lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: [FIC] - Consecrated Demise
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 01-26-2008, 07:10 AM   #1
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
[FIC] - Consecrated Demise

I know I have not been posting as much as I should have the past few months and that was due to me being away from my computer at considerable amounts of time, but I am back and should be able to post more frequently. [Unless an unforeseen event happens (such as the Apocalypse or a Metallica concert that actually allows itself to be found in Australia)]

A new year, a new story. Here it is and I hope you enjoy!

Prologue


It was quiet now. Stillness was the only thing that swept through the corridors of the Ebon Hawk. Breathing softly – yet the breaths were ragged – the Exile made her way to the Main Hold. Her body ached and her heart was empty. It felt like a chunk of her very core had been ripped out of her as she remembered kneeling next to her dying master back on Malachor.

Talina Vercet would not forget this day.

She brushed the small strands of hair that fell in front of her eyes away and sat down on the small seats that circled around the holoprojector. She unclipped the small metal hilt of her lightsaber off her belt and examined it.

Dirty, scratched; it looked ancient – even though she had built it not even six months beforehand. A whisper was all what was left of the memory of her identity now. Years ago, she was known only as Talina, now however; a whole different persona had taken over. She was The Exile: the echo of the Force.

Deemed to be the Exile until her last days.

“I know what troubles you,” came a voice behind her. She turned and noticed Visas walking in from her dormitory to sit beside her. “For it is also one of they many thoughts that drift into mind.”

Talina looked at Visas and sighed. “It has been a very long day,” she said. “I am tired but yet I cannot sleep. I am hungry yet the thought of food makes me gag. It all comes down to the here and now, Visas. What is it that I am meant to do exactly? Do not take me wrong for I know what I must do, but doing it is what is troubling me.”

“No game of Dejarik can be won without pawns, and this may prove to be a very long game,” replied Visas, echoing the words of the dead master, Kreia. “She was right, and only now do I see it. She knew from the very beginning what you were meant to do, Exile. The old woman knew that Malachor V would once again be a destination of which you would go to. It was to be the place of your reincarnation; you are not Talina Vercet as you once were, but an Exile. But yet you fall not into the true steps of one, which is in exile. For that, I admire you.”

“Thank you for your kind words, Visas,” said Talina. “But it still does not take away the thought of the journey that is in front of me.”

“And nor should it,” replied Visas. “I will be by your side, if you should permit it and I will make sure, by my very life that you succeed. I still stand to what I said the first time I had finally met you,”

Talina looked down to the floor. “I am sorry, but that is not possible,” she said. “I must go alone for I cannot risk any more hurt to any of you.”

“That is a shame,” came another voice and the Disciple, Mical came walking into the Main Hold. “For I also wished to accompany you on your journey to find Revan.”

“How did you know that that was where I was going?” asked Talina cautiously.

Mical shrugged. “A guess? You were one of his most trusted and loyal Generals after all.”

Talina nodded. “Then you guessed right, Mical. For that is where I am going to go. But you cannot come with me because I have a favour to ask of each of you. But now is not the time nor place to discuss it. I shall wait until we get back to Dantooine before I speak of any of the details.”

Mical nodded and took his leave, saying that he needed rest.

Agreeing with him, Talina also took her leave and went to the Port Dormitory. This was where Kreia had spent all of her time whilst she was on the Ebon Hawk and the Exile could still feel her presence even now.

I am your rescuer, as you are mine.


Last edited by The_Catto; 01-27-2008 at 04:38 AM.
The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-26-2008, 09:02 AM   #2
JediAthos
Senior Member
 
JediAthos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,438
Current Game: Defiance
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
I like Looks like our current fics are dealing with the same topic and I kind of like that you started immediately after Malachor. I've always wondered what those first minutes might have been like inside the Ebon Hawk. Looks like a good start here and I'll be watching it


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

JediAthos is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-26-2008, 10:19 PM   #3
Bee Hoon
ngom ngom ngom
 
Bee Hoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 1,269
Forum Veteran Veteran Fan Fic Author LFN Staff Member Helpful! 
*strands of hair

There's a few small errors here and there, as well as a couple of strangely paradoxical turns of phrase... Are they intentional? E.g. stillness sweeping through the corridors, and saying her name and immediately after that, reinforcing that her identity is merely that of The Exile.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. BFA
What is it that I am meant to do exactly? Do not take me wrong for I know what I must do, but doing it is what is troubling me.
This also confused me a bit.

I don't think that Mical would have been quite so pliable to letting her go alone, but I guess you'll never know *shrugs*

I'm looking forward to more of your work!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
Bee Hoon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-27-2008, 04:35 AM   #4
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thanks for the compliments
@JediAthos: I was re-reading through my last fic that dealt with the whole "what ever happened after Kotor II?" and just by looking through it I noticed how many times I contradicted myself in certain points of the story so I decided to give a completely new style and plot line. (I just by saying that I think I've put across that this might be a new version of SCOE but just under a different name ... it's not )

@Bee Hoon: They were intentional As much as her real name may be a part of her life, I find that the term 'The Exile' will always stick with her more strongly for the rest of her life.

And as for that quote.. Yeah, I worded that wrong. I wanted to put it across meaning she knows what she has to do, but being able to find a way to do it is the problem.

.. Thanks again.

The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-30-2008, 02:08 AM   #5
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Chapter 1


With the shuttle he had taken from the Hanger Bay back at the Trayus Academy, Revan had taken into the Unknown Regions. Dangerous? Yes. Possibly the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life? Definitely. But it was something he had to do. His life was anything but stable and so this was where he was meant to be.

After the Star Forge, his life seemed to be complete. A complete revolution: downfall, retribution, rebirth and redemption. But that had only lasted for only a couple of months. During his travels in the Mandalorian Wars, Revan had learnt of a power on the fringes of known space. A power that even he could not have foreseen. This intrigued him and he went in search for it, gathering clues along the way until he realized at just what he was dealing with.

The Sith.

But not the type of Sith that have been seen and fought by the Jedi these past ages. No, these were of a different sort. These Sith respected wisdom, power, and resourcefulness. These were the True Sith, powerful beings that had left the planet Korriban long before the rogue Jedi fled there from the council and took over their planet.

These Sith had learnt of something that had once been encased in the Unknown Regions and went in search of it. And by the looks of the clues that Revan had found, they have succeeded. But what Revan could not piece together yet was why they had not taken up arms against the Republic. If they were so powerful, they could have made their strike now when the Republic was still recovering and with the Jedi scattered; an easy win.

But now Revan had finally understood. They wanted a real battle.

These Sith reminded Revan a lot of the Mandalorians: respecting the strength of others, and only fighting against the strongest of opponents. But was that their goal? Revan would have to meet them to find out, but all he knew was that they were a threat and they were going to strike soon. Their patience was wearing thin.

He pulled his ship out of hyperspace and gazed around at the surrounding space. Stars winked at him in the distance and took note of the silence that encased him.

He sighed. If this was a journey of some other reason, he might’ve liked it. Revan lifted himself up and out of the pilots seat and walked through a long corridor that branched off into several different rooms.

The first entrance he passed was the Medical Chamber. It held its own Kolto tank and a single bunk. The next was the Communications room that held the security console and Navi-Computer. He continued to walk until he entered a large room that held a table in the center and several surrounding seats that were bolted into the floor. He walked over to the table and lifted up a small device that was lying there.

The datapad flashed as it was switched on and Revan started to flick through the pages of notes that he had wrote down over the past few years.

He did know now as to just how many times he had looked over these notes and he knew that there was no need; he could recite them all off the top of his head anyway. There just wasn’t anything else to do.

He looked at what he had written down when he had first landed on Korriban: his first destination after leaving Malachor. Revan could still remember scouring the ruins of the Dark Lords and the academy. And he remembered his confusion as he strode among those walls.

There were fresh carbon scoring lines streaking themselves along the walls and remains of dead Hssiss demons. A battle of sorts had taken place just before Revan had ventured to that planet. He did know now if it was the doing of the Sith or not, but he was concerned when he had found the remains of one of the Jedi Masters he had met previously during his lessons. Master Vash.

She had died a gruesome death, but Revan had no time to mourn. Regretting his decision as soon as he made it, Revan left the dead Master and took to exploring more of the ruins. He found nothing, of course. And nor did he think he would. All traces of the old Sith were destroyed

“I could really go for a Juma right about now,” Revan said, sighing. He walked back to the cockpit and looked at the Galaxy Map that had been stored there. Flicking through each of the star charts until he came across one that looked familiar, even though he could not place exactly as to where he had seen it before.

Shrugging he took note of the coordinates and entered them into the Navicomputer and sat back down in the pilots chair and entered Hyperspace.

* * *

Stars the size of grains of sand: grains of sand the size of stars.
Nothing like that mattered when you were trapped in a bubble of hopeless agony.

But was the agony he was feeling a sense of longing for something, or was it due to an injury?

He had no injury; he had nothing to long for.

He was alone.

But in his mind, he was never alone.

So what was he really?

Did he even exist?

Were the hands, feet and hair that he would look at and touch really there, or was it a hologram, or even just a hollow figment of his imagination?
Perhaps they were all of these things.

All he knew was that somewhere, somehow, sometime he would escape; then he would show them all what it was like to feel what he had felt for the past years, centuries, millennia he had spent here. They would know what had happened to him.

They all would pay … especially, her! . . .




“What do you think you are doing?” hissed the Woman as she watched her apprentice make the same mistake over and over again. “Do you WANT to be punished? Is that it?”

“I am sorry,” replied the small, weak boy. “But it is just too hard!”
A whip slashed across his back and he fell to his knees. He stifled a cry, but one silent tear started to form in his eye.
He wiped it away as he stood back to his face.

“You are not trying!” yelled the Woman as she lashed the whip once more.

“I am trying!” snarled the boy as he stood to his feet, his face contorted with rage.

She smiled, baring her yellowing teeth. “Yes!” she said. “Now we see it. Use this anger boy! Use it and your power will be unmatched!”


*

The Ebon Hawk softly touched down on the grass of Dantooine. The boarding ramp was lowered and several figures strode out and stood upon the green sea.

Their mood was heavy and weary. It had been some time since the last time any of them had had any peace to themselves. They had already agreed to meet again in the Jedi Enclave later on that night so without saying anything to each other, they went their different ways to do their own things.

Talina looked around her and took notice of a small path that led down to a small gully. She followed it and came to the shore of a small lake. After taking off her cloak, she sat down; crossed her legs and closed her eyes. The wind that soared over the water crashed against her face and she smiled. It was a soft smile, but one nonetheless. As The Exile sat there and contemplated what she would say to her companions that night, a small bird flew across the water and landed on a small rock that sat near the new human.

It looked at her with a questioning gaze and after whistling a slow tune; it took flight and soared over her head and over the grounds of its home. There was a large mechanical beast sitting there now, intimidating the bird. It took a sharp turn to the right and took towards a small circle of trees. There sat two people on top of a large log. The bird swooped down to the ground and cautiously approached the two, and when it got close enough, their voices would pierce its eardrums, allowing it to hear the syllables as they floated through the air …

“I don’t know,” said the male. His hair was dark and his eyes brown. “I fear that she may give us no choice, and that is one thing that I will not allow.”

“Atton,” replied the female. Her hair was a flaming red and green pupils pierced the mans gaze. “Her decision is not yours. Sure, it may seem to be irrational and stupid, but it is her decision and in her heart it is the right thing to do. You must see it from her perspective.”

“I have fought for her,” said Atton. “I have killed for her, Mira! I have done things that I had never thought I would be able to do ever in my life time.”

“And so have we all,” answered Mira. “I hate the idea that she is willing to go off into a battle that she has no knowledge of. There are things out there that nobody in this known galaxy has ever seen before.”

“I will not let her go to her death,” replied Atton. “Not without me,”

“I know you love her you idiot, but you will not be able to risk your life to prove that this time: she won’t let you,” said Mira.

The male named Atton continued to debate his feelings and decisions with the woman named Mira, and sensing that he would not be giving up any time soon, the bird took off into the sky once more. Only stopping when he saw another new figure walking along the banks of a small stream. This one was hooded however, and even from so far away, the bird could tell that this one was different from the others. There was a hurt in her walk that the bird could not comprehend.

It flew down and landed on the grass and watched her walk.

“As my feet walk from the ashes of Katarr, I shall not know fear. For in fear, lies death,”

Sensing her sorrow, the bird let out a tune of high and low melody. It’s notes bouncing across the water and the leaves from the falling branches; the woman looked up, and that was when the bird saw that the hood completely covered her eyes.

This one was blind.

The bird heard an answering call and took off over the water and off back into the trees: leaving the Humans to do their own will. Not knowing what was going to happen that night.


Last edited by The_Catto; 01-31-2008 at 07:55 PM.
The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-30-2008, 12:45 PM   #6
Emalin
I is YOUR DOOM
 
Emalin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Deep space
Posts: 169
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thumbs up

(Thought I would start reading other fics now that mine are finished. )

Bravo! My interest has been caught - hook, line, and sinker. Where is this going to go, and when are Talina and Revan going to meet?? Oh, the questions!

I like how Revan came to Korriban and saw evidence of Talina's battles there. I also like your use of the bird to show the thoughts of the different characters in the second scene. There are a few punctuation errors (be careful with those semicolons!), and a few issues with word tense. Otherwise, this is great! Looking forward to more....




---KotOR 2 Fanfics---
Pawn Endgame | Return of the Gizka

Click here to visit my art thread
Emalin is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-02-2008, 12:59 AM   #7
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
*Takes a deep bow* "Thank you, thank you!"

The bird idea came to me at the last second and I thought I would add it to see what it would be like. Suffice to say that this chapter was a lot different compared to what you see now.

Lol, and the questions indeed! I don't even have the answers!!!! XP

The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-06-2008, 12:51 AM   #8
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Just a quick chapter here today. I'm not really sure about this one though. It seems ... not good. Anyways. Let me know what you think!


Chapter 2

The group sat in a circle on the soft grass. A soft wind whistled its way in and around the trees and ran its way around them. A small fire blazed silently in front of them and they all stared into the bright flames, not wanting to speak what was on each of their minds.

Talina looked around at the group in turn. She knew that this was going to be hard, and she knew that it had to be done. But now that the moment had finally arrived, she did not want to do it.

She took a deep breath anyway and breaking the silence she said, “I know that this was going to be something that I would have to do eventually. But I never knew that after all what has happened; I would finally be able to understand it,” she stopped here, waiting for a response. None came so she pressed on. “As you know, I intend to go after Revan and help him in defeating what ever is out there in the Unknown Regions. Only I will be able to take on this quest because of the unknown dangers that lay before this path, I cannot allow any of you to come with me,” Again she stopped, and again there was no reply from her companions.

“No, instead, I have a favor to ask of all of you. The Republic is crippling, its foundations are starting to erode. If something is not done, there will be no Republic left to fight for. Here is what’s needed to be done: a new Jedi Council needs to be established, a new breed of Jedi to lead the Republic into its future. You. You all have proven yourselves more times over than any other Jedi I have ever known, and that is why I know that you all are the right ones who would be best suited for this task.”

“Well I’m up for it,” replied Mira. She nudged Atton in the side and with a soft grimace he nodded. “And so are the rest of us, by the looks of it. Seen as though nobody has objected and all.”

The rest nodded, but Talina could still feel their unrest. She sighed and continued to gaze at them until her eyes became blurry. She blinked and looked up to the night sky. Stars dotted in and out of focus. Somewhere, they were out there, lying in wait, ready to strike. Talina just hoped that she could get there and stop them before it was too late.

“I will go to the Khoonda Station tomorrow and request a ship to use for my journey; the Ebon Hawk will stay here,” said Talina as she gathered her thoughts.

*

The next day dawned with a soft glow of trepidation. The mood in the ship was grey and daunting. But that was soon abolished as Mira came across the middle table in the Main Hold.

“Guys!” she called out to anybody who could hear her. “I think you better take a look at this!”

Atton was the first too answer her call. He walked over to her and retrieved the datapad that Mira was holding out for him and read its contents. Mira could see with every line that he read, his eyes would widen and the frown would deepen. He handed back the datapad to Mira and said shaking his head, “that schutta,”

“It would have been more awkward to do it any other way,” replied Mira, as the rest of the crew filed in behind her. After everybody was with them, she turned and faced them all.

“Well,” she said. “It’s happened. She’s gone. The Exile has left for the Unknown Regions.”

* * *

No one noticed the small ship coming out of hyperspace. It silently made its way through the vacuum of space until the planet in front filled the entire viewscreen. The occupant knew that he had finally struck a vital clue, just by the sense of feeling that he was being given through the Force.

Revan smiled, despite the dreading sensation of the dark side engulfing him. He opened himself to the light side of the Force and flooded out the thoughts of horrors and pain from his mind and eased the ship forward through the atmosphere; re-entry making the ship shake slightly.

A bright green landscape unveiled itself as the ship passed through the high clouds of the planet. High mountains made a long trail that snaked itself along the edges of a large ocean to Revan’s left while on his right, desert sprayed itself across the ground. It seemed that there were two completely different worlds on the same planet.

He found a large clearing in the forest of trees and softly landed down in the center. He lowered the boarding ramp to the ship and walked out onto the grass, letting the light from the sun high above wash down onto his face. It was only then that he felt a large force push against his neck and he fell to the ground gasping.

*

This ship was smaller than what she would have liked but Talina did not complain too much. She was on her way now, onward to destiny.

She admitted herself that that description sounded a little too cliché, but it was the truth nonetheless. Talina walked in through the small cargo ship and surveyed the inside. A dormitory with two sets of bunk beds sat silently beside the engine room. Why the designers decided to put the engine room next to where you tried to sleep was beyond Talina: perhaps they ran out of space.

Only only a small table that held a very ancient looking holoprojector and was surrounded by three chairs occupied the main sitting room. All of the gadgets for communication, navigating and flying were all stored in the cockpit. It was not her most ideal vessel that she would have liked to take into dangers unknown to her, but it was either this thing, or take the Ebon Hawk.

Leaving her friends behind was hard enough, but leaving them on Dantooine without transport, would be too much.

She sat in the pilot’s chair and flicked through all of the star charts that were stored within. There was nothing about the Unknown Regions, however.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she casually flew her ship through space and opened herself to the Force to begin her quest for Revan.

*

Atton walked in and around the Enclave, surveying the landscape and out walls of the building. It was decayed in some places and already beginning the process in others. Vines and weeds covered the chairs and beds that sat in the dormitories and insects and beasts – mostly just stray Kath Hounds and the odd Kinrath – were to be found skulking around in the shadows.

They were easy enough to handle.

Hearing footsteps approaching from behind him he turned to see Mical walking up to him. He disliked this man, and he didn’t trust him as far as he could throw a Krayt Dragon across the sands of Tatooine. Although he didn’t really trust anyone nowadays, and that was for good reason.

“What is it?” he asked.

Mical looked a little taken back by the forwardness, but quickly regained his posture. “I was just wondering if you needed any help. After all, we need to stick together if we are to succeed with The Exile’s plan’s.”

Atton inwardly scoffed. “Yeah. Sure,” he replied. “All I’m doing is just going around and checking the surroundings, and if that’s what gets you going, I say be my guest. I was getting bored with it anyway.” He turned to walk away to leave the Disciple to do whatever it was that he wanted and walked out into the center courtyard. The fountain was still. Mostly because all of the foliage what was there and Atton strode over and sat down next to it.

He sighed.

It was going to be a long day.

The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 02-06-2008, 07:48 AM   #9
JediAthos
Senior Member
 
JediAthos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,438
Current Game: Defiance
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Interesting that your Exile met with the group in person...I don't know if I could do that were it me, but then I'm not a Jedi

The transition from the meeting to the next day seemed a little abrupt, and I also found it odd that nobody would object to his leaving, but perhaps they were just to weary to fight. After all, they've been through quite a bit.

At any rate, I still like it, and it will be interesting to see how Atton and Mical get along as the story unfolds.


"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

JediAthos is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > [FIC] - Consecrated Demise

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:24 PM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.