(Author's Note: By popular demand, I humbly bow to the will of my readers and "reload" my "I'm Here for the Party" series! Let's see, where were we? Ah, yes...Revan had just finished reloading his game after he failed to shoot the Sith ships down in the turret exercise. Let us say he cheated...)
Man! When will the Sith ever learn not to mess with ME?! After all, I have the almighty power of THE CHEAT CODE(tm) and THE RELOAD(tm), which are the mightiest tools the Force ever created! Or frustrated game hackers. Whatevs.
Anyway, I finally blasted my way through the Sith ships (I downloaded a mod which would only put 2 up there instead of 6), and all's well. We're coming in for a landing on Dantooine, which sounds like a planet populated by a bunch of dentists. I mean, Dantooine/Dentaline? Or maybe Dentyne? What were you thinking, Lucas, old bro? Sounds like you didn't try to say the planets' names out loud before you sent them to the movie and game producers. Laaaazy!
Here we are. Not much of a planet, in my opinion. Just a bunch of farmers' fields. Maybe it should have been named Iowine. Or Illinoisine. No Sith here, just a Jedi temple. Why are we here? So I can at last become a Jedi! DUH!!!
"Excuse me for a moment. There is a matter I must discuss with the Council."
You mean, like I'm really strong in the Force? Or that I should become (gasp) a JEDI?!? Come on, Bastila, stop playing games and tell it straight. Could it be that you're too dumb to realize what the Council is going to say before they even say it? Seems like you are, from the vacant look in your baby-blue eyes. Sheesh. Jedi are so dumb and so secretive at the same time. I prefer Itreya. She may not be as "smart" as you, Bastila, but at least she lays it on the line and then lays it on me. Stang. Can't I at least go with you? Huh?
Bastila's off the ship. Some "leader" she is, who doesn't even include her main sidekick until it's too late and I already know what's coming anyway. Bastila should be the sidekick of ME, not the other way around. Oooh--she's back--
"Come with me, all of you. There is something important you should hear."
Oh, like (sings to the tune of "Hail to the Chief")
"I am so great, and I should become a Jedi. You all should know I Pwn, and use the Force! Bastila's dumb, and you're really hot, Itreya. Mission, your head-tails are weird--" Uh, sorry, dudes. I got a little carried away there. On to face the Jedi Council...
"Strong in the Force, you are. Become a Jedi, you should. Talk backwards, I do." Master Vandar, his name is, although we all know his real name--YODA! I mean, do the silly people who made this game think we're all so dumb as not to recognize the similarities? Green skin, wrinkled, short, weird grammar style?
"I'll become a Jedi--" Wait, what happens if I lie? Will they believe me? I'm going to cross my fingers behind my back and see if Master Vandar notices through his awesome powers in the Force! *Crosses fingers behind back.* "I will do anything for the cause of the--Light Side, is it? Yeah, Light Side!!!"
"Speak the truth, you do. Be a Padawan, you will." UN-be-Lucas-LIEVEABLE!
"Your Jedi robe, here is. Study and learn, you must. Become strong--" AAAHH!
So now I'm a Jedi, and I just builT this kick-gluteus blue lightsaber because I'm a "Guardian". Man, what am I, some parent of a delinquent minor? I prefer "Beast" or "Fighter." "Warrior". Hey, here comes Itreya. Gotta run--
"You lied." Stang, she found me out! "You know what? I don't care. You fooled the crud out of the Jedi Masters, which 'scores one' with me!!!"
Score two came when we snuck behind the canisters in the cargo hold. Jedi or no Jedi, I gotta admit that the Force is a powerful instrument of LU-U-UV!