Background Song: Apologize, by One Republic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7...eature=related
For eight years I've wandered this galaxy, searching for one whom I tried to defend. For eight years I've wondered whether I was doing the right thing.
For eight years...'v techenie vos'mi let!'
How could I have let it come to this, fleeing into exile from an Order that I knew thought me misguided, yet not worthy of this punishment? Is it myself that I'm punishing, or is it he, the man that could have brought us truth? We Jedi chose not to tell him the truth. We hid it, like the inconvenient secrets we always do. Darth Malak was one of them. So was Ulic, and Exar Kun...
Let me explain. I was once one of the Jedi Masters--not that you'd know me; I kept a low profile. However, my profile was not low enough to go unnoticed by three of my colleagues--Masters Vandar, Dorak, and Vrook. I'd heard a few of the Padawans and younger Knights call them the "Jedi Triumvirate" behind their backs. I chose not to tell them because deep down inside, I believed the young ones were right. Their word was law, or seemed to be.
"How can you not understand?" This was Lamar Vrook, lecturing me. "He's a Lord of the Sith, deposed though he may be. If we tell him this, he'll go straight to the Dark Side, returning to claim his former post of command."
"How can you know that?" I asked him. "The Force may guide all of our destinies, but we have a choice in the matter. That's what you taught me, years ago. Revan may still have the memories of the Sith and the Star Forge locked inside him, but he's a human being. A man. Not a puppet to use as we see fit, even though we are Jedi. We serve the common good, and if Revan decides to do so, that would most certainly and truly uphold our purpose."
"Choice is a good thing, as it has always been," replied Master Dorak, folding his dark hands in a serious gesture. "However, this is a galactic emergency. The Star Forge is more than just a weapons factory. It's an artifact of the utmost darkness, feeding off the energies we Jedi have condemned. If it is not found, the Sith will have a limitless supply of weapons and warships to defeat the Republic. Revan is our only chance to locate it. As such, we need the memories from his mind that you say are locked inside him."
"Couldn't we do it another way? Standard interrogation, or the like?"
"Revan is no standard prisoner," explained Vrook. "For right now, at least, he seems to have no recollection of who he is or what he's done to find himself in this state. He's the perfect blank slate to redeem and re-educate. Would you spoil this chance, all for some archaic, quaint notion of 'choice' when we have none? Revan could choose
to go either way. You know what's at stake. Not just his life, yours or mine, but those of billions upon billions."
"I know." I sighed heavily and let the breath escape through my tightly-compressed lips. "However, if we build our perfect galaxy upon the back--or in this case, the mind--of one who suffers, then how perfect can it be?"
For eight years, I've berated myself for this question, which elicited silence.
"Perfect, nothing is," said Master Vandar--was that a trace of annoyance or impatience in his voice?--"but better an imperfect galaxy than none at all. Remember the Jedi Civil War? Thought they were fighting for the greater good, Revan and Malak did. However, to the Dark Side they fell through their acts of aggression. Let not the same thing happen to you, my pupil," he said.
It broke my heart. Master Vandar was my closest friend, save one, and that one was lying in the medbay on a standard cot waiting for treatment. How was he to know that his identity was to be classified in the Jedi Archives, if that, and never revealed? What if he never even suspected he was Revan?
"Let me go with him," I proposed. "Let me be his guide to find the Star Forge."
"No," said Master Vrook. "We have already chosen a Jedi to accompany our newest student. Her name is Bastila Shan; she is the young prodigy who knows the rare art of Battle Meditation. You know no such thing, and besides, Bastila has sworn to uphold our secret. You have not. If you were to go with Revan, you would tell him, and this would compromise the mission. Nothing is to be said of the former Dark Lord, save that he has passed away."
I couldn't believe it. "That is a lie, and you know it. The Dark Lord is alive and well, except that he seems to have quite a serious case of amnesia. He could have died in the strike-force attack that Bastila was on."
"Bastila Shan saved his life," said Master Zhar, "and you cannot dispute this. She is not the one who erased his memories; Malak did through his use of the Force. It can do terrible things to a mind. We are merely giving him a new name, a new occupation, a new calling. We are not reforming his very flesh."
"Aren't you?" Somehow I knew the three were wrong, but I couldn't prove it. "I won't have the savior of this galaxy be a mere pawn. Our pawn. Let me see how Revan does in the midst of an honest Master, and time shall tell."
"On our side, time is not." Master Vandar stepped in front of me. "Stand down, young one. Made our decision, we have. The Council supports it."
"I don't." I shook my head. "A free galaxy, borne by a man who is not free."
"Leave us!" Master Vrook was on the brink of brandishing his lightsaber. "Go to your chambers, Master. We will have none of this insubordination while the galaxy burns. Let us know when you've calmed down and can again have a reasonable discussion." With that, I turned and left the Council Chamber, not looking back. I hadn't suspected I'd never
For eight years, the memory has haunted me, their faces even further.
For eight years, my heart has been Revan's. I hope I can find him before--
Vos'mi let...vos'mi let!
Eight years is a long time to serve at hard labor, this sentence of searching.
I do it for love. Dlya lyubvi...