lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: The Chuck Norris Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 12-21-2007, 09:45 AM   #1
leXX
Forum Mum
 
leXX's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London
Posts: 9,200
10 year veteran! Hot Topic Starter LF Jester LFN Staff Member 
Cool Guy The Chuck Norris Thread

An iceberg didn't sink the Titanic, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.


Being human totally sucks most of the time.
Videogames are the only thing that
make life bearable.
- Anorak's Almanac, Chapter 91, Verses 1-2

Add me on: XBL | PSN | Last.fm | Steam
leXX is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 11:49 AM   #2
Lady Jedi
Natural Wonder
 
Lady Jedi's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: On a mountain
Posts: 786
Current Game: This is no GAME!!
10 year veteran! LFN Staff Member 
Alright, the Chuck Norris thread is not a new idea, but that doesn't mean that it's a bad one. So instead of this turning into a gigantic copy/paste thread, let's go by a guideline or two.

1) Only one or two Chuck Norris "facts" per post. No copy and pasting a huge list that you've had for oh so long.

2) And in answer to the next question: No you may not type your huge list, just to get around the copy/paste rule.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Lady Jedi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 12:10 PM   #3
BongoBob
Good Eye, Sniper
 
BongoBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: The Camper Velourium
Posts: 6,391
Current Game: BC2, FFXIII
The Walking Carpets Guild Member Forum Veteran 
Come on people, Chuck Norris jokes are so last year



Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.


BongoBob is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 12:21 PM   #4
IG-64
Moderator
 
IG-64's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Houston, Tx.
Posts: 5,958
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran 
I'm just gonna say this: Ron Paul may have all of the internets, but Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, so that's why he's winning.

Oh, and my favorite:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
IG-64 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 12:44 PM   #5
Acrylic
...
 
Acrylic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,930
My favorite one is:

Chuck Norris is Kjølen's dad.

Oh wait... o_o





...
Acrylic is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 12:55 PM   #6
TiE23
Get bent!
 
TiE23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Greater Seattle Area
Posts: 6,572
Current Game: Shogun 2
Forum Veteran 
In the beginning God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris then said, "Say please."


Tie's Kindle Reading Project
"Making myself a more learned person and then bragging about it."
Since October 2010 - I'm a slow reader
-----------
27 Books Completed
('10: 4, '11: 9, '12: 7, '13: 6)
Fiction: 12 | Fantasy/Sci-Fi 5; Classics 3; Literature 4
Non-fiction: 15 | Investigative 2; History/Politics 3; Science 3; Biography 7
-----------
237,123 'locations'
11,865 pages (approx)
-----------
Last book: Cosmos by Carl Sagan - Dec 2013
TiE23 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 01:20 PM   #7
Tyrion
nothing is real
 
Tyrion's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: no one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
Posts: 6,917
LF Jester Forum Veteran 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiE23
In the beginning God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris then said, "Say please."
You loser, I was going to say that.

Chuck Norris does not read. He stares a book down until it gives him the information he wants.



Tyrion is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 05:09 PM   #8
leXX
Forum Mum
 
leXX's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London
Posts: 9,200
10 year veteran! Hot Topic Starter LF Jester LFN Staff Member 
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


Being human totally sucks most of the time.
Videogames are the only thing that
make life bearable.
- Anorak's Almanac, Chapter 91, Verses 1-2

Add me on: XBL | PSN | Last.fm | Steam
leXX is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 06:22 PM   #9
RoxStar
Moderator
 
RoxStar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3,411
Current Game: Everything Zelda
10 year veteran! Forum Veteran LFN Staff Member 
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
RoxStar is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 06:43 PM   #10
MrWally
Gunslinger
 
MrWally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The City of Lights
Posts: 2,365
Forum Veteran 
Last year scientists discovered that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.

Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyrion View Post
MrWally eats fresh babies in order to maintain his unnatural level of talent.
MrWally is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 09:40 PM   #11
Det. Bart Lasiter
obama.png
 
Det. Bart Lasiter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: `(•.°)~
Posts: 7,997
Current Game: all
Forum Veteran LF Jester 


SPOILERS: CHUCK NORRIS DIES BRUCE LEE FO' LYFE



"No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." ~Black Dynamite
Det. Bart Lasiter is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-21-2007, 11:36 PM   #12
Chase Windu
pirate boy wench
 
Chase Windu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
Posts: 2,974
-Chuck Norris doesn't check his closet for the Boogie Man. The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-A gun sleeps with Chuck Norris under it's pillow.

-Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and made Amelia Earhart disappear while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chase Windu is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-22-2007, 12:39 AM   #13
Hallucination
Baron von Sexy
 
Hallucination's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,875
Current Game: HKO closed beta
Secretly, all women dream they're sleeping with Chuck Norris when they have sex. Their partners know it, but they don't mind 'cause they're doing the same thing.


Let's kill ourselves.
Hallucination is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-22-2007, 12:57 AM   #14
Chase Windu
pirate boy wench
 
Chase Windu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
Posts: 2,974
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chase Windu is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-22-2007, 10:42 AM   #15
Samnmax221
I never Kipled
 
Samnmax221's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: My hovercraft is full of eels
Posts: 5,784
Current Game: Sex with women
Forum Veteran LF Jester 
I never liked Chuck Norris jokes when they were just another simple stupid internet phenomenon. Unfortunately it had to trickle down until ever douche bag and his step-mom were spouting them.
Samnmax221 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2007, 12:20 AM   #16
MrWally
Gunslinger
 
MrWally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The City of Lights
Posts: 2,365
Forum Veteran 
Chuck Norris sues over "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human"


Gotta say, I can definitely understand why he did it.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyrion View Post
MrWally eats fresh babies in order to maintain his unnatural level of talent.
MrWally is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2007, 01:03 AM   #17
Lightsaberboy
COME ON!
 
Lightsaberboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: in a galaxy far far away
Posts: 1,373
10 year veteran! Forum Veteran 
he didn't seem to mind when he was on here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7l5lyB28z4o


It's my ILLUSION!
Lightsaberboy is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2007, 02:08 PM   #18
leXX
Forum Mum
 
leXX's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London
Posts: 9,200
10 year veteran! Hot Topic Starter LF Jester LFN Staff Member 
Chuck Norris really is invincible!

So funny.


Being human totally sucks most of the time.
Videogames are the only thing that
make life bearable.
- Anorak's Almanac, Chapter 91, Verses 1-2

Add me on: XBL | PSN | Last.fm | Steam
leXX is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2007, 11:34 PM   #19
Lorden Darkblade
Computer Crazy
 
Lorden Darkblade's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brazil
Posts: 1,474
Quote:
Originally Posted by IG-64
I'm just gonna say this: Ron Paul may have all of the internets, but Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, so that's why he's winning.

Oh, and my favorite:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxStar
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

These are my favorite ones!!!
The first time I saw the Chuck Norris phrases I remember I couldn't catch my breath cuz I was laughing so hard!!!



Lorden Darkblade is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-24-2007, 12:32 AM   #20
Chase Windu
pirate boy wench
 
Chase Windu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
Posts: 2,974
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmac7142


SPOILERS: CHUCK NORRIS DIES BRUCE LEE FO' LYFE
Maybe he pretends to be dead but waits to make his move when Bruce Lee has his back turned.
Chase Windu is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-24-2007, 06:03 AM   #21
IG-64
Moderator
 
IG-64's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Houston, Tx.
Posts: 5,958
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran 
Well, see, Chuck Norris was dead in the movie. In real life, Chuck Norris is not really dead, and Bruce Lee is -- well... you know.

In fact, in real life, Chuck Norris is actually immortal. Throughout the eons he has traveled the universe. A little known fact about Chuck Norris is that he was actually Luke Skywalker.



No really, it's true.
IG-64 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-19-2008, 10:58 PM   #22
Vikinor
600cc
 
Vikinor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Midgard
Posts: 1,232
Current Game: Cataclysm
This brings back bad Barrens memories. Also, leXX, have you heard the song about the cake being a lie?




Original member of 2002.
Vikinor is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-19-2008, 11:31 PM   #23
Rogue15
Reconnaissance Specialist
 
Rogue15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 18,542
Current Game: The Old Republic
Roleplayer 10 year veteran! 
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's


Battle is a pure form of expression. It is heart and discipline, reduced to movement and motion. In battle, the words are swept away, giving way to actions-- mercy, sacrifice, anger, fear. These are pure moments of expression.
Rogue15 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-20-2008, 08:53 AM   #24
jon_hill987
Senior Member
 
jon_hill987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Gloucester (UK)
Posts: 1,989
Current Game: BRINK
Forum Veteran 
Chuck Norris was originally considered for the lead role in 24. But after killing all of the terrorists in 12 minutes and 43 seconds the producers decided to go for someone else.






jon_hill987 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-20-2008, 09:50 AM   #25
Tinny
 
Tinny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,188
Dude IG, that pic is hilarious.


Redeemed!

An old school mod for jedi academy.
Tinny is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-20-2008, 03:00 PM   #26
Black Knight of Keno
Darth Tepe of today
 
Black Knight of Keno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Turku, Finland
Posts: 3,908
Roleplayer 
There once was a 24 season where Jack Bauer died. Chuck Norris saw the preview and roundhouse kicked the season to the next millenia


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
Black Knight of Keno is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-20-2008, 04:31 PM   #27
Tinny
 
Tinny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,188
Chuck Norris was trained by Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee was trained by a time traveling Chuck Norris.


Redeemed!

An old school mod for jedi academy.
Tinny is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-01-2008, 06:37 PM   #28
tk102
Well past expiration date
 
tk102's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 5,765
Current Game: Watch_Dogs
Forum Veteran Helpful! Notable contributor 
Try this:


tk102 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-01-2008, 07:46 PM   #29
topshot
Loves Taffy
 
topshot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,496
Kryptonite is Superman's weakness. Chuck Norris laughs at Superman for having such a weakness.


"My name's not 'Adam We'........or is it????"
topshot is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-01-2008, 08:57 PM   #30
DeadYorick
The Keeper of Peace
 
DeadYorick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,275
Current Game: Pheonix Wright
When Chuck Norris does pushups he doesn't push himself up he pushes the world down

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood he doesn't ask for a syringe he asks for a handgun and a bucket

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Look at this. This is my favorite Family Guy skit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb_6hzXBbec


"There's gotta be a better way to make a living"
-Kyle Katarn
DeadYorick is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-01-2008, 11:49 PM   #31
Hallucination
Baron von Sexy
 
Hallucination's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,875
Current Game: HKO closed beta
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


Let's kill ourselves.
Hallucination is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-06-2008, 02:14 AM   #32
narfblat
Forumite
 
narfblat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Somewhere else.
Posts: 693
Quote:
Originally Posted by topshot
Kryptonite is Superman's weakness. Chuck Norris laughs at Superman for having such a weakness.
Chuck Norris's weakness is the absence of plate glass windows to roundhouse kick people through.


I support "No Child Left Standing"

I have Attention Surplus Disorder.
narfblat is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > JediKnight Series > Community > Yoda’s Swamp > The Chuck Norris Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:46 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.