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Old 12-28-2006, 11:01 PM   #1
Rabish Bini
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[short fic]Forbidden Love

This fic is set before the Mandalorian Wars where Bastila and Revan are still in training. Enjoy.

-------------------------
Forbidden Love

"Come on Bastila, try harder." Encouraged Master Vrook as Bastila tried to lift up a heavy rock with the Force. Her long brown hair was turning black from all the sweat. She just couldn't do it.
"I can't do it Master, it's too hard." She said, her face covered in sweat.
"Bastila, you can do it, you just need to concentrate. Lets have a break."
Bastila walked over to the room where Master Kreia was teaching Revan. He could lift up the rock so easily, without even breaking a sweat. Which is fair enough considering he is older than her.
Bastila couldn't help but admire Revan's control over the Force. For him, lifting a rock is about as hard as lifting a feather. His short brown hair lightly swaying in the cool breeze of the garden.
When he had put down the rock, Kreia told him to have a break too. Revan walked over to Bastila.
"Hi." He said, "How'd training go?"
"Terrible," Replied Bastila, "That stupid rock is too hard to lift."
"It's not that hard, I could show y..." Before he could finish that sentence, Malak came rushing over to him,
"Revan, Master Kavar and Master Kreia wish to talk to you." He said.
"Alright, see ya later Bastila." Bastila watched as the two friends walked away. She decided to do some meditating in the garden.

"Padawan Revan," Said Master Kavar, "You and Malak will be coming with me and Master Kreia here to Coruscant to pick up some supplies we ordered. We leave Dantooine in two days, we'll be back in five, counting the trip to and from. You are to pack your bags and get ready to leave. You are dismissed." Revan and Malak nodded and left the room to head back to there quarters.

The next day, Revan got out of his bed before Malak. But he noticed that something was wrong with him, Revan wlaked over to him.
"Malak, what's wrong?" He asked.
"I don't feel to good." Replied Malak, in a very weak tone. Revan ran out of the room to get Master Kavar, he came rushing back with him a few minutes later.
"Malak, what's the matter?" Asked Kavar, "Did you eat those lollies you found in the fridge when I specifically told you not to?"
"Yes." Replied Malak.
"You do know that they are actually Gizka poison pallets right?" Malak shook his head.
"You'll have to stay in bed for a few days, Revan, you may choose someone else to come with us to Coruscant seeing as Malak won't be able to make." Revan immediately chose Bastila.

Bastila was immediately excited as Revan told her she was coming to Coruscant. The last time she had been there was when she was a little child, so she barely remembers anything about it. She went to pack her bags as they were leaving tomorrow.

The ship finally landed at Coruscant, Revan and Bastila were the first to step out as they were the most eager to see Coruscant. They looked directly above them as they adored the massive skyscrapers.
The group walked through Ctruscant for a few minutes, they walked through a big courtyard.
In the courtyard, in one of the tall buildings, a mysterious figure watched them. As they left, so did he.
The group finally reached there destination, a large building, with a sign saying "Suriya" High above it. They walked into the building.
"Master Kavar, what is Suriya?" Asked Revan.
"It is a supplies store, similiar to Czerka." He replied.
They took the lift, along with a man carrying a suitcase, he went one level higher than them. As they walked into the room, a male figure stood up to greet them. He had white hair, a bushy moustache and he was starting to go bald.
"Greetings, I am the president of Suriya, I assume you are here for the supplies, before I can give them to you, you need to give me the money." Kreia reached into her pocket and pulled out several thousand credits. She handed it to the president. He took it and signalled for his bodyguards to give them some of the supplies in suitcase form. The bigger ones they would take directly to there ship.
"Goodbye, and visit again someday." Said the president with a smile. They walked out of the building, with Kavar and Kreia carrying the suitcases.
As they walked into the courtyard, they heard gun fire, a bullet just shot past them. Kavar picked it up.
"It is a bullet, meaning it must be from a sniper rifle, someone's trying to kill us. RUN!" He yelled, as another bullet came down on them. They hid from view under a balcony.
"Revan, you and me will go into that building to the south," Said Kavar, "Kreia and Bastila will go to the building in the north. GO!" They each ran to the buildings they were told. Kavar and Revan ran into the building. They quickly ran up the stairs. They searched each room, but there was no-one in any of them, or at least, no sniper. He must be in the other building. They looked across the courtyard to the building Bastila and Kreia were in. They couldn't believe what they saw. Kreia was in a lightsaber duel with a Dark Jedi. Bastila was running to get help before she was stopped by another Dark Jedi. Revan and Kavar rushed to help them.
Kavar entered the building, but Revan stayed outside. He saw Kavar made it to the Dark Jedi confronting Bastila. Kavar ignited his lightsaber, but the Dark Jedi knocked Bastila out of the building. She was falling from about 500m! Revan quickly ran to where she was falling, she was about to hit the ground, but Revan used the Force to speed up. She screamed as she thought she was going to die. Revan just managed to catch her by diving.
"Thank you Revan." She said, giving him a light kiss on the cheek.
Another shot came from the sniper. It was going straight at Bastila but Revan pushed her out of the way. Be saw where the sniper was hiding and took him out with the Force.
Kreia and Kavar had defeated the Dark Jedi and ran down to join Bastila and Revan.
"Bastila, are you alright?" Asked Kreia.
"Thanks to Revan." She replied. They ran back to there ship and flew back to Dantooine.

Revan immediately went to visit Malak to see how he was doing. He was surprised to see him training with Master Zhar. He never looked better. Revan breathed a sigh of relief and walked away.
He encountered Bastila in the garden. She gave him a hug for saving her.
"Thanks again Revan." She said, "You know what? I think I like you."
"I like you too." Replied Revan. And they spent the remainder of the day chatting.
THE END

-------------------------
Hope you enjoyed it, please leave comments, thanks.


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Old 12-29-2006, 07:44 AM   #2
Diego Varen
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Nice Shortie Akuma.
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:32 AM   #3
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Very nice fic, but I thought that Revan and Bastila didn't know each other before the Mandalorian Wars.
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Old 12-29-2006, 06:30 PM   #4
Rabish Bini
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Well, whatever, they do in this fic.
And thanks for the comments.


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Old 12-29-2006, 07:25 PM   #5
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Nice shortie, Akuma, but I found some flaw in the fic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AkumaSF
"Malak, what's the matter?" Asked Kavar, "Did you eat those lollies you found in the fridge when I specifically told you not to?"
"Yes." Replied Malak.
"You do know that they are actually Gizka poison pallets right?" Malak shook his head.
"You'll have to stay in bed for a few days, Revan, you may choose someone else to come with us to Coruscant seeing as Malak won't be able to make." Revan immediately chose Bastila.
I think it's Master Kavar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AkumaSF
As they walked into the courtyard, they heard gun fire, a bullet just shot past them. Kavar picked it up.
"It is a bullet, meaning it must be from a sniper rifle, someone's trying to kill us. RUN!" He yelled, as another bullet came down on them. They hid from view under a balcony.
1. The sniper doesn't use bullet gun...They use disruptors or Nightshade Snipering gun.., neither fires bullets.

2. Even if he fired a bullet, but Master Kavar picked it up immediately? That's not possible because the bullet is very, very hot when it was shot out from the weapon.

3. The bullet can not strike into the ground, but instead it will richochet away by the rock, instead of crashes into the rock.

[Sorry if sound harsh, I watched too much CSI and know how guns work...]

But however, NICE JOB AND I LIKE IT.




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Old 12-29-2006, 07:38 PM   #6
Rabish Bini
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Oooooo...kay?
Oh, I see what you mean. Let me answer those questions:
At Kavar shaking his head - Kavar asked him if he knew they were Gizka poison pallets, Malak shhok his head to say he didn't. Maybe I should'vr clarified that a bit.

1 - I didn't know what they used for snipers in Star Wars so I just wrote bullet.

2 - Cooled bullet with the Force.

3 - Let... me... get... something outta my car. *Runs to car and drives off* Maybe the bullet was really heavy?


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Old 12-29-2006, 07:46 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AkumaSF
Oooooo...kay?
Oh, I see what you mean. Let me answer those questions:
At Kavar shaking his head - Kavar asked him if he knew they were Gizka poison pallets, Malak shhok his head to say he didn't. Maybe I should'vr clarified that a bit.

1 - I didn't know what they used for snipers in Star Wars so I just wrote bullet.

2 - Cooled bullet with the Force.

3 - Let... me... get... something outta my car. *Runs to car and drives off* Maybe the bullet was really heavy?
Seems reasonable, except 2 and 3 part:

1. Now you do.

2. Negative. Once the bullet was shot out of the gun, the bullet was heated up to 800-1000 Celsius Degrees, which is, 1472-1832 Fahrenheit Degrees, (And not counting the heat gain during flying in the air) therefore not even Anakin can cool this bullet down so fast.

3. I don't get it...If the bullet is very heavy, then how did Master Kavar picked it up?

As I mentioned before, No hard feelings I hope...This is maybe a little harsh...




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Old 12-30-2006, 05:03 AM   #8
Rabish Bini
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I can answer those questions, with a crowbar. *Knocks out CSI and dumps his body somewhere*
Looks like I didn't think about it throughly enough. Ah well.
And your not being harsh at all, this is harsh:
"How can Master Kavar pick up a bullet so fast? That is wrong, wrong, wrong, you have to re-do this fic because it is TERRIBLE!"
That's harsh.


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Old 12-30-2006, 11:08 PM   #9
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Even if you knock me out, my fellow CSI will find out that you did it...

Looking forward to see more of your fic coming out and this fic in Archive.




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Old 01-05-2007, 02:19 AM   #10
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Overall, a good story, but some things need to be changed! Like when Kavar pronounces the word "lollies", I would seriously doubt that in the Star Wars universe they name their candy "lollies". But then again what else would you call it?
Another thing; about the sniper rifle. Viewers, not all of the Star Wars sniper rifles would fire lasers. The Tusken Raiders (Sand People) have guns that fire bullets, so it could be possible that the sniper was firing a Tusken Raider rifle (I don't know why).
A good story, but a few changes need to be done! Not bad for a first time!
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Old 01-07-2007, 06:26 PM   #11
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One, I didn't know what else I could call lollies, so I called them lollies.

Two, it's not my first try, it's my third, although this one's my least favourite.

Three, thanks for the comments.


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