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Old 12-10-2007, 07:45 PM   #1
Tysyacha
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[Stupid Fic] Ho, Ho, Hanharr!

Author's Note: Hanharr, after many fruitless years of chasing Mira and finding only more anger, frustration, and hate, jumped a freighter bound for Earth and found the perfect job: Shopping Mall Santa Claus!!! Ho, ho, ho!

HANHARR: Rrr-rrr-rrr! (A one-syllable Wookiee rendering of Santa's laugh.)

KID (Clambers onto Hanharr's lap, holding a Christmas list that looks longer than the Constitution): Okay, first I want a Playstation 3, and then I want a Wii, and then I want a Halo 3 game, and then a dog, and then I want...

HANHARR: RRROOARRRRR! (Crumples up KID'S Christmas list. KID stares.)

KID: Yo, St. Nick, what is your prOOOO--(Hanharr tosses him off his lap.)

(Another parent, a little wary, puts her adorable daughter on Santa's lap.)

GIRL (Stares at Hanharr, puzzled.) Santa? Are you a boy or a girl?

HANHARR: (Slaps his furry Wookiee hand over his forehead.) Rrr-rr-r!

(Meanwhile, two very naughty adolescent boys dare each other to...)

PUNK KID: Hey, C. Russ, I dare you to yank his beard off.

PUNK KID #2: You got it! (Takes the GIRL off of Hanharr's lap, pulls his fur.)

(HANHARR stands up and spins the PUNK KID around and around like a sling before sending him sailing into a 12-foot display of Star Wars action figures.)

(Meanwhile, the people at the mall passing by are starting to stare.)

HANHARR: RRMPH! (Thumps back down, smooths down his ruffled chin fur.)

MOM: Oh, my wittle pwecious baby, wet's go see the fuwwy Santa Claus!

BABY: Aaaggh! (Gurgles, seems to like Hanharr's furry 'teddy bear' look).

HANHARR: RR-rr. RR-rr. (Shakes head, willing the MOM not to put the BABY on his lap. Unfortunately for him, the MOM, oblivious to Wookiee body language, does.)

BABY: Gurgle! Phfft! (Sticks out tongue at Hanharr, gives him a wet 'kiss'.)

HANHARR: RRRPH. (Wookiee for "gross", but he soon warms up to the tyke.)

BABY (Squints and smiles, making a loud gaseous noise in nether regions.)

MOM: Uh-oh! Did somebody go big poo-poo in their diaper? (Gigantic smile.)

HANHARR (Sniffs and shrugs.) RRR-rr. RR-mm-mm NN-ggh-RRR. ("Oh, well. Smells just like Nar Shaddaa." Points toward PUNK KID #2, beckons.) RRRR!

PUNK KID #2: Uhhhh....(Scared out of his wits, he tiptoes forward.)

HANHARR: RR-rr GGG-gggh MM-nn-ggh (Pointing and gesturing, he sends the other people at the mall to get about three wet washcloths and a full bar of soap. They all scramble back, and PUNK KID 2 sets to work, taking the BABY'S diaper off and scrubbing away with the lathered rags under HANHARR'S glowering supervision. Once the BABY is clean and in a new diaper, the MOM beams and comes up to Hanharr, taking a digital picture.)

MOM: You're the best Santa ever!

BABY: Aaaagh! (Gurgles, waves goodbye to Hanharr. Hanharr waves back.)

KID: Hey, I've got another list--aaaAAAHH--(Suddenly flies 15 feet into air).

HANHARR: RRR-rr-rr! RRRRR-grrr-RRR-rr! (Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!)
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:19 AM   #2
Diego Varen
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Very funny Tysy and it fits in with the theme of the festive time well. I'll have to read the "Second Chance" fan fic soon, since I'm a fan of Alternate Universes and your one seems interesting.
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Old 12-12-2007, 12:04 AM   #3
Bee Hoon
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Lawlz. punk kid and poo-poo



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-28-2007, 07:42 AM   #4
Taak Farst
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this bit really made me laugh

MOM: Uh-oh! Did somebody go big poo-poo in their diaper? (Gigantic smile.)

HANHARR (Sniffs and shrugs.) RRR-rr. RR-mm-mm NN-ggh-RRR. ("Oh, well. Smells just like Nar Shaddaa." Points toward PUNK KID #2, beckons.) RRRR!


great fic


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Old 01-01-2008, 01:46 AM   #5
Rev7
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Very funny! Great work.

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Old 01-07-2008, 03:14 PM   #6
igyman
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I think that says it all.

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