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Old 07-09-2007, 05:16 AM   #1
Empress Padme
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[FIC] Knights of the Old Republic : Destiny

Knights of the Old Republic
DESTINY

Chapter One : The Key

At the edge of the galaxy , a year after the Jedi Civil War , stood the reformed Jedi Knight, Revan. The sand was orange and swirling about due to the heavy winds. Revan pulled a strand of black hair back into her ponytail and brushed off some of the sand that was on her tanned skinned . She was not alone . A Mandolorian named Canderous Ordo was with her. He was a man entering his sixties, with salt and pepper hair. He had a rugged appreance which showed the battles he had fought . He was a warrior and every bit as one .
" You got my message , I see," Revan said.
" Yes , Revan and I believe I know what this about. More of your memories have returned. The anguish is written all over your face," Canderous replied.
Revan gave him a cold, harsh look.
" Then if I wear to ask about ' the key'. You would know what I would be talking about?" she tried to read him but couldn't. Canderous smirked.
" Yes Revan. I would know what your refffering to....and then some. I was wondering if 'those' memories would ever come back. I fail to see why you had to bring me to the edge of the galaxy for that." Canderous frowned." There's more isn't there. Your leaving aren't you?"
Revan gave him a shocked look " How did you-"
" Don't look that shocked, Jedi. Your little boyfriend, Carth has been whimpering that he thinks your gonna leave. He's been quizzing all of if we knew anything. Man, that soldier is whiny." Canderous said.
Revan smiled." He's just a man in love. A man who fell for someone who can't stay. Deep down he knows this. He can not follow me where I must go and neither can you , Canderous."
Canderous grew angry."I'm a heck of a lot stronger than Carth , less annoying too. I understand why loverboy shouldn't go but me? Why not?"
Revan looked at him. She had expected him to fight to come . She replied, in a stern voice "I have tasks that can only be done by you.The most important is preserving the key until it is ready. I didn't want to use it , but I fear there is no choice. Only you can do this, especially since you seem to know more about it than I. The second tasks benefits you more than you know," Revan grabbed her grey backpack and pulled out something. Mandolore's helmet.Canderous gasped as she gave it to him. She then continued "You will be the new Mandolore. It is time for a new Mandolore and I need it to be you.If you fail all Mandolorian history will be lost and your kind will only be thought of as thugs for hire.Believe me when I say these orders are the most important. You alone I trust with these orders. Only you could see them through.If you came with me, all will fail."
Canderous sighed.He knew this wasn't up for debate.Revan headed towards her ship , the Ebon Hawk but she stopped and turned. She looked at Canderous with such a sad look. He actually felt sorry for her. She had not asked for any of this, not really. The Jedi Order had wiped her mind.She was stuck with two sets of memories, two very different lives. One as the Sith Lord, Darth Revan. The other as Jade Star , a scout for the Republic. She had become a pawn for the Jedi Order to defeat Darth Malak, who was once a friend.When she found out she was Darth Revan , the happy- go- lucky Jade , who fell in love with Republic soldier, Carth Onasi, was gone replaced by a somber , tormented Revan / Jade. Yet through out she remained a leader, no matter what inner turmoil she had to endure , Canderous noticied. He respected her for it.
In a voice that was breaking Revan said" Don't tell Carth....about ...the key....He could never....understand. A hero like him could never truly understand people like us , Canderous."
Canderous looked her staight in her dark eyes , which he noticed were bloodshot from crying." You have my word , Revan. On everything. I will not fail."
" I know. That's why I chose you." she chuckle and gave a weary smile. She then boarded the Ebon Hawk and left for the Unknown Regions.
Canderous watched as her ship went into hyperspace and he wondred to himself how the heck was he gonna keep his word.


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Old 07-09-2007, 02:57 PM   #2
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Well Empress, I'd have to say good job only when you go from one sentence to the next make sure to double space it. This I will keep an eye on, it is very... interesting. Once again good job.
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Old 07-10-2007, 12:20 AM   #3
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thank u so much. I have horrible editing and grammer skills.I don't want 2 mess this story up so I'm doing heavy Star Wars research before Chapter 2. I still have much to learn.


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Old 07-10-2007, 09:36 AM   #4
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Seems I'll have to keep tabs on this fan fiction. Great beginning.

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Old 07-10-2007, 01:48 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Empress Padme
I don't want 2 mess this story up so I'm doing heavy Star Wars research before Chapter 2. I still have much to learn.
It's okay... you can't mess up your own story. It doesn't really matter, because it is your imagination... you can expand anyway you want, even if you want to create new worlds, races, or anything.
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Old 07-11-2007, 12:15 PM   #6
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Ok here it comes. Critic mode on.

First off this looks like it is off to a good start. I have read several fics regarding what happened between KOTOR and TSL. This looks like it aims to address that. On the outlook, it looks good. However it is good to remember that the way things appear in the posts differ from what it looks like on your computer. The chapter looks like one massive text that halfway through I was wondering if it would ever end. A good tip is that once you copy and paste your chapters, go in manually and enter a space between paragraphs and, very important, between lines of dialogue. It helps to differentiate who is talking and doesn't cause confusion. Remember some of us older forumites have bad eyesight and it's bad enough that the text is in white on a grey background.

Second off, I suggest you find someone who is a good beta reader for each of your chapters before posting. It happens thoug that one or two errors make their way in. That's human nature. Throughout this chapter however, I saw multiple spelling errors particularly with Mandalorian and Mandalore. Spelling and grammar errors in abundance can detract a reader and in the end they just play grammar police though we already have a grammar troll in Hallucination.

On your characterization it was pretty good. With Canderous however, I would consult people who have studied warriors throughout history. Canderous is a warrior and he has a certain outlook on life and he is not afraid of being too blunt to come out and say it. Think of it this way: Suicide is the coward's way out. It is better to die in battle with honor. To be captured is a disgrace. Then it is acceptable to perform ritual suicide and preserve your honor. The strongest survive and the weak perish, that is the way of things. Even though he changed a bit traveling with Revan in KOTOR, he hasn't that much. You can't really change too much if you don't want to. He does understand that needless slaughter is stupid and he admits that. Try reading Mandalorian Measures if that will help in characterization.

Your Revan was good. She is agitated, flustered, whatever you want to call it. She is leaving, she knows she has to but she doesn't want to leave him behind. I would put just a bit more unwillingness to leave but have the sense of duty outweigh the desire to stay. That would make it stand out better.

I hope this helps. I had to send the flying manuscript and Kujo the killer pencil after Tops a few times but I thing the flying manuscript would be good in browbeating for now. If it gets really bad then we'll see...

Keep it up and I look forward to chapter 2.

JM12

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Old 07-11-2007, 01:39 PM   #7
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Well, not much more I can say as far as critique as JM12 pretty much said the same thing I would have. Minor spelling things I can overlook, but the double spacing... well, it's important enough for me to dare to mention it one more time.

Great beginning though!! Interested to find out what this 'key' is, and I think you did a good job with your characters' personalities. Looking forward to Chapter 2.


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Old 07-12-2007, 08:09 PM   #8
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I have been practicing double space on my notepad so hopefully it won't be as bad as it has been. I have been debating on whether to bring the Exile in this but it would only be for a short time. Long enough for the Exile to learn what the Key is.Do I bring the Exile in as a side note or not , this debate has been in my head for days. So I finally decided to bring the Exile in to expose the key for what it really is - sort of - since I know the Key unlocks many secrets. So it's kinda like 2 chapters are gonna be prologues , which is not what I intended to do but happened that way so I apologize to anyone that was led to believe this is a tale about Revan or Exile . It is about Revan's choices from the past that affect and haunt the characters in KotOR & TSL and some new characters. It's really about the Key , I'll be so happy when I can refer to Key by something else but that doesn't happen until Chapter 3 or 4 now.* sighs*


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Old 07-12-2007, 10:57 PM   #9
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chapter two : The Exile's Discovery

Knights of the Old Republic

DESTINY

CHAPTER TWO : THE EXILE'S DISCOVERY

4 Years later.....

The Jedi Exile - Hana Wooma had recently defeated Darth Traya and two

other Sith Lords . She was prepping to leave for the Unknown Regions when

T3-M4 strolled into the security quarters and went to the navi-computer.

Revan's voice came from T3. The navi-computer unlocked. T3 then turned

around and began to play a message. It was from Revan.

Revan: " Hello General Wooma. It's been some time since we chatted. Enough

of my memories have returned to know who you are and your role in the

Mandolorian Wars. The rest Master Kaavar let me know. If you have your po-

wers back then I know Traya has found you. She was looking for you when I

saw her before I left for the Unknown Regions. She was intereted in your ' ec-

ho', I believe is what she called it. The information your about to recieve not

even Traya knew. She would have warped the "Key'' to mastermind her

revenge and I just could not see that happen. Whatever she may have

wanted to do with you ,would not have been as bad had she learned and

used the ''Key''. The destruction and horror that would be unleashed would

never have healed.

I knew you were strong enough to handle her, plus I needed you to get your

powers back to help me here. Whether you stayed on the path of a Jedi

or became a Sith I care not. Your abilities shall come in handy. Together

we can hold of ''The True Sith'' until the ''Key'' is ready. Then we may

actually have a chance at winning.

By now I bet your wondering were and what the ''Key'' is right. Well T3 has

the '' Key's'' current location. The planets name is Kraydor. It is just beyond

the edge of the galaxy. Canderous knows the planet and the ''Key'' well.

I had given him orders to protect the ''Key'' but I have had troubling visions.

He will soon not be able to handle this himself. He will need allies. Send who

you trust to Kraydor.

The ''True Sith '' have learned of the ''Key''. They are now hunting it. If they

can not use it they will destroy it. The ''Key'' must survive , even if we do

not.'' Message ends.

Canderous comes into the security quarters . '' So now you know the truth

. Before I was Mandolore I was Canderous Ordo . I traveled with Revan.''

'' I keep hearing the word key. What is it ?'' the Exile questioned Cander-

ous.

Canderous went over to her ." The key is -," then he whispered in her ear

the truth about the '' Key '' .

Hana's fair skin went even paler ." Well we have to make sure THAT never

ends up in enemy hands.


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Old 07-16-2007, 12:24 PM   #10
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Critic mode on

Ok. This is much better in terms of spacing but my main problem is your spelling and grammar. I suggest highly that you find a beta reader that can look for the errors. When you have quite a few, it tends to get distracting and you you play grammar police. Also I suggest that you reread the chapter yourself because you may pick up things that your beta may have missed. For info on beta readers check out I believe the Resource Center forum and look for the thread on beta readers.

I do have to say that your spacing is nice. My eyes weren't half blinded by a wall of white. The story looks good and it was interesting how Revan referred to Traya as Kreia. The flying manuscript still needs to do some browbeating but nothing serious.

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Old 07-18-2007, 03:36 PM   #11
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I must say I can definately tell you're getting better. Keep up the good work.

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Old 07-18-2007, 03:56 PM   #12
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Thanks guys. Chapter 3 will be up by sunday.


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Old 07-18-2007, 04:03 PM   #13
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Interesting story so far. Quite looking forward to your next installment so I can find out what this mysterious 'key' is. Keep up the good work!


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Old 07-24-2007, 02:23 PM   #14
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Due to be being called pathetic and juvinelle publicly and not in a PM by a moderator and other problems I am leaving Lucas Forums.So This fic is ending abrubtly. I shall post it somewhere else. Never should someone on this site be publicly told that escpiecially by a moderator . We are told to give good critizing ,the same should apply to moderators.If a moderator has a problem with a member and wants to call their actions pathetic and juvinelle then it should be done through a PM.


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Old 07-24-2007, 03:50 PM   #15
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Don't leave Empress. I'm sure it was a misunderstanding and Rogue Nine is only telling you, for the benefit of the Forum. I know how you feel though, for I felt the same thing on another Forum I left (and now returned to) several months ago.

Come back soon though.
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Old 08-23-2007, 07:46 PM   #16
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i'm back , expect a chapter by sunday.


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Old 08-24-2007, 11:04 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Empress Padme
i'm back , expect a chapter by sunday.
Great! Maybe we'll finally find out what the 'key' is.


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Old 08-25-2007, 01:26 AM   #18
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chapter three : Lost

Fourteen years after the Exile had told her secret love,Mical, about the key

before she had departed to the Unknown Regions,Mical had become a great

Jedi leader.Yet tragedy had befallen the Jedi Council , who had decided to

keep the 'key' a secret from the Republic.Canderous, who was supposed to

arrive in Iziz after visiting Kraydor, was reported missing.His body was oddly

found near the Sith Temple on Dxun.His body was badly damaged.The cuts

and marks on his body showed he had fought hard against his attacker.His

fatal wounds however were done by a lightsaber.


Soon after Canderous's death, rumors spread among the Council that the key

had been stolen.Bao- Dur and a few Jedi Knights were sent to Kraydor to see

if this was true.They were never heard from again once the landed

on Kraydor.


A Jedi Knight was summoned before the Council.

" Dustil, do you know why you were summoned here today?" Jedi Watchman

Atton Rand asked.

Dustil Onasi pulled a strand of dark hair from his eyes and grinned." You want

me to finally tell my father about this 'key'."

Jedi Master Visas Marr , a Miraluka, spoke up." Yes and no. We need the

Republic's help but will not disclose what the 'key' is, just the location of the

planet,Kraydor."

" I know my father will ask why are you guys not telling the Republic

everything." Dustil said.

Mical entered the room." That is because only I know what the 'key' is.The

Council only knows parts of it, as now the Republic will know."

Dustil gave Mical a puzzled look." Then why are you keeping the majority of it

secret from your fellow Jedis?"

Mical walked up to Dustil." Young Knight ,you do realize your questioning the

Council's motives.I shall partly answer your question,though. If I revealed

what I was told to kept secret, I am certain there are people in the Republic

who would seek to destroy it at all costs.Then there's your father.If he

were ever to find out...." Mical stopped and looked gravely at the floor, then

continued." It could possibly destroy him. If you really want to know...." Mical

whispered in his ear then continued in a normal voice.

"If you choose to tell your father I will not stop you.Just make sure you can

live with....whatever you decide."


Mical handed Dustil a large folder." When you see your father tell him I said

hello.I used to serve the Republic before....her." Mical gave a sadded look

then left.


Days later.....

Carth Onasi was waiting at the docking bay for his son.It had been some time

since they had seen each other.Over the years the had slowly but surely

reconciled.

" DAD." Dustil yelled as he walked of his transport ship.

Carth walked as fast as he could.Carth now used a cane to walk.A injury to

his right leg now left him with a limp.

Dustil and Carth hugged each other tight.

" Well son what is this report I hear about a 'key'. What exactly does it

unlock?" Carth chuckled.

Dustil's face got serious." A whole lot of misery for you Dad."

Carth smiled." It can't be as bad as finding out the woman I fell in love with

was once a Sith Lord."

" You do know it's connected to Revan, right?" Dustil said.

" Yes and she liked being called Jade..not Revan." Carth corrected his son.

" If you knew that it would only bring you heartbreak, would still want to

know?" Dustil questioned his father.

" Yes, my son .I would still want to know. I want Jade home.Whatever war

she is battling I want it over. I just want her home and safe with me." Carth

answered.


" Even if she brought home a secret daughter." Dustil said quickly.

" Even if - ..." Carth had started to say but played back Dustil's words in his

head. " What did you just say?"


"The key is a young woman....Revan's daughter. This daughter was born

before Malak turned on Revan. There is no chance your the father." Dustil said.

Carth's face was a mixture of sadness and anger." Could it be Malak's?"

" The only person who knows who the father is ,is Revan, and maybe her

daughter. All I know is that the girl is more powerful than Revan.That Revan

had made sure of that. Almost like Revan wanted to make her as a weapon, a

tool, not a child. Revan believed before she left you and Republic behind that

her daughter,codename : 'The Key' could save the galaxy.Our last hope.I'm

sorry ,Dad." Dustil said.

Carth looked pale." Will you excuse me son.I want to be alone right now."

Carth walked off.Dustil stood there wondering if he had done the right thing.


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Old 09-04-2007, 07:05 AM   #19
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I like where this story is going. It is a very interesting concept. Especially how Revan had a secret daughter ... Oooohhh, who is the father!
I feel like I want to know, but I don't at the same time, haha.

Great work, and I'm looking forward to more.

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Old 09-07-2007, 09:08 PM   #20
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The Daughter

10 Years Earlier.....

" Canderous, do I have a last name?" asked a little girl,with raven colored hair and violet eyes.


" Of course you do. It's Ordo." answered Canderous.


" Ordo ? But that's your last name." the girl looked at him curiously.


"Yes , but it's yours as well." Canderous gave a weak smile.



" Does that mean were related? " she started getting excited about the

prospect of being related to Canderous.

" No.It means you ask too many questions, just like your mother. Now let's

focus on training,Remisha." Canderous said.



KRAYDOR - Present Day

Remisha Ordo woke from her dream.She looked around the darkened

room.She sensed she was not alone.She was right.


"You passed the test.Congrats , my student." a elderly female Twilek said.


" Yay, me." Remisha said dryly.

The Twilek gave Remisha a harsh look."We are expecting company," the

harsh look gave way to a wicked smile. "Show them a nice Kraydorian

welcome, Remisha."


Remisha bowed to the Twilek. " Yes, Master."


Hours later......

Remisha hid in the trees that grew through out the swamp like planet.She

was following a male Jedi, who for some reason was alone.She jumped down

and ignited her violet lightsaber.The Jedi, hearing the igniting of a saber,

activated his orange lightsaber.He turned and their sabers clashed.As he

looked at her ,he smiled.


" You look just like your mother.Though her eyes were brown." the Jedi said.


Remisha, although shocked by his words, kept her defensive stance.


"Who are you?" she asked him.


" Jedi Knight Dustil Onasi. I knew your mother.I'm not here to hurt you.Far

from it." as Dustil said those words he deactivated his lightsaber.


Remisha stayed in position but eactived her lightsaber as well.

" Master Hana and Master Mical once told me of a Carth Onasi. So you are

his son." she looked him over.


" Yes. Carth is my father." he answered.


" When I trained as a Jedi , they were my masters.Mical mostly, due to Hana

leaving for the Unknown Regions." Remisha said.


Dustil sighed." Now you train as a Sith.The dark side." Dustil shook his head .

" Yes. It was my mother's wishes for me to learn the ways of the Jedi,

Mandalorian, and yes, even the Sith.Though I have never met my mother , I

respect and follow her wishes." said Remisha.


" She wanted you to learn the ways of the Sith and

Mandalorians.Interesting.Out of curiousity , do you know who your father

is?"Dustil asked.


" No, but I have clues, and no I'm not gonna share them with you." Remisha

answered.

Dustil chuckled." Okay.Canderous is dead.Any idea on who killed him."

Remisha bluntly stated." I did."


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Old 09-07-2007, 10:25 PM   #21
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I must say that was unexpected.

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Old 09-13-2007, 07:12 PM   #22
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I also must say that that was unexpected
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Old 09-14-2007, 01:37 AM   #23
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Chapter Five: Bitterness and change


Dustil stood back in shock." You said that with no emotion at all.No guilt or

sorrow.Next thing your gonna tell me is that you killed Bao Dur."


Remisha replied." Canderous was my Sith sacrifice.He died in battle ,though mentally

he died years ago.A broken man, thanks to my mother." she said the last sentence

bitterly.


Dustil shivered, he knew that bitterness.He had carried a similiar bitterness towards

his father for many years before Revan encouraged Dustil and Carth to reconcile." You

have every reason to want to hate your mom but trust me it only leads to more

suffering.You never did answer the Bao-Dur question."


Remisha answered." I know who orchastrated the murder of Bao-Dur and those Jedi

Knights but I was not a part of it and I was in no position to stop it. Believe it or not

I'm not a completely cold hearted murderer."


Dustil gave a slight grin." No I don't think you are. Your misguided though. I'm gonna

take a wild guess and say whoever is your Sith Master is Bao-Dur and my fellow

knights's murderer."


Remisha finally showed some emotion.Her expressions showed sorrow and guilt."

Yes.She..my Master did. I know not why though? "


" Leave this place.We came here cause we know you are meant to help save the

Republic.We are hear to help you." Dustil told her.


" I know my destiny, okay. That's all I am to anybody a pawn ,to use against one's

enemies.Since birth I was groomed to fight the True Sith." Remisha said with anger

and bitterness.


Dustil looked Remisha in the eyes and let out a sigh." I see now. You feel like a

puppet.You stay here you will be. Come with me and believe it or not , I won't treat

you like a puppet." he held out his hand to her.


A lone tear fell from her cheek." My training here is complete and it would be nice to

see Master Mical again.I want you to promise me two things before I agree to go with

you."


Dustil smiled." I will do my best to not break my promises.What exactly am I promising

though."


Remisha coyly grinned then her face got quite serious." Before I leave to the Unknown

Regions I am allowed to com back here."


Dustil frowned." I don't like it but it's doable ,and the second promise?"


Remisha looked back in the direction of the place she had called home all of her life

then looked Dustil straight in the eyes." You were right.All my life I have been treated

like a puppet. You said you never will treat me like a puppet.I want you to promise me

what you said is true."


Dustil didn't move his eyes off of her." I will never treat you like a puppet, a pawn.I

will never use you.You have my word."


Remisha breathed deeply then grabbed his hand." Then let's go try to save the galaxy."


They left to find the rest of Dustil's crew not knowing they were being watched from

afar by a cloaked being.

************************************

Telos - Jedi Academy- A few days later......


Outside the academy Dustil waited for Remisha.She was meeting with Mical. Remisha

came out of the Enclave and stood near Dustil breathing in the cold air and actually

smiling.


Dustil looked at her." She smiles FINALLY. Master Atton owes be 20 credits, he said he

didn't think you were capable of smiling.' Icy and reserved she is' were some of the

words he used.. I knew better."


" He's just pissed he keeps losing at Paazak with me.Master Mical wants me to come

back fully to the'' lightside'' before sending me out to the Unknown Regions. They don't

know I killed Canderous, apparently that was left out of the report of a certain Jedi

Knight." Remisha said.

" Yeah it was wasn't it." he chuckled nervously.

" Thank you.They think my former Master is behind it.They still haven't located her."

Remisha looked at him.

" We all do things we wish we could correct.They will find her soon, don't worry.So

who are you gonna be the Padawan to?"Dustil asked.


" You. I'm your first Padawan.Though Mical will offer his mentoring as well, he thought

since you handled bringing me here peacefully and he was planning on have you start

teach anyway." Remisha smiled.


Dustil smiled as well." So your my first Padawan. Help guide the person who may hold

the galaxy in her hand.No pressure." he joked.


Remisha laughed." Very true ,so don't screw up okay."


" I could say the exact same thing to you." retorted Dustil.


They both laughed.


" You have her laugh." said a saddened voice behind them.


Dustil looked behind him." Dad. Hi. Umm. I was gonna come see you."


Remisha looked at Carth." Hello Mr. Onasi."


Carth's face grew even sadder." You even look like her, with the exception of the

eyes.Her's was brown."

" This must be very hard for you Mr. Onasi. If you came to talk to your son I can

leave. I totally understand." Remisha told Carth.


Dustil gave a slight smile." I think my father came to meet you."


" He's right. Your family now. Any family of Jade's is part of our family." Carth hugged

Remisha.


Remisha hugged Carth." Thank you for loving my mother. If she is still alive I will bring

her home to you."


Carth said." She is.She's alive.I would know if she was dead and I still believe, even

after all these years, her heart still beats."


" I know of my mother, but I never knew her.What was she like?" Remisha asked.


" Well have dinner with Dustil and I and we can share stories." Carth told her.


Remisha smiled." I would love that."


As they walked to Carth's ship Dustil stopped and looked around.He had a feeling they

were being watched.


" Something wrong?" Remisha asked.


"No, nothing" Dustil replied and they left in the ship.


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Old 09-16-2007, 03:53 PM   #24
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Very nice job Empress Padme. Can't wait til the next chapter.

Keep up the good work!!

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Old 09-21-2007, 03:57 AM   #25
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CHAPTER 6:The Truth is out there....but do you really wanna know

Remisha helped Dustil clean the dishes. The dinner went better than she

thought. She saw it was hard for Carth but he was a gentleman and made an

effort to make her feel welcome and she did.


Remisha accidently splashed some soap on Dustil's face. She wiped it off and

they both for some reason became uncomfortable.


Remisha tried to break the tension." So I hear the Restoration Project is going

well.I love oceans.Walking along the shore. Would it be possible for me to see

it."


" Well I do know people that can make that happen." Dustil replied.


" I'll change and you talk to your 'people' and make it happen." Remisha

smiled.

****************************************


Telos

In a dark apartment building two cloaked figures meet....


" She was supposed to stay on Kraydor. Those were the orders."


" I know."



" Don't ' I know' me. Your planning something."


" Possibly."


" She will find out the truth."


" Yes. Sooner than I care for but she must know her father's....pastNow more

than ever."


" She may hate Revan even more ,once the truth is known."


" It is a risk that must be taken."


" I sense anger and....now passion in the girl. This could be useful , very

useful."


" Naturally this ....passion is for an Onasi."


" Naturally."


" Like mother, like daughter."


" Interesting destiny this girl has. It's hard to pin down her fate."


" Her destiny is to ultimately bring down our enemy not be doe eyed over an

Onasi, of all people."


"Speaking of the Onasis ,I highly doubt Carth Onasi will love hearing that the

father to Revan's daughter is none other than....Saul Karath."

***************************


Telos- Restoration Project



Remisha and Dustil walked along the shore. Remisha went into the water and

swam for awhile. Dustil laid down on the sand and watched her.She noticed

him watching her and for a few moments just stared at each other, possibly

trying to read what the other one was thinking.


Dustil broked the silence." I'm your Master and your my Padawan. It's

forbidden. No matter how much I may want to act on my growing feelings."


Remisha sat next to him." You have feelings for me?"


" You know I do." Dustil replied.


" Didn't the Exile and Mical fall in love and weren't they also Master and

student." Remisha asked.


" Yes and look how great that turned out. No matter how he may try to hide

it , the Exile's departure hit him hard. Not only that look at my dad, he has

never gotten over your mom ditching him.She never even said goodbye to

him.He woke up one day and looked over on her side of the bed and she was

gone. He knew that instant, staring at her pillow, she had left." Dustil said.


" I'm not my mom. I may look like her but I'm not her and I'm sick of being

compared to her. I would never ever treat my kid like she was only useful as

a weapon against enemies. I could become the most heartless Sith and I still

would never treat my child like she was only around to be used as a tool. My

child would be loved and cherished. She would feel loved and most of all

wanted." Remisha started to cry.


" There is no emotion ,there is peace." Dustil said, but the words rang hollow.


" Through passion, I gain strength." Remisha countered.


" Your wanted believe me on that." Dustil said." Remember Jedis can't allow

themselves to feel anger...."


" Nor love. " Remisha caressed his cheek.


He pulled her into an embrace, then quickly pulled away.


" This can never happen again.It's not the Jedi way." Dustil got up and

started walking away from her." Let's go. I need to see Master Mical. I...

don't think I can be your teacher."


When Dustil looked back Remisha was gone.


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Last edited by Empress Padme; 09-25-2007 at 02:16 AM.
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Old 09-22-2007, 03:04 PM   #26
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Keep it coimg!

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Old 10-21-2007, 10:01 PM   #27
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Chapter 7 : The Return of a Legend

Remisha woke up on a steel table in a dark apartment that had a lamp that kept flickering on and off. Her arms ached. She looked at both of her arms and they were bruised from needlemarks.She felt dizzy and too weak to force heal herself.She lay her head back down on the cold steel and surveyed the room through the Force.

She wasn't alone. She felt a strange ,yet familar presence. " Who's there?" she asked.

" We have met before. It was very brief though." came a woman's voice.The woman still in the shadows of the apartment walked to Remisha and ,while still concealing her face , Force healed Remisha's arms.


She continued." Do not worry , you were not poisoned. Not that it would have effected you anyway."


Remisha was confused about how she had got in the apartment but she sensed this women meant her no harm.If anything the woman was sending out maternal signals. Concern and worry, like a mother tending to her injured child.


" You feel familar. Maybe if I saw your face I could recognize you? Can I see your face?" Remisha asked.

" Be sure you really want to know." she warned Remisha.


It was then Remisha figured it out who the woman was." I think I already know.Revan, the great Revan. My mother."

Revan stepped out of the shadow and for the first time in a long time Revan looked at her daughter. She caressed her daughter's hair. Tears welled up in her eyes.


" You were a little pink squirmy thing with a head full of black hair the last time we met. Now your a full grown squirmy thing with long black hair." Revan choked back her tears and laughed.

" Your real. Your here. I don't know whether to hit you or hug you." Remisha admitted.

" I deserve the hit but would prefer the hug." Revan smiled.


Remisha hugged but as she let go she gave Revan a light smack on the head." I decided both."

" Figured that. It's exactly what I would have done." Revan said.

" Revan..Mother I have so many questions."

" I may answer some ,I may answer none but you can ask."

" Why did you leave me?"

" Not by choice. I had to keep you safe and then Malak attacked by ship and well the rest is known knowledge."


" Why leave me with Mandalorians?"


" Not ready to discuss that just yet."

" Is a Mandalorian my father?"


" No."

"Who then?"


" Admiral Saul Karath."

" Please tell me that's some sick joke."

" He is your father and he did not know you existed."

" Wh-Why ?"

" I think we have had enough chatting. I left a message for the Onasi men to find you." Revan said." Rest now ,dear child,"

Revan put her hands on her daughter's forehead." Now for a little trick Traya taught me. You will not remember this conversation until I want it remembered. "

Remisha tried to fight it but Revan was far stronger and eventually Remisha passed out and Revan kissed her on the forehead.She then turned to were she had been hiding in the shadows and said." Our work here is done.It has been awaked. We should leave before company arrives."


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Old 10-21-2007, 10:05 PM   #28
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Looking good.

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Old 10-22-2007, 01:33 AM   #29
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That was a very unexpected twist. Great job so far. Can't wait for more.

BTW--- Thanks for posting the next chapter, Ms. Padme.

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Old 11-05-2007, 07:37 AM   #30
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Revelations

Carth and Dustil found Remisha unconscious in the abandoned apartment.

" Still breathing and a steady pulse. Look around the room though,the needles and chains. She was not brought here by choice." Carth noted.

" And whoever it was is a Force user. No signs of needlemarks or bruises. I sense a disturbance in her. She put up a fight." added Dustil.

" You got that friggin right." said a weak Remisha as she awaked. " The schutta actually thought she was stronger than me. She made me.Created me and used me like a machine. I remember Revan and I am far stronger than you.Nice try mommy dearest."

" Revan was here? She was the one that took you?" Carth asked.

" Yeah and what a revealing reunion it was." laughed Remisha.

Carth and Dustil looked at each other.Whatever had gone down had left an obvious effect on Remisha, a bad effect.

" Revealing how?" asked Dustil.

" You two have been great to me, trust me when I say somethings should be left unsaid." Remisha looked at Carth." You have been so kind to me Mr. Onasi when you really didn't have to.Because of that I will not down her in your presence."

" Not the best family reunion I take it." Carth said. Remisha shook her head no.

" I know you miss her Carth. She knows too. I sense a meeting between you two very soon. Don't worry Dustil she won't hurt him, physically anyway."


" She told you who your father was." Dustil said.

" Yep, and while I won't reveal his identity case I believe Revan should be the one who does that, I will say he was a bad guy and he never knew I existed.Maybe if he had known about me ...."

" We can't live in what if's we have to live in the here and now. Is your father still alive?" Dustil interrupted her.

" No, he is very much dead.Can we leave here? I could really use a drink or something."

Carth said." Yeah, you two go on ahead I just need a minute."

Dustil looked at him with concern but when Carth mouthed 'I'm okay' he took Remisha out of the apartment.A couple minutes later Carth said out loud.
" I know your here. I feel you, Revan."

Revan showed herself and smiled." Hello lover, It's been awhile. Did you miss me? "

She went over to him and gave him a passionate kiss.


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Old 11-05-2007, 02:14 PM   #31
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PAH this is really good

My face is flat against the screen waiting for the next chapter, if i knew who you are i'll be whipping you to write to next bit FASTER! *whip cracks*

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!!!

Please?


"This is my story. It'll go the way I want, or I'll end it here." -Tidus, Final Fantasy X
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:03 PM   #32
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That whole Saul Karath thing had me jaw-dropped. Didn't expect THAT!

Great story you still have going here. And with everybody else ... I'm looking forward to the next installments

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Old 11-06-2007, 01:18 AM   #33
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Reunion

Chapter 9 : Reunion

* a bit, okay very mushy chapter


Carth wanted to pull away from the kiss but found himself helpless to her charms. Long he had waited to have his woman back in his arms. The perfume of lavender oil she wore intoxicated him. It was as if they had never been separated.Eventually he pulled away from the embrace.

" You have a daughter, why did you never tell me?"

" I only remembered her breifly before I left.Plus who her father is.I just didn't want you to hate either of us.There's no good reason for why I didn't tell you."

" Who is her father?"

" You don't want to know."

" Yes I do."

" I don't want you to know."

" Sweetie ,I really don't care what you want.You pulled a vanishing act for over a dozen years. Hid a daughter who you treated like a lab experiment.If we had had kids would you you have done this to them too! Who's her father!?"

" I never would have done that to any kids I would have had with you! You don't understand!"

" Then make me understand ,Revan!"

" She was born to die! For the galaxy to survive. I foresaw it when I had her.If there was even a remote chance for her to avoid this destiny I had to make sure ...." Revan was too choked up to continue.

Carth's face showed grief and pity. " You had to make the perfect soldier.Sacrifice being a mother to her to help her. She said her father was dead and did not know about her."

" Carth, her dad was a bad guy ,big time.I know I had no right not telling him but he only would have hurt her or given her to Malak.Who knows what Malak would have done if he had known I had a child with someone else."

"So she really isn't Malak's. It can't be that bad then."

Revan chuckled." Yes,it REALLY could.Who do hate more than Malak."

Carth went white." Saul?! You were with - him." the look on his face was a mix of betrayel and disgust. " My enemy. How long?"

" One stupid ,juma juiced night. One night that changed everything.We never loved each other.He was Malak's minion.It was never what I had with you.You were the real thing not a passing phase.I wasn't even twenty years old.I was still a child myself. I hate myself for betraying you before I even knew you."

Carth looked at Revan.Her anguish and guilt were no act.He actually felt bad for her.He could feel how torn up inside she was.

" Do you think that little of me.Do you really think I would hate the both of you? You made a mistake. It happens. I only wish she had been our daughter instead.I may not like the image of you and Saul but I would never hold it under Remisha's head."

" I don't think little of you Carth, I think little of me. I thought if I sacrificed myself and became a Sith I could save the galaxy. I lost myself and my daughter , everything over a battle we will truly never win."

Carth hugged Revan." You haven't lost me. Trying to get rid off me ,good luck beautiful."

They were interrupted by his commlink.It was Dustil." Remisha says we should let you hang around the apartment for awhile.She said she senses it would be good for you.I don't understand."

"Listen to that girl she's very smart." Carth smiled at Revan." Just like her mother. Pick me up in one hour."

Revan mouthed 'two'. Carth chuckled ." Make that two hours."

" Ooookay, I don't get it but okay.See you in two, Dad."

"Thanks,son." Carth looked lovingly in Revan's eyes." Now where were we." he said to her, then passionately embraced her.


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Old 11-06-2007, 01:30 AM   #34
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Lol, very mushy indeed!

... But nothing bad.
It was set out very well, but I actually thought that Carth's reaction would have been a lot angrier and harder to get over, but that's just me. Well done, though.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

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Old 11-06-2007, 12:42 PM   #35
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*whips Empress* EVEN FASTER!

This is really good, and its dramatically improving

I feel like the cookie monster....I WANT MORE!


"This is my story. It'll go the way I want, or I'll end it here." -Tidus, Final Fantasy X
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Old 11-06-2007, 07:53 PM   #36
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CHAPTER 10- A new beginning


Revan and Carth layed in each others arms.Revan sighed." They'll be coming soon."

" Come with us."

" I didn't plan too.Heck I didn't even plan on letting you see me but you are my weakness.Plans change. I think I will stay with you.Train Remisha myself.Then send her on her destiny. It will be up to her whether she survives for I will have done all that I could to help her. Plus I won't be in any condition to fight a war."

Carth looked at her curiously." What in the Force do you mean by that?"

Revan smiled." Second chances my Admiral,second chances.That's all that I shall say for now."

" Now I'm even more confused."

" We do have issues we need to discuss. I'm a warrior, Carth. A restless spirit. I'm more like Canderous than I care to be. Love blinded you ,Carth.You don't see it but you need to.I'm not asking a Republic hero to understand but I am asking for acceptence."

" Basically stop turning a blind eye when it comes to your past.Accept that you were a Dark Lady of the Sith and it will always be apart of you. "

" Yeah. You have to accept the me that you met and the me that I was.It's like a split personality being merged into one. The people around the person has to accept the good and the bad traits. They basically have to accept that the person they knew no longer exists, that that person is now merged into someone new."


" What do you think I was doing that whole year we were together.As I watched you remember your past and it did change you.I still loved you. I was gonna marry you but I knew you had demons to fight.You had to accept yourself first.I already had accepted you, you silly girl."

" Really?"

" Why do think I handled the Saul revelation so well .Because of you my eyes were opened to see the shades of grey in life. That it's not all black and white. I'm angry and want to hit the wall or a bottle of jumba juice but what would that have accomplished in the end. You would have run away and never have come back.All that I have been doing for the Republic has been for you. It was my only connection to you, to do as you asked."

Revan grinned." Well now that's not our only connection."

" True our kids are starting to follow in our footsteps. May the Force help them." Carth laughed.

Revan shook her head no." For the past hour I have felt we weren't alone."

Carth grabbed his blaster." Where?"

" Silly Flyboy," she grabbed one of his hands and guided it to her belly." Here."


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Old 11-06-2007, 11:24 PM   #37
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Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Carth is going to be a daddy??? Again???

I'm liking it ... I'm liking this story more and more with every installment that I read.
Good work!

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Old 11-07-2007, 05:50 AM   #38
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Giving in to love

Chapter 11

It was nearing the half hour before they picked up Carth. Remisha knew Revan was there.She had felt her prescence.She had went inside Revan's head.She knew stuff now she wish
she didn't. She had been quiet and Dustil could since her sadness.

"Remisha something's wrong I can feel it. What happened?"

She looked at him so sad." My father is Saul Karath and I'm destined to die."

Dustil lost his breath for a moment." What?!"

She just sat in the co pilots seat as if she was dead inside." The man who killed your mother is my father. Gotta love the Force, cruel irony this is.I'm in love with you and this is so twisted
,it's not fair."

Dustil inhaled deeply then slowly let it out." Your not Saul, a silly Sith maybe. What do you mean your destined to -" he couldn't get the word die out.It hurt to much.

" It's why Revan did all this ,to protect me.She didn't tell me but I sensed it through the Force.Misguided as she was she honestly thought she was doing the right thing."

" Destinies change I believe that and ....I love you too.Since the moment I met you."

Remisha looked over at him." Then can you grant me one wish before life tears us apart."

He sensed through the Force what she wanted him to do.He blushed." Oh Force it. They could exile me from the order but I no longer care. When you were kidnapped I ...."He leaned over and kissed her." This is as far apart from you as I ever want to be." Remisha smiled.


Meanwhile in a certain abandoned apartment.....

" A baby, we made a baby.That's what you meant by second chances." Carth kissed Revan. " Marry me?"

" About time Admiral. Yes. Since I met you I have wanted you and 14 years apart didn't change that."

" So many years of suffering without you and now so much to look forward to.I love, I love, I love you"

" Probably best we marry before I start showing. Oh the scandel an Admiral and a Sith's love child."

" As long as I have you Revan I don't care what people think."

" My sweet flyboy." she kissed him. " To second chances."

A/N yes it's short but I had to ..ummm...edited out some stuff ,if you you want the complete chapter I can PM it to you

also since I suck at action sequences the fic will only say what happens to the characters after Remisha leaves and tells of Remisha's fate.Also on that note theres about only 3 or 4 more chappies left and the Exile returns in one of the upcoming chapters and here's a hint she's not exactly happy with Revan and finds herself missing Atton more than Mical .


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Old 11-09-2007, 01:47 AM   #39
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Very Interesting twists... please keep it coming!

Good job!

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Old 11-10-2007, 04:37 PM   #40
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I shouldn't have looked at the complete chapter. But, good job!

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