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Old 09-09-2007, 11:48 AM   #1
Grace
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[Fic] The Path of Revan

The Path of Revan


“Dantooine,” she said aloud.

Nadia Drey was utterly certain this was where the trail started. She knew from the Jedi Archives on Coruscant that Revan’s training to be a Jedi happened there. It was also on Dantooine that he found the basis for his first steps into the Dark Side. Yes, it all began on Dantooine. So Nadia had traced those first steps, there to the ruins of the old Jedi Enclave.

It was just a hill now, where the Enclave had once rested. 4100 years had not been necessarily kind to the location. Storms and the general shifting of the lands over the years had buried the Enclave long ago, but this hardly deterred a strong-willed woman such as Nadia Drey. She had been in training as a Jedi once, but that had ended abruptly almost three years earlier.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Nadia, we recognize the power you are capable of,” her master had told her. “But you are full of arrogance and an intense desire for self-promotion and preservation. You want to live forever; you have told me this in plain words. You have many fears, Nadia and they will lead you down a path I cannot teach you.”

“Then assign me another master,” Nadia demanded impatiently. “My training must continue and if you cannot do the job, you must be replaced.”

“Where has your patience gone?” her master moaned. “Who have you spoken to? Nadia Drey, the High Council intends to exile you for your... darker intentions.”

“They would be justified in doing so,” Nadia answered quietly. “Let the old men waste their breath. I shall trouble them no further with my presence.”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She had entered exile of her own accord. Twice, they had sent Jedi after her, trying to take her lightsaber from her. Twice, the ice-blue blade severed Jedi hands. And all the while, the old master’s question rang in her head, “Who have you spoken to?”

Nadia knew the answer, but she could not reveal that to the old man before her. It would break his heart and though she had no deep emotions tied to him, she could not bring herself to shatter him like that. In the end, it didn’t matter; two weeks later, the man she had called ‘Master’ was killed by one of the last remaining Dark Jedi known to the galaxy. Nadia thought it fitting that the Dark Jedi met her end by Nadia’s lightsaber. She supposed that had been the beginning of this obsession with Revan.

She stood now atop what was known to locals as Enclave Hill. A gentle breeze played with her pure black hair and her clear blue eyes took in her surroundings. Somehow she had to enter the Enclave, buried though it was and digging equipment was hardly what she had in mind. During her last hour in the Jedi Temple of Coruscant, Nadia was in the Archives, pouring over all the information recovered about Revan and the place he had been trained. She knew the basic floor plan of the Enclave and its position on the land. It was time for the work to begin.

Nadia walked slowly down the hill where the front of the Enclave had once been visible. When she was at the base of the hill, she turned to face it.

“Jedi Enclave, you were once a pillar of hope to all who came to this primitive world,” she said aloud. “Now you are nothing but an abandoned pillar of desperation, a pile of old building materials and the dust that surrounds you. One day, the Jedi may remember their heritage and come back for their artifact. When they do, they will find you standing in ruin, a low ring of dust surrounding that which it once covered.”

She began to focus the Force into scattering the dust, careful to avoid what was left of the Enclave beneath it. The movement of the dust took hours, but when Nadia was done the ruins of the Jedi Enclave of Dantooine were visible once more. Utterly exhausted, the young woman returned to the shuttle she had called home for the last three years.

__________________________________


The next morning, Nadia entered the Enclave. The halls were cold and lifeless, with no echoes of the old building’s former life and purpose. It almost made Nadia sad to think that a place where so many Jedi once walked held no trace of their passing. For a time, she wandered the halls, mourning for those who had come here to be trained, for those who were now lost in time.

Her wandering lead her to the chamber where the sitting council held their meetings and just as she had experienced in a poorly lit room back behind the Jedi Archives, Nadia began to see flickers of the past.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She saw the Enclave as it was in Revan’s time, back 4100 years ago when it was still the pillar of hope she’d described it to be. The Council huddled together, speaking in hushed tones concerning the Mandalorian War that was threatening to crush the Republic. Nadia recalled from history lessons that the Council had declined aid, though the Republic requested it.

The vision changed. Revan and Malak stood before the Council, stating their intentions to lead Jedi into war. The Council was openly hostile to the idea, ordering the young Jedi to remain on Dantooine. But Revan and Malak stubbornly refused. As Nadia watched in fascination, the image of Malak broke off, turning to face her.

“What is it you seek by delving into this past so long buried?” he asked her.

“I seek to understand the path that Revan followed,” Nadia replied. Malak shook his head.

“To fully understand the path, you must follow the full path,” he said. “Never forget that. Go now to the landing pad. A transport awaited Revan and I there, and there we began recruiting.”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The visions of the past faded and Nadia did as Malak suggested. When she reached the landing pad, another vision came to her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The vision was of a gathered Jedi crowd. Revan stood before them and Malak stood beside him. Revan spoke of the lack of action of the Jedi as a whole and urged those present to join with him and confront the Mandalorians in battle. Many joined his side, moving up the ramp of the awaiting shuttle. The others scattered and when Malak moved up the ramp to join the others, Revan looked directly at Nadia.

“What is your choice, young Jedi?” he asked. “Or rather, had you been here when this event took place, what would you have done?”

“I would have joined you,” Nadia answered. “The Jedi should never deny their strength if it is needed.”

“Then your path is before you,” Revan said. “Dantooine holds only one more vision for you. In my time, there were ruins not far from the Enclave. You must go there now.”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Because of her studies, Nadia found the ancient ruins with ease. Their entrance had been buried for thousands of years, but just as she had no difficulty in revealing the ruins of the Enclave, Nadia uncovered the older ruins and after working with the door for a short time, she entered. There were no visions awaiting her at the door or just inside it. A little disappointed, she continued deeper into the ruins.

An ancient droid awaited her, also in ruins and a vision came to her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Revan and Malak approached this same droid. 4100 years ago, the droid had still been functional. They spoke to it at length and then split up, each going a different direction. After some time, Nadia heard two locks cycle on the door directly ahead of her. Revan and Malak reappeared and Revan turned to her.

“Follow,” he ordered simply. Nadia did as he’d ordered and they entered what looked to be the last room in the ruins. There at the back of the room, Nadia saw some form of ancient machinery.

“It is a Star Map,” Revan said. “Once, it was a piece to a greater puzzle, which marked the way to the Star Forge.”

The image changed, showing the Star Map as it was in Nadia’s time, ruined just like everything around it. Revan continued, “To follow my path, you must find the location of the Star Forge, for that is what I did. Since the Star Maps no longer operate as they should, you will have to go on your visions.”

The vision of the Star Map as it once was returned and it opened. Nadia committed the information to memory.

“Why are the Star Maps so destroyed?” she asked.

“The Republic destroyed the Star Forge,” Revan answered. “With its destruction, the Star Maps lost their purpose and ceased their efforts of self-repair. Now go. Dantooine was only the first step. You have a long journey ahead of you.”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The vision faded and Nadia remained, staring at the ruins of the Star Map of Dantooine. Slowly, she shook her head, as if to clear the thoughts from her mind. Revan was right. Dantooine was merely the first step.

The path of Revan was long indeed...


My story in progress: United We Stand - Divided We Fall

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Old 09-15-2007, 12:36 AM   #2
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The story was not bad, though the pacing could be better, as it's rather choopy and a bit slow in parts. Nadia seems to be a rather paradoxical character, both unconcerned for her master and yet reluctant to hurt him. I'd really like to see a bit more polishing, and hopefully a follow-up! It seems more of a prologue than anything else, and I hope to see more!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 09-15-2007, 01:53 AM   #3
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I admit, it's not great. But I did have a much more expansive story in mind. This is a part of it; so is the other one I wrote... couple months back... 'Twins' Destiny'. I'll work on the flow before I put anything on Nadia in the story


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Old 09-15-2007, 12:15 PM   #4
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A strong theme, nicely executed. It makes an interesting little piece. I quite like Nadia's contradictory confusion - it seems much more realistic than more traditional stereotypes of black-and-white good-and-evil that tend to be put about in Star Wars.

However, I felt that it could have done with a good deal more description, and that the visions started and finished rather abruptly. Also, I thought that Malak and Revan were too clear and precise, and too easy to understand. Visions/dreams are rarely clear, and also, over 4,100 years, language changes quite a lot. It could have done with a little more linguistic embroidering, too, IMO....

However, I can't fault the basics of the story. An enjoyable, if rather brief read.



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Old 09-15-2007, 10:34 PM   #5
Tysyacha
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Overall, this was a very interesting story of a "Great Fall", with atmospheric touches!

I was rather confused between what was really happening to Nadia and the visions she was having, even though you did put dashes as transitions between those parts. Malak, as I expected, was as subtle as a bantha passing gas when it came to what he had to say, but I would have liked to see a little more of Kreia's crypticness in Revan. Revan was the stronger of the two, and I believe the more cunning as well.

As for Nadia, I would have liked to see a few more paragraphs about her motives. How did she feel when she went into exile, and when she severed the hands of the Jedi who had come to remove her lightsaber from her? Did she ever doubt the visions that she had of Malak and Revan, believing they were dreams or hallucinations at worst? Also, her question of "Why are the Star Maps so destroyed?" threw me a little off. If the Star Maps had been destroyed, destroyed, Nadia wouldn't be able to get any information from them. Perhaps "damaged" would have been a better word there.

Nice work, and I hope that perhaps you will continue this. My honest score: 6/10
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Old 09-17-2007, 12:19 AM   #6
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Pretty good entry, but it had a couple things that needed answering. I was a bit confused with the purpose of Nadia's journey. She loves history, but how would visiting a bunch of broken Star Maps grant her insight into Revan's character? I felt she could've used more incentive to go on the journey, and with less direct clues from Revan and Malak. Dreams or visions I could picture her having but having a Force ghost walk up and give her directions was a bit of a stretch.

Still, apart from that the story is written well and looks polished. It's really all written as well as it can be written, it's just the plot that could use fixing.

8.5/10


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Old 09-23-2007, 02:00 PM   #7
Jae Onasi
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What--wait--you mean we don't get to see more of her journey? You're so evil for cutting us off like that.

I thought having your ex-Jedi not kill her master interesting and realistic, but I would have liked to see more of what made her admire her master so much that she couldn't kill him. If you make this story longer, consider keeping him alive and have him search her out--the moral dilemmas they'd face as they decided whether or not to kill each other could be very intriguing.

I agree with Devon on the need for more purpose. I didn't get a clear sense of why _she_ felt the Star Forge was necessary, or even if it still existed, since all else had been destroyed.

Other than that, a good start on an interesting story.


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Old 09-23-2007, 03:01 PM   #8
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Go Jae, i read this yesterday I I wanted more, but you haven't given us any.

Please give us more!

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Old 09-24-2007, 01:45 PM   #9
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Go Jae, i read this yesterday I I wanted more, but you haven't given us any.
Considering she's not the author, no kidding... :P


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Old 09-24-2007, 06:17 PM   #10
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I never said that she was the author I know that Grace is the author , and I agree with Jae. ( Grace should write more).

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