[Shortie fic] I Never Left, I Never Will

Aurora Starfire · 02-11-2007, 08:53 PM

Based on cut content from Knights of the Old Republic: The Sith Lords, and a dream I had the other night that’s been nagging at me. Comments are appreciated, as always.

Ariel slipped through the shadows that filled the Sith base, her eyes taking in the soldiers patrolling the halls, and her senses alert for any sign that she had been detected. Her mind automatically began filing away information; the number of guards, their patrols, and possible defensive positions. Her hand unconsciously strayed to her belt, where her lightsaber used to hang; it had been destroyed when she fought that last wave of Sith, and out here in the Unknown Regions, she had no way of making or acquiring a new one. Not before the upcoming strike on the base, anyway. Revan could probably help her when she returned from the strike…..if she returned.

Her recon of the base finished, she returned to the small, well-concealed camp she had set up a safe distance from the base. She transmitted the information she had gathered about the base to the larger camp where her strike team waited, and laid out her plan. “We’ll move in at dawn,” she finished, and, after a moment, said, “If I don’t make it through….tell Revan I did my best.”

“Will do, ma’am,” the strike commander acknowledged. “See you at dawn.”

She broke the transmission, and packed up most of her gear. The strike team wouldn’t arrive until an hour or so before dawn, so she had a few hours to rest. The strike troubled her, though. She was still a competent fighter, even without a lightsaber, but….something told her she was going to need it. Despite the walls she had built up to protect her, a stray comment rolled through her thoughts. I have a bad feeling about this…..
She winced, and in an instant it all came flooding back……

* * *

She was running through the corridors in the Trayus Academy, desperately, searching for the source of the agony she felt. Then she froze. Right ahead was where the horrible suffering was coming from. She walked forward, and then she saw him.

It was Atton.

In a moment, she was at his side. She knelt down, and cradled his head in her lap. His arm had been cut off, and there was blood everywhere. He must have been tortured, a part of her numbed mind remarked as she looked down at him.

“You’re... alive.” His voice was hoarse with pain, and he was barely conscious, but he was still there. “Did... I... save you yet? Your eyes...” he murmured, as he saw the horror there that she couldn’t keep out, “that bad, eh?” He looked away, as if ashamed. “Always was ugly.... now the outside matches. Was waiting for this, but...S’ not fair... let you down...”

His voice trailed off. She couldn’t keep the tears from flowing, as she looked down at his face, bruised and broken from whatever torture he had been put through. “Shhh,” she soothed him, her own voice trembling, “you’ve lost a lot of blood.”

He winced, as she touched his face. “Was s’posed to save you. S’ tired of living anyway... too many deaths...” She shook her head, wordlessly, and he winced again. His voice was weakening, she could feel his life ebbing away, and she worked furiously to stop the bleeding. “Never told you... lied to you...” he chuckled, a dry, raspy laugh.

The tears were flowing freely now, for his sardonic, bitter laugh had seared her heart. “You did, Atton,” she said brokenly. “You fought bravely, and I could not ask for a greater sacrifice.”

His laugh faded, and he looked away again, almost guiltily, and he said, feverishly, “I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want to die in front of you. Can't bear it. Loved you from the moment I first saw you, thought you were a dream......meant every word... tried to play it off as a joke... wasn't funny...” His voice broke, and he looked up at her, pleadingly.

She could barely restrain sobs, as she looked down into his broken face. His life was fading fast, now, and there was nothing she could do. Nothing….. “You never needed to tell me, Atton. I knew,” her voice broke, “I knew….”

He chuckled, then winced. “Hurts when I laugh. Hurts...You... saved me... joke's on me...” he chuckled again, sardonically, and winced. “Hurts when I laugh. Hurts...”

His voice trailed off, and he looked up into her eyes. She smiled down at him through her tears, burning the image into her memory, and he sighed, contentedly. Then he was gone.

She knelt there, rocking his shattered body back and forth, for a long time…….

* * *

She couldn't think anymore, couldn't stand anymore....Trapped in the memories that haunted the dark corners of her mind, she finally passed into an uneasy sleep. But though her body slept, her thoughts wandered across time and space.....

* * *

::She stood on the surface of Telos, gazing out across the water. As she stood, she heard someone come up behind her, and, with the instinct that comes only with dreams, she knew it was him.

Atton laid a hand on her shoulder. Without turning, she said, “It’s been two years.”

“I know,” he said softly, then hesitated. “Uh, you look good.”

Ariel almost laughed, for the first time in a long while. “All this time, and you still can’t see past the front of my chest,” she smiled, wistfully. “You know about tomorrow?”

“Yeah…..uh, well, actually, that’s why I’m here,” he said, turning her gently around to face him.

She looked up at him, searching his face. “Is it time? I’ve been waiting to be with you ever since….” she trailed off.

Atton hesitated, barely perceptibly. “Um, not exactly.” He fumbled around in a pocket of his robes, and pulled out a metal cylinder. “This was the first lightsaber I ever made,” he said, thoughtfully. “Well, it was also the only lightsaber I made, but that’s not important.” He held it out to her. “I want you to have it. You’ll need it, and I… well, I don’t.” He smiled, lopsidedly. “Now, finally, it’s my turn to save you.”

She wrapped her fingers around its grip, and ignited it. The blade bathed them both in deep, violet light, and she looked from it to Atton and back, unable to speak. After a while, she shut it off, but continued to stare off into space. Finally, she turned her head, and looked into his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you again,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion.

He smiled at her, and said, “Sweetheart......I never left, I never will.” He kissed her, and the world swirled out of focus, as she drifted back into dreamless sleep.::

* * *

Ariel woke with a start. Atton?! she thought wildly, and looked around, for a moment bewildered. The task force’s commanding officer stood over her. “Ma’am?” he said, gently, a hand on her shoulder. The realization of where she was, and what she was supposed to be doing, came crashing onto her, and she stood up. Something rolled out of her lap and onto the ground, and the officer bent to retrieve it for her. “Here you are, ma’am,” he said. She automatically took it from him, then suddenly, she smiled. Her hand tightened around the lightsaber, and she ignited it, letting its cool, violet light play over their features.

“Let’s take that base,” she said, and turned towards the horizon, where the sun was just beginning to rise.

CSI · 02-11-2007, 09:52 PM

Nicely done. This fic portrayed the Jedi Exile's romance with Atton in flashback. Nicely done, but with minor confusing:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora

* * *

Drained of emotion, Ariel passed into exhausted slumber.

* * *

::Ariel stood on the surface of Telos, gazing out across the water. As she stood, she heard someone come up behind her, and, with the instinct that comes only with dreams, she knew it was him.

Atton, shimmering and semitransparent, laid a hand on her shoulder. Without turning, she said, “It’s been two years.”...::

As this is a dream, indicate this is a dream, my opinion would be:

Quote:

Originally Posted by me

Drained of emotion, Ariel passed into exhausted slumber...She closed her eyes slowly, but his mind showed her a clear picture.

Aurora Starfire · 02-11-2007, 10:34 PM

Thanks, CSI. I added my own variation of your suggestion.

Diego Varen · 02-12-2007, 03:02 AM

Good Fic that deals with the past, as well as staying in the present. I did something similar, when I did my LSF Exile/Atton focused Fic, when he also died the same way. Anyway, I liked it and I take it Ariel is your LSF Exile. Does she have a full name? Looking foward to more Fics that you might write. I'm also guessing that your Avatar is your LSF Exile's apperance.

Aurora Starfire · 02-13-2007, 12:59 AM

Thanks, Topsite. Yes, my avatar is the one I use for Ariel. Her full name is Ariel Kenobi

which goes with my stance about the male/female characters. The male and female persons should have similar names, in my opinion, since they're the same character, really. As if they were twins, almost. I have a couple different name sets for TSL. The Kenobi one is Ariel, and the "Obi-wan" looking head, whose first name I play around with, but it's always a "Kenobi"

**JediMaster12** · 02-19-2007, 05:45 PM

Okay it's my turn.

*clears throat*

It never ceases to drawn my attention when attempts are made at the cut content from TSL. I've read the speculations, and seen the use of the dialogue in their fics. This was interesting in that you start off with the Exile getting ready for some big battle, presumably against this menace called the True Sith, etc. and you put Atton's death as a memory. This is not new to me since I have read another fic putting this as a memory on the part of the Exile. The flashback sequences I thought were very well written in that you gave good detail as to how the Exile was feeling at the time of the event that was happening.

Quote:

Drained of emotion, Ariel passed into exhausted slumber. But her sleep was not as visionless as it usually was.....

This gave me some confusion in that first you start off in the beginning with Ariel being awake and apprehensive about the upcoming attack. What would probably work better is that you have Ariel see the battle ahead maybe a flash of light from a laser cannon or something of that nature and she looks around. Suddenly she could feel a familiar chill like the breeze of Telos or something. It would give for a better transition into the next sequence where she recalls her conversation with Atton.

Quote:

He fumbled around in a pocket of his robes, and pulled out a metal cylinder. “This was the first lightsaber I ever made,” he said, thoughtfully. “Well, it was also the only lightsaber I made, but that’s not important.” He held it out to her.

Now assuming that Atton has been dead for two years as you impied at the beginning of this second sequence, how would he be able to hand her a lightsaber? I am thinking that Force Ghosts are like ghosts in the reality that we perceive them as: that they can't pick up solid things without having their hand go through them. I just find it curious as to your idea of how to compensate for this. What would have made it interesting is if Atton made a comment that he noticed she was still carrying it around and fingered her robes to tease her and show her. What also would have worked is if you forgot the Force Ghost bit and made it into a vision where she could see Atton alive and well and he handed her the lightsaber. That would fit much better with the following dialogue where he says that it is his turn to save her.

This was an interesting perspective in that you give the cut dialogue in the form of a flashback that bears on the present situation. Ariel, your Exile, needs some sort of reassurance and t falls back to that last one where Atton tells her that he will always be there for her and the giving of the lightsaber reinforces that idea. You had a good idea going here. With a clearing up of some confusion and clean up of loose ends, you will have a good fic. I hope this helps in your quest of the journey of storywriting.

P.S. The flying manuscript thought it was good too. So I guess that means he won't be circling your head any time soon.

Aurora Starfire · 02-19-2007, 06:19 PM

Thank you so much for the review, JediMaster12!
For the first thing, Ariel was going to wait at the camp for a few hours until the strike team arrived. After reliving the memory of Atton's death, it had the same effect as if she had cried herself to sleep. But still, that particular bit you quoted has been causing me lots of problems, so I'll see if I can fix it up better.
You are quite correct, the Force Ghost thing needs some more reworking. Frankly, I have no idea how he'd be able to pick up anything, so I'll keep your suggestions in mind for how to adjust that.

I'm glad you and the flying manuscript liked it, overall.

EDIT: I removed the "Force Ghost" references, and I changed around the bit where she falls asleep. I hope that's a bit better, though the latter is still rubbing me the wrong way, a bit. I just can't get the wording of it right....

**JediMaster12** · 02-19-2007, 07:05 PM

It looks better. As to the whole dream sequence, I'll have to read it some more and think on it.

Uilleand · 10-30-2007, 03:11 PM

Ah, I really enjoyed this. I'm totally in love with the TSL cut content - and this dream meeting was very poignant. I love her desire to be with him again...

Jedi Eagle 27 · 11-26-2007, 01:24 PM

Wow! What else can I say. It was very well written. Keep the fics coming please!

Aurora Starfire · 11-27-2007, 06:58 PM

Thanks for the replies, guys! I haven't written anything in awhile, school's been keeping me busy. I have an idea for one, but haven't gotten to it yet. I'm glad you enjoyed it!