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12-21-2007, 09:45 AM
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#1
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Forum Mum
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London
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The Chuck Norris Thread
An iceberg didn't sink the Titanic, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
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12-21-2007, 11:49 AM
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#2
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Natural Wonder
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: On a mountain
Posts: 786
Current Game: This is no GAME!!
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Alright, the Chuck Norris thread is not a new idea, but that doesn't mean that it's a bad one. So instead of this turning into a gigantic copy/paste thread, let's go by a guideline or two.
1) Only one or two Chuck Norris "facts" per post. No copy and pasting a huge list that you've had for oh so long.
2) And in answer to the next question: No you may not type your huge list, just to get around the copy/paste rule. 
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. |
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12-21-2007, 12:10 PM
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#3
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Good Eye, Sniper
Join Date: May 2003
Location: The Camper Velourium
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Come on people, Chuck Norris jokes are so last year 
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
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12-21-2007, 12:21 PM
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#4
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...you monster.
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Houston, Tx.
Posts: 5,955
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I'm just gonna say this: Ron Paul may have all of the internets, but Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, so that's why he's winning.
Oh, and my favorite:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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12-21-2007, 12:44 PM
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#5
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...
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,930
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My favorite one is:
Chuck Norris is Kjølen's dad.
Oh wait... o_o
...
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12-21-2007, 12:55 PM
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#6
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Get bent!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Greater Seattle Area
Posts: 6,570
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In the beginning God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris then said, "Say please."
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12-21-2007, 01:20 PM
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#7
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nothing is real
Join Date: May 2002
Location: no one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
Posts: 6,917
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by TiE23
In the beginning God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris then said, "Say please."
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You loser, I was going to say that.
Chuck Norris does not read. He stares a book down until it gives him the information he wants.
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12-21-2007, 05:09 PM
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#8
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Forum Mum
Status: Super Moderator
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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
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12-21-2007, 06:22 PM
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#9
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3,406
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When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
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12-21-2007, 06:43 PM
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#10
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Gunslinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The City of Lights
Posts: 2,365
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Last year scientists discovered that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyrion
MrWally eats fresh babies in order to maintain his unnatural level of talent.
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12-21-2007, 09:40 PM
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#11
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obama.png
Join Date: Mar 2005
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SPOILERS: CHUCK NORRIS DIES BRUCE LEE FO' LYFE
"No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." ~Black Dynamite
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12-21-2007, 11:36 PM
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#12
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pirate boy wench
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
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-Chuck Norris doesn't check his closet for the Boogie Man. The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-A gun sleeps with Chuck Norris under it's pillow.
-Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and made Amelia Earhart disappear while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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12-22-2007, 12:39 AM
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#13
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Baron von Sexy
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Secretly, all women dream they're sleeping with Chuck Norris when they have sex. Their partners know it, but they don't mind 'cause they're doing the same thing.
Let's kill ourselves.
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12-22-2007, 12:57 AM
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#14
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pirate boy wench
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
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Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
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12-22-2007, 10:42 AM
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#15
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I never Kipled
Join Date: Jul 2003
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I never liked Chuck Norris jokes when they were just another simple stupid internet phenomenon. Unfortunately it had to trickle down until ever douche bag and his step-mom were spouting them.
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12-23-2007, 12:20 AM
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#16
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Gunslinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The City of Lights
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyrion
MrWally eats fresh babies in order to maintain his unnatural level of talent.
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12-23-2007, 02:08 PM
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#18
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Forum Mum
Status: Super Moderator
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12-23-2007, 11:34 PM
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#19
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Computer Crazy
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brazil
Posts: 1,474
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by IG-64
I'm just gonna say this: Ron Paul may have all of the internets, but Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, so that's why he's winning.
Oh, and my favorite:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by RoxStar
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
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These are my favorite ones!!!
The first time I saw the Chuck Norris phrases I remember I couldn't catch my breath cuz I was laughing so hard!!!
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12-24-2007, 12:32 AM
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#20
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pirate boy wench
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Lawton, Iowa
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by jmac7142
SPOILERS: CHUCK NORRIS DIES BRUCE LEE FO' LYFE
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Maybe he pretends to be dead but waits to make his move when Bruce Lee has his back turned. |
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12-24-2007, 06:03 AM
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#21
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...you monster.
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Houston, Tx.
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Well, see, Chuck Norris was dead in the movie. In real life, Chuck Norris is not really dead, and Bruce Lee is -- well... you know.
In fact, in real life, Chuck Norris is actually immortal. Throughout the eons he has traveled the universe. A little known fact about Chuck Norris is that he was actually Luke Skywalker.
No really, it's true. |
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01-19-2008, 10:58 PM
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#22
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600cc
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Midgard
Posts: 1,232
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This brings back bad Barrens memories. Also, leXX, have you heard the song about the cake being a lie?
Original member of 2002.
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01-19-2008, 11:31 PM
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#23
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Sith Warrior
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,729
Current Game: The Old Republic
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's
Battle is a pure form of expression. It is heart and discipline, reduced to movement and motion. In battle, the words are swept away, giving way to actions-- mercy, sacrifice, anger, fear. These are pure moments of expression.
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01-20-2008, 08:53 AM
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#24
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Gloucester (UK)
Posts: 1,989
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Chuck Norris was originally considered for the lead role in 24. But after killing all of the terrorists in 12 minutes and 43 seconds the producers decided to go for someone else.
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01-20-2008, 09:50 AM
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#25
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,187
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Dude IG, that pic is hilarious.
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01-20-2008, 03:00 PM
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#26
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Darth Tepe of today
Join Date: Oct 2003
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Posts: 3,891
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There once was a 24 season where Jack Bauer died. Chuck Norris saw the preview and roundhouse kicked the season to the next millenia
Support your local Pirates - So the feds won't go Orwellian on your ass.
"Either we, as a society, decide that copyright is the greater value to society, and take active steps to give up private communications as a concept. Either that, or we decide that the ability to communicate in private, without constant monitoring by authorities, has the greater value - in which case copyright will have to give way. My choice is clear." - Rickard Falkvinge
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01-20-2008, 04:31 PM
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#27
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,187
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Chuck Norris was trained by Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee was trained by a time traveling Chuck Norris.
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02-01-2008, 06:37 PM
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#28
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Well past expiration date
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 5,764
Current Game: Mass Effect
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Try this:
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02-01-2008, 07:46 PM
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#29
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Loves Taffy
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,496
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Kryptonite is Superman's weakness. Chuck Norris laughs at Superman for having such a weakness.
"My name's not 'Adam We'........or is it????"
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02-01-2008, 08:57 PM
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#30
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The Keeper of Peace
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,275
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When Chuck Norris does pushups he doesn't push himself up he pushes the world down
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood he doesn't ask for a syringe he asks for a handgun and a bucket
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Look at this. This is my favorite Family Guy skit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb_6hzXBbec
"There's gotta be a better way to make a living"
-Kyle Katarn
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02-01-2008, 11:49 PM
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#31
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Baron von Sexy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,875
Current Game: HKO closed beta
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Let's kill ourselves.
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02-06-2008, 02:14 AM
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#32
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Forumite
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Somewhere else.
Posts: 693
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by topshot
Kryptonite is Superman's weakness. Chuck Norris laughs at Superman for having such a weakness.
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Chuck Norris's weakness is the absence of plate glass windows to roundhouse kick people through.
I support "No Child Left Standing"
I have Attention Surplus Disorder. 
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