. And he still was. Like Brianna, none of them had their uses anymore. He would soon dispose of them all. Then he would dispose of Malachor.

“I taught you all the ways of the Force,” Jaden told them, “But you’ve betrayed me and for that you shall pay. How can inexperienced fools like you bring back the Jedi Order?”

“The Force has shown us the way,” Visas told him, “And soon, many students will come to us.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it!” Jaden shouted, “Which one of you shall try to kill me first?”

None of them stepped forward. Strange. Jaden would have expected them all to try and kill him. Jaden sensed Mira shooting at him, but without the help of his Lightsaber, he pushed them back towards her. Mira fell to the floor. Visas then tried to strike, but Jaden choked her, causing her to faint. Atton and Bao-Dur tried to attack at the same time, but Jaden used the Force to cast bolts of lightning at them. This injured them both. Only Brianna remained.

“So Brianna, will you kill me?” Jaden asked angrily, without looking at her.

“No!” Brianna shouted, “I can still sense good in you and you know it.”

“Liar!” Jaden shouted, “I see through the lies of the Jedi and now I can control the dark side and use it to destroy what remains of the Republic.”

“How can you say such things?” Brianna asked, “Jaden. You’re breaking my heart.”

Jaden had become sick of Brianna’s presence. He choked her. He used the Force to fling her across the room. She fell into the Trayus Core, just like Kreia had a while ago. Nobody could survive that. Not even someone as powerful as him, could survive it. He smiled and walked off and went to find the Ebon Hawk.

*****

“Statement. It is a pleasure to see you alive Master.” The Assassin Droid, HK-47 told Jaden as he entered the Ebon Hawk.

Jaden ignored HK and went straight to the cockpit. He wanted to be off Malachor, so he could watch it be destroyed. He didn’t want to be on Malachor, when it would be falling apart. As soon as he was away from Malachor, Jaden went to the communications system and contacted Bao-Dur’s old Remote.

“Activate the Mass Shadow Generator.” Jaden told the Remote.

He ran back into the cockpit and prepared to watch the Planet fall apart. HK and Jaden’s Utility Droid, T3-M4 watched it crumble. Soon the Planet split in three and all the darkness there was destroyed. The echo within Jaden was gone.

“It is time,” Jaden said finally, “Time to destroy the Republic.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The End
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Jae Onasi; 08-05-2006 at 09:52 AM. Reason: shortened lines to make fic fit page
Diego Varen is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-05-2006, 06:19 AM   #2
Jason Skywalker
Fight da Powah
 
Jason Skywalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,152
Current Game: SMT: Imagine
Real nice, and, ROTS quote, again!
Jason Skywalker is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-05-2006, 10:00 AM   #3
RC-1162
Liquidious Fleshbag
 
RC-1162's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,447
Current Game: SW:TOR
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Helpful! 
multiple quotes, more like
but great work anyway


Duct Tape is ALWAYS the answer
RC-1162 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-05-2006, 10:05 AM   #4
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
That's one dark fic, Pottsie. Cool. I caught a couple sentences where you added a comma that didn't need to be there, but nothing else jumped out at me.
Try making the battle between Jaden and and the other team members longer--I felt like it went a little too fast--in the boss battles, it's usually not over in just one attack to each person. You could really play up his darkside feelings during the battles and take full advantage of that if you wanted. I'd also like to get a better sense just why he wants to destroy the Republic.
I really liked the dark feeling. It's delightfully evil.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-14-2006, 05:26 AM   #5
JediKnight707
Or I will choke you...
 
JediKnight707's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: On that Blvd. of Broken Dreams
Posts: 1,478
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'm scared! Very nice I liked the...darkness.

JediKnight707 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-14-2006, 05:29 AM   #6
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thanks JK, I like the Family Guy Avatar too.
Diego Varen is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-16-2006, 12:20 AM   #7
Maverick5770
Junior Member
 
Maverick5770's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 448
That was a really good shortfic, but you missed Canderous. Where was Canderous?


I Am Canadian

Go Canucks Go

I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ
Maverick5770 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-16-2006, 06:32 AM   #8
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Canderous wasn't in this point in the Game.
Diego Varen is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-06-2006, 02:36 AM   #9
CSI
Aa! Megami-sama!
 
CSI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Tariki Hongan Temple, City of
Posts: 1,797
Current Game: Frozen Throne
Helpful! 
OK! This is a dark side fic. I like it. No more Mr. Nice Exile.




| Muunilinst 10 | Real Life | Exiled Jedi Weapon Master | Ex-Sith Marauder | Gunslinger |
Killed in a suicide attempt of ramming his own ship, Ravager, onto the surface of Telos IV. --Casualty Report: Order 66
CSI is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > [Short Fic] Revenge of the Exile

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:33 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.