Ok... When your writting a story like this, you need to make complete sentances... don't leave out any words like:
Wrong: John destroyed plant.
Correct: John destroyed the
And also, ALWAYS capitalize the letter I if it's alone.
"Where am i?" she asked...
That should be capitalized. Also, always capitalize names... in the last sentance, Nihilus wasn't capitalized. Also... space between paragraphs... as it gets cluttered other wise, and when someone new speaks always make it a new paragraph.
Malak destroyed the planet and left it for dead.
"Sire... We must dispose of the world." Saul said.
"Destroy the entire planet then. Crush it into the dust." Malak replied.
I know... it's a bit tedious... but it'll make it better over all, plus it'll stop people from saying stuff like this in the future.
All in all, it's a pretty good fic... you just need to elaborate more as well as what I mentioned earlier. Keep writing.
Sorry, I didn't notice this earlier... in the first sentance, it shouldn't be standed, it should be stood.