lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: [Fic] Descent Into Shadow
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 09-14-2007, 06:03 PM   #1
Darth InSidious
A handful of dust.
 
Darth InSidious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The Eleven-Day Empire
Posts: 5,782
Current Game: KotOR II
[Fic] Descent Into Shadow

Descent Into Shadow

I had been tending a rock garden in the grounds of the Temple on Coruscant, when the low babble of ancient voices, at just the right volume for irritation, finally snapped my self-discipline and set me wandering in search of their source, leaving footprints through the middle of my carefully planned swirls and lines.

I passed through several other gravel patches, ruining hours of suspiciously similar work by several other Padawans taking Master Vrell’s Baran Do Cosmic Philosophy course (BDCP 241). Their glares probably could have melted steel, but I wandered on, concentrating on my ears. Eventually, I came upon two archaic cadavers, more skin and bone than living, breathing creatures. By some quirk which I to this day cannot comprehend, I mistook these two for great Masters of the order, despite their lack of our traditionally plain robes or, indeed, lightsabres. Thinking that I might glean some great wisdom, I sat down and asked them for their advice, still in a daze.

“I never really understood the Force myself – but then, that’s no real surprise. Y’see, I was never actually…’Force Sensitive’ they call it - although over the years I met plenty of Jedi, Sith, and a few who sat somewhere in the middle, even. Perhaps the most important, the one that made the most lasting impression on me was Revan.”

The old man paused, a spluttering, hacking, swampy, scraping cough - of the kind that speaks of tattered lungs worn thin and slowly shredded by long aeons - interrupting his flow.

“Now, when we first met, I hadn’t the faintest idea who he was, and, as a matter of fact, neither did he. Not that we had much time for psychological analysis at that point,”

- at this he paused, a thin smile flickering for a moment on his ancient lips, while his eyes spoke of time-dulled anger –

“what with our ship being about to explode. Later on I felt so angry. I had bundled myself in an escape pod with the Dark Lord of the Sith himself! Watched him, unconscious for days! I could have killed him once and for all.

And I didn’t.

If I’d known what I had later found out, I probably would have killed him before he’d even boarded the ship, but there’s no point dwelling on what might have been. That, at least, I’ve learned since those days.”

“Is this story going anywhere, old man?”

The inquisitor was an equally dusty specimen, but whereas his companion had been worn thin by age, time had hardened this one, toughened him like old leather – tough as the mountainside and just as inflexible. And there was a fire in the black pits of his eyes. A fire of battle and of burning starships, each one, a vanquished enemy.

“My, aren’t we impatient today? Did you get out of out of the starship on the wrong side today, or is that a chip on your shoulder?”, asked our raconteur, quoting another, a light reflected as from some far-off source in all four rheumy eyes.

“Well are you going to get to your point, or are you going to sit here yapping our young friend here to sleep?”

“Well if you’d let me get on and stop acting like an old coot, maybe I would. Now where was I?”

“Pontificating on lost chances.”

“Very funny. Anyway. Of course – Taris! That was where we had landed.”

My ignorance must have shown in my face, as he explained the significance of this world I had never heard of in all my twenty-seven years.

“Of course, you probably haven’t heard of Taris. Heck, even by our time it was hardly of any importance. It was one of the old city-worlds, all high-rise blocks and not so dissimilar to Coruscant-“

“Bah! Taris lacked the class and the decent entertainment.”

“Ha! Very true. Anyhow, it was all high-rise blocks. The rich would live in the tops of the tallest towers, and it got progressively more degenerate, lawless and poverty-stricken as you went down. In the end, Darth Malak’s fleet blew it to smithereens. Killed tens of millions, sent shockwaves through the sector, and also messed with the swoop-racing circuit for years to come.

He – that is, Revan, was Sector Champion at one point, you know…”

“You’re rambling again!”

“If you’d stop interrupting, maybe I’d get there quicker!”

“If you’d stop going off on uninteresting tangents, maybe I wouldn’t interrupt!”

“Fine! So…Revan. In all my time with him, I saw him do terrible, terrible things. He would indulge in petty cruelties, kill, maim, steal, threaten…without pity, without conscience, without any sign of-“

“I’ve been waiting for two hours, but you never did know when to shut up, Carth.”
“See, I told you.”

A woman had walked in on our party. She was not particularly tall, with a worn face, and grey hair done up in a bun. She walked upright, with the aid of a gnarled, twisted staff. She looked across at the other old man, and her eyes narrowed.

“And if you think that’s a license to carry on talking, you have quite another thing coming. Now what exactly are you two decrepit specimens boring our freshly-minted Padawan over?”

“Carth here was just taking an age to explain about the Dark Side.”

“And he’d know so much about that!”

She sat down on a stone bench between the two, and stared at me in silence for a long time, with eyes like diamonds, bright and sharp, as if peering into my soul. And then at last she spoke.

“The Dark Side is not a release. It is not a power to be toyed with, or some gift. It is a self-consuming hatred, and when it comes, it does not come in great ceremony. It will come to you, Padawan, make no mistake, as it comes to us all eventually. And when it does make no mistake. Fear, lust, pride, arrogance, jealousy, hate, anger, these are the Dark Side, and the slightest slip, the merest of actions will start you down that path, and it will forever dominate you. And should you return, it will be all the harder, all the more difficult, knowing what is waiting in the shadows, just how easy the Dark Side is…”

“You both talk too much! Always have done, always will, for what little life you’ve got left-”

“Like you can talk!”

“Well, at least if I die first, I won’t have to listen to you two prattle on any more.”

Bastila made a great show of rolling her eyes and turning away, her smile all but invisible.

“Listen to me, kid. These two are talking nonsense. Revan was never ‘seduced’ by some evil shadow, or any of that hocus-pocus junk they teach here. Revan chose his path. There’s no mystical light or dark to the galaxy, I’ll tell you that much. I’ve travelled more than either of these two, and seen more of both sides of their vaunted Force than they ever will. At this rate, anyway. The Force may be powerful kid, but it doesn’t control you, or anyone. You are responsible for your actions, not some ‘Dark Side’. What you do with your powers is your choice, and yours alone.”

There was a long silence.

At length, Bastila spoke.

“You Mandalorians always were stupid.”

“And you Jedi never could see what was in front of you.”

The spell broke, and I hurried back to Master Vrell, wondering what excuse would get me out of this one and leaving the three decrepit heroes to their bickering….

FIN



Works-In-Progress
~
Mods Released
~
Quid existis in desertum videre?
Darth InSidious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-15-2007, 01:13 AM   #2
Bee Hoon
ngom ngom ngom
 
Bee Hoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 1,269
Forum Veteran Veteran Fan Fic Author LFN Staff Member Helpful! 
The fic was completely not what I was expecting! It was very different and an enjoyable read Carth is hilariously senile, but Bastila seems a wee bit too casual, though I suppose that she would have mellowed with age. One thing doesn't tally though, and that is how DS Revan would not have left the Jedi to their own devices. Besides that, Bastila would have turned DS with him.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
Bee Hoon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-15-2007, 01:59 AM   #3
Emperor Devon
36 Wings, 365 Eyes
 
Emperor Devon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 5,479
Current Game: Ass Effect
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Fun read! I liked the bickering between the trio, and I thought the descriptions of the characters were done especially well. Bonus points for an original topic too.

It was a good fic all in all, except for one part - while it is a nice twist to reveal who the ramblers are at the end of the fic, I was left rather confused who it was that was speaking and I felt that detracted from an otherwise polished and complete story.

Still, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Good job!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabretooth
We will be great failures one day, you and I
Emperor Devon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-15-2007, 10:51 AM   #4
igyman
Tension!
 
igyman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: White City
Posts: 3,413
Current Game: Diablo III RoS (PC)
Forum Veteran Helpful! Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
I can only agree with the two previous comments - an original and interesting story, just how I like it. Nice work.

igyman is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-16-2007, 12:20 AM   #5
Tysyacha
One of Thousands
 
Tysyacha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kirkwall/The Free Marches
Posts: 3,181
Current Game: Dragon Age II
Forum Veteran Roleplayer Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
*LOLOLOLOLOL* I loved this fic, and it was, as Bee Hoon opined, "completely not what I was expecting"! The thing was, I was far more distracted laughing at how Carth and Bastila and Canderous Ordo were bickering as "old farts" than I was horrified at how Revan had turned to the Dark Side. You have a witty way about you when your characters are being sarcastic or insulting, and the "shadows" of worry or anxiety at the fall of certain characters to the Dark Side faded because, as they say, laughter kills fear. Fear not, though.

I give this story an honest score of 8/10, because, at long last, someone (Canderous) tells the truth about the 'Dark Side' and whether or not it controls one and one's actions. You go, Mandalore, and you go, Darth I!
Tysyacha is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-21-2007, 10:00 AM   #6
Darth InSidious
A handful of dust.
 
Darth InSidious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The Eleven-Day Empire
Posts: 5,782
Current Game: KotOR II
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon
One thing doesn't tally though, and that is how DS Revan would not have left the Jedi to their own devices. Besides that, Bastila would have turned DS with him.
This one's set long after the Republic defeats Revan once and for all, and assumes that Bastila turned the cat in pan again. Sorryif that wasn't clear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tysyacha
The thing was, I was far more distracted laughing at how Carth and Bastila and Canderous Ordo were bickering as "old farts" than I was horrified at how Revan had turned to the Dark Side. ... laughter kills fear...
(Apologies for paraphrasing). I was a bit worried about this, but the three of them just wouldn't do as I meant them to....

Thanks for the reviews, everyone!



Works-In-Progress
~
Mods Released
~
Quid existis in desertum videre?
Darth InSidious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-23-2007, 02:11 PM   #7
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,916
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
Nice--fun to hear them bickering. I liked the physical descriptions--there was a richness in the detail atha I appreciated. Since you talked about Carth having trouble with his lungs, you could have added a cough here and there to make him even more distinguishable. The only thing I had problems with a couple things. First, Bastila's treatment of the dark side seemed a little too brief. There also didn't seem to be any real conclusion drawn by your Padawan, even one of confusion over what these doddering fools might be talking about. Lastly, we needed just a few more dialog tags--a few times I had to scroll back up because I lost my spot and couldn't figure out who was talking. It would also give you a spot for them to shake their canes, poke at each other or display assorted other elderly mannerisms.

All in all, a fun piece.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > [Fic] Descent Into Shadow

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:43 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.