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Old 10-26-2006, 04:22 AM   #1
Diego Varen
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The Young Jedi Exile

Here it is, the Fic that I've been writing for several weeks. I've managed to write the first part of the Fic, which is below. It has three Chapters and the Prologue and in Microsoft Word, the three Chapters plus Prologue makes eleven pages. I will post the Prologue and Chapter I and I will post the next two Chapters tomorrow. After that, you'll have to wait a while, because I'm writing the longer Part II, which is currently unnamed. Here it is.

----------------------------------------

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Star Wars
The Young Jedi Exile


A fortnight after the death of DARTH TRAYA by the hands of the JEDI EXILE, SERA TANA, she and her companions have split up and have gone their separate ways. Sera has now decided to find the redeemed JEDI KNIGHT, REVAN, after making sure known space was safe from the SITH.

In the Unknown Regions, on the forbidden planet of TRAMOND XXV, a new SITH LORD, has risen from the depths of the darkness and has brought the Sith back to their former glory, to destroy both the REPUBLIC and the newly built JEDI ORDER.

Before all the devastation and darkness in the galaxy, at this present moment in time, twenty-seven years before, when Sera was a young JEDI PADAWAN LEARNER at the age of fifteen, she discovers some dodgy dealings with a certain HUTT

----------------------------------------

Prologue

A Republic cruiser was approaching a large flagship, which was known as the Iron Fist. The Iron Fist was orbiting the planet, Tatooine. Perhaps it was for smuggling something.

Aboard the Republic cruiser, the young padawan learner, Sera Tana was remembering her training from both of her Jedi Masters, Vandar and Kavar. This was the first time, she had had an assignment on her own, without a master or a fellow padawan. Usually, Sera had learnt that most padawans started their first assignments, going to sort out a small problem with two people or something similar, but not for Sera. No, she had to go to a large intimidating flagship that orbited Tatooine and sort out their dodgy dealings.

“Captain,” The human male pilot announced across the Republic cruiser, disturbing Sera from her thoughts, “We’ve received contact from the Hutt’s assistant, a Neimoidian, would you like me to talk with him?”

Sera ignored the pilot’s words for a while, thinking he looked quite cute, despite him being twice her age. Love wasn’t allowed for a Jedi, but Sera was at a young age and she didn’t always listen to the Jedi code and its teachings. One of the Jedi Masters, Vrook Lamar had always criticized her of her attitude causing her downfall to the dark side. Despite all this, Sera had become one of the promising students of the Jedi Order.

“Captain?” The pilot asked again, once again disturbing Sera from her thoughts.

“I’m sorry captain,” Sera told the pilot, apologising once more, “I would like to talk the Hutt’s assistant.”

The pilot said nothing more and pressed several buttons on the cruiser’s controls. Above the controls, a small hologram of a small figure of a tall, skinny Neimoidian appeared. He wore a red cloak, which looked tight, in Sera’s opinion and a long headdress covered his head.

“Your guest has arrived and she wishes to board immediately,” The pilot told the Neimoidian.

The Neimoidian nodded, his eyes closing, as if he was meditating. Sera noticed that there was something strange about this particular Neimoidian. It was as if the Force was within him. Soon, the Neimoidian’s eyes opened.

“Yes of course,” The Neimoidian told pilot, before turning to Sera, as if he was observing her, before returning his gaze to the pilot, “My master will be happy to receive the guest.”

The pilot turned the communications console off and the hologram of the Neimoidian disappeared.

“Well, we shall be arriving at the Iron Fist in five minutes time,” The pilot told Sera, “So sit back, relax and wait for our landing."

Last edited by Pottsie; 11-04-2006 at 04:04 PM.
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Old 10-26-2006, 04:27 AM   #2
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Chapter I - First Assignment

Aboard the Iron Fist, in the communications console room, the Neimoidian who had talked to the pilot of the Republic cruiser left the room. He decided to tell his master of what had happened. Opposite the communications room was the bridge of the Iron Fist. In this room, his master looked out over Tatooine. His master was Slobba the Hutt. Like all of the Hutt species, Slobba was an obese creature, which never moved from his platform, as he was incapable of doing so.

Slobba was disturbed from his thoughts, as the door opposite him opened and he sensed his favourite assistant, the Neimoidian, Kav.

Leave me,” Slobba told his Twi’lek servants, in his language of Huttese, before turning his attention to Kav, “Is this important? I want to see my beautiful ships return with the nova and ore crystals.”

“My lord, I sense a Jedi aboard the incoming Republic cruiser,” Kav told Slobba.

Slobba chuckled out loud, like most of his species did.

A Jedi?” He asked, “I didn’t request a Jedi to see me and my dealings. As soon as the Jedi’s cruiser lands, send the Iron Fist’s Droids to kill the Jedi. If the Jedi survives, bring the Jedi to me and I shall use my growing power of the Force to kill the Jedi and use the Jedi’s power for me to feed on the Force in the Jedi.”

Kav bowed, confused about Slobba’s plans.

“As you wish my lord,” Kav told Slobba, before leaving the room.

As soon as Kav left, one of Slobba’s Twi’lek assistants pushed a cortosis crystal into his back. His power was becoming more powerful every minute.

*****

“We’ve arrived,” The pilot told Sera, as the cruiser landed inside one of the many hangars of the Iron Fist, “I shall wait for your return.”

Sera nodded to the pilot and pulled the hood of her brown Jedi robe to hide her face. She walked down the loading ramp, but she could sense a disturbance in the Force. Luckily for her, Sera had mastered a certain Force power. A Force power that made a clone of herself, which could be killed easily. Sera turned on her Stealth Field Generator belt, which made her invisible. She decided to remain invisible to see what would happen. Soon several Assassin Droids arrived. Sera estimated that one thousand of them had decided to greet her clone. Suddenly, the cruiser she had travelled on blew up. It was then that Sera realised that the Iron Fist had destroyed the cruiser. Sera used the Force to command her clone to get out the cloned Lightsaber. The clone ignited the clone Lightsaber and stood armed and ready. Sera commanded the clone to run forward and attack several Assassin Droids. The clone managed to kill five of the Assassin Droids, before getting hit by a blaster shot and disappearing, Lightsaber and all. Sera noticed that opposite the door was open. She needed to find the Hutt and stop the dodgy dealings.

*****

Slobba chuckled out loud. He was glad that the Jedi had been killed.

The Jedi has been killed!” He announced across the bridge, “Now we can enjoy my profits and I can become the greatest Force user in the galaxy.”

“Not today Hutt slime!” A voice shouted.

Slobba turned to see the Jedi turning off her Stealth Field Generator. She held a blaster pistol at him.

“Give it up Hutt,” She told Slobba, “I’m Sera Tana, padawan of the Jedi Order. On behalf of the Jedi Order, I order you to surrender and give up the smuggling.”

Slobba chuckled out loud once again, still surprised at how she survived.

Have the Jedi become so arrogant, they’ve forgotten how to use a Lightsaber?” Slobba asked cockily.

Sera ran towards the Neimoidian and held her blaster pistol at him.

“Give it up Hutt, or the Neimoidian gets it!” Sera warned Slobba.

Slobba said nothing and commanded his guards to grab Sera.

Take her away and throw her in an escape pod,” Slobba told the guards.

Sera struggled as the guards dragged her along.

“You’ll get your comeuppance!” Sera shouted, “Don’t worry, the Jedi shall put an end to your scheme, as soon as I return to Coruscant.”

As soon as Sera was out of sight, Slobba laughed out loud once again.

We’ll never see her again, Kav,” Slobba told Kav, as he continued to laugh.

*****

In the escape pod hangar, the guards threw Sera into one of the escape pods. Sera continued to struggle.

“Before you get rid of me, tell your master that I’ll kill him,” Sera told them, “I’ll kill him!”

The guards ignored her and pressed a button to release the escape pod.

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-27-2006 at 04:24 AM.
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Old 10-26-2006, 05:07 AM   #3
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While there are a few chinks as far as technicalities are concerned, but it has an awesome start! Good time setting you've got there! Looking forward for more of this


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Old 10-26-2006, 11:50 AM   #4
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Yup, real awesome chapter and prologue, liked it alot! Also, can you tell us Sera's description and those things? It's good to know her profile and such when you're also visualizing the fics.
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Old 10-26-2006, 02:19 PM   #5
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Thanks for the comments all. Sera is the one with short blonde hair on TSL. In the next Chapters, returning to the present, she wears a Sith robe, but she still remains faithful to the Jedi. The beginning of this Fic, was inspired by the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and also The Phantom Menace. The Prologue and the first Chapter was to show the rebellious exile as a fifteen year old. Don't worry, she'll be adult soon. Next Chapters tomorrow.

Edit: The Exile's face is in this link. Count from the first head in the top left hand corner and count across. The ninth head (The short blonde one) is my Exile.

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-26-2006 at 05:36 PM.
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Old 10-27-2006, 01:28 AM   #6
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Nice written. I like this fic. It looks like it's in Phantom Menace. Is it from that movie?




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Old 10-27-2006, 04:19 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by CSI: Nihilus
Nice written. I like this fic. It looks like it's in Phantom Menace. Is it from that movie?
Read this Post below CSI. Thanks for the comments all the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Me
Thanks for the comments all. Sera is the one with short blonde hair on TSL. In the next Chapters, returning to the present, she wears a Sith robe, but she still remains faithful to the Jedi. The beginning of this Fic, was inspired by the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and also The Phantom Menace. The Prologue and the first Chapter was to show the rebellious exile as a fifteen year old. Don't worry, she'll be adult soon. Next Chapters tomorrow.
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Old 10-27-2006, 04:22 AM   #8
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Chapter II - Offering

Twelve years had passed since the events on the Iron Fist and both the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi Civil War had passed. The now exile of the Jedi, Sera Tana was sitting in an escape pod similar to the one she had been thrown in, for being on the Iron Fist. Twelve years ago, Sera had told Slobba that he would get his comeuppance. And he certainly would.

In space, Sera watched from her escape pod, as her mission to destroy the Iron Fist was a success. A large ball of fire was above her, shattering the remains of the Iron Fist. Unfortunately, Slobba himself hadn’t been killed aboard the Iron Fist. Sera had found out that he was in his palace in the small mining facility of Anchorhead on Tatooine.

Nightfall had fallen over Anchorhead, as Sera crawled out of the fallen escape pod. Luckily, no one was about to see what had happened and those that were out, didn’t seem to care about it. Sera was glad no one had taken interest in her. She couldn’t afford her mission to get rid of Slobba to be a failure, like last time. According to her investigation in searching for Slobba’s palace, it was in Anchorhead. But every time Sera had been to Anchorhead in the past, there had never been a palace. Perhaps it was outside of Anchorhead in the Dune Sea. It was worth a try. Sera walked through the empty Anchorhead, her once brown robe, had now become a black robe, causing her to blend in with the darkness. The hood over her head hid her face from anyone, making her feel more comfortable. Sera sighed as she continued to walk through Anchorhead. Soon, Sera stopped to get out her comlink to contact her ship, the Ebon Hawk. While she was waiting for either of her two Droids, HK-47, the Assassin Droid or T3-M4, the Utility Droid, Sera noticed Slobba’s palace outside of Anchorhead.

“Statement: Greetings,” HK’s familiar voice told Sera, “What can I do for you Meatbag?”

Sera smiled at HK’s comment.

“Meatbag?” Sera asked, now laughing at the comment, “You haven’t received a memory wipe have you HK?”

“Statement: No way master,” HK told Sera, “Just a technical difficulty master. Do you need me for something?”

“Both you and T3…” Sera began.

“Disappointment: Master, the small bag of bolts can’t handle combat as much as I can,” HK interrupted, “Please don’t make him go with me.”

“HK, T3 can rescue you from some situations, just like you can save T3 in some situations,” Sera continued, “I need you both to go to Slobba’s palace. I’m sending you this transmission now for T3 to use to trick Slobba. Find Slobba and do whatever he says.”

“Statement: As you wish Meatbag… I mean master!” HK replied.

“Don’t worry HK, I will come for you soon enough,” Sera told HK, “Lock up the Ebon Hawk. I can’t afford the ship to be taken away, like last time on Telos.”

Sera remembered the time when Brianna the Handmaiden stole the Ebon Hawk for the Jedi Master Atris. Of course now, both Sera and Handmaiden had become best friends.

*****

Inside Slobba’s palace, Slobba lay asleep on his platform, above the pit fight arena. Here Slobba watched either his pets or several of his servants fighting. Despite the fact that someone always died in these “death matches”, Slobba, his servants and his guests always got kicks out of it.

Kav walked towards Slobba and woke him up. Like all of the Hutt species, Slobba was in a bad mood to be awoken from his beauty sleep.

What do you want?” Slobba asked moodily, “I don’t like be awaken.”

“Master, I sense something,” Kav told Slobba.

The Force is strong with you Kav,” Slobba told him, “I sense something too. Two machines. They are planning to come to me. Turn off all the security systems. Greet them. We’ll find out their purpose.”

“But…”

No buts Kav. I shall find out their purpose and perhaps use my now impossible power to convert them to my control. Now greet them Droids!”

“As you wish my lord.”

With that, Kav left the room, ready to greet the two “guests”.

*****

HK and T3 left the Ebon Hawk, which was docked outside of Anchorhead, to save paying for docking purposes and to save attention. Across the lifeless Dune Sea, HK and T3 approached a large palace. As an Assassin Droid, HK observed that there was no security around the palace. Strange, HK thought, usually large places like this were usually guarded.

When the two Droids arrived at the large metal doors, they immediately opened, as if they were expected them both. A Neimoidian greeted them.

“Good evening, I’m Kav, Slobba the Hutt’s personal assistant,” He told the two Droids, “Both of us have been expecting you. Please follow me.”

Kav led the two Droids inside. The door closed behind them and threw the darkness, both Droids saw many of Slobba’s servants, including Humans, Twi’leks and Rodians. After walking through several corridors, Kav and the two Droids arrived in Slobba’s throne room. Kav walked to his master and stood on his platform.

“These are the two Droids, my master,” Kav told them, “I sense the short one has something in his databanks he wishes you to see.”

T3 beeped wildly, feeling offended by the comment of being “short”. He showed a hologram of Sera. Slobba was immediately interested in the hologram.

“Greetings slimy one,” Sera began.

Slobba immediately shouted and his small chubby arm smacked one of the Protocol Droids down. Kav calmed him down.

“I guessed that offended you,” Sera continued, “But this isn’t about offending you, Hutt. I’m someone you once met twelve years ago aboard your flagship, the Iron Fist,” The hologram started flickering on and off, before it returned to normal, “I’m here to offer you these two Droids for free, to serve you in whatever way you want…”

“Shock: What?” HK asked, surprised, “You stupid bag of bolts, you’re playing the wrong thing!”

T3 beeped angrily at HK, assuring him that this was the transmission, Sera had sent. Slobba laughed at the argument the two Droids were sharing. Soon HK and T3 stopped arguing and the hologram of Sera continued.

“I’m sorry for that Hutt. I suspected my two Droids would react to that. Anyway, I leave them in your care as a way of saying thank you, for throwing me out of that escape pod and letting me live.”

The hologram disappeared and Slobba laughed happily.

You’re now in my service,” Slobba told them, before turning to Kav, “Take them to the Droid maintenance bay. Tell them their new duties.”
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Old 10-27-2006, 04:30 AM   #9
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This is the end of Part I. Sorry it is short, but the next Part is a lot longer. I'm also sorry if this Chapter is rushed too. Enjoy. I'll post the next Part, once I've finished it. Otherwise I'll answer some questions if you have any.

Edit - Changed the ending slightly.

Chapter III - A Hutt’s Demise

Sera arrived at the palace, aware that the security was still off, which was lucky for her. She got out her Lightsaber and ignited it. A blue blade shone and Sera pushed the Lightsaber in the door. It caused the door to melt and Sera used it to make a hole in the door. Sera put away her Lightsaber and returned it to her belt. A Rodian approached her, but Sera raised her hand. She was using the Force to command the Rodian to leave her alone. Since the Rodian had a weak mind, the Rodian agreed and left her alone.

After walking through several corridors, Sera arrived at Slobba’s throne room. HK entered the room.

“Statement: Master, I’m glad you’re here to save me!” He shouted, aware that Slobba was awake, “The Hutt made me wear this fluffy dress!”

Sera had to stop herself from laughing at HK, whose pink dress hung from his waist downwards. T3 was next to Slobba, beeping away, holding a tray of glasses.

It’s you,” Slobba told Sera, “The Jedi who gave me these Droids.”

“Give?” Sera asked, “You’re wrong about that Hutt. I’ve lent them too you and now I want them back. Now!”

Slobba laughed out loud and everyone in the throne room, except Slobba and his Neimoidian assistant, got out their Lightsabers. Lightsabers?

“Strange,” Sera told Slobba, “I didn’t know your crew learnt how to use a Lightsaber?”

Kill her!” Slobba shouted.

“Quickly, HK, T3, get out of here quick, open up the Ebon Hawk and start the engines!” Sera shouted at the two Droids, before turning to Slobba, “I’m going to put an end to your miserable life Slobba!” Sera immediately threw her Lightsaber at some of the servants with Lightsabers, “You’ve been a burden of mine for many years and I will stop you!”

Stop me?” Slobba asked, “Nothing can stop me. The cortosis crystal has made me immortal.”

Sera ignored all of the servants around her and she leapt towards Slobba, throwing her Lightsaber into his heart. Slobba yelled out in pain, but he remained alive. Kav, however, was dying and he fell to the ground. The servants also fell to the ground, dying. Soon Slobba’s cries softened and he silenced. He was dead. Sera took out the Lightsaber and returned it once again to her belt. Kav was still alive. Sera ran over to him.

“Are you alright?” Sera asked.

“I’m dying…” Kav told Sera, “I, Kav… will die. But before I do, I know things that might help you,” He paused and groaned, “Slobba worked for a Sith Lord, hidden on a planet in the Unknown Regions, known as Tramond XXV.”

“Do you know anything about the Sith Lord?” Sera asked.

Kav said nothing more as he died in Sera’s arms.

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-29-2006 at 12:03 PM.
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Old 10-27-2006, 05:37 AM   #10
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Well, well, well, a typical Return of the Jedi. I enjoyed the chapter, and I don't think they're sloppy except some very minor spelling mistake, somewhere you used 'too' instead of 'to'.

Good fic and keep up.




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Old 10-27-2006, 05:49 AM   #11
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Thanks Nihilus. I'll check it, before I put this in the Archive, once however many parts there will be. There will be five, but there is more to come, in this same Fic.
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Old 10-27-2006, 02:00 PM   #12
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Hey hey, nice two chapters. I liked the idea of Slobba being Force Sensitive. Also, i see you "stole" my idea of Hanharr having a "guild". Well, not that, you just "stole" the name. Unless you asked for my permission, because i'm having a hard time remembering.
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Old 10-27-2006, 02:46 PM   #13
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Hey hey, nice two chapters. I liked the idea of Slobba being Force Sensitive. Also, i see you "stole" my idea of Hanharr having a "guild". Well, not that, you just "stole" the name. Unless you asked for my permission, because i'm having a hard time remembering.
I believe that Hanharr's guild in your Fic was called the Dark Hunters? Sorry, I didn't ask for permission Jason, but then again you used my real name on the Forums without asking permission, so I guess we're even. Thanks for the comments all the same Jason.

Two wrongs don't make it right. Make sure to ask permission in the future _before_, not after. Plagiarism (by anyone, not just you) makes me Very Unhappy. --Jae

Don't worry Jae. I've changed my mind about the cult, since as I said in a below post, Hanharr is better on his own. I don't usually do plagiarism, usually I ask, but this was an exception, by accident. So I apologise to both Jason and you. Thanks. - Pottsie

Last edited by Pottsie; 10-28-2006 at 01:40 PM.
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Old 10-27-2006, 02:50 PM   #14
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I believe that Hanharr's guild in your Fic was called the Dark Hunters? Sorry, I didn't ask for permission Jason, but then again you used my real name on the Forums without asking permission, so I guess we're even. Thanks for the comments all the same Jason.
Hmm, yeah, you're right. Yeah, i also forgot to post we're even though. Looking forward for next chapters. Also, a tip : for KOTOR III or so fics, try not for them to be directly onto the final planet, you could put in some "side-quests", like for example, Revan and Bastila had to found the Star Maps to get to the Star Forge, and Exile had to find the Masters and convince them to go to Dantooine. I know, they're not going directly to Tramond XXV, but it just seems like they're going directly to the planet.
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Old 10-29-2006, 05:18 PM   #15
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Good part Pottsie, sorry I hadn't replied sooner I was grounded. But I am now more active.

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Old 10-30-2006, 01:28 AM   #16
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Thanks Grivis.
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Old 10-30-2006, 02:47 AM   #17
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LOL. Slobba. Great, and funny, name. Anywho, nice fic, i'm looking forward to more.


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Old 10-30-2006, 02:52 AM   #18
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LOL. Slobba. Great, and funny, name. Anywho, nice fic, i'm looking forward to more.
Thanks Darth_Kotor. I thought up of Slobba when I first joined the Forums and I thought it would be great to use it in a Fic.
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Old 11-04-2006, 04:01 PM   #19
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Just to let you know, this will be a Short Fic and I will start the proper Echoes of Darkness Fic. This will now be called, The Young Jedi Exile. I'll PM Jae to change the title of this Thread now. Be prepared for the Echoes of Darkness.
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Old 11-04-2006, 05:53 PM   #20
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AW MAN, I thought this was part 2 when I clicked it oh well when exactly is the true EOD

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Old 11-04-2006, 06:27 PM   #21
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I think I will write the whole thing out, before posting it. Once again, it has been inspired by the Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb game. Even the first Chapter is inspired by the first level, Gates of the Lost City (Echoes of Darkness, it is called Gates of the Lost Tomb). Two planets from both KOTOR and TSL will return, planets from other games will star and one new planet that I made up will star (It has already been mentioned in this Thread).
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Old 11-05-2006, 01:13 AM   #22
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Oh, come on...Can't wait to see your fic. Well, this time let me to be an Alien and wait for the Predator to come out...Kidding.




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Killed in a suicide attempt of ramming his own ship, Ravager, onto the surface of Telos IV. --Casualty Report: Order 66
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