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Old 09-30-2006, 07:58 AM   #1
Diego Varen
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Jedi Forces Part I - Shadows of War

I know it isn't finished yet, but I'm currently writing Chapter III of the first part (Which is this). I shall try to post at least two Chapters everyday. Here it is.

*****

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Star Wars
Jedi Forces Part I - Shadows of War


Six months have passed, since the JEDI KNIGHT, JADEN KORR managed to defeat the DISICPLES OF RAGNOS cult leader, TAVION, by himself on the Planet KORRIBAN, inside MARKA RAGNOS’ tomb.

Things have been on the up, for both the JEDI ORDER and the NEW REPUBLIC, since the battle on Korriban and the JEDI ORDER will receive another one hundred students for the JEDI MASTERS to train in the upcoming months.

Despite all this peace the galaxy now has, little does it know its fate. A fate that is being controlled by the hands of the returning SITH ORDER, that lies in the UNKNOWN REGIONS, waiting for their moment to strike…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prologue
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


: Message encoded to grand Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker, in the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. Jedi Knight Jaden Korr transmitting. :

Since the battle on Korriban, I’ve been uneasy. I’ve been receiving nightmares of the dark side, threatening me, taunting me. I believe that since my recent confrontation with the dark side, its taint has touched my soul. Meditation doesn’t help. Resting doesn’t help. Sleep is impossible.

The assignment you sent me on can’t be completed. I recommend you don’t send anyone else on this mission for this Sith artifact, since I sense the dark side is slowly returning and will wreck havoc on the galaxy once again. Until I receive a reply, I shall plan to return to the Jedi Academy and try to get back to normal, unless you suggest another alternative. I await your response.

: Jaden Korr. End Transmission. :

*****

: Message encoded to Jedi Knight, Jaden Korr, on Coruscant. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker transmitting. :

I wish I could respect your feelings and agree with you on this matter, Jaden, but leaving a taint of the dark side on a populated planet, such as Coruscant is too risky. I shall send some old friends of yours to find you. They will meet you in the spaceport tomorrow morning. Wait for their arrival. You will know who they are, when you see them.

: Luke Skywalker. End Transmission. :

*****

: Message encoded to grand Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker, in the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. Jedi Knight Jaden Korr transmitting. :

I will do as you wish Master Skywalker. Are these old friends my old Jedi Master, Kyle Katarn and Rosh Penin by any chance?

: Jaden Korr. End Transmission. :

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter I New Beginnings
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-01-2006 at 02:53 PM.
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Old 09-30-2006, 08:13 AM   #2
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Tis good ... When is the first chapter going to be up?

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Old 09-30-2006, 08:21 AM   #3
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Nice. Hope we see more!
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Old 09-30-2006, 08:22 AM   #4
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The next Chapter will be up some time later today. It is four pages long in Word. Sorry I did the Prologue again from the Preview, but it had to be posted again. Chapter I is better. Thanks for the comments.
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Old 09-30-2006, 08:30 AM   #5
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Cant wait for it.

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Old 09-30-2006, 12:37 PM   #6
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Chapter I
New Beginnings
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Raven’s Claw sped away from the grassy planet of Yavin IV, where the Jedi Academy was situated. Kyle pressed the coordinates for Coruscant and the ship sped into hyperspace. Now all he had to do was wait until both him and his apprentice, Rosh Penin to arrive at Coruscant.

“We’ll be at Coruscant in about half an hour,” Kyle told Rosh, as he lay back in the pilot’s chair.

Rosh remained quiet. He had remained quiet for the whole journey and he hadn’t seen Jaden, since the battle on Korriban, six months ago. Since then, she had been sent to Coruscant, to find some hidden artefact that Luke suspected was something belonging to the Sith. Rosh had always wondered what was so special about artifacts that belonged to the Sith. He thought they had all been taken a long time ago.

“Why would Master Skywalker send Jaden to find something belonging to the Sith?” Rosh asked.

“I have no idea Rosh,” Kyle told him, knowing that he didn’t know what he could say, “Luke would know what he was doing.”

Rosh lay back in the co-pilot’s chair, before speaking again.

“But he didn’t give us much information. Master Skywalker just told us to find Jaden, for whom we hadn’t seen for at least six months.”

Kyle sighed out loud, so Rosh could hear. Despite Rosh’s progress becoming so close to becoming a Jedi Knight, he was still the eager, impatient apprentice, he had first taken as a student. The console beeped out loudly, disturbing Kyle’s thoughts. It seemed to be a message. Before he could answer it, Rosh had already accepted the message.

“Kyle, I think Master Skywalker is contacting us!” Rosh announced across the Raven’s Claw.

“No kidding,” Kyle countered, before pressing the button to show the small, blue holographic figure of Master Luke Skywalker himself.

“Kyle, Rosh.” He began.

Kyle immediately sat up, trying to look at serious as possible. He also noticed Rosh did the same.

“Luke,” Kyle started, “What’s up? Rosh was just talking about you and your methods.”

Luke ignored Kyle’s last comment and he continued.

“Something disturbing.”

“Any details?” Kyle asked, “If not, I hope you haven’t contacted us about the time.”

“Otherwise our wise Jedi Master would be losing track of the time,” Rosh continued, “And that would certainly be disturbing.”

Usually, Luke wasn’t the person for accepting light humour, but he smiled at Rosh’s last comment. After that, he began describing the details to the two Jedi.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you much information before, however Jaden has been on this assignment for six months now, when it was supposed to be a three month assignment. I’ve begin to fear for her safety and I’m sure you must have been suspicious of the lack of contact from her.”

Kyle nodded. Jaden had never been one for not contacting. It had made both Kyle and Luke worried. Rosh had never thought about her, since the battle on Korriban. Kyle noticed Coruscant was directly in front.

“Could you give us the discussion you and Jaden had?” Kyle asked, hoping to see what Jaden had said.

“Sure,” Luke told Kyle, “You might have to wait a while, before it gets to you. Sending transmissions from the Academy takes a while and I may only be able to send you the first part of the transmissions. Once I send you this transmission, I will no longer have time to talk to you. And remember to not let Jaden leave Coruscant, unless this assignment has become more dangerous than originally anticipated. Remember, there is a disturbance in the Force. We can all sense it.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Kyle replied, returning to lean back in his chair, “We’ll wait and don’t worry about how long Jaden likes to talk. I’m not expecting an essay.”

*****

“I believe this is part of the transmission, Jaden sent to me,” Luke told Kyle and Rosh.

“Thanks Luke,” Kyle told him, as the holographic image of Luke disappeared.

Kyle pressed another button, which turned on the transmission. Jaden’s voice rang around the Raven’s Claw.

“Since the battle on Korriban, I’ve been uneasy. I’ve been receiving nightmares of the dark side, threatening me, taunting me. I believe that since my recent confrontation with the dark side, its taint has touched my soul. Meditation doesn’t help. Resting doesn’t help. Sleep is impossible.” Jaden’s voice rang through the Raven’s Claw, “The assignment you sent me on can’t be completed. I recommend you don’t send anyone else on this mission for this Sith artifact, since I sense the dark side is slowly returning and will wreck havoc on the galaxy once again. Until I receive a reply, I shall plan to return to the Jedi Academy and try to get back to normal, unless you suggest another alternative. I await your response.”

Kyle turned the communication system off, while Rosh sighed.

“If she didn’t want anyone else sent, then why did Master Skywalker send us?” Rosh asked, “We should respect her wishes.”

Kyle agreed with Rosh in some ways, but he knew that Luke needed Jaden to complete this assignment.

“I don’t know Rosh,” Kyle told Luke, “We’re approaching Coruscant now.”

Kyle controlled the Raven’s Claw towards Coruscant and both him and Rosh remained silent for the remainder of the journey. Hopefully, he and Rosh could sort out the problem Jaden was having.

*****

Covering her vision from the sunlight, Jaden could see the Raven’s Claw approaching the spaceport. Soon Kyle and Rosh would be here to see her once again. They were here to help her with her ever-growing worries of the dark side. Jaden felt grateful for that. She noticed the Raven’s Claw landing in the spaceport. Jaden ran towards the Raven’s Claw and both Kyle and Rosh leapt out. Rosh ran towards Jaden and immediately embraced her in a long hug. Jaden was surprised.

“It’s been so long, since I’ve last seen you Jaden,” Rosh began, “I’ve really missed you.”

Jaden smiled. Rosh’s comment must have been the one thing that had cheered her up, since her terrible experience on Coruscant. The two pulled themselves away from the hug.

“Jaden, it’s good to see you again,” Kyle added.

“It’s nice to see you too Kyle,” Jaden told him, happy to see both him and Rosh again, “But we can’t stand here talking, I have a rented apartment near here. Please follow me.”

*****

When Kyle, Jaden and Rosh arrived at the apartment, Jaden lay on her bed, looking at both Kyle and Rosh.

“Well pull up a chair and make yourselves at home,” Jaden told them.

Kyle and Rosh did as she told them. They grabbed a nearby chair and sat down.

“So what has been happening?” Kyle asked.

“This mission was supposed to be shorter than this,” Jaden told Kyle, “I’m sure Master Skywalker has already told you that.” She paused for a moment and then continued, “Three months this mission should have taken, but it has been rather difficult indeed. The Sith artifact looks like this.”

Jaden handed Kyle a small holodisc. Kyle turned it on and a blue holographic image of a chain appeared. It was long and thin and judging by its colour, Kyle guessed that its colour would be a rusty brown. Rosh also took a look. After taking a look, Kyle turned the holodisc off and both him and Rosh prepared to speak to Jaden.

“What is so dangerous about this chain?” Rosh asked, still confused about the situation.

“I believe that it has the power to corrupt its user to the dark side,” Jaden told Rosh, though she wasn’t sure she was right, “I also believe that this chain was first used by the old Sith Order, so this must be at least five thousand years old.”

“Must be as old as old Ragnos,” Kyle joked, making Rosh laugh, however Jaden wasn’t in the mood.

“This isn’t a joke Kyle,” Jaden told Kyle sternly, “There is something dangerous about this chain and I want to find out why. So tomorrow, I shall go down to the lower levels of Coruscant and find out about it.”

“No!” Rosh retorted.

“No?” Kyle questioned, “Why?”

“She’ll need backup,” Rosh told Jaden, “If she plans to go down into that place, more Jedi behind her, will help her.”

“If this chain is as dangerous as it is supposed to be, then I can’t afford to bring a whole team of Jedi with me,” Jaden told both Kyle and Rosh, “If this can corrupt the living souls of the light to the dark, then I can’t risk anyone else going down to find it,” Jaden paused again and returned to speak, “I believe it can only corrupt Jedi, so perhaps sending a non-Jedi person with me, would be fine.”

Kyle and Rosh said no more. Whatever the future had in store for them, it would all be decided tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter II A Jedi’s Corruption
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-01-2006 at 02:58 PM.
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Old 09-30-2006, 12:59 PM   #7
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Nice and long chapter. Luckily, i played once as a female Jaden, so i know how to visualize the fics with her voice.
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Old 09-30-2006, 01:02 PM   #8
Diego Varen
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Originally Posted by Jason Skywalker
Nice and long chapter. Luckily, i played once as a female Jaden, so i know how to visualize the fics with her voice.
Even though Jennifer Hale does her voice, I don't like the way she sounds much. Hale's voice isn't up to the standards it was on KOTOR. I prefer male Jaden's voice.

About the Fic, no progress has been made so far, but if I don't manage to post two Chapters a day, you'll know why. School and things.
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Old 09-30-2006, 02:25 PM   #9
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This is a terrific piece of work.



There's a bit of the shadowy side in all of us.

Except those freakazoid Jedi nutcases.
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Old 10-01-2006, 07:09 AM   #10
Diego Varen
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This is a terrific piece of work.
Thanks very much. I just need to check Chapter III and I'll post it soon. In the next Chapter, there is someone called Connor. It is a tribute to Darth Grivis' old Username, connor.
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Old 10-01-2006, 07:14 AM   #11
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Chapter II
A Jedi’s Corruption
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Men, Jaden thought, as she noticed both Kyle and Rosh snoring. She got changed into her Jedi robes, while packing her Lightsaber and her other equipment. Today had arrived too quickly for her. She wished that she could wait for another day to do this, but in a way, she wanted to do this as quickly as possible, so she could return to the Academy and perhaps take the trials to become a Jedi Master. Before leaving, Jaden decided to take a quick breakfast of Selkath eyes and Wookiee feet. As soon as she finished, Kyle woke up.

“Morning kid,” He groaned, for he was obviously still tired to be up.

“I don’t feel like talking Kyle,” Jaden told Kyle, “I want to get this over with.”

The thoughts of the mission ahead were scaring her to death. She had to do this though, because she wanted to get this mission out of the way.

“Look, I know you’re worried about going on your own, so I decided to give you an escort like you asked for last night,” Kyle told her, “Don’t worry, he is a great friend of mine. His name is Connor and he was once a great scout from across the galaxy, but now he has pledged his service to the New Republic. What do you think?”

“That sounds fine with me,” Jaden told Kyle, “I best be leaving now.”

“Great going,” Kyle told Jaden, pleased that she had accepted the decision, “But remember, you’re still venerable to the dark side, especially with the artefact trying to be regained by the Sith. Connor will watch your back. Trust me.”

Before leaving, Jaden turned to look at her master. She smiled at him and left. As she walked out of the apartment, she heard her master shout, “Good luck kid!”

*****

Outside the apartment, a man immediately greeted Jaden. He wore the uniform of a New Republic soldier.

“Are you Jaden Korr?” He asked.

Jaden bowed to the man, assuming he was Connor.

“Yes and I assume you are Connor,” Jaden replied.

“You are right master Jedi,” Connor told Jaden, “Now come. We best go down into the lower level and I know a shortcut to get down there quicker.”

“Lead the way,” Jaden told Connor.

*****

In the lower level of Coruscant, Jaden thought it was disgusting. She remembered that coming down here was like leaving the light and descending into the darkness. Connor led Jaden quickly through the lower level, their progress occasionally hindered by the local beggars and criminals of the lower level. After fifteen minutes of trekking through the lower level, Connor opened a door to find the chain behind. Connor’s face immediately became interested in the chain in front of him.

“Would you look at that,” He began, as if he was possessed, “It is so beautiful, it is begging me to grasp it and wear it.”

“No don’t!” Jaden shouted.

Connor wouldn’t listen. He grabbed the chain and placed it over his head and let it rest on his neck. He admired his new gift, but the chain suddenly glowed and strangled Connor, suffocating him.

“Help… me…” He gasped.

Jaden tried to pull the chain off him, but it wouldn’t move. Soon Connor ran out of breath. Jaden noticed that he had died. It looked like the chain was more powerful than it looked, killing non-Jedi and possibly a Jedi like Jaden. That meant, she had to escape straight away. She turned to run, but the chain suddenly grabbed her. Jaden tried to ignite her Lightsaber, but as she did so, the chain suddenly pulled the Lightsaber off her and threw it into the corner. Jaden tried to call on the Force to pull her Lightsaber back, but she hadn’t got the strength.

“Damn!” Jaden shouted, “Help!”

The chain pulled Jaden in and strangled her. As the chain strangled her, she had trouble breathing. Perhaps not thinking of being killed would help. She tried to call for both Kyle and Rosh through the Force.

*****

“Jaden!” Rosh bellowed.

Kyle ran immediately into the room.

“Rosh!” Kyle shouted, “Are you alright?”

“I sense Jaden is in danger,” Rosh told Kyle, “We need to go to the lower level and rescue her.”

“Okay Rosh,” Kyle told him, knowing about how much Rosh cared for her “Let’s go and rescue her.”

*****

Jaden was losing her breath. If she was going to be strangled any longer, Jaden was sure that she would die. Kyle, Rosh, where are you? She thought, as she started choking. Suddenly the chain loosened its grip on Jaden. She choked for a few minutes, until she noticed both Kyle and Rosh fighting the chain. Jaden would’ve helped them both, but she didn’t have her Lightsaber, since the chain had destroyed it. Rosh was distracting the chain, when Kyle shouted at Jaden.

“Jaden!” Kyle shouted, throwing his Lightsaber to her.

Jaden immediately caught the Lightsaber and the chain suspected nothing of getting killed. Jaden ran towards the chain and cut the chain with the Lightsaber. The chain was stopped.

“What happened?” Rosh asked, as Jaden handed Kyle’s Lightsaber back to Kyle and grabbed her Lightsaber from the floor.

“I don’t know,” Jaden told Rosh, “But the chain was obviously a tool of the dark side. It is time we return to the Academy and tell Master Skywalker of our progress.”

“I agree,” Kyle told her, “We best get going.”

Kyle led Jaden and Rosh out of the lower level. Soon Jaden would be away from Coruscant. She didn’t feel like visiting Coruscant again for a while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter III Extra Training, More Assignments
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-01-2006 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 10-01-2006, 09:30 AM   #12
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Good chapter, although, i don't think a tribute would be a guy with his name dying. Also, Selkath Eyes and Wookie feet?
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Old 10-01-2006, 09:36 AM   #13
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Good chapter, although, i don't think a tribute would be a guy with his name dying. Also, Selkath Eyes and Wookie feet?
I like giving cameos to my buddies here on the Forums. Selkath Eyes and Wookiee feet would probably be a desert in the Star Wars universe. Thanks Jason.
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Old 10-01-2006, 11:28 AM   #14
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Chapter III
Extra Training, More Assignments
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


When Jaden had signed out of her apartment, Kyle decided to send a transmission to Luke to tell him their progress on Coruscant.

: Message encoded to grand Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker, in the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. Jedi Master Kyle Katarn transmitting. :

Rosh and I have decided to tell you of our progress on Coruscant. We found Jaden and she found the artifact, but it confronted her and almost killed her. The artifact was a chain and in a confrontation between the chain, Jaden, Rosh and I, in the end, I had to destroy the chain. Due to this accident, I believe that both Jaden and Rosh are more vulnerable to the dark side now, due to the recent events. I await your response, though the assignment is now complete and I think it would be unfair to send Jaden on another assignment like this for a while.”

: Kyle Katarn. End Transmission. :

*****

: Message encoded to Jedi Master, Kyle Katarn, on Coruscant. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker transmitting. :

I congratulate your bravery in this matter, Kyle. I also congratulate both Jaden and Rosh’s bravery too. I’m sorry to seem unfair, but I believe there is more to this chain then there seems. I sense the dark side, like Jaden did, but it is strong. It is even stronger than the time both Desann and Tavion tried to stop us. I’m sorry Kyle, but I need you to return to the Academy, with Jaden and Rosh. There is more to this than there seems to be. I await your return.

: Luke Skywalker. End Transmission. :

*****

An hour later, the three Jedi were ready to leave Courscant. After Kyle had sorted out the landing cost for landing on the spaceport, Kyle, Jaden and Rosh got into the Raven’s Claw and sped away from Coruscant. While in hyperspace, both Jaden and Rosh lay back in their chairs, while Kyle looked on the galaxy map to see how much further it was too Yavin IV.

“Why don’t you two kids get some sleep?” Kyle asked, “Don’t worry about me, I can control things here.”

Jaden and Rosh did what he said and they soon fell asleep in their chair.

*****

“Jaden no!” Rosh pleaded Jaden, as she walked towards him, Lightsaber in hand, “Let go of your anger.”

“Why should I?” Jaded snapped, “You yourself said how powerful the dark side was.”

“I was wrong,” Rosh told Jaden.

Jaden picked up Rosh by the scruff of the neck.

“No,” Jaden continued, “You were weak.”

“Jaden no!” Rosh shouted out, his cry silenced by the hum of Jaden’s Lightsaber, through his abdomen.


*****

Jaden immediately awoke from her nightmare, shouting out words like “No Rosh!” and “Help!”

“Jaden are you alright?” Rosh asked, as he shook her.

Jaden noticed Rosh and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” She told him, “Just a nightmare.”

The Raven’s Claw left hyperspace and Jaden noticed the familiar planet of Yavin IV. She felt glad to be back here. Soon the Raven’s Claw landed inside the Academy hangar. Luke was there to greet them, as the three Jedi left the Raven’s Claw. Luke and the other three Jedi bowed towards each other.

“I’m glad all three of you have returned,” Luke began, “But I believe there is more to this than that chain you saw on Coruscant.”

“What else could there be Master?” Jaden asked.

“I don’t know,” Luke told her, “But it is a sign. A sign of the returning power of the dark side. Someone is bringing back the return of the dark side.”

“But who?” Rosh asked.

“And why?” Kyle continued.

“This matter shall be discussed in my chambers,” Luke told them, “But between Kyle and I. Jaden and Rosh should go and train, while they wait for our talk to finish.”

Jaden and Rosh bowed to Luke.

“As you wish,” They both said, before leaving for the training room.

*****

The training rooms were one of Jaden’s favourite places in the Academy. Whenever Jaden had nothing to do, she always came to train in any of the training rooms. This particular one she and Rosh had entered, was a place to spar.

“Are you ready?” Rosh asked, sounding cocky.

“I’m ready,” Jaden told him, igniting her Lightsaber, “Let us duel.”

*****

In Luke’s chambers, both Kyle and Luke awoke from their meditation and spoke.

“I still haven’t got the hang of this meditation,” Kyle joked, standing up from his meditation, before continuing, “I need to take more classes.”

“In time the skill will come to you,” Luke told Kyle, “But we need to talk about what is to come in the future.”

“So what do we do now?” Kyle asked.

“I’m not sure,” Luke told Kyle, “For now, we should all relax for the time being. We can only discover what this threat is by receiving a sign from the Force.”

*****

Jaden and Rosh’s Lightsabers ended up in a Lightsaber lock. Both of them tried to break the lock and hopefully gain the upper hand. For several minutes, they were stuck, but Jaden soon broke the lock and forced Rosh to the floor. She returned her Lightsaber to her belt and helped Rosh up. They shook hands and walked over to a bench to relax and watch other students battle each other.

“You did well Rosh,” Jaden told him.

Rosh smiled. He hadn’t received much praise, since returning to the Academy. Not even Kyle and Luke hadn’t told him about his progress.

“Thank you Jaden,” Rosh told her, gratefully.

Jaden smiled back.

“You know I care for you, more than anyone else in the world,” Jaden told him, “You know that, don’t you?”

Rosh nodded. Jaden and Rosh suddenly felt themselves embrace and kissed each other on the lips. Jaden had never felt this before. She had never had a boyfriend in all her life and she had never ever kissed anyone before. Rosh’s lips felt warm against her cold wet lips. Soon, they stopped and looked at each other.

“I’m sorry,” Jaden apologised, “We shouldn’t have done that.”

“What, why?” Rosh asked.

“I don’t know,” Jaden told him, “It’s like,” She paused for a moment, thinking of what to say, “It’s like I don’t whether I feel happy or sad. I like you, but I don’t know if I love you.”

“How do you feel?” Rosh asked.

“No idea,” Jaden told Rosh, standing up, “I’m sorry it’s just…” She paused again, “It’s just… We should keep away from each other for a…”

“What?” Rosh asked, “Don’t go I love you.”

Jaden couldn’t handle it anymore. She ran out of the training room. Rosh decided to leave her alone. Rosh didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or upset. He loved Jaden so much. He always had done, since she had saved him on Taspir III. How could he be with her, without wrecking their relationship?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter IV The Power of Love
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-01-2006 at 03:04 PM.
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Old 10-01-2006, 11:34 AM   #15
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By giving her space, chuba-face. Oh yeah, the chapter. It was good, nice to see the romance developing.
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Old 10-01-2006, 11:38 AM   #16
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By giving her space, chuba-face. Oh yeah, the chapter. It was good, nice to see the romance developing.
Thanks for the comments Jason. I hope this Romantic Developing also develops Jaden and Rosh's Character Developing too. The next Chapter will sort it all out. I will start writing it soon, ready for tomorrow.
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Old 10-01-2006, 01:51 PM   #17
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I did a quick read on this one, and I must say, its a rather interesting fic. Of course, the DS ending of JA appeals more to me, but What the heck, you've done a good spin-off here. Especially like the way you've sketched out the characters. I'll never be good that - creating good characters and conversations... *sigh*...

Whatever, good job! I'll be looking out for more, If I'm around.


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Old 10-01-2006, 01:54 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabretooth
I did a quick read on this one, and I must say, its a rather interesting fic. Of course, the DS ending of JA appeals more to me, but What the heck, you've done a good spin-off here. Especially like the way you've sketched out the characters. I'll never be good that - creating good characters and conversations... *sigh*...

Whatever, good job! I'll be looking out for more, If I'm around.
Thanks for the praise Sabre. I hope you're around, because I still like to read JK - DQ and I still need to read IH (Which I might resurrect) and VOB. I'm currently writing Chapter IV.
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Old 10-01-2006, 02:08 PM   #19
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It's new Republic? Well...Interesting fic and a terrific one. I like reading this. Since when Romance is permitted in New Republic?

I think you've got a spelling mistake, "Artefact?" I think it should be "Artifact"? Maybe you are right, as American spelling and English spelling is different.

Keep working on it! Looking forward to see more!




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Old 10-01-2006, 02:24 PM   #20
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In the New Jedi Order, romance was unforbidden, because Luke thought the same way as Jolee, and then, they end up like Anakin. Besides, if Luke hadn't unprohibitted it, then there would be no Ben Skywalker, unless he made the same mistake as his father.
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Old 10-01-2006, 02:42 PM   #21
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Good chapters pottsie i've been camping so I didn't get to do anything for a wile But anyway... Good fic

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Old 10-01-2006, 02:51 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by CSI: Nihilus
It's new Republic? Well...Interesting fic and a terrific one. I like reading this. Since when Romance is permitted in New Republic?

I think you've got a spelling mistake, "Artefact?" I think it should be "Artifact"? Maybe you are right, as American spelling and English spelling is different.

Keep working on it! Looking forward to see more!
Damn Computers. Always want you to have the American Spelling (I'm English). Thanks for telling me, I'll correct that. Romance is permitted in the New Republic, because Luke permitted it when he created the Academy.
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Old 10-02-2006, 12:11 AM   #23
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Damn Computers. Always want you to have the American Spelling (I'm English). Thanks for telling me, I'll correct that. Romance is permitted in the New Republic, because Luke permitted it when he created the Academy.
I know you're English, that's why I wrote "American spelling and English spelling are different." as Bill Gates is from America. Never mind, you don't have to if it's truly English spelling.




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Old 10-02-2006, 01:46 AM   #24
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Thanks CSI: Nihilus. Do you use English spelling by any chance? I'll post the next Chapter now (Stay online, while I get the Chapter sorted) and I'll post the one after that, when I finish it and I'm home from School.

Also if anyone can guess what the part in Italic is from, I'll PM a preview of the next Chapter. The answer is a bit obvious really and the romance is a bit bad in the Chapter, because I'm not a romance expert. That is Jedi_Knight_707, because he is the romance expert.
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Old 10-02-2006, 01:48 AM   #25
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Chapter IV
The Power of Love
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Jaden ran threw the corridors of the Academy, crying her eyes out. Several students, Knights and Masters tried to ask her what was wrong, but Jaden ignored them all. She didn’t want to be disturbed. She didn’t know whether she could handle the pressure of love. Soon, she arrived at her old dormitory and she leapt on her bed to cry. She cared about Rosh, but didn’t know if she could love him. Love usually ended badly. She had learnt about Luke’s father, Anakin Skywalker and one of the reasons he fell to the dark side was because of love. Jaden didn’t want to have that happen to her. She heard a knock on the door. Jaden lifted her head from her watery pillow.

“Who is it?” She asked crying.

“You know who it is,” Kyle’s voice shouted through the door, “Are you going to tell me what is wrong?”

Jaden got up and walked over to the door. She opened it and Kyle walked in. He sat on the end of her bed.

“Now are you going to tell your old master your problem?” He asked, reassuringly.

Jaden wiped a tear from her eye and sat with Kyle.

“Rosh told you didn’t he?” Jaden asked.

“Well no,” Kyle told her, “As Luke would say, I sense a disturbance in the Force. And you’re the disturbance.”

Jaden smiled at that comment. Kyle always managed to make her smile, whenever she was down.

“Well Rosh and I have become…” Jaden told Kyle, thinking for a moment before speaking again, “Quite close.”

Kyle’s face scrunched up.

“Your face looks like a Kath Hound,” Jaden joked.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me kid,” Kyle warned in a friendly way, “Did I ever tell you about my friend Jan Ors?”

“You mentioned her once or twice, but other than that, no,” Jaden told Kyle.

“Well I’ll tell you about her in a minute,” Kyle told Jaden, “Just as soon as I tell Rosh you’re alright.”

Kyle stood up and left the room.

*****

Rosh wondered if Kyle had cheered Jaden up. He felt guilty of forcing himself onto her. The truth was, she had accepted the kiss. The door opened and Rosh saw Kyle enter the room. Rosh stood up.

“Did you cheer Jaden up?” Rosh asked eagerly.

“Well, just about,” Kyle told Rosh, “I will return to her and tell her about one of my old friends. Which I might tell you about someday,” He paused for a second to catch his breath. He had said all that quite quick, “I sense you love her. Good going on you. Give her time for a while.”

“Thanks Kyle,” Rosh told Kyle, thankfully.

Kyle left and decided to return to Jaden.

*****

Love is a forbidden part of the old Jedi Order. Love was known as a path to the dark side. Love also led to many other emotions. Fear, anger and hate. All these emotions lead to suffering. Only some have been able to remain on the path of the light with these emotions. However, love is the hardest emotion to hold. The exile, Jaden Lennon is one of those people who can control his emotions easily. It is the Power of Love. - Luke Skywalker

“Hey,” Kyle shouted as he came, “What are you reading?”

Jaden put the book she was reading down and looked at Kyle.

“Nothing Kyle,” Jaden told him, “Just a lesson on love.”

Kyle once again sat on the end of the bed.

“Listen Jaden, you know that those lessons were from the old Jedi Order, don’t you?” Kyle asked.

“Well yeah,” Jaden answered, “It’s helped me in some ways. I think I care for Rosh more than I know.”

“Talking of love, I was going to tell you about Jan,” Kyle told Jaden, “Now where to begin.”

“Err, Kyle, you don’t have to tell me about this,” Jaden interrupted.

“No I want to,” Kyle answered back, “Just where to begin dammit.”

Jaden remained quiet, just to see if Kyle could think of how to start his story.

“No, I can’t think of anything,” Kyle told Jaden, “My brain must be going. I’ll have to tell you some other time, when I’m not thinking about Jan.”

Kyle stood up and was about to leave, when Jaden stopped him.

“Why were you thinking about her?” Jaden asked.

Kyle sighed and returned to sit on the bed.

“It’s been two years, since Jan and I spoke,” Kyle told Jaden, “That was on the beaches of Spira, when we had a holiday there.”

“What happened?” Jaden asked.

“Well, we just drifted away,” Kyle told her, sadly, “I haven’t seen her since.”

Jaden felt sorry for Kyle. And she had been upset about being in love. Kyle must have loved Jan once.

“Do you hope to see her again?” Jaden asked.

“Someday,” Kyle told Jaden, “When I’m done with you and Rosh.”

Kyle left Jaden alone. Jaden knew that she was being upset over nothing. She decided to see Rosh.

*****

“Rosh!” Jaden shouted, hoping to get his attention.

“Jaden!” Rosh shouted back, happy to se Jaden again.

Both Jaden and Rosh embraced and looked at each other. Jaden prepared to say her part.

“Rosh I’ve been thinking,” Jaden told him, “I care for you in almost every way, as a friend and I think our relationship has gone to another level.”

Rosh’s face lit up.

“So what are you saying Jaden?” Rosh asked.

“I think I love you,” Jaden told Rosh, “Deeply.”

Both Jaden and Rosh pulled themselves in for their second kiss. They spent several seconds, with their lips pressed against each others. Soon, both of them pulled away from each other.

“I love you Rosh,” Jaden whispered.

“And I love you Jaden,” Rosh whispered back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter V Darkness Rising
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-02-2006 at 02:30 AM.
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:22 AM   #26
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Aww, love is good.

I have to tell you though, when you specified they kissed for 2 minutes, I had to wonder if one of them had a stopwatch and was timing it. When I'm kissing Jimbo, the last thing I'm thinking about is how long it's taking.


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Old 10-02-2006, 02:28 AM   #27
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Quote:
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Aww, love is good.

I have to tell you though, when you specified they kissed for 2 minutes, I had to wonder if one of them had a stopwatch and was timing it. When I'm kissing Jimbo, the last thing I'm thinking about is how long it's taking.
Well as I said in one of my previous posts, I'm not the best person to write romance. I'll edit that soon. Thanks Jae.
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:35 AM   #28
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Thanks CSI: Nihilus. Do you use English spelling by any chance? I'll post the next Chapter now (Stay online, while I get the Chapter sorted) and I'll post the one after that, when I finish it and I'm home from School.

Also if anyone can guess what the part in Italic is from, I'll PM a preview of the next Chapter. The answer is a bit obvious really and the romance is a bit bad in the Chapter, because I'm not a romance expert. That is Jedi_Knight_707, because he is the romance expert.
Awww, nice chapter there. No problem. Well, sometimes I use lisense (En) instead of license (US), Harbour (En) instead of Harbor(US), but it's only occasional.

However, nice chapter. Keep going.

Quote:
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“Jaden no!” Rosh pleaded Jaden, as she walked towards him, Lightsaber in hand, “Let go of your anger.”

“Why should I?” Jaded snapped, “You yourself said how powerful the dark side was.”

“I was wrong,” Rosh told Jaden.

Jaden picked up Rosh by the scruff of the neck.

“No,” Jaden continued, “You were weak.”

“Jaden no!” Rosh shouted out, his cry silenced by the hum of Jaden’s Lightsaber, through his abdomen.
Intersting. It's from the final mission in JK: Jedi Academy, when Jaden falls into Dark Side when he encounters Rosh, he/she kills him.




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Old 10-02-2006, 02:42 AM   #29
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Thanks CSI: Nihilus. I should of said this Fic contains spoilers for JA and possibly JO. Since you guessed the Italic part, (From the other Chapter, I meant from the previous Chapter, I'll PM you a preview of the next Chapter). Anyway thanks for commenting and I've decided the final number of Chapters for each Part.

Part I: 10 Chapters

Part II: 20 Chapters

Part III: 50 Chapters

Possible Part IV: RP: Unknown/Fic: Unknown
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:49 AM   #30
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Hey Potts, any idea when he'll be making an appearance?


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Old 10-02-2006, 02:52 AM   #31
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Hey Potts, any idea when he'll be making an appearance?
The main villian you mean? The part I PM'd you has been removed from the Fic, but the main villian (Still the same person) will first show in the beginning of Part II. Don't worry, I haven't forgot about him. The villian in Chapter V is one of his apprentices, but they'll be some mentions of the main villian.

Edit: The next Chapter is below. Sorry it's so short, but I want to get that part over, so I could do a mission with Jaden and Rosh, since there wasn't many missions with them on JA.

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-02-2006 at 03:04 AM.
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Old 10-02-2006, 03:06 AM   #32
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Chapter V
Darkness Rising
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The old ancient tomb of Marka Ragnos on Korriban was a perfect place to train. For a Sith that is. The Sith apprentice, Darth Maverick trained here, to train his ever-growing power of the dark side. He wielded a double-bladed Lightsaber, with a red blade. A large group of Droids, Maverick had taken with him to train were all set up around him in a circle. They all stood, tall and proud and were ready to fight, when Maverick decided to call upon them. First Maverick ignited a single blade of his Lightsaber. He called upon the Droids to attack. They did so. Several approached him and Maverick immediately destroyed them all with one swipe. The other Droids started approaching. Maverick ignited the other blade. He immediately ran towards the Droids, destroying them all. Many other Droids were sent to try to kill Maverick and he succeeded, until he found himself overwhelmed by them. Several Droids grabbed him and threw him into the statue of Marka Ragnos. Maverick flipped back up and picked up his fallen Lightsaber. He threw his long Lightsaber into two of the Droids, destroying them. For some reason, during his training, he hadn’t needed to call on the dark side of the Force. So he did so. He shot out a large bolt of lightning, forcing the Droids backwards, until they exploded. The Droids cornered Maverick by Marka Ragnos’ statue. Maverick leapt onto the statue and forced another large bolt of lightning. Several Droids exploded, while others continued to shoot at him. Maverick blocked their shots and shot another bolt of lighting. Only ten more Droids remained. Maverick leapt back down and used both blades to take down two Droids. Eight left. Maverick then pushed three Droids into the wall, causing them to explode on impact. Five left. One Droid ran towards Maverick, but he used his Lightsaber to split the Droid’s body off from its legs. Four left. Maverick once again threw his Lightsaber at three Droids. One left. Maverick rolled forwards to the Droid and did a rolling stab on the Droid. The Droid fall backwards and exploded. None left. Maverick felt his training was now complete. He stood up and left the tomb. Outside, he would find General Zack Kahn and return to the Star Destroyer in the Unknown Regions.

*****

Outside, the harsh winds blew the sands of Korriban around in a sandstorm. The elderly general, Zack Kahn was having trouble seeing, until he spotted Maverick approaching him in the distance.

“Maverick, the master has contacted us,” Zack told Maverick, as he approached him, “I think it would be wise to return to the master.”

Maverick remained silent and walked onto the Lambda Class Shuttle, with Zack at his heels. Zack sat at the pilot’s seat and the Lambda Class Shuttle. Maverick sat and meditated, bathing in his dark power. He wondered when the plan to destroy the New Republic and the Jedi Order would take place. His master had always held him back, despite the offers of the dark side.

“Ignore my master,” Maverick spat, “We must go to Yavin IV and spy on the Jedi Academy. I long to kill them and show Master Skywalker’s head to the master.”

“As you wish,” Zack told Maverick, speeding towards Yavin IV.

*****

Zack dropped Maverick off, a fair distance from the Academy. Here Luke wouldn’t sense Maverick’s presence here. It was also the perfect place to organise an army to invade the Academy. Everything was falling into place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter VI Return of the Imperial Remnant
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Old 10-02-2006, 08:07 AM   #33
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Real nice chapters, sorry i haven't posted between them. I sense a disturbance in Pottsie that he feels bad for Kyle and will put Jan in the fic.
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Old 10-02-2006, 10:22 AM   #34
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Nice chapter, but may I recommend that you make the training more discriptive? These trains seems too dull...Not vivid.




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Old 10-02-2006, 11:01 AM   #35
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Real nice chapters, sorry i haven't posted between them. I sense a disturbance in Pottsie that he feels bad for Kyle and will put Jan in the fic.
Well actually Jan was going to show in the second Part, near the beginning.

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Nice chapter, but may I recommend that you make the training more discriptive? These trains seems too dull...Not vivid.
Thanks for the advice CSI, it's just I'm not the greatest at writing descriptive, but I could improve on that. If I can, I'll edit the training. I'll try and write Chapter VI and VII tonight, ready for tomorrow.
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Old 10-02-2006, 01:45 PM   #36
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Just to let you all know, in the next Chapter, TheExile_Hunter's Characters, Jethro and Kyla Frost will be mentioned, so thanks to her for letting me mention them (I presume she is a her, but Jason can correct me if I'm wrong, since he knows her more) and Corran Horn will be mentioned, though I've never read the NJO books much. This Part only has five more Chapters and an Epilogue to go and I'm done.
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Old 10-02-2006, 01:52 PM   #37
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WTF? Exile Hunter's a chick? Wow. Also, Corran Horn wouldn't be a bad addittion, maybe you could do him and Raltharan go on a mission or so with Jaden and Rosh. Also, looking forward for next chapter of course.
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Old 10-02-2006, 01:59 PM   #38
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WTF? Exile Hunter's a chick? Wow. Also, Corran Horn wouldn't be a bad addittion, maybe you could do him and Raltharan go on a mission or so with Jaden and Rosh. Also, looking forward for next chapter of course.
I always thought Exile_Hunter was a female. Must PM. Anyway as I said, I have no knowledge of Corran and Raltharan or any other NJO Jedi, except those shown in the Jedi Knight series and Kyp Doran.
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:31 PM   #39
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Durron. Well, you can always go to Wookiepedia, i believe you can make Raltharan how you want.
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Old 10-02-2006, 04:03 PM   #40
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Durron. Well, you can always go to Wookiepedia, i believe you can make Raltharan how you want.
For once, someone correcting me on spelling. Anyway, I will release the next Chapter now, since I've shortened this Fic to eight Chapters and an Epilogue. So here is the next Chapter, which isn't the best I've done.
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