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Old 01-13-2008, 02:53 PM   #1
JediAthos
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A Threat From Within

A Threat From Within


One year after the defeat of the Sith Triumvirate an uneasy peace has settled over the worlds of the Republic. The Jedi, having barely survived both Darth Malak and the Jedi Purge that followed his defeat are struggling to stand and find their place in the Galaxy again. Revan has been gone from known space for some time, and on Coruscant the Galactic Senate has decided it is time to bring her back…


Chapter 1: A Search

“Madam Chancellor, Revan is a decorated hero of the Republic both before and after her redemption. Hunting her down like some kind of animal is really not necessary.”

Carth Onasi stood in uniform in front of Chancellor Karin Organa to plead his case. As much as he wanted to find Revan, he didn’t see the need to waste the Republic Navy’s resources on searching the Outer Rim and beyond for her.

“I’m sorry Carth,” the Chancellor replied “but I cannot risk Revan coming back like before.”

“She won’t,” Carth said adamantly “I know her, the person she is now is not who she was then.”

“I’m sorry” Organa repeated “the Senate and I are in agreement on this. I believe Revan needs to be found, and without the Jedi Council...”

Organa trailed off as the door to her office slid open to reveal three people. Karin immediately recognized all three of them. The head of the trio was Bastila Shan, the brash young Jedi Knight who had assisted Revan in defeating Darth Malak. With her were Jolee Bindo, and the Cathar Jedi Juhani.

“We speak for the Jedi Order Madam Chancellor,” Bastila said “and in speaking for the Order I urge you to reconsider. Give us more time to find Revan through the Force.”

Organa shook her head “I cannot do that, the Senate-“

“Can barely get out of its own way,” Carth finished.

Chancellor Organa leveled her gaze at him

“Be careful Admiral Onasi, you are bordering on insubordination.”

She looked at all four people in turn before she continued.

“Even if I wanted to, I could not delay the Senate any longer. I have asked Admiral Dodonna to assign a task force to search for Revan. That is the end of this discussion. You are all dismissed.”

Carth sighed as he turned and nodded to Bastila. She led the other two Jedi out of the room and Carth followed behind them. They walked away from the chancellor’s office toward the office down the hall to the one that belonged to Carth. Being a war hero several times over and one of the Republic’s top admirals did have some perks. None of it mattered to Carth though. Without her by his side he almost felt lost, and without purpose. As the door to the office slid closed Bastila spoke first.

“We cannot let the military find her,” she stated “they will bring her back like a criminal.”

Carth nodded “I agree everyone seems to have forgotten what she did for all of them. I did find something interesting out though.”

“Oh?”

“The Republic has authorized funds for repairs to the academy on Dantoonine.”

“To whom?”

“The Exile.”

“The Exile? Do you think he knows where she has gone?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Jolee stated.

“Right,” Carth agreed “I have friends in the fleet who owe me some favors; I’ll find us passage to Dantooine. I’ll let you know when I find a ride.”

Bastila nodded “We will return to the Temple, there is plenty of work to be done there.”

Carth watched his Jedi friends leave, and then sat down at his decorated desk to call in those favors.

***

The wind whipped, and snow swirled as the Ebon Hawk’s landing struts sank into the new fallen snow of the plateau. The ship’s cargo ramp lowered and four humans could be seen descending onto the snow and ice covered surface. Brianna led the group off the ship and then turned to the others:

“My old mistress is still present, I can feel her . I do not know her state of mind however; we should be prepared for anything. Let’s go.”

She took the point and Atton, Visas, and Mira fell into step behind her. They crossed the frozen plateau to the archway that housed the entrance to the abandoned Jedi academy, well, abandoned with the exception of Atris. Brianna thought about the last time she had seen the Jedi historian. Atris had nearly killed her in a display of Dark Side power until Gaven had intervened. He defeated her in combat and convinced her of the reality of the path she had been walking. Brianna knew nothing of what her former mistress had done since that day, but as the elevator descended into the structure she prepared for the worst.

As the small group entered the academy Brianna could feel the presence of Atris strongly, and by now Atris must have realized that she was not alone. Unlike their last meeting however, Brianna did not sense the Dark Side presence within Atris. She turned to her companions again

“This way.”

She led them into the council chamber where Atris was kneeling in apparent meditation. A quick glance revealed to Brianna that she was not carrying a lightsaber or any other form of weapon. The former Jedi Master looked up at them

“Why have you come?”

“We have to claim the artifacts stored her in the name of the Jedi Order. We will return them to Dantooine where they may be accessed by the Jedi once again.” Brianna said in response.

“Where is The Exile?”

“He remained on Dantooine, directing repairs to the enclave.”

Atris nodded slowly. “Very well, take what you have come for, I will not stop you.”

“There is one more thing,” Brianna stated “He asked that we bring you with us as well.”

“Me?”

“Yes, he said that you are one of the last remaining masters of the Order and your knowledge is vital to rebuilding it. I disagreed with him…heavily.”

“You are right,” Atris replied with a sigh “I am no Jedi, and certainly not a Master. I deserve neither of those titles. No, I will not accompany you. The Jedi are better of without one such as me.”

Brianna turned to the others “Atton, bring the mag loaders down from the ship. We will use them to empty the archive.”

“You got it,” Atton replied and jogged off toward the elevator.

“Mira, take Visas to the archive. I will join you momentarily; I wish to speak with her alone.”

“If you say so,” Mira replied in her typical manner and walked off toward the archive with Visas.

When they were out of earshot Brianna turned her attention back to the fallen master.

“So, you are a leader now?” Atris asked

“I am a Jedi, like my mother before me. The Force guides me as it does the others. Gaven was insistent that you accompany us. He believes the knowledge you hold about the Jedi is irreplaceable, and that you could be instrumental in helping the Order recover.”

“I told you, I am no Jedi, and my influence does not need to be attached to the new Jedi that will come. No, I will not come with you. Tell him I refused.”

“Very well, but he will not like it.”

At that moment Atton returned pushing one loader and pulling another behind him.

“We’re ready to go.”

“Very well, let us join the others.”

Brianna took possession of one loader and they walked past Atris.

“Is she coming?” Atton questioned

“No, she is not.”


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."


Last edited by JediAthos; 01-13-2008 at 10:42 PM.
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Old 01-13-2008, 03:20 PM   #2
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A Good Start. I'm Looking Forward To More
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Old 01-13-2008, 09:00 PM   #3
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I only picked up one minor mistake: " 'You are right,' Atris replied with a sight" Should be sigh.

Other than that, very good start!


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Old 01-14-2008, 09:50 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev7
I only picked up one minor mistake: " 'You are right,' Atris replied with a sight" Should be sigh.

Other than that, very good start!

Thank you, I correct that and a couple others I caught on my own


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 01-14-2008, 10:44 PM   #5
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Chapter 2
"Perhaps you shall go there with her, and do battle at the end of all things"
-Kreia


The Jedi Temple stood out even among the other magnificent buildings of the Republic capital. Constructed on a powerful Force nexus the Temple served as both a place of training and a headquarters for the Jedi Order. During the recent events of the Jedi Civil War, Jedi Purge, and the Sith Triumvirate crisis the Temple had fallen into disrepair and was all but abandoned. Since the defeat of the Sith Lords Nihlus, Sion, and Traya; Bastila and her friends had returned to the Temple along with several of the few remaining Jedi who remained dedicated to the Order. Now, meeting in the Council Chamber, Bastila sat with Jolee and Juhani discussing their meeting with the Chancellor.

“What do we do now,” Juhani asked pointedly.

“We wait,” Bastila replied “we wait for Carth to secure passage to Dantooine. The Exile may have the answers we seek.”

“How much do you know about him Bastila?” Jolee asked

“The Exile? Only that he was cast out after the horrors he was responsible for after Malachor Five and of course the more recent events that accompanied his return to Republic space.”

“Gaven was one of Revan’s top generals during the Mandalore War. His mind for tactics rivaled that of Revan’s and along with Kavar, Malak, and others he helped drive the Republic war effort. It was on his order that the Mass Shadow Generator was activated at Malachor.”

“How is it you know so much about him Jolee?”

“I’m old,” Jolee replied “and I know how to use the archives just like anyone else.”

Bastila couldn’t help but smile at yet another sarcastic Jolee Bindo answer to a simple question.

“So is Malachor the reason he was sent into Exile?” she asked

“That matter is a bit more complicated, and only the Masters who passed judgment on him can say for sure.”

“Do you believe he’ll be able to help us?”

“I guess we’ll find out when we get to Dantooine now won’t we?”

***

The planet’s sun rained down light onto its lush surface and a soft breeze blew through its trees and over the grass. She didn’t know the name of the place, and Revan may have thought it beautiful if the circumstances of what brought her here were different. She looked out over the plain and she focused on the blight that was the Sith temple.

It had taken her months to locate this Sith world, but these Sith she knew were different. They were different than those under Malak’s command, and even different than the ones she herself had lead when her fleet was rampaging through the Republic though she still remembered very little of that time in her life.
In the first couple of months that followed Malak’s defeat she had wandered the outer edges of known space trying to come to terms with who she was. It was during that time she had forgiven the Jedi Council for what they had done to her. The Jedi she had become didn’t want to remember what they had erased, but the human in her wished that some of it could be recovered. In truth, she didn’t know that it couldn’t, but she also knew that many of the people that could have helped her were dead.

Then, somewhere in the mess that was her life was Carth. She knew when she left that he would be devastated, but she couldn’t find the words to explain it to him. Revan knew that the Republic was in more trouble than it could handle, but then that was why she was on this planet. It was time to take the fight to the Sith, to defeat them once and for all.

***

Atton set the Ebon Hawk down gracefully in the newly refurbished landing bay of the Dantooine Jedi Enclave. Brianna waited for him to lower the cargo ramp and then descended into the bay where she found Bao Dur already waiting for her. She could tell immediately something was wrong.

“What is wrong?”

“He’s gone.” The Irdorian stated.

“Who?”

“The General is gone.”

“Gaven is gone? Gone where?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me. All he left was a recorded message in T3.”

“I want to see it, now.”

“I’ve got him working on the main computer, but I will bring him to the training room.”

Brianna cried inwardly. She couldn’t believe that Gaven would simply leave without saying something to her or to anyone for that matter. Inside she was devastated, but as an Echani she could not let her feelings show to the others and so she called on the Force to calm herself. She turned to face Atton who had come down behind her.

“Gaven is gone.”

“You’re kidding.”

Brianna didn’t react to his statement.

“You’re not kidding are you?”

“No, I am not. Leave the artifacts in the cargo hold and follow me to the training room.”

“Great,” he replied “Here we go again.”

The group assembled in the training area as Bao Dur returned with T3 following close behind him. He stopped and turned to the little astromech droid.

“Play them the message.”

“Beep bleep.” T3 replied compliantly. His holoprojector activated displaying an image of Gaven which then began to speak.

“My friends, I am sorry that I had to leave without telling you, but I where I am going you cannot follow. I have gone in search of Revan and to meet whatever threat she went to face by her side. As it was in the Mandalorian War so it will be again. Please, do not attempt to follow me. The Republic needs the Jedi Order and the Jedi need you. I ask that you honor my wishes, and may the Force be with you."

The image faded as the recording ended.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 01-15-2008, 04:14 AM   #6
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Very, very, very great start here, Athos!
I am really looking forward to the next chapter.

There was nothing that I could really see that looked out of place, but then again, I wasn't looking for mistakes, I was enjoying the story too much

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Old 01-21-2008, 12:04 AM   #7
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Chapter 3

Carth stopped his personal speeder outside the towering structure of the Jedi Temple. Normally, he would have very few reasons to come to this place, but he didn’t necessarily want anyone in the political epicenter of Coruscant to find out what he and his friends were doing. That and it gave him a chance to check up on Dustil. It had surprised everyone, Bastila included, when Dustil had asked to be trained as a Jedi, but he had the talent and so Bastila had agreed.

It was good for the temple to be occupied by Jedi again Carth knew. The biggest problem they faced was the lack of Masters. For now Bastila, Jolee, and Juhani oversaw most of what went on in the temple including the return of several of the Jedi that had scattered over the course of the last decade.

As Carth passed through the main meditation garden he noticed the Jedi had made fantastic progress in bringing the place back to the beauty it had held prior to the Jedi Civil War. Many of the rare and exotic flowers they kept were in bloom again and the place had a certain peacefulness to it. Carth entered the Council Chamber and found Bastila there alone.

“Carth,” she said with a smile “It is unlike you to come to the Temple.”

“I didn’t want to send any information over the network; you never know who is listening. How are things going here?”

“Slowly,” Bastila replied her expression changing to one of sadness “There are very few Jedi left. Although some came back when they heard the Triumvirate was defeated, most were killed including all of the Masters that we have attempted to locate.”

“How is Dustil?”

A small smile came back to Bastila’s face. Even she had been surprised when Carth’s son had approached her about becoming a Jedi. Still, he did have the potential and after six months he was progressing nicely under the watchful eye of Jolee.

“He is doing well; Jolee is keeping him quite busy.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I came because I wanted to let you know that I found us passage to Dantooine. The cruiser Defender is rotating to the Outer Rim and her C.O. has agreed to take us aboard.”

“That’s good news, I will leave Juhani here to oversee the Temple and Jolee and I will accompany you to.”

“Sounds good, Captain Winter indicated we should be aboard no later than mid-morning tomorrow.”

Bastila nodded “Jolee and I will meet you at your office.”

“Okay, the last of the Defender’s crew will depart at zero nine hundred hours. We can hitch a ride to the ship on their shuttle.”

“We’ll be there, now if you’ll excuse me I have some matters to attend to.”

Carth nodded and lingered only a moment before heading for the temple exit.

***
Telos…it seemed like a lifetime to Gaven since his journey to atonement had both began and ended here. Here he’d helped save the Republic’s restoration effort from doom, and here he’d defeated Darth Nihlus and turned Atris back from the dark path she had started down. Atris, it was for her that he’d come back to Telos again. When he’d sent Brianna and the others to retrieve the Jedi artifacts from her academy here he knew she would refuse to come back to Dantooine with them. So, he knew when he left Dantooine that this would have to be his first stop. Now, he guided the small courier ship he had borrowed from Tarina Adare, the administrator of Khoonda, down toward the ice covered surface of the academy.

Lowering the struts, Gaven set the ship down on the icy plateau and lowered her boarding ramp. He drew the cloak of his Jedi robe around him as he stepped onto the frozen surface. He could sense Atris as he was sure she could sense him. He had feelings for her once, but his desire to see the Mandalorians defeated and the Republic saved had drawn him to Revan and her crusade. He knew she had been emotionally devastated when he’d joined Revan, but he had not seen any other choice at the time. Even now, she still did not understand why he’d done it and he could not force her see the reason clearly. Gaven sighed softly and prepared himself to face her yet again.

As the elevator lowered Gaven wondered what she’d done after he defeated her in combat. He didn’t sense the Dark Side in her presence, but perhaps she’d merely gone insane. He hoped that was not the case, her knowledge was pivotal to what was left of the Jedi Order. As the elevator door opened Gaven found Atris waiting for him. As he regarded her, he noticed a certain sadness in her eyes.

“Each time I expect never to see you again you seem to turn up. Why are you here? Could you not leave me to my own exile?”

“I knew you wouldn’t go with Brianna that is why I’m here.”

“I will tell you as I told her, I am no Jedi. I let my anger, and my righteous arrogance guide me instead of the Jedi Code. I do not deserve any of the titles I once held.”

“Do you still believe that Jedi should be perfect Atris? We are the beings we are, no more, no less. We cannot be perfect no more than we can stop time or change the past. The old teachings were flawed, even you must admit that. The new Jedi need guidance and you have more knowledge of the Jedi than any living person. Go to them, help them rebuild what you once held above all else.”

Atris studied him for a long moment and Gaven could not tell if his words had any effect on her.

“What about you,” she finally asked “are you not their mentor?”

“I am leaving.”

“What do you mean?”

“Revan needs my help. She left the Republic to track down the Sith threat that lies beyond the Outer Rim and has not returned. I must find her and help fight whatever she found out there.”

“So again you choose to follow Revan.”

“For the same reason I followed her so many years ago. The Sith seek to destroy us Atris, and if Revan has found them she will need my help.”

“Very well," Atris resigned “If you will take me to Citadel Station I will obtain passage to Dantooine from there.”

Gaven nodded pleased that he had convinced her to see reason. His friends were strong, but strength alone would not restore the Jedi Order nor would it prepare them for the battle he believed was coming.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."


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Old 01-21-2008, 08:02 AM   #8
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A good progression in the story.

I noticed only one thing that really jumped out at me and that was:

Quote:
It had surprised everyone, Bastila included, when Dustil had asked to be trained as a Jedi, but he had the talent and so Bastila had agreed.
And I just wanted to comment on:

Quote:
“Do you still believe that Jedi should be perfect Atris? We are the beings we are, no more, no less. We cannot be perfect no more than we can stop time or change the past. The old teachings were flawed, even you must admit that. The new Jedi need guidance and you have more knowledge of the Jedi than any living person. Go to them, help them rebuild what you once held above all else.”
I thought this was some very impressive monologue here. Very persuasive yet very subtle about it. I enjoyed it.
Looking forward to your next installment!

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Old 01-21-2008, 01:11 PM   #9
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thank you for the compliments I corrected the issue you noted, and hopefully I didn't miss anything else. I guess the grammar check doesn't catch everything


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Old 01-21-2008, 02:42 PM   #10
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Although I'm tired of Carth, kept up the good work
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Old 01-21-2008, 04:44 PM   #11
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lol...unfortunately Carth is slightly integral to my story...sorry


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 01-21-2008, 06:19 PM   #12
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kool FIC dude keep it up


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Old 01-21-2008, 09:28 PM   #13
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Very nice job Athos! I think that this will be a great fic. Keep up the good work, and I cannot wait until the next chapter!

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Old 01-23-2008, 12:37 AM   #14
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Brianna glanced around the room at each of her companions as she attempted to tell what they were thinking. Both Atton and Mira had a degree of surprise written on their faces, and she could read nothing from the Miraluka which had always unnerved her about the woman. It was Atton who spoke first

“So, what do we do?”
“The General’s orders were clear, we are to remain here.” Bao Dur stated without reservation.

“We should go after him,” Mira said in her typical manner “he might need our help.”

“I would tend to agree with her,” Visas said slightly to Brianna’s surprise “Knowing what I do about the Sith I don’t see how he and Revan could possibly face them down alone.”

Slowly each set of eyes in the room turned toward Brianna. She had become something of a second in command to Gaven in the last few months and she realized that they wanted a final word from her. She didn’t have the charisma that Gaven did, but they respected her whether they liked her or not.

To Brianna however, it was not as simple as making a decision. Her feelings for Gaven wanted her to follow and help him, but her sense of duty told her that she should follow the orders of her mentor and stay on Dantooine. She understood that in the bigger picture it was crucial that the Jedi Order recover to support and protect the Republic as it once had. As Brianna looked around she knew that four of the remaining Jedi in the Galaxy were standing with her and her decision became clear.

“We will stay,” she concluded “the Republic needs the Jedi and we are Jedi. Gaven has charged us with helping the Order recover and so we shall.”

“What if he needs us?” Mira countered “what if we’re abandoning him to die out there by staying here?”

“No,” Brianna responded “If he thought we could help him he would not have gone alone. Our destiny lies apart from his; surely even you can see that. We will stay as he instructed, there is much work to do here.”

No one argued with her, at least not openly. She could still read defiance from Mira, but perhaps she would speak with the girl later in private.

“Jedi Kae?”

The newcomer’s voice belonged to the foreman of the Republic work crew. It was still strange to Brianna to be addressed by her mother’s name, but she had chosen to take it after Darth Traya’s defeat. She believed it important to honor her Jedi heritage.

“Yes?” she responded turning to face the man

“We’ve finished with the dormitories as you requested ma’am. How would you like us to proceed?”

“Concentrate your efforts on the council chamber please. Mira, will you accompany him?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The foreman’s sudden interruption had refocused Brianna on the work that was still in need of completion. She turned to the remaining members of the group.

“Atton, please take Visas and Bao Dur and begin unloading the items from Telos. You can move them to the library in the sublevel and I will join you shortly.”

“You got it.”

Brianna watched them leave, and she thought again about Gaven. She wanted badly to seek him out, and be by his side as he went into battle. She realized though that she could not, and so she had one final thought as she began walking toward the Ebon Hawk.

“May the Force be with you my love.”


***

Revan moved slowly into the outer proper of the Sith temple with the blue blade of her lightsaber announcing her presence like a beacon. As she glanced around she was shocked to find the courtyard of the giant structure empty as the Tatooine Dune Sea. There were no guards, no masters training students, no dark Jedi to meet her. In fact there was an eerie silence blanketing the entire place.

“What the hell,” she muttered under breath

The stark scene unnerved Revan slightly as she had fully expected to find a fight here. Had she landed in the wrong spot? Were the Sith laying in wait inside? Was she walking into an ambush?

Revan reached out with the Force trying to find a sense of anything, but the dark side cloud that hung over the temple stifled her attempts. Still unsure, she began to move across the courtyard scanning ahead of her and off to each side for any sign of a threat.

Reaching the temple entrance Revan examined the heavy stone door. It was similar in construction to some of the ancient structures she’d seen on Korriban, and she figured it could be opened with a little persuasion. She called on the Force and willed the door to open. Slowly it began to part until it revealed a completely dark entry way. She pulled a lightstick from her belt and lit it.

Revan played the light out ahead of her as she entered the temple. The dark side was incredibly strong here, but there didn’t appear to be any occupants in the place or any power for that matter. On the walls were intricate markings similar to the ones she’d seen in the tombs on Korriban, but there were no artifacts or other symbols. To put it plainly Revan was confused.

She came to a cross corridor and examined each side with her light. To her right the corridor had several smaller rooms coming off of it while the left led to a single solitary door. She chose the single door hoping it would lead to something like a control room or at least a way to get the power back on.

As Revan came to the door she realized that she hadn’t triggered any defenses to this point either. She had fully expected to find traps or droids or something defending the temple. Examining this door, it looked similar to the one at the entrance of the temple. Again she called on the Force to open the door and slowly it opened and revealed…an empty room. Revan sighed…this could take awhile.

***
The door to the V.I.P quarters on the Republic Cruiser Defender chimed announcing a visitor, and Carth responded

“Come in.”

The door slid aside and a young female ensign stepped into the doorway.

“Admiral, Captain wanted me to tell you that we’re approaching Dantooine. He has a shuttle waiting for you and your party in the hangar Sir.”

“Thank you Ensign, please give Captain Winter my thanks.”

“Yes Sir.” The young woman saluted and Carth returned the gesture. She turned and departed as the door slid closed, and Carth turned to the others.

“Are we ready?”

“We certainly aren’t getting any younger,” Jolee quipped.

Carth led the party out of the quarters and toward the cruiser’s hangar.

***


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 01-23-2008, 01:30 AM   #15
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Very nice job Athos! Keep up the good work!

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Old 01-23-2008, 05:36 PM   #16
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i am definately loving this story. can't wait to see where it goes
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Old 01-23-2008, 07:02 PM   #17
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Very nice work JediAthos!

I like what you show the characters doing. Its very much what I thought they would be doing...Bastila and Jolee running the order, Revan looking for the sith, exile looking for Revan. I also love how you were able to integrate many of the KOTOR and TSL crews into the story.

Keep up the good work. I cant wait to see where the plot goes.



Viva La Resistance!
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Old 01-27-2008, 04:51 AM   #18
The_Catto
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Another nice addition Athos
Poor Brianna, wanting to go after Gaven but knowing she can't!
And one question that has been burning through my mind: When are we going to see T3 and HK?????

Anyways... Looking forward to more!

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Old 01-28-2008, 03:41 AM   #19
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Oh, I haven't replied this thread~! My reply must have gotten lost when I tried to post while the forums were iffy:s Anyway, I like the story so far The writing's a bit technical, but still very readable, so no biggie. There's minor punctuation and grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that a quick polish wouldn't solve, if you're feeling up to it.

Awaiting future updates!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 01-29-2008, 11:35 PM   #20
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Chapter 4

Revan had surveyed all of the smaller rooms in the corridor opposite the empty room she first encountered and found them all empty. To her they looked like they might have been sleeping chambers at one time. Now she was on an upper level of the temple and she found more of the same emptiness that she’d found on the lower level.

That changed when she came to yet another closed door at the end of a passage. As she had on all the other doors she called on the Force to open it, and like all the others it opened. On the other side of this door, however was a myriad of consoles, but to Revan’s dismay they all appeared powered down, but Revan noticed a faint glow coming from the corner of the room.

She moved into the room, and over to where the glow was coming from. What she found was a single monitor that was powered and read: “System in standby reinitialize for access.”

“Great, how the hell do I do that?” Revan asked the empty room.

She examined the nearby consoles and found nothing that looked like it would help her. She began looking at the walls of the temple and saw several boxes that looked like they might be the power, but it was difficult for her to tell. She closed her eyes and tried to draw on the Force. She concentrated on the console and tried to look past the monitor and interface with the electronics. She could see the wires and circuit boards and she followed the paths and after several minutes she found the system’s power source.

Revan opened her eyes and walked over to the panel she’d seen through the Force and pressed a series of buttons. As she completed the series the lights in the room came on and Revan had to shield her eyes until she could get used to the new light source. She stepped back over by the original console and saw the message had changed.

“System initializing…”

After a few seconds a holoprojector activated and the hologram of a man appeared dressed in traditional Sith black. After a few seconds he began to speak and what he said made Revan’s eyes open wide with shock.

“Your Republic is doomed…”

***

Brianna took the datapad from the work crew foreman and examined it carefully. It detailed the supplies the crew would need to restore the council chamber of the enclave to its original state. As she was adding her approval to the order Atton appeared from around a corner running toward her. As he came to a stop and tried to catch his breath Brianna questioned him

“Atton, what is wrong?”

“Are we expecting a delivery today?” he asked after a few seconds.

Brianna thought for a moment, she certainly was not aware of any planned deliveries.

“No we are not, why?”

“There’s a shuttle coming in. It looked like they were aiming for the old salvager camp.”

Brianna’s mind raced, who could possibly be coming here? Had she forgotten about a delivery? No, that was impossible, she was certain there were none scheduled for today. She handed the datapad back to the foreman and extracted a comlink from her belt.

“Visas, this is Brianna, will you meet Atton and I in the courtyard please?”

“As you wish” was Visas typically short reply.

Brianna addressed Atton again “Come with me.”

The pair jogged back through the sublevel and out into the courtyard. The shuttle had already set down near where the salvager camp had once been and its loading ramp was lowering as they arrived. Brianna felt them instantly, as she was sure Atton did as well. There were Force users aboard or at least two beings with whom the Force was very strong with. Visas joined them at that moment and asked the obvious question

“What is that shuttle?”

“It’s a Republic shuttle,” Atton said “I’d recognize the design anywhere.”

Brianna started to reply until she noticed that the occupants of the shuttle were beginning to descend. Atton pulled his binoculars out and focused them on the forms. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he recognized one of the group:

“Well I’ll be damned,”

“What is it?” Brianna asked

“I recognize one of them, it’s Admiral Carth Onasi. He helped Revan defeat Malak at the end of the Jedi Civil War, and he’s one of the Republic’s top admirals.”

“What about the others?”

“Never seen ‘em.”

Brianna examined the situation. She didn’t think that Admiral Onasi could possibly have come to Dantooine for a fight, but she wasn’t eliminating the possibility that he was being coerced either. They needed a strong tactical situation. If there was trouble, she was certain that there were few who could stand against three Jedi.

“We will move to the other side of the bridge and hold there.”

The other two followed her over, and as the group drew closer Brianna’s hand drifted toward her lightsaber. She challenged them as they approached

“Hold, and identify yourselves.”

“I am Admiral Carth Onasi, and my companions are Jedi Knights Bastila Shan and Jolee Bindo.”

“I am Brianna Kae, daughter of Yusanis and this is Atton Rand, and Visas Mar.”

“Kae?” Jolee asked, “as in Arren Kae, the Jedi Master?”

“Master Kae was my mother.”

“Hmm...Master Kae was a powerful Jedi. The Order made a terrible mistake when the exiled her.”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you all wear Jedi robes,” Bastila commented “and you carry lightsabers. I can certainly feel your strength with the Force, but how is it that you know of the Jedi ways? I was not aware the Exile had any other Jedi with him.”

“Gaven is our Master,” Brianna responded “he trained us to use the Force, in the way of the Jedi.”

Bastila shook her head “He was no master even before he was exiled. So you are not Jedi, not really.”

“Bastila,” Jolee began, but Atton cut her off.

“Listen lady, maybe we didn’t sit through endless training, have the Jedi Council looking over our shoulders, or serve the same arrogant self-serving Masters that you did, but we’re still just as much Jedi as you are.”

“How dare you talk to me in such a manner?”

“Bastila, that’s enough” Jolee scolded her “After all you been through, and everything you’ve seen there are still parts of you that haven’t changed a bit.”

Bastila glared at Jolee and her eyes flashed with momentary anger, but in a second it had passed.

“You’re right of course,” she said and addressed Atton again, “I am sorry; I tend to be overly harsh at times.”

“Well,” Carth said “Now that we’re done with the introductions I would like to speak with Gaven.”

“That’s not possible,” Brianna replied sadly “he is not here.”

“Not here?”

“As I said, he is gone. He left in search of Revan, and we don’t know where he went or when he is coming back.”

Brianna watched the admiral’s reaction to her words and she could see his expression change almost to one of sadness. She didn’t know why Gaven not being here had affected him so greatly, but perhaps she needed to find out.

“Perhaps we should go inside the enclave,” she suggested

“I agree,” he replied in a soft voice “we can talk more inside.”

***


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."


Last edited by JediAthos; 01-30-2008 at 08:49 AM.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:02 AM   #21
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Very nice job Athos. I am enjoying it! Can'y wait until the next chapter.

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Old 01-30-2008, 01:33 AM   #22
Bee Hoon
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*flowed like an endless river past Gaven.

The dialogue is still a bit stiff, and I'm pretty surprised that they were unsure of Carth's intentions. I would have thought that Gaven would have made contact with Jolee and the others when rebuilding the order. It's also pretty weird how Gaven found Revan so easily after everyone has been so emo about how they can't find her!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 01-30-2008, 04:47 AM   #23
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I with Bee Hoon as in it was pretty weird and a little too convienient for Gaven to be able to find Revan so quickly, but it was another great chapter nonetheless. And I am very interested in Carth's reaction to Gaven not being on Dantooine.

As always, looking forwards to more

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Old 01-30-2008, 08:49 AM   #24
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Hmmm...you're both right...I've read it a couple more times this morning and it's in need of a rewrite, I think I'm going to remove that last part for now as well.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 02-01-2008, 07:12 PM   #25
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Ooh the groups meet at last. True the dialogue was a tad stiff but that works really well for Visas and Bastilla and HM. Bastilla's lines were just the sort of things I'd expect her to say. I'm not surprised that Gaven didnt make contact with the others in the order. I mean he know's first hand how arrogant and stodgy the jedi masters were and didnt want that for the new order...he probly thought Basty was in charge I dont think Atton's gonna put up with Bastilla's attitude for very long.

I'm really looking forward to more. Keep up the good work!



Viva La Resistance!
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Old 02-01-2008, 11:28 PM   #26
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My thought was that as big as the Republic is and as far from Coruscant as Dantooine is that I wrote it as kind of a left hand isn't aware of the right hand kind of situation.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 02-02-2008, 12:45 AM   #27
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JediAthos:
Quote:
My thought was that as big as the Republic is and as far from Coruscant as Dantooine is that I wrote it as kind of a left hand isn't aware of the right hand kind of situation.
Hey, that's what I do all the time.
How dare you steal my writing technique!!!!!!

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Old 02-04-2008, 11:42 AM   #28
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Chapter 5: Unrest

Planets, stars, hyperspace routes…all of them flowed like the waters in the Room of the Thousand Fountains passed Gaven. He searched them all through the Force looking for her. He searched them all in vain, as not even Kreia’s cryptic clues were helping him hone in on where Revan might be.

Gaven opened his eyes and sighed, perhaps Revan was dead and he would never locate her. No, he thought, I know she’s out there somewhere, I just need to try harder. This wasn’t something he could afford to fail at; the fate of the Republic might very well depend on it.

***

Atris closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She had forgotten how monotonous hyperspace travel truly was. She had tried many times to prepare herself for what she would say to the group of young Jedi that she would find on Dantooine, but she had not come up with anything that she thought they would accept.

Dantooine…it had been decades since she’d set foot on the farming colony. The last time had been during the Jedi Civil War to recover the artifacts from the destroyed enclave to take to Telos with her. She sighed again as she remembered the days before Revan and Malak had done so much irreparable damage to both the Republic and the Jedi Order. She remembered Vandar, Zhar, Vrook, Dorak, and then she remembered that it had been her own shortsightedness that had gotten Vandar and Zhar killed along with so many others on Katarr.

Atris knew the blood for those deaths was on her hands, but she also realized that for some reason she being given a chance to redeem herself. Gaven could have, and perhaps should have killed her on Telos. Like the true Jedi she now realized he was he had shown her mercy and given her a chance to turn back from the path she had been walking. Now, here she was coming back to the Jedi and the galaxy. As the freighter began its landing sequence Atris believed she could help them, if they would let her.

***

Corellia, sometimes referred to as one of the crown jewels of the Republic, a pinnacle of modern civilization. Its capital city of Coronet offered everything that a being could ask for, and then some. For Amara if offered something else, opportunity. As she stepped up to the microphone, and looked out over the crowd, she smiled to herself.

“People of Corellia, hear me,” she began “What I am about to say to you is the truth, nothing more, nothing less. The Galactic Republic is a dying beast that should have been put down years ago! The time has come for the leaders of Corellia to see the light and forge their own path in the Galaxy!”

“Those are dangerous words friend,” a man in the front commented.

“Why?” Amara responded into the microphone “The Republic can barely defend its own borders let alone its member planets!”

“What are you going to do about it?” came another shouted question.

“I can lead Corellia down the path it must travel! I can lead it down the path to independence! The monarchy is as outdated as the Republic!”

The crowd broke into thousands of murmured conversations that one might compare to the buzzing of insects. As they did several men with blaster rifles began pushing their way to the front of the crowd, they wore the uniform of the Corellian Royal Guard.

“See,” Amara said calmly into the microphone as she pointed at the Guard members “They see the threat I represent! They have come to silence me!”

The Guard members had found their way to the front of the crowd and the man at their head spoke to Amara.

“The words you speak are treason woman, and attempting to incite a riot is against the law. You’ll have to leave…now.” He said forcefully.

“I have a permit to be here friend,” Amara replied “You’ll see everything is in order,” she replied handing him a datapad.

In response he dropped the pad on the ground and stomped on it hard with the heel of his boot.

“Your permit is hereby rescinded,” he said with a smile “Now, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave, or we can escort you to a holding cell if you like.”

“She has a permit, let her speak!” came a should from a man two rows back

“You’ll be quiet if you know what’s good for you,” another of the guardsmen replied.

“Why should he?” shouted a woman “Maybe you’re just afraid she has a point!”

“Yeah! Let her talk!” came several other shouts from the crowd.

The crowd began to push forward a bit and the Royal Guard members turned away from Amara and leveled their rifles at the crowd.

“Step back!” shouted the leader “Step back or we’ll fire!”

The crowd was undaunted as more cries of “Let her talk!” came from the assembly and they started moving toward the platform. Suddenly one of the Guardsmen reacted swinging the butt of his rifle and connecting it with a man directly in front of him. Other Guardsmen did the same swinging their rifle butts yelling “Step back!” The leader of the Guard squad pulled his comlink and shouted into it for reinforcements, and in minutes speeders full of Royal Guard troops in riot gear began arriving and wading into the crowd. It would take the Royal Guard two hours to clear the area and restore order, and somewhere in the middle of it all Amara slipped off the platform and to a waiting speeder smiling to herself.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 02-04-2008, 07:32 PM   #29
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It's probably too early to say, but I have a feeling one of the Jedi is going to be the "Threat Within"


nevermind; I just read ch. 5
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Old 02-04-2008, 09:18 PM   #30
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Another very well done chapter Athos! Very, well done. I am enjoying this fic. Keep up the wonderful work!

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Old 02-05-2008, 11:13 PM   #31
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Another nice chapter, Athos.
I only saw one thing and that was a 'should' where a 'shout' should have been. I think I have read that correctly anyway.

And, hmmm ... Could we be seeing the beginnings of a revolution here? Battling to keep Corellia stable and fighting against the Threat in the Unknown Regions. A big and tough mission seems to be ahead for the Republic and the Jedi.

Can't wait for more!!!

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Old 02-11-2008, 06:32 AM   #32
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Chapter 6

Bastila had to admit that the Exile’s companions were doing a nice job restoring the enclave. It was still a little unnerving to be walking the halls again. The last time she’d been here was with Revan, when she’d assisted in her redemption. It seemed so very long ago, but she could almost feel the ghosts of the place and it sent a chill through her.

“Something wrong,” came Jolee’s whispered question

“N-No. It’s just,”

“I feel it too.” He said knowingly

The exchange ended there as the group came to a stop in the training area. Brianna had called ahead to Bao Dur who had brought T-3 in to play Gaven’s message for the newcomers.

“T-3!” Carth exclaimed on seeing the little droid

“Beep, bleep, bleep boop!” the droid responded recognizing Carth despite having not seen him in some time.

“You know the droid?” asked Bao Dur

“Of course,” Carth replied “T-3 was with us when we stopped Malak, and he was with Revan when she left.”

“Then maybe he can tell us where she went,” Atton said “What about it you little trash can…do you know where she is?”

“Dwoooo…” T-3 responded “beep, boop bleep.”

“He says Revan commanded him not to reveal her location,” Bao Dur responded

“Well she’s not here,” said Atton “So how about you fess up before I turn you into spare parts for the Ebon Hawk.”

“He can’t,” Carth stated “A droid cannot willfully disobey its master, and Revan was T-3’s original master.”

“Carth is right,” Bastila added “We’ll have to find another way.”

“You mentioned the Ebon Hawk what about the ship’s navicomputer,” the admiral asked

“No good,” responded Atton “It’s been voice locked.”

“Voice locked by whom?”

“You’re guess is as good as mine, all I know is we can’t get into it. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“It must have been Revan,” said Bastila “she truly didn’t want to be found.”

“She must’ve known we’d try,” Carth said “but I’d still like to see the message Gaven left. T-3 if you would?”

The droid beeped compliantly and played the message, and it was no less heartbreaking for Brianna to see it a second time. When the hologram faded the admiral shook his head.

“That’s almost the same as the message Revan left behind.” Onasi remarked.

“Yes, and we’re no further than we were a few minutes ago,” Bastila said.

“Well, I know one thing,” Jolee said “there are enough Jedi here that we ought to be able to come up with something.”

“Jolee is right,” said Bastila “We should combine our two searches. We stand a much greater chance of finding both Gaven and Revan if we work together.”

“Right,” Atton said “since you’re the one with all the ideas, where do we start?”

“I-I don’t know” Bastila admitted “Jolee, Juhani, and I have been trying to use the Force to find Revan for some time without any success.”

“Do you really believe there’s some great Sith threat?” Atton asked

“I believe Revan wouldn’t have left us without a reason,” Carth responded

“The Exile obviously believed it as well,” Visas stated speaking for the first time “He left in search of her, to help her.”

“Visas is right,” stated Brianna “there must be some truth to what they believed, but…”

Brianna trailed off as she felt something in the Force. It was a familiar tremor that she thought she would never feel on Dantooine.

“What’s wrong?” Carth asked

“Spread out,” she responded “Someone is coming.”

***

Gaven surveyed the nameless planet he was on, and counted it as yet another dead end. He had started his search on Deralia, Revan’s home, hoping to pick up some trace of Revan’s passing through the Force. If she had been there at all he couldn’t sense her.

So, Gaven had moved on. He followed the Force to the places where it seemed strongest, but he had been unable to pick up any sign of his former commander. Perhaps he was going about his search in the wrong way, but he could think of no other way than to trust that the Force would lead him to her.

***


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 02-11-2008, 08:12 PM   #33
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Oooh I wonder who could be coming. Its nice to see the peices start fitting together. I'm glad the two groups will stick together. Heh...maybe Bastila and Atton will hook up Keep up the good work, and as always, I'm looking forward to more.



Viva La Resistance!
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Old 02-13-2008, 10:54 PM   #34
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Lol, Bastila and Atton? Oh no! That'd be a horrible couple!!! Entertaining, but it would end in ruin most likely.


Another nice chapter Athos. The story is moving along nicely and and still can't wait to see how it all unfolds.

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Old 02-14-2008, 12:55 AM   #35
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Very nice job Athos! Keep it up.

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Old 03-07-2008, 06:05 PM   #36
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Update??
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Old 03-07-2008, 10:08 PM   #37
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Aye...I'm workin on it Work and moving have kept me busy lately


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 03-08-2008, 12:32 AM   #38
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^ Those kinda things generally keep you wrapped up.

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Old 03-08-2008, 10:02 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediAthos
Aye...I'm workin on it Work and moving have kept me busy lately
No problem then.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:33 PM   #40
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Chapter 7

Brianna was the first to ignite her lightsaber, its twin blades bathing the chamber in purple light. The other Jedi in the room followed suit and Admiral Onasi extracted a blaster from a holster on his right thigh. It didn’t take long for a solitary figure dressed in a white robe to enter the chamber.

“Stay your weapons,” the woman’s voice called out and she lowered the hood she’d been wearing, “I have not come here for a battle.”

“Master...” Bastila began but Brianna cut her off

“Atris,” she nearly spat “If not to fight, then why are you here?”

Atris walked into the circle of the defensive formation the group had taken and one by one the lightsaber blades extinguished until only Brianna’s remained lit.

“I have come to help, I have spoken with Gaven, and he made me see that I can atone for the things I’ve done in the past by helping you now.”

“Master,” Bastila said “we thought you were killed like the others.”

“Please Bastila, do not call me Master. I have done things that lost me the right to that title long ago.”

“I don’t understand”

“I think you do,” Atris replied “You walked in darkness yourself did you not?”

Bastila said nothing; she was still very ashamed of that time in her life. Even though Revan had turned her away from her dark path as Malak’s apprentice she still felt she should have been strong enough to resist him in the first place.

“I have realized,” Atris continued “that even the most powerful master can fall. I have also realized that if I can help you restore the Jedi Order to some semblance of what it was then I must because I have nothing else left.”

Brianna finally switched off her lightsaber and returned it to her belt, and then she regarded her former mistress.

“Very well, I accept your help, because Gaven wishes it.”

Atris focused her gaze on the Handmaiden. She had always been the defiant one among her sisters, but Atris still did not understand why the girl was being so frigid toward her.

“Do you still distrust me so much, that you cannot accept that I am not the person I was when you served me?”

Brianna glared at her, and her voice resonated with anger “I distrust you with good reason. You betrayed the Jedi, Gaven, and the Republic as well.”

“So I did, but did traveling with Gaven teach you nothing? In all your time with him did you not learn that no one is above redemption even an exile or a Dark Lord of the Sith?”

Brianna wanted to remain defiant toward Atris. In her mind she wanted to turn her away, and send her back to Telos to her empty frozen shell of a Jedi academy, but she knew better. Atris was right, Gaven had regained his connection to the Force and Revan had come back to the light. So, who was she to deny Atris her chance to reconcile for the acts she’d committed. If she did that she was no better than Atris had once been toward Gaven.

“You are correct,” she resigned “It isn’t my place to pass judgment on you. Join us, there is much to discuss.”

***

The planet Axum was often described as an undesirable place to live by many. Its heavy military industrial complex was detested by some of the planet’s own residents. Despite what outsiders or even his own people said, to President Josati Rix Axum had always been home. His great great great grandfather had been one of the original colonists from Coruscant and his great great grandfather had brokered the agreement that had helped bring the colony into the fledgling Republic. Josati’s thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of his chief military advisor General Arix Cirrus.

“Good Morning General.”

“Morning Sir,” Cirrus replied in his typical terse manner. When Josati had first appointed him he was put off by the general’s demeanor, but in the last few years he’d gotten used to it. While he wasn’t exactly a people person Rix had appointed Cirrus for his stellar military record and exemplary leadership.

“What can I do for you Arix?”

“I just wanted to let you know that preparations are complete for your speech at the new central defense center Sir. I’ve spoken with General Alavai personally and he assures me there won’t be any issues.”

Rix nodded “Thank you, but you don’t need to tell me. I trust your judgment Arix.”

“You’re my superior Sir, I report to you.”

Rix smiled a little, Cirrus was military through and through, but it was comforting having him around.

“Will you be coming to the speech?”

“No Sir, I need to finish the paperwork for bringing the center online.”

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Yes Sir.”

True to form the general saluted did an about face and left the room.

An hour later, on the other side of Axum’s capital city, on a rooftop overlooking the stage at the central defense center Krease checked his equipment again. He hated security duty, and on a warm day like today it was especially bad. His final check was to check the site on his rifle one more time. Krease just hoped this blistering heat wouldn’t distract him while the president was speaking. After minutes that seemed like hours Krease finally heard in his ear

“Axum One is on site.”

Then General Alavai made the announcement

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the honorable President of the Sovereign Planet of Axum, Josati Rix!”

Cheers erupted from the crowd as President Rix walked out from behind the stage flanked by four security guards. He stepped up to the podium, and began his speech as the cheers died down. Krease wasn’t really listening except to his earpiece for instructions, and soon he heard the voice tell him

“Rooftop One, proceed as instructed.”

Krease hoisted his rifle into position and looked through the sight. Then he paused for only a moment, and pulled the trigger…


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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