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Old 06-04-2008, 06:55 PM   #41
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Not bad, not bad. So Yuthura got a new pair of clothing? I thought that Jedi had to wear their customary robes. I wonder what the Council will say of it. Anyways, it wasn't a bad chapter.

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Old 06-04-2008, 07:54 PM   #42
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Chapter 15: Healing Old Wounds

This Chapter has overwritten a previous post. The replies will be out of sync with the chapters from now on, so be aware of that.


It had been nearly a decade since I had escaped from Sleheyron. I still remembered the day I was left on that miserable planetoid and when I was discovered by Master Kolchak.

The star overhead had been beating down hard upon me for the last few days. Although twi’leks were adept at surviving in harsh environments, I was not going to survive there for very long. I still carried the knife that killed Omeesh, so I could cut into the plants and survived off its water. There was no wildlife or edible vegetation, so I would have starved to death. The water had extended my life by weeks, but for what purpose?

As I took shade under one of them, I already began to feel the pain of hunger nagging at my body. I didn’t know why I hadn't used the knife to just end my life there. Although I didn’t want to die, I knew there was nothing left to live for. As much as I wanted to end the my... I felt... something that was driving me to live, or keeping me from dying.

After about 20 days (those on the planetiod were very short), I heard a deep rumbling in the distance. It didn’t seem real, but I knew that I wasn’t going mad. I could feel the vibration in my flesh, the wind shifting against my skin, and the shadow that the ship cast upon the ground as it passed between me and the star.

When the engines powered down, I saw a human leave the vessel. I’ve never seen him before, but he seemed familiar. As he walked across the landscape towards me, I was scared, not knowing if he intended to harm me as had Omeesh. I didn’t know about anything outside of Omeesh's palace.

I tried to stand, but was very weak and knew that my best hope was to remain hidden. Of course, this man may have been my best hope of survival... but why survive? I had no desire to become someone else’s property again. I didn’t want to escape one master only to have another.

He caught sight of me and slowly approached. I had no idea what he intended... would he have taken me with him? Did he intend to take me for his own? Would he hurt me? That's all anyone outside had ever done. Fear clouded my mind and I got into a fetal position as if it would protect me.

When he was a few meters away, he stopped and gently called to me in twi’lek. [I’m Alfred Kolchak. Are you all right?]

I slowly raised my head and looked at him.

He extended his hand towards me. [It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you.]

I yelled out in Basic. “Please go away!”

He replied in basic, “I know you’re scared, but I’ve come to take you away from this place. You need not fear me.” He got to a knee. “What’s your name?”

I was shaking at what I was hearing. I’ve been tricked by kindness far too many times to let myself be lured by his pleasant words, but I answered. “Yu... Yuthura.”

He smiled and slowly came closer. “I’m glad to meet you, Yuthura. Can you stand?”

"Stay away!"

He refrained from taking another step. "Yuthura... I know that you do not wish to be here. I know that you're afraid, but if you wish to leave here... I can take you back to your home, or I could..."

Suddenly, terror took over my mind and I lost all control of myself. The thought of being returned to that horrible world was too much for me handle. I curled into a ball and wished so much to be... anywhere else. I had no reason to trust him, but I wanted so much to believe that he meant what he said. Suddenly, I felt his gentle touch on my back.

In an instant, it was like all the fear and terror was gone. Just feeling him was almost like knowing him. His gentle touch felt... wonderful. It was like everything that Omeesh was not. He softly spoke to me. “It’s all right. You're going to be all right.” He covered me with his cloak and lifted me off the ground. His strength was impressive, he could have used me and I would not have been able to protect myself, but I wasn’t afraid. There was no reason for me to think that I was going to be all right, but I felt I could trust this man. I wanted to believe what he was saying, so much that I was able to fall asleep in his arms.


I had awoken in a soft, warm bed with the human at my side. He handed me a piece of fruit and I snatched and fed on it so greedily, that I was ashamed at myself. I was just so hungary that I didn't have manners on the back on my mind. Of course, he was very patient and let me feast until I couldn't eat any more.

I could barely remember those first two days, but there were words that I could never forget. They could warm my heart forever. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”


Such a pleasant dream soon cleared to the reality of what had happened. The pain and the numbness were gone. For a moment, I thought I was back where I started, but I saw that I was in the presence of Master Vash. Without any expression on her face, she addressed me. “Good morning.”

I quickly leaned forward. “That nurse! Is she?”

“No. She’s not dead.” I sighed in great relief and fell back to the bed. “Her back was broken in two places. She will suffer the consequences of your actions for the next few days. You were lucky she wasn’t paralyzed... or worse. What happened there?”

I didn’t look at her. “She was... handling my lekku. It felt very much like being on Sleheyron again. I was naked, under a bright light, my body had been abused. When she removed the bandages from my lekku... it hurt. It was instinct for me to keep myself from being hurt again.”

“Well, your instincts almost killed her.”

I held my head in shame. “So what happens now?”

“That depends on you.”

I faced her, wanting a real answer. “What do you mean?”

“You can learn to control your instincts and act like a Jedi, or you can let them dominate your actions again.”

I buried my head in my hands. “I want to control my instincts... I try to control them... I don’t know if I ever will.”

“An honest answer.”

“Has Trevelyan returned? Does he know about this?”

“He’ll be arriving tomorrow. And no, he hasn’t been informed.” She took a pad out of her pocket and smiled as she handed it to me. “In the meantime, you’ll have to stay here for a few days. You’ve received 42 personal messages and I’m sure you’d like to read them.” She stood up to leave.

I grabbed the sleeve of her cloak. “One more thing... Master Zhar said that I was going to be promoted to Jedi knight. How does this...?”

She gave me a very sympathetic expression. “That’s yet to be determined. When you’re well enough, we will be debating your conduct during the mission. In the meantime, you’ve got some light reading.” She walked out of the room.

Although I was concerned with my promotion, I was more eager to look at the messages I received. I found Trevelyan’s name and was excited to hear from him.


“Yuthura, I’ve received over a dozen messages regarding you in the last two days. If they are praising me for what you have done, then you must’ve been great. I knew you could do it! I hope you understand that as well.
Juhani told me how you kept your head about you even during extreme conditions. She also told me that you put the mission before yourself... and that you would have died had she and Nevski followed your orders. You should be proud of yourself. I don’t know how I should feel about what you did, but I’m glad that you’re all right. If you don’t believe me, ask Juhani about the message I sent her.
I also got a message from Master Kolchak. He really wants to see you. I don’t know why you have been avoiding him, but I wish you would put it behind you. Please do this, if not for him, then for yourself.
I was informed that you were badly injured. I wish I could be there for you, but all I could do at this time is hope you have a quick and painless recovery. I’ll be back within the week, so I will see you then. May the Force be with you.



I lowered the pad and wondered how he would have written it had he known about the incident afterwards. Would he have been concerned or disappointed?

I took a look at the list of messages and saw that I had a number from Master Kolchak over the last two weeks. He has been trying to contact me and I just kept brushing him out of my mind. Trevelyan was right: whatever my reasons, I should have put them behind me and see my old master. If might have given him some peace to see me again, I owe him at least that much.

I got myself out of bed and slowly stood up. I was very weak, but at least the pain was gone. My robe, lightsaber, and boots were on a chair across the room. I pulled them toward me and changed into them. I clipped my lightsaber to my belt and slowly walked out. I was not supposed to leave, but I’ve never been one to listen to the rules. Since I was not dying, I didn’t need to be there and I wasn’t going into action any time soon. I might as well have gotten out of their hair, or so the expression meant.

I had managed to sneak out without being seen, but I ran into Mission Vao and her wookie friend, Zalbar. “Yuthura? We were just coming to see you.”

I didn’t want to be held up by the two, so I honestly said “Visiting hours are over.”

“Trevelyan said you’d be off your feet for about a week. He thought you might like some company.”

“That’s very much appreciated, but I have somewhere I need to be.”

She gave me a frustrated look. “I suppose jedi don’t even get sick leave, do they?”

“I’m well enough, but thank-you.”

“Come on Big ‘Z.’ I suppose the Hero of Kuril is too busy for us.”

“Hero of Kuril?”

“Yeah. That’s what everyone’s calling you. Don’t tell me you haven’t heard.”

“Actually, I’ve been in a Kolto tank for the last two days.”

“Oh... well... you’re famous now.”

I laughed out loud and it hurt my new lung, but I didn’t show it. “I really do have to be somewhere. I’ll keep in touch.”


I walked slowly through the temple and came across three Jedi that smiled and nodded at me. I didn't even know them, but one started a conversation with me. “Are you Master Yuthura?”

I chuckled a bit. “’Master Yuthura.’ Been a while since I’ve been called that.” I looked directly at the kid. “No, I’m not a master, or even a knight for that matter. Anyway, is there something you needed?”

“I was wondering what you’re planning to do in the near future.”

I didn’t want to be bothered by another with a pointless conversation, but I didn’t dismiss him. “If you want to follow... I’ll listen.” He started walking beside me. “I don’t know. I haven’t planned that far ahead. Why do you ask?”

“Have you considered taking a padawan?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought.” I considered the idea for a moment. “One day, maybe.”

“If you did, would you be willing to consider taking me?”

I laughed and smiled at how ridiculous the request was. “You want to study under the Hero of Kuril?” I kept laughing.

He gave me a very serious look. “I would like to study under Yuthura Ban if she would have me.”

I stopped right there and looked at the boy. I've never been asked such a thing and didn’t expect anyone would. “Despite what you may have heard in the last few days, I would not be the best master to have. The truth is that I’m not a good example to follow. I’m flattered, but you should not put too much faith in me.”

“I’ve looked over your records and I really would prefer to learn from you over any other.”

I was flooded with emotions and didn’t know what to think. “Why me?”

“You are the only one who has ever served the dark side and turned away from it of her own accord. No one's ever done such a thing.”

I looked away and tried to answer. “I suppose no one is beyond redemption. The truth is that I was never a very good Sith. Most just want to take power for themselves. I joined for... other reasons.”

“Fighting slavery?” He asked.

“Yes, actually.” I smiled when I heard that he must really have handpicked me from a wide range of others. As much as I may enjoy training another, I knew that I wasn’t ready for it yet. I sighed, “I’m sorry but I can’t take on a padawan... I can barely take care of myself right now. I am flattered that you would want me of all the others, but you should choose someone else.” I kept walking, but stopped for a moment and looked back to see disappointment on his face. “I was glad to meet you padawan...”

“Ross Senegal.”

I turned back and kept walking down the Main Hall of the Enclave. It was from there that I could find an elevator to the upper levels. Master Kolchak’s quarters were a few floors above mine and it was likely that I could find him there that early in the day.

My heart rate was very high. The last time we spoke, I tried to kill him. What could I possibly have done or said that would change that? As I prepared to confront my guilt, I became engulfed by my memories... they consumed me.


It had been three years since I escaped from Sleheyron. Despite my best efforts, the Jedi have abandoned me. They were never going to fight slavery. They wanted nothing more than to forgive the guilty, but I could not allow such cruelties to go unpunished. They said it was their duty to protect those who couldn’t defend themselves. If they wouldn’t do it, it was up to me.

I had no choice but to find another means to combat the wickedness of slavery. It seemed as though no one cared whether I lived or died. They were all glad to watch me go... all except one.

“Yuthura, please don’t go.”

“I’ve made my decision, Alfred. I’m not going to change it.”

“I know that you’ve been dealing with the Sith. The Council would understand. You can end this now and come back.”

“I’m doing what is right.”

“You’re turning your back on everything the Jedi stand for. How can you believe that is right?"

I turned to face him. “I didn’t turn my back on them. They've turned their backs on those they’ve sworn to protect. If the Jedi won’t do anything about it, then I will.”

“You suffer... I see it day by day. It was spawned on Sleheyron, but it feeds on your hate. If you go to the Sith, you’ll doom yourself to and endless cycle of death and destruction. The only way to end that cycle is through peace.”

I slowly shook my head. “There is no peace... not for me. I’m sorry.” I turned away from him again.

“Please... don’t do this! If you go to the sith, then I would have no choice but to stop you.”

I turned my head just enough for him to see a tear in my eye. “Please... just let me go.”

“I don’t want you to die! For the sake of the Force... don’t do this!” He grabbed me from behind and restrained me in his arms. “Please listen to me!”

“Get off of me!” I shrieked as a terrible rage swelled beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. It allowed me to break myself free of his grasp and throw him onto the ground. I grabbed my lightsaber and turned to strike him down, but he engaged his saber just before I could deliver the blow.

For several seconds, I swung my saber repeatedly as he was on his back deflecting the blows. His skills were enough to best my strength and throw me off balance long enough to get back on his feet. I was so enraged that he didn’t die... I just attacked him with all the anger I had restrained for three years. It felt so good to finally vent all my rage. I was almost glad to have an excuse to kill my own master.

The one who rescued me from that desolate planetoid... the one who believed in me when no one else would... my friend... my master... the only one who loved me... I had forgotten all of it. All that mattered was freeing myself from him and all that he represented.

I kept attacking with so much fury that I forgot to pace myself. Within a minute, I had exhausted my strength and could not sustain my attacks any longer. I started going on the defensive as he came back with a seemingly endless flurry of attacks and lances.

In desperation, I deflected his lance and spun myself to get between him and his sword of light. I didn’t expect him to drop his weapon and grab me from behind and lock his arms around so I couldn’t break free and pinned me to the ground. “For the love of god, Yuthura! Please!”

His plea didn’t matter to me. All I wanted was to be free of him, so I shot a Force wave, throwing him back several meters. I came at him again, but he threw me back with the same attack and I was knocked to the ground. Then he reached out and took hold of my neck with the Force, cutting off my breathing. It was such a strong hold that I was pulled to my feet and soon lifted off the ground. I was surprised that he would ever do such a thing, but I was suffocating. If I could have spoken, I would have pleaded for mercy, but it eventually came anyway.

I dropped to my hands and knees, gasping for breath. Somehow, I expected forgiveness, but as I looked into his eyes, something was gone. I never noticed it before, but he truly cared for me. It used to show every time he looked at me... the look was gone.

In a very sorrowful tone, he spoke his last words to me. “I tried to help you. I loved you more than my own life. I knew your experience from Sleheyron pained you and I tried to relieve you of it. I tried to show you peace, but you were more interested in revenge than freeing yourself of that pain. Since you have chosen to feed your anger, I will teach you no longer. If you wish to damn yourself, then know this: Omeesh didn’t break you... you’ve destroyed yourself."

He walked up to me and almost whispered to me. “You are a detestable creature. Something that I despise, but I will not kill you. Go now and follow your hatred if that is what you want. Go now... and be damned.” He turned around, picked up his lightsaber, and walked away... never looking back.

I was left alone in that field. The words he used perfectly carved up my soul and hurt me more than any device Omeesh used on his slaves. And when he left me, I had nothing left but my hate and anger. He could have just spared both our feelings and let me go, but he wanted to make my departure as painful as he could.

In the moment that followed, I said something to him... knowing he wasn't there to listen. "I will join the sith and I will show you just what I can do. From the ashes, a fire has been woken. My anger will burn across the galaxy and I will hunt down and destroy all who prey on the helpless. Let the slavers beware... for I will unleash hell upon them."


As I thought upon that battle, I couldn’t escape that I had indeed become a monster. All he wanted was to save me from myself, but I wouldn’t listen. I just wanted to give in to my lust for revenge as if it would make my pain go away. He just wanted to ease me of that pain.

Alfred was not my master; he was like my father. He loved me as he would have his own child and I made him suffer because of it. He had every right to hate me and I didn’t want him to think he meant nothing to me... I just did what I thought was right. Now that I knew the truth, he at least deserved an explanation for what I did.

******Original Post******

My question to readers is this: Does the plot within the last chapter detract from the story? There are some pieces that I want in the story, but I really think the man on the monorail is unrealistic and weak. I think it should go, but if I get enough feedback or a suggestion for the chapter's plot, I'll leave it alone or change it.

What I wanted to portray in the chapter was that Yuthura stepped on other people's toes without giving it a second thought. By disregarding the customary robes, changing medical records, and using the mind trick to avoid responsibility... she gets under the skin of other jedi. Despite how wise she may seem, she remains far from an ideal jedi.

The whole vibrosword thing was so Yuthura could try to make herself appear bold and threatening to others. Despite being a jedi, she still wants to drive fear into the hearts of enemies and comes to see that the sword is just a pathetic attempt to make herself look more serious than she really was.

Anyway... If I get rid of the chapter, this was what I wanted to display.

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 11-08-2008 at 08:55 PM.
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Old 06-04-2008, 08:02 PM   #43
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Well, to answer your question, I think it kinda detracts from the story. Honestly, when I read the chapter, I though,

"Why would Yuthura do something like this?! After all of the work that she has done...."

I just don't think that changing the medical records, the mind trick, and what not was really needed. That was more of what I was thinking about. The rest is fine, and think that it was a good thing that Yuthura actually got a new pair of clothes. After the chapter before this one, I don't think that this was the best thing to add in quite yet. I am in no way trying to say that this wasn't a good chapter, I just think that it might be a little bit out of place.

To me, you have already expressed that Yuthura is still very far away from being a 'perfect jedi', if there is even such a thing. You portrayed this well when she attacked the nurse.

I hope that my opinion matters, and that I wasn't harsh. If it comes across that I am, please, please forgive me because that is not my intention.

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Old 06-04-2008, 11:54 PM   #44
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Chapter 16: Reunited

Here it is! At long last, Yuthura approaches her old master.
When I was in front of his door, I struggled to knock, but he felt my presence and knew I was there. A few seconds later, the door slid open and we looked upon each other again. He has changed very little since the last time I saw him. My tattoos seemed to define a completely different person from the one that abandoned him five years ago.
For a long moment, we just stared at each other. I did not know if I could say anything that could ease his pain. Maybe everything that needed to be was already said. He took a deep breath and said his piece: “When I first heard that you had returned to Dantoinne... I didn’t know what to believe.”

I found that I didn’t know what to say... I just stood there for another long moment before I dared talk. “The last time we spoke, you said that you despised me... that I had destroyed myself. I returned kindness with hate.” I inhaled very nervously. “Why did you not kill me?”

He turned his head to the left and hesitated to answer. “I tried... but it was too painful for me. I knew that you were not acting out of malice, but out of desperation. I didn’t like what you had done, but I understood why you did it.”

I shook my head. “No. There is nothing worse than a monster who thinks she has a just cause... that’s what I had become. You had every right to detest me.” I lowered my head in guilt. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” I turned around and tried to withdraw from his sight.

He stepped into the hallway. “Wait. Where are you going?”

I turned around. “My presence must be a torment to you. I didn’t wish to force myself upon you.”

“Please, don’t leave.” He got in front of me and very gently placed his hands on my shoulders. He gestured toward the door. “Please come in.”

I was afraid to turn around and enter, but he had guided me towards his doorway and into his living room. I desperately wanted to leave, but I knew that I had to do this. If not for myself, then for one I had hurt so many years ago.

“When I first heard that you turned away from the sith... I didn’t know what to think. I wanted so much to believe that you had truly done it, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a ruse conjured by them. You were capable of such acts.”

I tilted my head in guilt and answered, “Yes.” I hesitated to ask, “What do you think of me now?”

He began to study my face, placed his hand on my forehead and moved his fingers along the interweaving of the tattoos. He felt the flesh along my cheek and under my neck. I didn’t know what to expect next. I was scared that I would wound him more deeply by coming back into his life than anything else. I closed my eyes and hoped that I wouldn’t hurt him. A moment later, he had me in his arms.

I was not fully healed, so I let out a painful groan. “Ribs! Watch the ribs!”

He quickly backed away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you... wait, they wouldn’t have discharged you from the medical ward in this condition.” I gave him my ‘innocent’ expression. He shook his head. “You still don’t listen to good advice... even when it’s in your own best interest.”

“I wanted to see you.”

He came up to me and gave a more gentle embrace with his arms on my shoulders and mine around his waist. We held on to each other for a long, tender moment and I started crying at how much I missed him. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but I couldn’t escape the guilt I felt for having hurt him so long ago. When we pulled away from each other, I saw that he was crying as well. It was embarrassing to see his weakness, but it truly felt good to know he missed me... that he worried about me.

“Master, I’m so sorry.”

He placed his hand under my neck and his forehead against mine. “I thought I lost you forever. You have no idea how much it means to see you again.”

I must have had a big, dumb, grin on my face, but I was so glad to see him again. “It’s good to be back after so long. There’s so much I wanted to tell you... I don’t know where to begin.”


“We spoke for over an hour about a wide range of topics. I told him about many of my crimes while I was a sith. He told me about how hard it was to lose me. It pained me to hear him apologizing for failing me... it was me who failed him.

I learned that he had stopped training apprentices after losing me. Instead, he taught classes at the Couriscant Academy. It was terrible to know that I had such an effect on so many others when I left.

He also explained why he hasn't seen me since my return. Trevelyan believed that the best way for me to reintegrate with the jedi was to sit back and allow me to choose when I would deal with my past. It must have been hard for Alfred to watch me from a distance, not knowing if I would ever return to him. I regret that I didn't approach him sooner.

I spent most of my time apologizing for my sins. I explained that I had forgotten about the slavers, but was reminded by Trevelyan. “He made me realize that all I ever wanted was peace... to be free of the pain of my memories. When he made me see that, I knew my place was not with them.”
I sighed in embarrassment. “As for being free to do as I wished; I never felt more trapped on Sleheyron than I did on Korriban. I still don’t know why I never realized it.”

“The darkside is hard to see. You should be proud of yourself for turning away from it. I know that you have done terrible acts, but in the end, you saw what you had become and turned away from it.” He stared at me, displaying a proud smile. “I’m glad to have you back. Are there any others who you knew from before? Did you make contact with any friends from Dantoinne?”

“Few, but I don’t think they would call me ‘friend’ anymore. I’ve made some since I’ve been back. Most came through Trevelyan.”

“Can I ask a question?” He said.

I nodded.

“Why did you trust Trevelyan when you believed he was still a sith?”

“He... went to great lengths to reach out to me. When I looked at him, he reminded me of a time before I became a sith.” I smiled and chuckled. “In many ways, he reminded me of you. We soon became friends and I found him to be a great man. By the time he and I challenged Uthar, my sith master, we succeeded.” I took a deep breath and reluctantly continued. “But the code of the sith required that the strongest must rule and the weak must yield. I knew in my heart that Trevelyan was superior to me... I betrayed him.”

“How did he take it?”

“I think he expected it. He was more saddened than he was angry. When I was beaten, I begged him in the same way I did when we... and after sparing my life, he told me that it wasn’t too late.” My mind trailed off. “Those slaves still needed someone to fight for them. When he said that it could give me some peace, I understood what you tried to tell me so many years ago.”

He smiled in anticipation. “What was it?”

Tears began to stream from my eyes. “I didn’t leave the jedi because I wanted to fight slavery; I wanted to escape the pain of my memories.” I sighed. “The only way I could ever live with myself was to accept what had happened. No power would ever quench my thirst for revenge... the only way I had was to stop wanting it.”

He grinned when he heard me say that. “You’ve become wiser since then. I... have wondered if you would have done so well had I properly instructed you.”

“Please stop blaming yourself. It was your teachings that inevitably lead me back to the light... I simply refused to listen. It wasn’t until Trevelyan had beaten them into me that I learned. If he had an ounce of sense, he would have killed me a dozen times over.”

After another laugh, he continued. “Well, I’m glad your back. Because I have something that you left behind. And I never knew what to do with it.” He got out of his chair and walked into his bedroom.

I knew exactly what he was retrieving. To me, it had always been a tool with no sentimental value at all. I was almost hoping that it had remained on Dantoinne; it was built by someone else. It does not belong to me anymore.

He walked back into the living room with my old lightsaber wrapped in a cloth. He set it on the table in front of me and smiled with anticipation. I maintained a very solemn expression as I uncovered the weapon and examined it. I saw the scratches on the casing and remembered some of the specific events that caused the battle scars. I activated it; deploying the yellow blade of a sentinel. The feel of the weapon was not how I remembered.

I looked at my old master with the same solemn expression and he didn’t understand why I was like that. I suppose the saber didn’t reflect the person that holds it now. It was built by an angry, hate-filled child who had become a monster.

I deactivated the blade of light. “It’s not mine anymore. It belonged to someone too interested in dealing out death and punishment. That is not who I want to be.”

“Who you once were will always be part of who you are now. Please take it.”

“I don’t want it. It was what I used to attack you with. Besides, I have already built a new saber that reflects who I have become. If you give this to me, I’ll just throw it away.”

He sighed is disappointment. “Very well. I hope you change your mind. Until then, I’ll continue to hold onto it.” He wrapped it up and set it aside. Then he began thinking about something else. He faced me again, “I had once given you a necklace... I was wondering if you...”

I slowly moved my hand to the collar of my robe and pulled my most valued possession into view. It was a titanium chain with a small upari crystal suspended from it. This was the only possession I was allowed to have while among the order, but it was more than I ever had while I was a slave. It meant more to me than my lightsaber.

He grinned as it came into view. He held the crystal in his palm and was so happy to see it again. “I’m so glad that you kept it. I remember when I gave it to you... it meant so much for you to have this one treasure... you were satisfied to have nothing else because it was more than a slave could ever want. I feared you’d have thrown it away like you had your lightsaber.” He kept grinning, but it soon faded when he saw how saddened I appeared.

“When I was with the sith, I kept it, yes... but not for the reason you think.” I held the crystal in my hand. “This chain around me neck... was a chain that I chose to wear. The necklace was meant to remind me of the chains that the jedi tried to place around my neck. I used to value it like I would a slaver’s collar. And it reminded me that the jedi were no better than the slavers I wanted to fight... only the chains they used were of a different kind.”

Alfred was very hurt to hear that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you thought of it in that way. You seemed to treasure it when I gave it to you.”

I held his hands. “I don’t think that way anymore... not even a little.” I gestured to the crystal. “This reminds me of the person who saved me and tried to ease the pain of a previous life. It reminds me of the sacrifice that you went through for me. I owe it to you and Trevelyan to become the best jedi I can.”

Alfred shook his head. “Don’t do this for me. This kind of commitment should only be done if it is what you want. If you simply feel that you are obligated to this path because of Revan or me, then you won’t be able to find peace.”

“But a jedi’s life is sacrifice. If I were doing this because I want to end slavery, how would that keep me from peace?”

“I was referring to guilt. If you were doing this because you feel guilty for betraying us, then you will have difficulty finding peace or serenity.”

“I think you are wrong about that. Guilt is a powerful motivator. It was what made me turn away from the darkside. It forces one to better herself.
“I can’t just forget everything that I’ve done; it wouldn’t be right. The only way I can live with myself is if I can make reparations for what I’ve done. If I don’t, then have I truly turned away from the sith?”

Alfred smiled and tried to embrace me again. I said, “Ribs...”

“That’s it. I’m you back to the medical facility.”

“I’m alright.” I replied.

“You can either go back to bed, or get back to work. This isn’t a holiday.”

“Come on. I just saved a planet. Doesn’t that deserve at least some time to myself?”

He gently pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear. “It is good to have you back.”

“It would be even better if I could train under your guidance again.”

Alfred pulled himself away from me and put himself an arm’s length away. “Zhar is a much better instructor than I. It comforts me to know you are in his hands.”

I sighed in disappointment. “I will respect your wishes, but I would follow your wisdom with much more dedication than I would Zhar’s.”

“If I were retraining you, I would have to be just as harsh. I really would not like to go through all that again. Given what you’ve been through, you may grow to hate me again... I would rather that we could remain on speaking terms.”

I nodded and jokingly said, “So I can hate Zhar all I want and it won’t bother you?”

Alfred laughed out loud. “Try not to. I know he’s as arrogant as anyone, but he does know what he’s doing. Just pretend that you’re training under me again.”

“I’ll try, but I don’t think it’ll work.” We laughed at length before I heard the door chime.

“Enter.” The door slid open and Alfred welcomed his guest. “Beleyla! Please come in. Would you like a drink?”

“No, but you do have something that I want.” She stared at me with a fairly sharp frown.

“I’m on medical leave.” I stated.

“Which involves you being in the medical ward. I’m to take you back... now.”

I looked back with a ‘kinrath pup’ face. “I don’t want to be there. The medical staff doesn’t want me there. Everyone’s happy.”

She gave me a very serious stare to ensure I knew who was boss. Then, Alfred said, “Don’t worry. I’ll see to it that she returns to the ward. You can tell your superior that I will take care of that.”

She gave a nod. “Very well. You are responsible for her return.”

As she turned to leave, Alfred said “I’m sorry about Dantoinne. I know about your master.”

She gave a slight nod. She then looked at both of us and likely held hard feelings that we were together and she didn’t have her master. “Thank-you. Although I have strong reservations for her, I’m glad that she is with you again.”

I tried to defend myself. “It wasn’t personal, Beleya. I just did what I thought was right...”

“Save it. What I think doesn’t matter. You’ve been forgiven and I have to live with that.” She turned away to leave the room.

“What was that about?” Alfred asked.

“She doesn’t think I should have been forgiven for teaching the sith on Korriban. She also had problems with anger, but has always done what was necessary to restrain it. She thinks I always had things too easy among the jedi and... I don’t want to discuss it further.”

He nodded. “Well you heard what she said. I’m taking you back to the ward.”

“Master, please... I don’t want to lay around all day. Can’t I...”

“I’m now responsible for your return. If you don’t comply, I will face the consequences.” He stated.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. You return of your own free will and stay in the ward until you’ve fully recovered.”

“And you’ll be there with me?”

He shook his head almost proudly. “I’ve got classes to teach. Once I’m done with them, then I’ll visit you. Until that time... catch up on your studies.” He stopped in his doorway and pointed a finger at me. “You’re in enough trouble with the medical staff as it is. Don’t make it worse.”

-----Original message------

Brace for impact. Yuthura is currently in the eye of a hurricane. She's about to go head to head with Atris. How this ends... only the author knows.

I asked... didn't I? I do take criticism very seriously because I need to know what is wrong in order to correct it. My spin on this revolves around Yuthura becoming prideful because she just saved half a planet. In the next chapter, that pride will be shattered.

I actually would like to know reader's opinion's at this point. Her situation is this: She is 'protected' by Revan, She just saved half a planet from being destroyed, other jedi are starting to respect her.

She also has a promotion in debate for jedi knight and she attacked a nurse.

Do you believe that Yuthura would come across as prideful, or would she be too scared to step on anyone's toes?

I appreciate the criticism I have already received and will take it to heart.

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 11-05-2008 at 06:42 PM.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:23 AM   #45
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Unhappy Chapter 17: Needlessly Disobedient

This Chapter is quite pointless. If anyone would insist that it be removed or changed, I'll do that. I just wanted to show that Yuthura has a nature for disregarding the finer aspects of the jedi because they don't significantly affect others. I also wanted to bring a few more things into the light for the next two or three chapters.

I’ve never been one to keep promises. I did exactly as I was instructed and returned to the medical ward... I just didn’t decide to stay. After I hacked into a computer terminal, I changed the logs to indicate that I already spent six days there and could leave whenever I wanted. I almost marveled at my disobedience for very minor issues.

I walked out of the recovery room and logged out properly. One of the nurses that sedated me noticed that I was leaving early, but she didn’t object to my departure. They must have figured that I was only hurting myself, so they cleared me.

I rarely go through vast marketplaces to look at useless junk that I’ll never buy, but I rather enjoy watching commerce in action. These people aren’t beyond the need for physical possessions and revolve around the credit. Although most people are interested in wasting their money there, I was more interested in finding something worth buying. For a jedi, that is restricted to little more than basic necessities, tools, or weapons.

I was still wearing Trevelyan’s black robe and I figured that I needed something... different. I wasn’t one for robes and really wanted some cloths that fit properly, so I took a little trip to a local marketing center. I needed something that would allow me to be less conspicuous while taking advantage of my twi’lek charm.

They say cloths make the man... I hope that also applies to woman. I never really thought about it, but I’ve never been able to dress myself in all my life. On Sleheyron, I wore what Omeesh found aesthetically pleasing. I followed jedi tradition and wore their dull, brown robes. Then I wore that unflattering gray sith uniform. Maybe if I got myself some cloths of my choice, it would make me feel more like my own person.

After searching various businesses, I found my new look: a silver and black Twi’lek garment that could be fitted with light armor plates. The entire ensemble was casual for a twi’lek, but a bit revealing for some species. The top exposed my midriff, but it would completely cover my arms and shoulders with a flame-resistant nylon fabric. I also got a new headband that could cover some of the tattoos on my forehead. It also had more decorative ribbons that laced around my lekku.

On top of the ensemble was a pair of light gauntlets equipped with collapsible greaves. The boots were made of military grade light fiber armor. I also purchased a small vibrosword with a sheath that I could strap across my back. This was purely decorative, but a solid blade often can be very intimidating to opponents.

I the mirror, I didn’t look much like myself. I did like how I could actually see Alfred’s necklace for once. The outfit served its purposes, but it also made me more attractive to the ‘stronger’ sex. I always had a power over men... although I would opt not to use it, I shouldn’t ignore it. Total for my new look: 590 credits... courtesy of the jedi.

When I had what I needed, I took the monorail back to the enclave. Simply walking around seemed different than before... everyone who recognize my tattoos keep their distance, but there some individuals that don’t know when to stay away. I encountered one on my way back.

“How can a sith walk around these parts?”

“I have as much right to be here as you.” I replied.

“Just as you had to right to invade the Republic? You should all be imprisoned for what you’ve done.”

I turned my back on the human male. “I’m not a sith anymore.”

“Because your retched empire was shattered? Just do what’s in your own interests?”

“I don’t want any trouble.”

“You destroyed my home... Taris and for what? You ******* selfish, planet-grabing, empire-building freaks!” He grabbed my vibroblade from its sheath and attacked me. I dodged the blow, but fell to the deck. He then tried to deliver a killing blow, but I deflected it with my right foot and the sword clashed against the wall.

To end the fight, I wrapped my feet around his legs and tripped him up. The blade went flying towards the crowd, but I snagged it with the force and brought it back to my hand. Then I leveled the tip at his neck. “I’m not a sith anymore. If I were you would be dead now. I just want you to leave me alone.”

“That’s all we ever wanted, but the sith murdered everyone on my planet. Why do you deserve any better?”

For some reason, I felt I had to help this man. He wasn’t cruel... just isolated and alone with a great pain in his heart. I sheathed my sword and extended my hand to him. After a moment of staring at it, he accepted. Then I asked, “Did you have family on Taris?”

“A wife, my mother, a sister... murdered.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Sorry? What good is ‘sorry’?”

“I know the pain of loss that you must suffer. I know what it’s like to hate someone with every fiber of your being. You may think that revenge would make that pain go away... nothing will. It’s best to recognize that it’s not revenge you seek, but escape from that pain. I know it’s easy for others to tell you that, but anger and hate only makes it more difficult to think of anything else.”

He looked at me with respect. “Why are you doing this? I just tried to kill you.”

“I admit that I don’t take kindly to that, but I think I understand why you did it. I don’t hold any anger towards you... I wish you peace.”

He saw my lightsaber and gave me an unusual smile. “You’re a jedi... aren’t you?”

“No. But I’m trying to live up to their example.”

Just then, two security guards approached us. “Were you just using that?” Referring to the sword.

The man tried to explain, but I cut him off. “He wanted to see my vibrosword and I was a bit clumsy with it. No one was hurt.”

He looked at us, unconvinced. “Alright, but weapons are not permitted on the monorail. I’ll have to take that and you must pay a fine.”

I looked at the guard, confused. “Fine?”

“Possession of a lethal weapon bears a 250 credit fine.”

I used the mind trick on him. “I already paid the fine.”

“Uh... yeah. You must have. Just don’t cause anymore trouble. Good day.”

“Officer.” I smiled at how much I surpass all those around me. I love being able to tinker with weak minded fools. Then when I looked at myself in the window, I started to wonder if it was alright for me to misbehave as I have or if the Order expects more from me. I knew that I shouldn’t be allowed to get away with carrying a vibroblade.

The man kept staring in awe. “You are a jedi. I’m sorry I tried to...”

“Don’t worry about it.” I faced him. “Try to let go of your anger. I know it’s not easy, but the last thing you would want is to feed the emotions that cause you such pain. It was anger that lead me to the sith... and many others suffered because of it.”

The monorail came to my stop and I exited the train. I turned back to see the man watching me as he disappeared from sight. I hope that I had some impact on him... I helped the ones that destroyed his life. I truly did nothing for him, but for reasons I couldn’t explain, I carried my head high for the rest of that day.


When I got back to the enclave, I was greeted by Master Kolchak at the front entrance. “I suppose I shouldn’t trust you again.”

I gave a very prideful smile. “I was released by the medical staff. They said I was fit enough to leave.”

“Well... since you are ‘well enough’ to return to duty, Master Atris would like an audience with you.”


“Sometime before the end of the day.” He looked at my outfit... although he didn’t have any of those thoughts on his mind, he was attracted. He stared at my midriff. “How far do those tattoos go anyway?”

“Head to toe.”

Then his eyes caught what was on my back. “What’s with the vibroblade?”

I pulled it out of the sheath and held it out. “Purely for aesthetics. I just think that the sight of one of these is enough to scare enemies before the need to attack.”

He shook his head. “A lightsaber would be more than enough. Besides, you’d find that a vibrosword is too cumbersome to carry with you all the time.”

I waved the sword in front and looked at my reflection on the blade before sheathing and holding it at my side. “Waste of credits.” We started walking into the enclave and through the main hall. “I got into a fight with someone who’s home was destroyed by the sith.”

“What kind of fight?”

“He tried to kill me.”

Alfred looked at my, startled. “How did it end?”

“No one was hurt. I gave him some words of wisdom, but I don’t know if it mattered. He believed I was a jedi.”

“That could mean a lot to someone. You might have had a greater impact than you think.”

I shook my head. “A lifetime of pain and anger is not something you can forget in a conversation. I just did what I could... the rest is up to him.”

Alfred gave me a very sharp smile and chuckled in glee. “It’s Amazing. You are very much like you were five years ago... and yet, there is something more. I could not imagine that you were a sith only two months ago. Have you found peace since you’ve returned?”

I tilted my head and thought about that very basic question. “I’m... much more satisfied with the way things are than ever before. When I returned from Kuril, I thought the answer was yes... but after the accident afterwards. I’m not so sure.”

“It was instinctive. You shouldn’t feel as though you’ve failed.”

I stopped walking and turned to face Alfred. “I did fail. I almost killed an innocent woman because I couldn’t control my emotions. If that could happen when I’m not thinking about it, then I’m a threat to those around me.” I sighed in frustration. “I just wish I could be free of my memories from Sleheyron.”

Alfred looked at me for a long moment before he gave me a suggestion, “There may be a way. The Council has the means to ease painful memories in a very selective manner. If you were to ask it of them, they may...”

“A mind wipe?!” I asked in great fear.

“No. Instead of destroying an entire mind, the Council could target very specific memories and repress them. Those memories that have plagued your ability to find peace could be suppressed if you want it.”

I stood there in shock at what I was hearing. The very memories that I wished to be free of may finally be forgotten. Maybe it was the solution that I’ve always wanted. The very thought filled me with hope, yet scared me.
After sitting on one of the benches, Afred allowed me to collect my thoughts. I lifted my head to face him. “What do you think?”

“I would advise against it. Once memories are gone, retrieving them is almost impossible. I only say it because your experiences have been so extreme that you may want to consider this.”

I leaned my head back and spoke my thoughts out loud. “Free of my memories? It’s like a prison that I could never escape.” I brought my eyes back on Alfred. “That is something I’ve wanted all my life... but now? I don’t know if I should.”

“It’s a significant choice and one that should not be made without extreme consideration. I am only letting you know that you have that option.”

“Do you think I should?”

He shook his head very gently. “Only you must decide. I would prefer that you not, but if you must... I’ll support your choice.”

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 11-05-2008 at 07:02 PM.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:33 AM   #46
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Wow, Atris is truly evil! You captured that very well. I think that Yuthura did the right thing though, even if it was what Atris wanted. Great chapter, IMO. I think that you captured the situation very well! Keep up that great work!

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Old 06-05-2008, 01:12 AM   #47
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QFT. Atris was captured very well. I'm only dissappointed that she didnt lose her head. Always hated her. This is a moving chapter, and I hope Yuthura gets off the hook. She was doing much better until Atris stepped in. Oh, I hope Atris gets whats coming to her!

As to chapter 15 - I enjoyed the reading but it does destract from the point of the story. But it does show her pride well. I like this story alot because Yuthura is not that stereotypical do gooder character. She has faults but her intentions are good. As Rev said I think this is a little out of place, but I totally understand the mind trick and all that. I honestly think that Yuthura will never quite follow the code to a tee and she will from time to time commit minor infractions.

As to being prideful or stepping on toes: I think you portrayed it as I would. She would try to avoid stepping on toes, but when insulted and challenged, she would not back down. She asserted her individuality (with the clothes) but in a way nobody but bi- ehem...witches like Atris would object. You showed this quite well in "Enter Atris." Also, a suggestion: I think that Yuthura should pay a visit to the nurse she hurt, as this would really show her desire to do good. I know this is hard now b/c she is confined to the med bay and all that but maybe a little later. Just a suggestion.

Poor Yuthura, I feel so bad for her right now.


Viva La Resistance!
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:19 AM   #48
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Unhappy Chapter 18: Enter Atris

I’ve never personally spoken to Council Member Atris before, but I've heard that she had an arrogance that put even Master Vrook to shame. I had very little desire to speak with her, but there was no way around it. Although I could remind myself that her opinion of me was irrelevant, she had authority and I did not. She also had a means to influence my fate.

I looked over her records once and I was most unimpressed with her 'accomplishments'. On the surface, she seemed like an ideal Jedi, but she was so committed to the code that she seemed to ignore everything that made it work... at least it’s what I’ve been told by some. I also knew that when it came to opposing her... things either went her way or they didn’t go at all. I didn't understand how she of all people could become a lifetime Council member... she didn't do anything to earn such an honor.


I had prepared myself to swallow whatever she was going to say to me. As much as I didn’t like being addressed and treated as a ‘sith,’ it didn’t matter what she thought or said. So long as Trevelyan supported me and I maintained some solid foundation with the other Council members, I would be fine. Still, that meeting was likely going to push my emotional controls to their limits... hopefully not beyond.

Atris had an office deep within the enclave near one of the training facilities. There was a window where she could gaze upon padewans as they practiced under her supervision. I was informed that she was working there for the rest of the day, so I confronted her. “You summoned me.”

She looked up from her desk. “You’re not wearing the traditional robes of a Jedi. You keep saying that you wish to be a part of this society, yet you disregard the most basic responsibilities. How do you expect to be taken seriously?”

“It's only a minor thing. What’s important is that I behave like a Jedi whenever it truly matters.”

She took her eyes off me and looked down at her data pad. “Even then, you do not.”

“Excuse me?” I said in a disrespectful manner.

She picked up the pad and stood up from her seat. ”I’ve been going over your mission report. According to you and your crew... you willingly seduced yourself to the Darkside while you were on Kuril.”

I crossed my arms. “Seduced? You mean when I was trying to land the ship without power?”

“You tapped into the darkside. That is forbidden, especially to padawans.”

“I had to in order for our ship to slip through their sensors undetected. There was no other way I could do it.”

She gave me a smug look. “So you admit it?”

“I had no choice. The only way to get through the enemy sensors was to suspend the ship with the Force. I knew I could do it, but only through extreme anger could I muster what we needed. I did what was most prudent.”

“Prudent?!” She slammed the pad on her desk. “You defiled the Jedi code you are supposed to live by with such... acts! You claim you want to be a jedi, yet you defied everything we stand for. What’s worse is that you make excuses for it!”

I stepped right in front of her. “We had a mission to accomplish. I did what had to be done for it to succeed. If I hadn’t...”

She put her face within centimeters of mine and screamed. “You surrendered yourself to the darkside long before that! It doesn’t matter why you did it, this is not the first time it’s happened. The fact that you are here trying to avoid responsibility proves it.”

“Proves what? You gave me a mission and you gave me command. I completed it to the best of my abilities. What would you have done were you in my position?”

She released a disgusted sigh. “I certainly wouldn’t have surrendered myself to the darkside. I would have had the discipline and training to do the job properly.”

“Well, I didn’t have that luxury. I couldn’t do what was necessary without my anger and hate. If you had to choose to follow the Jedi code to the letter or reinterpret it as you see the need to...?”

“Don’t speak to me about the code! I’ve followed it my whole life while you’ve corrupted hundreds with your... Sith teachings. Once you’ve tapped the Darkside, you are always corrupted by it.” She pointed her finger at me. “Don’t think for a moment that you acted like a Jedi after going against everything we stand for.”

I was getting tired of all her false accusations. I was becoming visibly angry and I knew it. “If I hadn’t, half of Kuril would have been destroyed. If I refused to do what was needed, I would have disregarded everything that you claim to hold dear. I WILL NOT be judged by you in this manner!”

She stepped back and gave me a pitiful look. “Can’t you even see how extreme your anger is? That’s exactly what one would expect from a Sith. ”

As much as I hated her, Atris was right about my anger. I had to be stoic despite whatever she said. Despite every urge to make her know she was wrong, I continued to restrain my anger. “Do you think that I wanted to go through that? It pained me every time I had to relive memories that I wanted so much to forget. I took no joy in doing what I did. The only one who suffered from this was me. You don’t have the right to do this.”

“And if you aren’t hesitant to do the same thing again, how many others will suffer because of your uncontrollable rage?”

I shouted, “Are you dense?! No one else has suffered because of my actions! Ask anyone else and they’ll tell you the same thing!”

“I’m not asking anyone else. I’m asking you.”

I released a disgusted growl and turned away from her. “That’s it! I don’t care what you do... I am not answering any more questions!”

“By all means, leave! We don’t want your kind here. You were foolish to think that you could make it here.”

I don’t know why I didn’t just walk out, but something was holding me there. Her words were exactly what I thought every day since I’ve been here. I wondered if I could truly accept or be accepted by the others. I was so mortified that I stood perfectly still for a long moment before Atris began to walk around me.

“Do you think that a whore would ever have stood a chance among the Sith? A usurper? A traitor? Those are not qualities...”

“Stop it!” I shrieked.

She chuckled. “Look at you. You can barely hold yourself together. I can sense the fear within you... I thought a Sith was void of that.”

“I... am not... a Sith.”

“Of course not. You couldn’t even take the easier path, so you came here because no one else would accept you. Do you think that by abandoning a dead belief and taking an even more difficult path that you would ever truly be a Jedi?” She got right in front of me and stared directly into my eyes with one of the coldest looks I’ve ever seen. “Right now... you want nothing more than to strike at me. If it’s what you want, then why don’t you act? Perhaps you...”

“Shut up!” I was terrified at what she had been saying. I was filled with such emotion, but I couldn’t let myself act. I was grasping my fists so tightly that I drew blood from my nails. I felt like my mind was tearing itself apart.

“Or what? You can’t attack me. Are you willing to admit that you aren’t a Jedi? You're just another failed Sith, but when you were supposed to fight and die by a better opponent, you were too cowardly to accept your rightful fate. If it weren’t for Revan, you would have...”

Upon hearing those last words, all my restraint had been shattered. Without thinking, I grabbed my lightsaber and brought a hard, downward strike upon Atris. Unfortunately, she was ready for my attack and deflected it to her right side. As my lightsaber came down, she attempted to take off my foot, but I did a barrel roll to dodge her attack. As I came back to my feet, I used another swing for her head, but she pulled back right before I made contact.

We then positioned ourselves for another attack, Atris began taunting me again. I could hear the satisfaction in her voice. “You see? You can’t control yourself. There is little reason to keep this up anymore. You let your anger dictate your actions and it always will. If you wish to surrender, you need not die.”

“Shut up!” I shrieked. A blast of electricity projected from my fingers, but Atris channeled it around her body without any harm to herself. Then next thing I knew, she took hold of me with the Force and threw me through her observation window.

I was in one of the training rooms where several padewans were practicing their lightsaber techniques. Although I managed to land on my feet, the impact from the fall caused tremendous pain in my left chest. I was so stupid to start a fight in my condition. The wounds from my injury have not had time to heal, so I was going to have to fight through the additional pain... or I could have just yielded and she wouldn’t kill me.

Shortly after I hit the floor, Atris jumped from the window like an avenging angel to slay a demon. Only this time... the demon was her, not me. I saw the bloodlust in her eyes and knew that she was not going to stop until one of us was dead. I unleashed a Force repulse and knocked her back in midair... making her hit the floor with a hard thud. I had landed on my feet, but my chest left me in great agony.

Just when I thought it had ended, the padewans had turned their focus from their training to me. I suppose that they would not allow Atris to die by my hand. Two of them jumped at me with their sabers blazing. I was careful to dodge their swings while trying to disarm this situation before it erupted.

I was desperate to end this. “Stop! This is not your fight!” My words had little impact on them as a third student came at me. I had swung my lighsaber hard at his with the intent to knock it out of his hand and it worked out as I also brought him to the floor.

I came to realize that I couldn’t get out of this situation by defending myself, so I threw away my lightsaber and got on my knees. A terrifying moment passed when I saw a lightsaber coming towards me before the student pulled back at the last second. I released a huge sigh of relief when I thought it was over, but I heard another saber behind me and I realized why that last student stopped. It was because Atris was coming at me again.

She had gotten to her feet and jumped at me again, despite the fact that I was unarmed and on my knees. I rolled out of the path of her white blade as it was driven into the floor right next to me, missing by only centimeters. I reached out for my saber and it was back in my hand just in time to stop another killing blow. Despite the pain from my ribs, I knew that it was better than being cut to pieces. Atris kept coming at me while the Padewans just kept out of the way.

She came at me with great fierceness and rapid attacks that were intended to kill me. I was completely on the defensive as my ribs made it unwise to strike at her. There was little I could do other than block her incoming attacks as best I could. I knew that it wasn’t going to stop, but I just couldn’t do anything but hold her off as long as I could.

Eventually, I was hit by a Force wave and thrown to the floor, as was Atris. It took me a moment to realize that Master Zhar had entered the training room. Despite the excruciating pain in my chest, I was desperate to kill Atris while she was on her back and without her weapon. When I lashed at her, Zhar had thrown himself on top of me and effectively pinned me down. His weight upon my ribs was excruciating and I shrieked in pain.

He didn’t realize that he was hurting me. He must have thought I was screaming because I was not able to kill Atris. “That’s enough! Restrain yourself!”

My shriek was soon recognized and he got off me. I then felt him rolling me onto my back in order to check my injury. I had my eyes closed and left whining from either the pain or embarrassment of this. Zhar turned to Atris. “What happened? What was this about?”

Atris was quick to answer. “She assaulted me. I was only defending myself.”

As I laid on the floor, I suddenly pulled myself up. “That’s a lie!” I screamed as I released another pained whine.

“She attacked me first. That she cannot deny.”

Zhar felt around my rib cage to find a new fracture. “You are a foolish girl. You just recovered from a severe injury and may have just made this worse.”

Atris stood over me and Zhar. “I demand she be expelled from the Order. She attacked me in anger with the intent to kill.”

I was in so much pain that I didn’t want to speak at all.

Zhar didn’t seem to get the point. “Yuthura, is this true?”

My eyes were still closed and I gave no answer one way or another. I just tried not to breath so hard. I thought a rib was pressed against my lung, so I couldn’t speak without it hurting more.

Zhar looked up. “Atris, return to your quarters. You will be confined there for the time being.”

“What?! She had just...” She objected.

“You’re not telling me the whole truth, Atris. Whatever has transpired here... we will know about it.” He then addressed one of the students. “Get a stretcher for her. She needs to be taken to the medical ward...” He turned his head in my direction. “...where she will be confined until further notice.”

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 12-07-2008 at 06:54 PM. Reason: Revision for Dec. 7
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Old 06-06-2008, 07:55 PM   #49
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Excellent Chapter DY! This was very insightful into Yuthura's feelings and I liked it a lot. As for Yuthura's memory wipe: This is a very interesting problem to have come up and I cant wait to see what happens next with it. I hope she makes the right choice. This whole story shows hard work and detication, something that I have trouble with when writing , so good for you. In short, this whole story = Awesomeness! As always, I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter.


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Old 06-06-2008, 10:48 PM   #50
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I too hope that Yuthura makes the right decision. If she has her memory wiped, she won't remember who Alfred is. I think that would really hurt Alfred. Very suspenseful!

Other than that, I think that you did a very good job with this chapter. I am very glad that the Council made the decision to keep Yuthura in the Order. I hope that Atris is severly punished for what she did. Great Attachment!

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Old 06-06-2008, 11:55 PM   #51
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Chapter 19: Dealing out Punishment

My fight with Atris left me with significant internal bleeding which required another major surgery. I was out for another full day. This time, I woke up in the presence of Alfred. Considering what I tried to do, I was almost expecting to be in a cell or something... that was a pleasant surprise.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to have any visitors.”

He smiled and leaned over my bed. “They made an exception.” He gently embraced me and then chuckled. “You really took on a Council member?”

I wasn’t in the mood to laugh. “Yes. Atris.”

He sighed, knowing that I made the first overt act. “What did she do to provoke you?”

“Ever consider that I provoked her?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He knew that it wasn’t the first time such a thing happened to me. He didn’t even bother to ask whether or not I had a different story. Although I would have told him the truth, it would have been nice to hear him just ask ‘who started it.’

I shook my head. “She was taunting me about how I would never be a Jedi. She said that without Revan, I was a small, weak, pathetic failed Sith.” I looked away. “I tried resisting... I tried to shut her out... but she just kept telling me that I was nothing. She eventually said that I was only here because I was too scared to die as I should have... and that only Revan was keeping me alive.” I blinked rapidly to not shed any tears. “When she said that, I didn't care what happened. I just wanted to kill her.”

“Do you still feel that?”

I nodded my head. “She wanted me to attack her. I was stupid and did exactly what she wanted.” I had been sitting up, but let myself fall back onto the pillow.

Alfred put his hand behind my head to gesture me to sit back up. When I was, I saw what looked like relief on his face. “I didn’t know that Atris was taunting you. If she had, then this whole thing might be disregarded by the Council.”

I gave a forced smile and shook my head. “Not this time, Alfred. They made it clear that if I strayed, even a little, then I would no longer be a part of the Order. Attacking a Council member in anger is a bit... too extreme for that.”

“No, no, no. There are times when a master could be allowed to provoke or subject an apprentice to the darkside, but this only can be done under strict circumstances. If Atris were to claim that she were training you by pushing your emotions to their limits, then she can’t deny her part in what happened then.”

“Atris claimed she was only training me?! She’s a damned liar!”

He stopped me from screaming on by giving me some assurance. “If she claimed that you assaulted her, then she would have to admit that she tried seducing you to the darkside without cause or reason.” He smiled in great relief. “This incident can’t be used against you unless Atris is willing to sacrifice her seat on the Council. Trust me... she would never do such a thing.”

I refused to smile. I’ve been on the rocks ever since I returned from the Sith. The last thing I needed was another special dispensation. I got out of bed, clad in a patient dress, and looked out my window. Alfred didn’t say anything else... he just stared at the endless horizon of skyscrapers alongside me. Then he started grinning at me for no reason at all.

“Would you please stop that? I’m not exactly proud of what I just did.”

“This happened because Atris provoked you. I don’t want you to feel as though you’ve failed.” He wanted to ask another question, but hesitated to say it. “What did she say that hurt you so greatly?”

I crossed my arms and kept facing the window as I repeated some of the things Atris said. “She called me a whore, a usurper, and that if I failed as a Sith, I had no chance to be a Jedi. And she said that without Revan to protect me, I should have died long ago.”

He gave me an odd expression that I couldn’t identify. “That was meant to provoke you. I’m proud that you held up to her as long as you did. She had no right to say such things.”

I turned to him so I could admit the truth. “What hurt me was that the things she said were true. Despite what I may choose to believe, she was right. While I was with the Sith, I never achieved power of my own... I always took advantage of those around me.” I sat on the bed, facing him. “I came to use my body as a weapon. Master Uthar believed that such determination deserved a place at his side. He expected that I would learn to use new tactics, but I kept... demeaning myself for nothing. He was right to have me replaced.”

Alfred leaned to get in front of me. “If this is painful to talk about, you don’t have to.”

I gently shook my head and gave him a grim expression. “What if she’s right? What if I am too weak? I’ve never felt so... exposed as when she was telling me of all that I was.” I covered my face with my hands.

“Yuthura, listen to me...” He gently pulled my hands away. “You’re not weak. You’ve just been through a lot. I could not imagine one like Atris, Vrook, or even Vandar who could’ve endured what you had and still remain true to the lightside. That is a greatness that no one can argue. Do you at least believe in that?”

I slowly nodded my head in utter agreement... I knew that he was right. We embraced for a long moment. He was careful not to press upon my ribs and make me have a third surgery.

“I won’t be at your hearing tomorrow. Please tell them what you told me and you should be fine. Promise me that.”

“I would like nothing more than to shove this little lesson down Atris’ throat. How can you even ask?” That gave us both some much-needed laughter. After that, I changed the subject. “Alfred, there is something in my quarters that I’d like you to get if you would.”

“Of course; what?”

“A backpack laying under my bed. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find.”

He nodded. “Anything else?”

“Just the bag, thank-you.”

He nodded again and went for it. While he was gone, I changed out of my garb and put my new cloths on, but couldn’t find my lightsaber. I suppose they didn’t trust me with it anymore. When Alfred came back with the bag, he looked at me in disappointment. “Please tell me you aren’t foolish enough to try and escape again.”

“I’m not leaving. I just don’t like the patient garb.”

He didn't hand me my bag. He looked at me as if angry and I didn’t like where this was going to go. “Yuthura... there's something I else I wanted to say. When I asked you to get back to the infirmary, you sidetracked me. I was offended by that. You have enough conflicts with other Jedi as it is and I hope that you’ve learned something from this experience.”

I gestured towards my rib cage. “This wasn’t a result of anything that I did... well... Atris was the one who provoked me into fighting. If she hadn’t...”

He interrupted. “If you had done as I asked, she couldn’t summon you because you were on medical leave! And she couldn’t have come in here if you didn’t allow it... I’m sure you wouldn’t have at that. Because you altered medical records, it lead up to what caused the fight.” He paused a moment to let it sink in. “You could have been killed. But now, you've got to defend yourself against two extreme violations in only a few days.”

I understood. That latest injury of mine was self inflicted to a certain degree. I was embarrassed at my actions and understood that I acted like a child by my brash behavior. “You’re right... again. I suppose that I acted instead of thinking. I didn't consider your feelings on the matter, either. I’m sorry. This won't happen again.”

He handed me my backpack. “Please do as you’re told... at least until this is over.”

I was left alone with several hours before I would have normally gone to bed. Although I knew it was a mistake, I opened a bottle of Corellian ale that was in the backpack and didn’t bother with a glass.


I was not born into slavery. I remembered a period of about five years when I was part of a family. Although I was treated exactly as a twi'lek girl would have, I was at least my own person and not bound by a slaving collar. My father had recognized that I was very intelligent at a young age and encouraged me to educate myself.

I vividly remembered the day when I had lost my natural family... or rather when I was sold by my father. He wanted me to educate myself so that he could get more money from selling me off as a 'skilled' slave. That was the first time in my life when I was truly betrayed. I remembered that I loved my natural father and thought he loved me, but he clearly loved money more.

Although I was designated a 'skilled' slave, I did not adapt well to training in a trade skill. My father had cheated the guy he sold me to and I was the one he took it out on. It wasn’t torture, but being slapped in the face and yelled at because I couldn’t be ‘that dumb’ was hurtful. It was a miserable time realizing that my father never really loved me. On top of that, I was pushed every moment of every day to learn trade skills that were beyond my abilities.

In the time that I had to myself, I found that I had a gift for dancing. It was what the other girls did for recreation and I really liked doing it more than developing my mind. I didn’t remember how it happened, but my first owner realized I had a gift. Even for a twi’lek, I was an impressive display for almost every dance style I came across. I was soon given to another teacher and trained in the various arts of dancing. I didn't know it at the time, but I was setting myself up for the worst life any twi'lek woman could have lived.

My skills in dance were so magnificent that it attracted the most wealthy buyers in the galaxy... the Hutts. When my training was completed almost six months later, I was bought and presented to Omeesh at ‘a premium price.’ At first, I was glad to be recognized for my talents, but I soon came to realize that I was not bought simply to dance, but to amuse the Hutt as well. That almost always involved pain and humiliation. From that first night I danced and beyond, I knew I had been damned.


I woke up, panting in terror of Sleheyron again. That last nightmare was the worst I've had since I returned to the Jedi. I hated and wanted them to stop!

It was five in the morning and I was expected before the Council in three hours. I was given a pass by the medical staff to attend the meeting, but to return afterwards. Although I was not supposed to leave the medical ward, I was perfectly capable of performing basic tasks, such as walking, so they allowed me to go before the Council for that one occasion.

When I finally stood before them, Atris wasn’t there when I had to give my side of the story. She was likely questioned before me and I wondered what she had revealed or neglected to mention, but I was going to have a hard time facing her testimony. Odds were that everything which came out of her mouth was the truth, but only to a point. A lie that consisted of half the truth was truly the darkest.

Master Vandar began the meeting. “Yuthura Ban, we have been told a very disturbing story by Master Atris in regards to the events of two days ago. We would like to hear what you have to say about the incident.”

I replied. “I’d like to know what you’ve already been told. It’s very likely that everything Master Atris told you is true.”

Vrook asked in a non-aggressive tone, “She claims that you committed the first overt act. Is this true.”


They looked at me with with disappointment, but little surprise. Vandar continued, “Please tell us of the events that lead to this fight. Atris claimed that you were actively hostile towards her while she was going over your conduct on Kuril.”

“Masters, Atris was provoking me into attacking her. She said many things with the intent of angering me. Much of it had little to do with that mission.”

Master Vandar objected. “I find that difficult to believe. Atris is a member of the Council. Petty acts such as that are not in our character.”

I was about to object to what he said, but Vrook beat me to it. “Being a Council member in itself is not a defense.”

Kavar stood up. “Ban made the first aggressive act. Why she did it is irrelevant.”

Master Vash stood up for me. “I disagree. If Atris did provoke Yuthura, then the fault in this matter would go to Atris.”

“Attacking another in anger is punishable by exile. Ban knew this before she acted.” Kavar said.

Vrook continued. “Atris defends herself by claiming that she was testing Yuthura as a master would an apprentice. If that were true, then she would be held responsible for whatever consequences came from that. However, she also claims that Yuthura assaulted her. If she were testing Yuthura in some way, then she should have known that she would be attacked.” He stood up. “I don’t believe that Yuthura should be held responsible for the fight. She may have made the first strike, but Atris was the cause.”

Kavar looked at Vrook with as much surprise as I. “Master Vrook... she attacked another Jedi in anger and with the intent to kill. This can’t just be ignored.”

“I’m not saying it should be. But Atris must be held accountable for her actions.”

Vash stood up to speak again. “I agree. If Atris deliberately provoked Yuthura into attacking her... that was a despicable act for a master. If this were just an exercise... then no fault would go to the padawan for the acts of the master. I don’t believe there should not be any punishment given for this incident.”

The Masters nodded. Vandar gave the verdict. “Yuthura, we cannot emphasize the severity of what you have done. However, due to the outstanding circumstances, you will not be held accountable for your part in this incident.”

I sighed in great relief. I had no temptation to smile because I knew I should not have been forgiven for it. “What will happen of Atris?”

Vrook answered. “We will deal with her. You need not concern yourself with this matter anymore.” He paused for a moment. “One other thing: do not allow yourself to think that it is alright to attack someone, even if they are provoking you. We are excusing your actions only because Atris created the situation that lead to this fight. Had this occurred under almost any other circumstances, you would not be given another chance.” Then he stood up, pulled out my lightsaber from his coat, and presented it to me.

When I took it from his hand, I gave a very quiet thank-you for defending me just then.

He gave me a small smile which seemed to silently say ‘don’t mention it.’ I was quite surprised that he had defended me after I committed such an act in anger. I almost expected him to yell ‘bloody murder.’ His words left me feeling much better than before. I was surprised just how much it meant to hear him not trying to judge me like he always had.

After he took his seat and I was left standing in the center of the room, I expected to be dismissed, but had forgotten about the incident with the nurse and my promotion to Jedi Knight.

Vandar continued. “There’s still another matter that has to be attended to. Yuthura, your actions on Kuril were more than worthy for a promotion to the rank of Jedi Knight. However, the incident in the medical facility almost killed Denise Rowe. We would like to hear what you have to say about that.”

I sighed heavily. “I already told Master Vash what had happened. It was just an instinctive act; there’s little more I can add.”

“This puts us in a difficult situation, Yuthura. We had intended for that mission to be your trial of skill, but you had surpassed what we expected so significantly that we agreed to give you a battlefield promotion directly to the rank. But these... instincts are a risk both to yourself and those around you. In addition... you’ve done acts of defiance since then. And this incident with Atris...”

I sighed in great frustration. “If you’re going to deny me, just say so.”

Master Kavar spoke up. “Please understand that we recognize what you’ve done on Kuril. You acted as a Jedi when it truly mattered, but you still have a habit of disrespecting authority. And these two incidents that put yourself and others in jeopardy... I’m sorry, but you’re not ready for the responsibilities of that rank.”

I leaned my head back in disappointment and then made a decision that would have changed my life forever. I’ve never really given it much thought before, but there was a means that could have given me the peace I’ve struggled to find all my life. I made eye contact with the Council again. “Masters... If I were to ask it of you... would you have the means to suppress certain memories?”

Master Vash answered. “We do have the means, yes, but rarely do we exercise it. Tampering with memories, even short-term memories could have significant consequences.”

“And it is only done as a last resort. Once a memory has been repressed, it’s almost impossible to recover.” Zhar stated.

“Yuthura, the events of the last several days have been traumatic for you, but you can’t just erase every unpleasant experience you face. We often grow more from our mistakes than our successes. I would not participate in this even if you asked it of me.“ Vandar said.

I shook my head. “I don’t mean the memories of the last few days. I mean from WAY back; before I joined the Order.”

They stared at me as if I asked them to kill me. From a certain point of view, that was what I requested. Zhar was the first to reply to the request. “That is no small thing you just mentioned. Wiping recent experiences is difficult enough, but erasing memories from over a decade ago would change you completely. It literally suicide to lose something as important as your childhood experiences.”

I scoffed. “My childhood experiences? Yeah, all the torture, humiliation, and sorrow are really worth keeping.”

Master Kavar replied “Memories are like a foundation upon which new experiences rest. Losing even a small piece of your past would have a drastic impact on who you are now. We would only erase an experience if it proved so drastic that it changed you. I would not contemplate erasing memories from so far back as what you’re asking.”

“Even if I asked it, you would refuse?”

Vrook spoke up. “If we were to do as you request, you would die. Those memories are a part of who you are and destroying them would essentially be the same as if you were struck by a lightsaber.”

I frowned at the hypocrisy of that statement. Although it was almost comforting to hear Vrook give his concern for me, I couldn’t stand what he and the others did in the past. “Is that why you did it to Revan?”

“We won’t go down that path. Our rational was done under extreme circumstances. This would hardly qualify as extreme.” Master Vandar explained.

I protested. “If I can’t control my emotions, I’m a threat to everyone around me. I’ve tried to control my anger all my life, but I could never be free of it. I just want to forget Sleheyron once and for all.”

Vrook spoke up. “No. I would not participate in something like this simply because you’re disgruntled with the way things have turned out.”

“I’m not simply ‘disgruntled!’ You don’t know what it was like to be a slave to Omeesh the hutt. He took great joy in hurting his slaves, breaking them, and then discarding them once they have. Do you know what it’s like to watch everyone you ever cared about suffer and die while you were spared?” I shook my head. “And by ‘spared,’ I mean being one of his favorites. Favorite slaves were only spared the torture that caused permanent damage, but only because he valued them more alive than dead. I don’t want to remember all those times that my body had been abused. I don’t want to hear that Hutt’s voice in my mind anymore.” Tears came to my eyes. “I just want some peace... some serenity... I can’t do it when my memories continue to plague my peace of mind.” I held my hands like a beggar. “Would you please consider this?”

The Masters looked at each other and quietly discussed what they to do among themselves. Eventually, Vandar gave me an answer. “You have put us in a difficult position, Yuthura. Given what you have suffered through, I could understand the reason for your request. Given the current circumstances, we will do as you request, but only to a limited extent. We won’t wipe away all the memories at once, but do it gradually over a matter of months so you can adapt more easily.”

Zhar continued. “We see little choice but to grant your request. In one week, we will start this. Until then, we strongly encourage you to find another solution.”

“Why can’t you do it now? I already know that I don’t want the memories from Sleheyron. If I were free of them, I could finally find peace and you wouldn’t have to deal with me and my anger anymore. It’s beneficial to everyone.”

Vandar shook his head. “Yuthura, you’re so young. When you’re young you think that the answers to life are simple. There is more sacrifice in this than you realize. We will give you a week to reconsider this. If we see there is a valid reason not to proceed, we will deny your request.” He crossed his arms. “I will not participate in something like this unless I’m convinced that there is no other way.”


“How’d it go?” Alfred asked.

“Still a padawan.”

He looked down in disappointment. “I’m sorry to hear that. At least you’re still in the Order.”

I nodded. “Master...”

“Alfred.” he wanted me to call him as I had so many years ago.

I smiled. “Alfred... when I was being intimidated by Atris, I’ve never felt so... exposed.”


“She seemed to know exactly how to hurt me and she made me feel as though I truly were... nothing.”

He shook his head. “You know that’s not so. I have almost no respect for one like Atris. You shouldn’t concern yourself with what she said to you.”

“But what she said was true. I can’t find peace or serenity no matter what I do. I always have those feelings that I took from Sleheyron and they disrupt any peace I ever find.”

“What happened in the medical ward wasn’t your fault.” He said.

“Then who’s fault was it?”

That left him less at ease than before. “You said it was instinctual. That means it was beyond your control.”

“But they were spawned through Omeesh’s sadistic and needlessly brutal cruelty.” Alfred looked at me and knew what I was about to say. I stared directly into his eyes. “I spoke to the Council about suppressing those memories.”

He was afraid to ask, “What did they say?”

“I thought they’d jump at the chance to solve my problems and theirs.”

He frowned at me. “Yuthura, suppressing any memories, especially early ones, would have a significant impact on a person. I’m glad that they refused.”

“No, they agreed to do it.”

“What? When?”

“A week.”

I saw tears behind his eyes, but he blinked them back. “Do you know what that means to you? You know that when it’s done, you would wake up a completely different person?”

I slowly nodded. “I’m sorry. I know it’s the easy way out, but I don’t want to remember that horrible place anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of falling to the darkside all the time. My anger and hate are ever present and never yielding.”

“You can control them. I’ve never met one as strong as you.”

Tears gushed out of my eyes as I said what seemed to define everything that I felt of myself. “I’m tired of being strong.” He embraced me with all the strength he had. I screamed in agony, “Ribs!”

He backed away, seemingly more hurt than I. “Damn it! I’m sorry.” He turned away and tried to hide what he was feeling, but I knew that he felt a great loss. He turned back with tears in his eyes. “You can’t seriously want this! I thought that you were finding peace here.”

“I thought so as well, but after that incident in the medical ward and Atris... I’m just too dangerous.”

He shook his head gently. “You’ve made some mistakes... that doesn’t mean that you should be euthanized.”

“I’m not killing myself. I’m just...”

“If you lose your memories from Sleheyron... you will die. We are the sum or our experiences. What would happen if a fraction of your life suddenly were gone? You would still be alive, but...” He looked away for a moment. “Does Revan know about this?”

“No. And I want you to keep it that way.”

“Why? Don’t you think that he has a right to know?”

“It’s my life and I don’t want those memories. I don’t want to have to struggle every moment of every day to restrain my emotions.” I grabbed Alfred’s shoulders. “It’s hard.”

A long, silent moment went by as I saw Alfred struggling to accept that he has to let go again. When I chose to leave the Jedi, he refused to let me throw my life away. This time, I somehow knew he would allow me to do what I thought was right... even if it was the last thing he wanted... even if he believed I was making a mistake. It was my mistake to make.

------Original Message------

This isn't a mind wipe. It's so that Yuthura would not remember Sleheyron. Her memories after that would not be affected... however, the loss of such critical memories would drastically change her. It would be like ECT or something more significant.

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 12-25-2008 at 09:12 AM.
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Old 06-07-2008, 12:38 AM   #52
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Well, a certain memory would be wiped away.

I certainly hope that Yuthura makes a wise decision.

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Old 06-07-2008, 09:54 AM   #53
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Another outstanding chapter.

I hope Yuthura manages to find peace, with or without her memories.
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:58 PM   #54
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I really am enjoying the tale you're weaving here Yuthura. I think that you did pretty well with the action sequence, but I have noticed some spelling errors here and there: riffle instead of rifle etc...If you're not already I would recommend running spell check on everything. It's a fatal flaw of mine as a writer

As for the chapter you were concerned about detracting from the story...perhaps a little. On the other hand though it did show an interesting side of Yuthura in that she seemed to stay her emotions and tried to convey the lessons she was learning about herself to her attacker.

"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 06-08-2008, 04:53 PM   #55
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Chapter 20: Acceptance

Here it is! This is what I believe to be the golden moment when Yuthura comes to understand the value of herself. Although she is yet to find peace, she has learned to take value in the memories she had always hated. I want responses to this of all chapters! Thanks!


The next day, I was cleared to return to my quarters by the medical personnel. Before I departed, I went to see the nurse I almost killed. Her injuries were still healing, so I could see my handiwork and apologize for it.

I was very nervous at the thought of showing my face to Dr. Rowe. I knew that she must have feared me and I didn’t want to torment her, but I needed to explain what happened and try to give something back for what I did. Eventually, I was in the doorway of her room. “Dr. Rowe?”

She smiled at me. “Have you come to finish the job?”


“It was a joke.”

I wasn’t in a laughing mood and walked to her bedside. She was laying on a very ridged surface that must have been set to allow her back to heal properly. “I almost killed you. I would have imagined the last thing you’d do is make a joke.”

“You’re not the first one to do that.”

I gave her a look of surprise. “I’m not?”

“Sometimes, we have to put Jedi under when they suffered extreme injuries. I thought the painkillers you were given would have been enough. I understand that you didn’t do it intentionally.”

I shook my head. “It shouldn’t have happened. Being in that room... it brought back terrible memories that caused me to react. I’m not going to allow that to happen again.”

“It was something beyond your control. Although it’d be better if you didn’t, but don’t dwell on what happened. Just remember so that you could prevent it in the future.”

“The problem is that remembering is what caused me to react.” I looked down. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. If there is anything that I can do for you, please ask.”

She nodded. “You’d find I’m a person who collects on her debts. Just be aware of that.”

“Again, I’m sorry.” I gave her a small bow and exited the room.

As I went to my quarters, I was very hurt that Dr. Rowe was a very ‘Jedi-like’ person. Part of me wanted her to hate me for what I had done. She didn’t deserve to be thrown around like that and I didn’t deserve understanding or forgiveness from her. I only hope that she has me repay my debt before long. I don’t want it on my conscience.


Before Alfred had to begin his classes, he came to my quarters for an attempt to persuade me to change my mind about the memory wipe. When I wouldn’t, he said that he couldn’t afford to be with me until after it had been done. I found it strange that he wouldn’t stand by me when I needed him most.

“If you undergo the procedure, you will wake up a completely different person from who you are now.”

“I would remember everything that has happened since Sleheyron. I would still remember when you rescued me and how you trained me... all those memories would be intact.”

“But what about you?”

“I’m sorry Alfred. I tried to cope with my past, but haven’t succeeded. Having those memories is painful... I just want to be free of them. Do you think that I haven’t tried hard enough?”

He looked at me, knowing that I was right. “You’ve struggled with it all your life.”

“I don’t want to struggle with my past anymore. I don’t want to be angry anymore... I want to find peace and this will do it.”

“But at what cost?!”

I sighed and turned my back on him. When I was ready to speak again, I asked “How do you think I feel about it?”

He remained silent for a very long moment. Tears formed in his eyes. “When you turned away from the Sith, that was the happiest day of my life. I was so proud of you for what you had done... I just didn’t think it would end this way.”

“How else could it end?”

He gestured ‘I don’t know.’ “You are the one to make the choice. You do what you must and I’ll accept it.”

“Please believe me when I say that I don’t want to hurt you, but I just want some serenity... no one traumatized by Omeesh could.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “Don’t think that you’ve failed me... you made my life better than I ever thought possible. I just have never been able to accept what has happened and move on. Is that so unreasonable?”

I saw that he was in great pain. I wished he would have been happy or at the very least indifferent to my choice. “The galaxy is a strange place. I have you back after so many years only to lose you again.”

“You’ll never lose me again... you may find that it would be better for both of us if you saw me find peace for once. I won’t forget you or anything after you rescued me. Everything of you will always remain up here...” I pointed to my forehead. “...and in here.” I placed my hand over my heart.

He gave me an uncomfortable smile. “If this changes the person you are, I want you to know how very proud I am of you. You surprised me that you kept going when anyone else would have given up. I was never happier than when I learned you were accepted back into the Order. This is just...”

The door chime interrupted that very tender moment. I hated hearing it, but I had to send whoever it was on their way. I jumped to my feet and answered it, but when the door slid open, I was caught completely by surprise to see Trevelyan smiling at me as if he hadn’t seen a woman in years. I hadn’t thought of him for some time, but I remembered that he was expected to arrive from his latest mission that day. “It’s good to see you again... Jedi knight?”

He hadn’t been informed of the events of the last few days. This was very awkward for me because I simply wasn’t ready to explain everything that had happened. And I most certainly didn’t want him to know about what I was intending to do a week from now. I feared that he would try and convince me to reconsider... I knew he would succeed.

“Trevelyan? You were supposed to return today...” I couldn’t say another word.

He saw Alfred behind me and grinned. “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

“No. Please come in.” Alfred answered.

Trevelyan kept displaying that dumb smile as he stepped into my quarters. All I wanted was for him to be somewhere else because I was too emotional to hide anything from him. When he noticed my shock and sudden fear, he just said one word: “What?!”

I remained silent.

“Master Kolchak?” Trevelyan asked instead.

Alfred remained silent for a moment, but he stepped in front of me. “I’m sorry, Yuthura, but he deserves to know.”

“Don’t! Please...” I pleaded.

He turned to Trevelyan. “She had requested to have some of her distant memories wiped by the Council.”

“What? Why?!” I asked me.

“When she was in the infirmary, she had attacked a nurse that was treating her. Then two days ago, she got into a fight with Master Atris.”

“That doesn’t mean you should have your mind wiped. That’s like suicide.” Trevelyan said to me.

“I wouldn’t have all my memories erased... just the ones from Sleheyron. They are what have been plaguing me my whole life. I just want to get rid of them.”

Trevelyan got directly in front of me. “I thought everything was going well. What you did on Kuril seemed to prove that. Why are you doing this?”

“I’m a danger to those around me. I almost killed an innocent who was trying to help because of an instinct that had developed because of my anger... anger brought upon by Omeesh. Atris had made me realize that I will never find peace as long as I can’t control my emotions. I have to do this.”

“You don’t ‘have’ to do anything. Is this something that you ‘want’ to do?”

I paused for a moment and knew I couldn’t tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to try to talk me out of it... I just wanted to forget Omeesh. “Yes.”

Suddenly, this man who has always been strong to me changed into an emotional cripple. He embraced me with great sadness. “Please don’t tell me that all you‘ve struggled for was for nothing. Please don’t do this.”

“I have no choice. I’m not...”

“You always have a choice! I can’t...” He dropped his head in despair then faced Alfred. “Master Kolchak... could we speak for a moment in private?”

“I’m already late for a class. I need to depart anyway.” He stared at me for a long moment before turning to leave. I think he was silently requesting that I didn’t go through with it again.

Trevelyan was still holding me in his arms. I could see great fear and pain in his expression... fear for me. “Yuthura... please don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you.” He pleaded.

“You wouldn’t. I’d still have all my memories of you, Alfred, and everything that matters. Omeesh, Sleheyron... they don’t.”

Tears came to his eyes. “You wouldn’t be the same person! Those memories from Sleheyron are a part of who you are. And I...” He stepped back and tried to collect his thoughts. He sat down in a chair and rested his head upon his hands for a long moment before looking back to me. “You are precious to me. I thought that I would be content to just let you find peace on your own... that we couldn’t be together.” He dried his tears. “I’ve never been able to accept what the Jedi taught about avoiding emotional attachments.” He stood up and held me by the shoulders. “You are important to me. I only stopped being Darth Revan because that identity had been erased from my mind.”

“What are you trying to tell me?”

He let me go and paced around as he tried to come up with the right words. “You are a remarkable person. There’s a greatness within you that had endured despite everything.” He sighed when he realized how hollow those words were compared to what he truly wanted to say. Then he held me close as he spoke what was in his heart. “Yuthura... I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

I have longed so much to hear those words. Few have ever placed so much value upon my life. To hear one as great as Trevelyan say he care so deeply for me... it was a wonderful thing. I loved him as well, but hadn’t seriously believed he could feel the same way for me. “I... have suspected, but I thought you were in love with Bastila.”

“We share a force bond. I think that she fell in love with Revan and I thought with me as well, but we both came to realize that...” He sighed in frustration as he tried to explain an emotion that a Jedi shouldn’t feel. “It was never more than simple infatuation. We both came to accept that it was best to distance ourselves from one another.”

“That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is... why me? People like you and me don’t fall in love... not with each other anyway.”

“I had come to understand that you were a Jedi... we were both Jedi. As much as I wanted to tell you, I knew that I wanted to see you find peace more. I tried to keep my feelings hidden, but I know I didn’t do it very well. I thought you would have known.”

“You did give away signals, but I didn’t think they were genuine. I couldn’t imagine that one such as you would have had any interest in me.”

He laughed as if hearing such nonsense. “Why would you think that?”

“You’re the former Dark Lord of the Sith. You have become a great Jedi... a champion of the force. You have a destiny that I can’t be a part of. I’m just a broken-down Sith trying to live in a world where I would never belong.”

“You’re stronger than you realize.” He put his head within centimeters of mine. “What if I asked you to be a part of my destiny?”

I pulled myself away from him and stepped back. “I can’t.”

He dropped his arms in frustration. “Please don’t say you can’t! You have a choice. Do you really want to go through with a memory wipe? Don’t consider what anyone else says you should do.” He held my fist tight in his grip. “Do YOU want this?”

I stared deep into his eyes as I knew that I wanted to be rid of the memories. As much as I cared for him, I wanted to be free of my past more. “Yes.”

More tears came poured from his eyes as he let go of my hand and sat back into the chair as if he had just been wounded very deeply. He forced out words to try and assure himself that he was doing the right thing. “You are your own person. If there is no other way, you do what think is right.”

I got on my knee in front of him and I wanted to know what it was that he wanted to save. Why did he place so much value on my life? There had to be a reason. “Trevelyan... why do you love me?”

“When I first knew you, I thought you were just a cold, hate-filled Sith, but as I came to learn of your past, I saw that you were different. Although it was difficult to understand, I saw what seemed to be a selfless passion within you.” He smiled at me as if he were looking at the greatest thing in the galaxy. “It was like looking into the heart of a true Jedi... an unconquerable light. I wanted to preserve that light.” He moved his head within centimeters of mine and held me behind the neck. “If you go through with this... I fear that light will be lost.”
We embraced each other as if there was nothing else which mattered. He painfully said, “You are precious to me and I ask that you not go through with this. If not for yourself, then for me.”

Those words were both excruciating and blissful. I couldn’t do anything to hurt him. That’s exactly what would have happened if I freed myself of my memories. I loved him and Alfred more than my own life and I knew that I had to keep fighting. It’s what they would have wanted and I had to honor their wishes... each had given me my life and asked nothing else in return. Somehow, the thought of losing those memories seemed as if to taint both their sacrifices. I would have rather lived the person I was than die as anyone else... a strange saying.

After a long, tender moment of holding on to me, I was reminded of that time on Korriban when he asked the question: ‘Are you sure there’s no other way?’ I’ve regretted my answer ever since and was confronted by the same question again, only this time, I knew the answer. “There’s always another way. Whatever it is... I’ll find it.”

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 12-25-2008 at 12:20 PM.
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Old 06-08-2008, 07:17 PM   #56
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That was a very moving chapter Darth_Yuthura! I think that you captured the moment very well. I am glad that Yuthura is going to seek alternative way to try to forget this memory of hers. I am sure that it was a very hard thing to deal with. I now KNOW that it was a very hard thing to deal with. By wanting this memory wipe, it shows that these memories of Omeesh have been very tramatic, and VERY hard to deal with.

I like how you added, "You have a choice." I think that is very true in all situations. The hard thing is, making the right choice.

Great job Darth_Yuthura! Keep up the magnificent work, because you have a talent.

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Old 06-08-2008, 07:36 PM   #57
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I'd like to know what readers think to Revan professing his love for Yuthura. Although I tried to make it evident in early chapters, I tried to leave the door open to allow me to have it or remove it later in the story.

I do take into account how the other jedi will react to this as well as a believable development in their relationship in later chapters. Yuthura and Revan would both grow as it progresses and this story will not turn into a romance from now on(although there will be the elements in the future). This is planned out.

I think that Revan and Yuthura are an excellent match. Both have been with the darkside and are trying to return to the light. They both respect each other to the extent that an emotional bond would form. Each have memory trouble (Revan has a life of false memories while Yuthura is pained by hers). I also think that love was another reason why she followed Revan from the sith. Just want to know what others think of this. Appreciate the feedbacks.
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Old 06-08-2008, 07:56 PM   #58
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Well, I wasn't that surprised that Revan pronounced his love to Yuthura because I think that he had already made it known that he loves her, in earlier chapters.

You could really tell that Revan broke down in that situation. He has had this same "operation" done on him, and I am pretty sure that he doesn't remember what makes him, well him. Yeah, he remembers tid-bits here and there, but nothing real significant. Yet of course...

I too think that Yuthura & Revan are a pretty good match. They have both walked down a dark path, and have been redeemed. It seems like Yuthura has a little bit of a hard time accpeting a compliment though. She is humble, in a sense. That might have been the reason that she turned her back against the Sith. Deep down inside, she loved this man...

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Old 06-09-2008, 08:18 PM   #59
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I'm in agreement with the comments above. I thought you did an excellent job with a very emotional moment.

Revan and Yuthura are indeed a good match. As has already been said, they've both been through some of the same things so it would make sense that they would be drawn to each other in some way.

"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 06-10-2008, 11:21 AM   #60
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Chapter 21: Hidden Motives

Trevelyan and I had made our feelings for the other perfectly clear. Although we shared no force bond, we both knew what the other desired following that ‘perfect’ moment. Neither one of us seemed to hold back or consider the consequences... we just yielded to our animal instincts.

When it was over, I pulled the blanket off and laid on my back so Trevelyan could enjoy the view... I had little in the way of modesty. Omeesh frequently left his slaves out for display... often allowing his servants and guards to do with them as they pleased. Gamorians were the worst, but they at least rarely took to other species.

Trevelyan was covered from the waist down, so he was a bit hesitant to watch me spread myself across the bed. “What are you doing?”

“I thought you might just like to leave little to the imagination. I’m sure you’ve wondered how far down these tattoos go.”

After a brief moment, his eyes went from my breasts solely to my face. “You don’t have to... display yourself if you don’t want to.”

I smiled at the consideration. “It’s alright. I’m used to it. I would do it for one who mattered for a change.”

He sat up and hovered over me. He placed his hands over the tattoos around my ankles and followed the interweaving to my shins... across my thighs... over my hip... around my breasts. His gentle touch across my body was a wonderful feeling that I have never had with any other. When he reached my neck, he took a look at the necklace.

“Master Alfred gave it to me shortly after I was accepted by the jedi. It was more than a slave could ever have and it was enough for me.”

“I’m glad that you two are together again.”

“I wonder why he never approached me. I had to go to him.”

He gave me a serious look. “I asked it. When you returned, I thought it would be best that you were allowed to chose when and how to deal with your past. We both agreed it was best to let you make the first move.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That must have been difficult. I should not have avoided him for so long.”

When he brought his head over mine, he said in a flattering tone, “You are wicked.”

“I know. This was most unwise, but I appreciate that you did it.”

He looked at me as if insulted. “The way I recall it, you were the one throwing herself at me.”

I grabbed the back of his head and forced another kiss upon him. When I let go, I told him of what I loved about him. “You were like everything I always wanted to be. A strong, selfless hero of justice. When I tried to use you against Uthar, I found that you were too great to be controlled. I didn’t want to ruin one like you.”
He rolled alongside and I sat up. “When I challenged you, I expected to die by your hand. I knew you would not have savored my death like Omeesh or Uthar. When you spared me... you were the first person in a long time who made me feel that my life was worth something... that I was not nothing. You gave me my life and I wanted to give it back to you... by becoming the best jedi that I could.” I paused for a moment. “I wanted to live by your example because you were more important to me than my own life.”

After a moment of staring at my breasts, he brought his eyes back to my face. “You may not realize it, but your memories of the sith and Sleheyron have made you a better jedi than I. I want to help you through whatever you encounter. I thought that my feelings for you were just respect, but I came to see that they were something more.” He sighed and looked away. “I shouldn’t have told you. We are jedi and love should be avoided by both light and dark side. Should I have just kept my mouth shut?”

I smiled and shook my head. “I’m glad you did. I had been afraid to admit it, myself, but I know I don’t have to hide it anymore.” I hovered over his head. “I also didn’t like the intermingled signals you were giving me. You either make yourself clear or you don’t give anything away”

“You know that it would mean many emotional hardships? I don’t have the experience of most jedi... I’m just gifted with great power. I don’t want to risk pulling you off the path of the jedi... I just don’t think it’s wrong to value another...”

I covered his mouth with my finger. “Trevelyan... do you really want to keep talking?”

He gently pulled my hand away. “This is a significant issue that we will have to deal with. It’s likely that the Council will learn about this one way or another.”

I nodded and laid on my side. “Well I don’t want to hide in your shadow forever, but they may have to accept this.”

“I’d prefer that we didn’t have to hide anything.”

“It’s not my fault that you fell in love with a sith. I at least had an excuse.” We both chuckled at the irony of the situation.

“Hey... even you said that the sith prohibit...” Trevelyan was interrupted by the door chime.

This was the worst time for a guest, but I had to answer the door. “Just give me a minute!” Trevelyan and I jumped to our feet and rushed to dress ourselves. This was a frightening moment to rush and avoid getting caught in the act. The doorbell kept chiming and it irritated me because they knew I was there, but continued ringing it. “I’ll be right there!”

Trevelyan had gotten his robe on much faster than I could get my cloths on, so he was fully dressed while I still had to get my blouse on. He made a quiet comment that I should have kept the robe. I looked at him as if to say ‘shut up.’ When I was finally clothed, I ran to open the door.

“What you hell is wrong with you! Both of you!” Bastila shouted before the door was even open.

“Bastila! What are you...?” I said in fright.

“Revan! You stupid fool! Did you think I wouldn’t know about this? Of all places... why here?”

Trevelyan got between me and her. “You already know the answer. Why ask the question?”

She wasn’t amused. “I told you that she is dangerous. You deliberately went against reason and emotionally entangled yourself with one as unstable as her. There is more at stake than the feelings of one fallen sith.”

“You don’t have the right to speak of her like that! Don’t...”

“I’m not speaking of her! I’m speaking of you! Do you think you know better than every other jedi? I warned you about bonding with her. It strengthens her, but it weakens you... you are far more important to the galaxy.” She yelled.

Trevelyan crossed his arms. “No... this is about us. You and I both agreed that it was best to separate ourselves and weaken the bond we share. This has nothing to do with Yuthura.”

“You flatter yourself! You think that you know what’s best for the Order. Your arrogance makes you dangerous because you reflects upon her and all who follow you. If you act, others will follow... you can’t allow this one sith to ruin you.”

I was about to protest, but Trevelyan defended me at every turn. “She is a jedi. You will address her as such!”

Bastila looked around Trevelyan to face me. “I suppose under the tattoos and the uncontrollable rage, then yes. She is a model jedi for everyone to follow.” She said sarcastically.

I pulled his to face me. “Trevelyan... would you please tell me what’s going on.”

“Bastila had been turned to the sith shortly before the end of the civil war. She has been having trouble with the darkside ever since.”

Bastila looked at me. “Do you know that when he was trying to turn me back to the jedi, he said he loved me?” She sighed in great disgust. “Through our bond, I knew that you secretly despised me. I followed you anyway because I had the strength to see beyond my personal feelings and know what was right.”
She gave a pained chuckle. “The council believed that I was weak to turn to the sith within a week... after being subjected to the most Godforsaken torture Malak could muster. They think that our bond made it easy for me to turn back to the light...” She got in Trevelyan’s face. “I had to fight Revan’s contempt as well.”
Then she tried to stare me down. “Now, the Council has its eyes fixed on you and show me contempt because of how easily you reverted back to the lightside. They seem to have forgotten that my battle meditation saved the war. Now the their center of attention is focused on you.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Me?”

She gave me a false smile. “It defies reason, I know, but the Council has taken an interest in making you into a jedi. They may even regard you as significant to the survival of the Order as Revan.”

“What?! You have a very sick kind of humor!”

Trevelyan got between us. “Hold on... how did you come to all this? What’s going on?”

She looked at Revan with great contempt, but the anger within her seemed to have calmed. “Something significant is happening among the Council in regards to her. I don’t know what, but it could erupt into something worse than the sith. All I know is that it involves both of you.” She stared directly into Trevelyan’s eyes. “Revan, for the sake of the Order, you must sever your emotional ties to her. You cannot afford to weaken yourself in such a way by bonding with Ban.” She faced me. “If you love him, then I hope that you can see reason in staying away from him as well. There is too much at stake if you both are emotionally attached to each other.”

I got in front of Trevelyan. “Are we supposed to just believe her? All she’s given is a vague description of a bunch of superstitions.”

He shook his head. “I believe her... at least she is convinced of what she says.” He looked to Bastila. “Is there anything else you can tell me?”

“I’ve overheard conversations by Council members and I’m convinced that they are very interested in how she develops her force abilities. I only have speculation, but no real proof. When I spoke about Ban with the Council, they were very careful about what they said to me.”

Trevelyan looked back to me. “Do you know anything about this... anything that might explain what’s going on?”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t aware there was anything wrong until she showed up. How could I possibly be considered as significant as you?”

“Is there anything you can think of that is out of place or potentially... wait... maybe they were planning to do something else for that mind wipe.” He inquired.

I nodded. “That might be it. I’m the only one who volunteered for it in years, but what could they possibly do with me?”

Bastila faced me. “You’re having a mind wipe? When did this happen?”

“I went before the Council two days ago and requested they wipe some of my earliest memories. They were doing it in five days, but I’ve already decided not to undergo it.”

Bastila shook her head in disagreement. “That can’t be it. This issue has been debated even before she were accepted back into the Order.”

Trevelyan went up to her. “Thank-you for telling me this. I know it must not have been what...”

“I’m not doing this for you... we are past that. I hope that this matter will make you see reason and forget about her.” She turned to leave. “One other thing... if you MUST surrender to your urges... please do it where I don’t have to be a part of it. Just the thought makes me shudder.”

She directed that last comment at me. She surly would find it repugnant to feel my presence through Trevelyan. I haven’t formed a force bond with another, so I wouldn’t know what it’s like to feel another without knowing the cause.

When Bastila departed, Trevelyan went into the hall with her and told me to stay behind. I was very embarrassed at the whole situation and angry that we were caught. I know that what we did was wrong and had its risks, but I was angry that she was the first to know. Now she had an edge over us... I didn’t want to be at her mercy.

After a few minutes, Trevelyan returned and I could see he was humiliated. “Bastila said she won’t lie, but wouldn’t volunteer anything about... us.”

“It was a mistake.”


For a moment, we stared at each other with great uncertainty. I asked the most logical question: “Now what?”

“I think it would be in our best interest to find out what the Council knows. We should discover why they would have a particular interest in your abilities. They likely won’t answer anything directly, but we should try to get them to talk.”

“Like what? ‘I resign from the order?’ See where that goes?” I said jokingly.

“Something along those lines.”

I stared at him for several more seconds as I didn’t know if I wanted to ask the question. “What do you think about what Bastila said? Should we try and act like none of this happened and stay away from each other?”

“What’s been done is done. I suppose that it might have been better if Bastila had told you what she knew before I gave everything away.”

“And miss all the fun?” I laughed, but wasn’t accompanied by him. “You have a way with words... I was looking forward to forgetting those early years, but now that I see how much they mean to you... and Alfred... I won’t give up on either of you.”

He struggled to ask, “Are you sure this is what you wish to do? You will keep all your memories?”

“You were begging me to change my mind. Now that I have, you are still not satisfied?”

“I just want to be sure you are doing it for yourself... not me.”

“I am doing it for you, but that is what I want. You and Alfred have invested so much of yourselves for me that I would not taint all that you both have done.” I made a confused gesture. “And I suppose I would be afraid of what I might lose. If worse comes to worse, I can always have it done later... it can’t be reversed.”

He smiled as he heard me say that I wouldn’t give up.

I held him from behind the neck. “What you said really mattered to me and I’m glad you did. How do we go from here?”

He thought for a long moment. “Do you think Alfred would know anything about this?”

“He would be a good place to start.”

He looked at the clock. “I have a meeting with the Council within the hour. I’ll see if there is anything I get from them.”

“One other thing: if Bastila means what she says, maybe it would be best if we communicated through a comlink.”

He smiled at how foolish my suggestion was. “Given what we just did, I don’t think we need to worry about that. We can speak normally and it won’t make much difference to me.”

“Very well. Let’s find out what we can and return here at... 16:00 hours. Is that alright?”

“I... had intended to throw together a surprise celebration for you, Juhani, and... who was the other one?”


“Nevski. However, with Juhani away on an assignment and this...”

“I understand. Maybe another time?”

He stepped out the door, but turned back to silently say something to me. I don’t know what, but I appreciated the sentiment.

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 07-21-2009 at 12:11 PM.
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Old 06-10-2008, 12:09 PM   #61
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Two very emotional chapters. I'm glad that Yuthura is holding off on the memory wipe, at least for now. Haha...and Basty catching Revan and Yuthura that is priceless! Well as Mission said "Get a room." in the game well Revan certainly got a room.

As Rev said the whole Revan Yuthura thing it was made pretty clear to me in earlier chapters. I like how emotional Revan got about the memory wipe, I guess thats a sensitive spot with him for obvious reasons. I think they are a great match. I remember playing the game and wishing I could dump Bastila for Yuthura. Anyways two very fine additions to the work! As always I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.


Viva La Resistance!
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Old 06-10-2008, 01:14 PM   #62
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I've realized that I haven't been using many characters outside of Alfred and Revan on a routine basis. Although I don't have it in the story, Yuthura does share more time with Mission, Zalbar, Nevski, Juhani, and Carth than is indicated in the story. It's just that the same activities done repeatedly gets dull.

Yuthura and Juhani still have not shared their life stories with the other. Trevelyan has not shared what they told him, but encouraged that they try to open up to others. In the meantime, Yuthura is about to learn why she has attracted so much attention from the Council. If readers believe there are story elements still in limbo, such as Atris, please tell me so and I'll know to deal with them.

I know that Yuthura was only a very minor character in the SW universe, but I think she has a much more tragic life and more dramatic redemption than Darth Vader. While Luke just kept saying 'there's still good in you,' Revan asked 'Has anything changed?' I intend to have Yuthura find peace before the end, so don't be concerned with a terrible conclusion. I don't have the heart to ruin one so perfect... Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

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Old 06-10-2008, 06:33 PM   #63
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Another marvelous chapter. It had a lot of emotion. I am also gald that Yuthura is holding off on the memory wipe for now. To me, that is a good thing.

Keep up the outstanding work Darth_Yuthura!

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Old 06-12-2008, 12:19 PM   #64
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Chapter 22: The Jerk

After Trevelyan departed, I felt that I needed to speak with Alfred as soon as possible. He had been teaching a class on the inner workings of alien computer systems at the time and I thought I might render him some assistance. The faster he could get the job done, the sooner I could talk to him about the events that have transpired.

When I walked into the classroom, he had been giving a lecture on some computer programing issues. “As you can see from the diagnostic, module 1 and 3 are inverse of one another.” He caught sight of me in the back of the room. “Yuthura?”

All the students turned their eyes upon me. I saw fear in some of the younger ones... I should have gotten rid of my tattoos. “Please... don’t let me interrupt. Continue.”

Of course I threw off the lecture, but he didn’t want to continue. “I would like you to run programs... 6 and 7 then tell my how to make them work with a Republic computer. If you have any problems, just ask.” He put down his data pad and came to the back of the room.

I gave him a very heartfelt smile and then embraced him to show how much I appreciated him.

He looked into my eyes and saw something that wasn’t there before. “I take it that you spoke to Revan.”

When I released him, I just kept smiling. “I think I’ll keep myself exactly as I am for a while. Those memories from Sleheyron... they will always be a part of who I am.”

“If there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you...”

I raised my hand. “You’ve done more than I deserve. It’s up to me to do the rest.” I turned my head to see that there were prying eyes staring at us and I stepped back to avoid embarrassing my former master.

“I should get back to my class. I’ll come by your quarters later tonight.”

“Could you use an assistant? The faster you’re done with them, the sooner we can talk.”

He gestured for me to help one of the students. “Everyone... this is Yuthura. She’s a former padawan of mine and she’s offered to render assistance. If you have any trouble, talk to her.”


With me, Alfred got an hour’s worth of work done in half the time. One of his students was that padawan who asked me to become his master, Ross Senegal. He asked me to help even when he didn’t need it and I indulged him for a few minutes. Then I made it clear that if he wasn’t bright enough to figure out issues such as what he presented me with, no one would give him a second thought as an apprentice. He seemed to understand what I really meant and went back to do the work I knew he could finish on his own. Although I felt flattered to have at least one student who looked up to me, there was little point in pretending to teach him.

After his class was ended early, Alfred spoke to me about that padawan without me bringing up the subject. “Did you know that Ross Senegal looks up to you?”

“He had asked if I would take him as an apprentice.”

He laughed at how amusing it must have seemed. “I used to think he just had a crush on you, but he really seems to admire you.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t know. Have you considered asking him?”

I sighed in great frustration. “What difference does it make? I can’t accept a padawan.”


I sighed in concurrence. “Yet. But even if I could, I wouldn’t make a good instructor.” I raised my hand to keep him from interrupting. “One day, maybe. But by the time I’d consider myself ready to be a master... it’s a long way off.”

He stared at me for several seconds while he admired the wisdom I acquired. “I’m glad to hear what you said about your memories.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing’s changed. I still have to face the consequences of my past. I just thought that a mind wipe was easier than the alternatives. Now that I think of it... erasing a part of my life? Even for years that I would like to forget, it makes me take pause. It makes me wonder ”

He was very saddened to hear that. “I think what you’re doing is very brave. I wish to help you through this if you’ll let me.”

I smiled at the offer. “I may like to take you up on that.” I gestured him to sit down at one of the work tables. “Alfred... do you believe me to be a... special Jedi? Do I stand out from others?”

“I think so, but I assume that’s not what you asked of me.”

I thought about the right way to word the question. “Jedi like Revan and Bastila stand out from the majority because they are extraordinary. Do I... have anything that makes me stand out like them?”

“If you want the truth, I would say no. You do have an extraordinary resilience to the dark side, but I don’t know if that would make you stand out like Bastila’s battle meditation.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It might. Why do you ask?”

“She told me that the Council has taken an extraordinary interest in my Force abilities. She claims that I may be as significant to the survival of the Order as Revan.”

“Did she explain how? Why?”

I shook my head.

“Well... as much as I’d like to think so, you shouldn’t put much faith in that. I think you are destined for great things, but I wouldn’t say that you are that important. Have you asked the Council about it?”

“Yes, but they gave me nothing. Bastila seems convinced that what she told me was true. I’m asking if you could confirm that.”

“Yuthura, unless you have something more to rely on than what Bastila said, I wouldn’t put much faith in a search. I think you’re just interested in hearing what you want rather than what’s really there.”

I gently nodded. “It’s just that... Bastila sounded so convinced. Trevelyan said he believed what she said... I could sense her resentment for me.” I scoffed at how ridiculous I must have sounded. “I’m sorry. I know I sound paranoid, but I would really would appreciate it if you could verify if there is any validity to what Bastila told me.”

He looked at me for several seconds to determine my sincerity. “Possibly. I have a friend who is not with the Order anymore. He is not bound by the rules and might be able to confirm or deny what you say. I’ll send him a message and see if he knows anything.”

I smiled with great joy. “Thank-you.”

“This might provide nothing, so don’t get your hopes up.”


I invited Trevelyan and Alfred to my quarters that night to hear what they’ve discovered. Before I went back, I informed Master Kavar that I was not going through with the memory wipe. He said he would tell the rest of the Council to save time, but he still tried to talk me out of it.

“Are you sure about this? There is no weakness in suppressing painful memories if they disrupt your ability to find peace.” Kavar stated.

I nodded in complete confidence. “Losing them would be worse. I’ll just have to learn to overcome them.”

He gave me a nod. “I hope you get through this without falling back to the darkside. After that incident with Atris... I’m worried about your future.”

“What will become of Atris, anyway?” I asked.

“You need not concern yourself with Atris. You just concentrate on...”

“You’re letting her go... aren’t you?” I interrupted.

He waited for a long moment before defending her. “You did strike first and could very well have been exiled for that, but you weren’t.”

“She provoked me! The Council itself said that she was responsible for that fight. She tried to seduce me to the dark side and you just...! Will you at least remove her from the Council?” I asked.

Kavar just stared at me as if to say ‘I’m sorry.’

I stood out of my chair in great anger. “You’re unbelievable! She goes against everything that a Jedi stands for and you just...!” I couldn’t say it... I just stormed out of Kavar’s office. If I had stayed, I would have acted very irrationally, so I removed the temptation to strike him.

As I pranced through the hallways, Kavar began following me. Likely To ensure that I didn’t go ballistic, but he was only making it more likely to happen. “Yuthura, it doesn’t matter to you what happens to Atris. You are still...”

I turned around and shouted in his face. “I already attacked one master... don’t make me attack another!”

That didn’t seem to stop him; he grabbed one of my wrists and dragged me along with him. “Let’s do just that. Come with me.”

Although he had my wrist in a tight grip, I was very capable of slipping away from it. “Just leave me alone!”

He grabbed me by the shoulder and continued dragging me away. “Not until you vent your anger. I’m not letting you go when you’re on the brink of lashing out again. You’ll do it in a more proper location.”

“What happened to that ‘be at peace’ crap you always spout off about?” I asked.

He grabbed both my wrists and brought me to face him directly in the eye. “Why don’t we? You and I: fight with lightsabers? If you have an urge to fight, then I’ll give you that... but not here. Now will you restrain yourself and come with me, or will I have to drag you away?”

Before I could give an answer, he released me and turned around to continue on his way to the nearest training room in the Temple. It wasn’t wise to turn one’s back on a Sith, or a former one at least; but Kavar did it to undermine my pride. I didn’t know if it worked or not, as I wasn’t really angry at him, specifically; but I did as he commanded and followed.

He didn’t look back at any point along the way, but Kavar lead me to the nearest dueling room where various students were already practicing with training sabers. The room was massive and there were four circles painted on the floor to segregate each pair from interfering with the others. It wasn’t the only duel room in the temple or the best one for training, but it sufficed for one-on-one matches.

Near the entrance was a table with various training sabers specially marked as such. Next to it was a rack for the ‘live’ sabers to be kept. In order to ensure the safety of those who practiced with training sabers, a sensor was built in to detect lethal sabers. It was installed to prevent someone from ‘accidentally’ being killed by a real lightsaber. Real weapons could be reduced to a minimal setting for such exercises, but a practice saber could not exceed a certain power setting without the emitter burning out.

Kavar placed both his lightsabers on the rack on the wall and took a single practice saber from the table. He gestured to the table. “Here are the rules: no Force attacks, no restrictions on weapons or saber techniques.”

I couldn’t help but assume that Kavar just wanted to put me in my place. I knew I was no match for him and didn’t want to humiliate myself. “I don’t want to fight.”

He took my lightsaber from my belt and held it in front of me. “I didn’t ask you if you wanted to or not. You can walk out of here if you like, but I’m not giving this back unless I’m satisfied that you’re not going to use it again in anger.” He slipped the weapon into one of his pockets and moved passed the sensor without triggering it. “If you want it, grab a weapon and take it.”

I couldn’t believe what this guy was trying to do. Of course, there were countless times Jedi did the most unorthodox things to make a point. I supposed that Kavar just wanted me to try and beat him so he could show his superiority. Of course he really didn’t know me at all. I knew exactly what he expected me to do, which was to grab a saber and go at him like I did with Atris. Only I wasn’t really angry at him; just annoyed.

As he walked over to one of the empty duel circles, I just grabbed one of the practice sabers and played along with his little game. I suppose that I also wanted to know how I well I could stand up to a ‘Famed Jedi Guardian,’ like Kavar. If I could hold my own, maybe that could have earned me some respect.

When he and I were in position to start, he ignited the blue blade of his practice saber and I ended up with a yellow blade... the Jedi didn’t exactly put much concern on the color of the crystals of practice sabers. He stood ready with his weapon and I suddenly wondered why he took only one. Kavar usually fought with two, so he didn’t intend to go all out against me. “Don’t you usually fight with a shoto?” I asked, ‘shoto’ referring to a shorter variant of lightsaber often used in the offhand.

He waved about as he answered, “I only take on a second lightsaber when a situation demands it... which unfortunately is most of the time. I often don’t get the chance to use a single hilt simply because I’m often faced with overwhelming numbers.”

“Why would that matter? If you’re capable of taking on a dozen, then why not just use two lightsabers against a single opponent anyway?”

He deactivated the saber and folded his arms as if to give a lecture. “That is the kind of thinking that lead to the Mandalorian Wars. Modern warfare isn’t about overwhelming power; it’s precision. Strategic design resulting in minimal collateral damage. We frown upon saber staffs and other such weapons because they are only made to kill more efficiently, while traditional single-hilts were designed for defensive purposes.”

“Gee, I was just asking. I don’t really care if you choose to take an advantage or not.” I replied.

He activated his practice saber. “Well you’d do well not to let your guard down. I’m not going to go easy on you. Defend yourself!”

He came at me with a hard overhead slash, followed by a lateral swing, which forced me to jump out of the way. Kavar only stopped because I had been forced out of the circle and gestured me to start again. One of the rules of these exercises was to stay within the confines of the circle. Although we were taught to run if we had the means to avoid a fight altogether, we also had to be prepared to stand our ground in unfavorable conditions.

As I stepped back into the circle, I just realized how hypocritical his last statement was and thought it was necessary to give him a lesson. I reactivated the blade and gestured to him. “Ah, yes. In the hand of a Jedi, this is a tool; but in the hand of a Sith, it’s a weapon. Is that what you’re saying?” I came at him with a broad swing, which he easily deflected.

Instead of returning another blow, he paused the fight took a step back. “By all means, no. You have more than proven yourself since then; I wasn’t implying anything.” He came at me with a far less intense flurry of strikes, each of which I easily blocked.

At the next pause in the duel, I stared at the hilt in my hand to emphasize my point. “You misunderstand. This is NOT a tool; it’s a weapon. That’s all it ever can be. No matter how it is used, it would either inflict death, destruction, or fear. The very idea that the Jedi, who proclaim to be peace-loving, would use a weapon to symbolize themselves... isn’t there something wrong with that?”

Kavar looked back to observe the other students as they trained in the arts of fighting. I didn’t expect that he hadn’t ever thought of it before, but he watched as the padawans conditioned themselves to fight. “Not everyone sees such wisdom. If they did, the Galaxy would be a much more peaceful place. We serve to ensure that unalienable rights are not deprived of the innocent, but because there are so few of us, we can’t afford to fight every threat that emerges; it’s simply impossible. That is why we emphasize peace more than anything. Any conflict that we are called upon only comes when peace was not an option; most of the time because victims are unable to defend themselves. It is because of our strength that can force a dominant power to submit to a peaceful resolution before a conflict escalates.” He deactivated practice saber and reached into his back pocket to retrieve the lightsaber he had taken from me a moment ago. When he had it in his hand, Kavar held it before me. “Peace is going to be much harder to achieve because the Order has been severely weakened, but that’s also why we must work that much harder to make it work. Do not think that a galaxy can’t be saved through words; but when that fails, we must take up arms in order to protect the innocent. That is why we don’t wield blasters; the lightsaber is by far more effective to defend than it is to kill.”

I stared at my saber a long while, wondering why he was giving it back, but eventually took it. “What is all this about? Weren’t you the one urging for a fight?”

He started walking to the entrance. “I was trying to get you to take out your anger on me, but you haven’t been very forthcoming. There’s no point in trying to incite you when you’ve already calmed yourself.”

“Hey! You dragged me down here... and now you’re just... going on to something else for no reason?” I shouted.

He turned about, almost disappointed. Then he came at me again without warning, starting with an underhand sweep. I defended myself with the standard saber, but Kavar didn’t seem to notice. He came at me with a flurry of slashes, so fast that I activated the practice saber in my opposite hand to defend myself.

I had been so outraged at him that I didn’t even consider that I was defending myself with a lethal weapon while he still only had a training saber. When there came a break in the fighting, I figured that he simply wanted to provoke me like Atris had and I decided to stop the fight by unleashing a Force repulse. After he was thrown back, I deactivated both my weapons, threw the training saber on the floor, and clipped my personal saber on my belt.

“I told you; no Force attacks!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but I have no inclination of playing along!” I turned my back to him and walked away. Before I could get out of the chamber, he grabbed my arm again to stop me. “Let me go, you jerk!”

He forced me around to face him. “You have some serious anger issues. I’m trying to get you to take it out in battle, yet you actively refuse to let yourself go.”

“Is that why you’re trying to provoke me? One of the first lessons of battle is to never attack in anger. If you’re trying to make me go berserk, you’re not going to succeed.” I twisted myself hard enough to yank my arm away from his grasp.

“Then why are you so angry right now? You seem ready to lash out at the most minute provocation.”

“Yeah, I’m angry at you!”

“I can see that. I’m asking you why.”

“Because you won’t leave me alone!” I shouted. “Just go away!”


I had been so frustrated at Kavar that I rushed out of the chamber as fast as I possibly could, turning randomly at every juncture to ensure I would lose him. I wanted so much to attack him, but knew that I stood no chance in a lightsaber fight. Unlike Atris, I figured that Kavar had been more interested in teaching me a lesson than anything else.

I’m sure that he wanted me to attack in anger, lose, and then get a lecture on how he beat me because he remained calm and I got enraged. He clearly didn’t anticipate that I would refuse to fight. I wasn’t foolish enough to get violent when it wasn’t necessary against a foe I knew I couldn’t beat. Of course, I really couldn’t claim that when there were lot’s of times I didn’t follow my own wisdom.

Despite all that I claimed, Kavar was right when he said that I needed to vent my anger. It was originally because the Council forgiving Atris that I was angry. By that time, it was Kavar. I might have lashed at him, but I didn’t want to do it in public. The training facilities seemed the best place.

There was one simulator that allowed for a variety of obstacles to be sent against the user. Ledges, flash mines, droids, remotes, and turrets could be placed to provide the most lifelike training possible... aside from actual battle. In addition to that, there were several bulkheads that retracted from the floor to simulate confined hallways and randomly placed rooms. Most of it is automated and configured by the user’s command.

I got to the simulation terminal and loaded one of Kavar’s configurations. This would have been a challenge for most jedi, but I felt like I could take on the galaxy... maybe I was just wanted to destroy things. When the simulator was set, I was ready.


For nearly ten minutes, I went through battle droids almost as quickly as they could be dispatched. I found that the best technique was to destroy them one droid at a time and throwing the debris at anything that moved. Although I would have normally thrown my lightsaber at the turrets, there were too many blaster shots that I couldn’t dodge them all while unarmed. I found that Force lightning was the best means to take out the stationary targets while I deflected the droids’ fire back to their source.

Once the turrets were destroyed, I threw my lightsaber at droids and just kept myself in motion guiding the blade of light as it carved through the machines. I even managed to defend myself from blaster shots with the saber while it was in midair. I almost marveled at how good I had become to do that only with the Force.

When a new set of droids were dispatched to attack me, I threw my saber again and jumped over the formation while the saber kept its course, taking out a fourth of them in a few seconds. When I landed and my saber back in my hand, a volley of flash grenades were coming towards me, but I threw them all back with a Force wave.

Of course, flash grenades didn’t harm droids, so I unleashed a burst of Force lightning. The grenades in the air almost all exploded at the same instant when the electricity triggered their detonators. When I prepared to engage the next wave, I realized that I was just trashing droids and it wasn’t helping anymore. “End simulation!” I shouted.

When the command was given, all the live droids disengaged their weapons and withdrew from the simulator chamber. Another wave of droids entered as well, these armed to clean up the remains of the battle droids that were just destroyed.

As they collected the junk that laid on the floor, I actually stayed to watch as certain units extracted undamaged components from the twisted piles of scorched metal to be reused while everything else was collected to be melted down and recycled again. Although a very efficient process, it was expensive to replace dozens of droids at a time.

I hadn’t been aware of it, but Alfred was watching me fight for some time. “I would have offered to help, but you seemed like you could handle everything.”

“Alfred?” I had been embarrassed and couldn’t get another word out.

“It’s all right. It’s better to deal with your anger here than out there.” He walked up to me, expecting an explanation. “What happened?”

“I destroyed about fifty droids.”

He looked at the debris, still laying around. “Really? Thanks for the insight.” He crossed his arms and turned towards me. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

After a long pause, I said what happened. “I was told that Atris was not going to suffer any consequences for what she had done.”

He gave me a surprised expression. “That’s it? That’s what made you so angry?”

“Why would it not?” I asked.

“Because it doesn’t matter to you.”

“She acted in a way that was unfit for a Council Member, let alone a jedi. I can’t believe you would think it doesn’t matter.”

He rubbed my shoulders to comfort me. “What happens to Atris does not impact you unless you let it.”

“She doesn’t deserve to escape punishment!”

“So does that also apply to you? Are you saying you shouldn’t have been forgiven as Atris was?”

That kept me silent for a moment, but I tried to defend what I did. “That’s different.”


“She’s a Council member and a jedi that has been fully trained. She is supposed to set a proper example and she hasn’t.”

“But it still boils down to a simple question... does it affect you?”

“Yes! How am I and everyone else expected to follow the Council if they don’t expect more from themselves than they do for the ones they lead?!”

“Yuthura... this is a matter that doesn’t affect you. Please just let it go.” He graciously requested.

I almost pleaded. “But this is wrong!”

He looked at me sympathetically and nodded. “I know, but I ask that you please let it go. There is nothing we can do to change it... just let it go.”

I was very hurt to hear him speak like that. How could he possibly be asking me to do something like that? “If you know it’s wrong, then why do you go along with it? How could you ask me to go along with it?”

“Because the cost would be too high. You’re still part of the Order and that’s enough for me. Your place in the order is worth more than Atris losing hers, do you understand?”

I refused to look at him, but nodded. “It’s still wrong.”

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 07-21-2009 at 12:13 PM. Reason: To correct errors.
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Old 06-12-2008, 10:40 PM   #65
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Another very nice chapter. I did notice several spelling mistakes though. For example, you put "Bastila Shem", and spelled padawan wrong.

Other than that, I think that this was a pretty good attachment. I like the action scenes, and I think that you described the simulator scene very well.

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Old 06-14-2008, 10:21 AM   #66
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Chapter 23: The Makings of a Slave

Alfred escorted me back to my quarters and helped me to relax from that outburst of anger I was dealing with. It gave me great discord to know Atris escaped punishment. I wanted to object to her forgiveness even if it made things worse for me, but now I have to consider how Alfred and Trevelyan would be hurt by my actions. I almost feel like I’m hostage to their feelings. That seemed rather ironic.

When Trevelyan came to my quarters, we were already discussing that friend of Alfred’s.

“Trevelyan, please come in.” I offered him a chair. “Alfred... Alex Trevelyan.”

“We’re already aquatinted.”

“Of course. Since I was welcomed back?” I asked.

“Since they were forced to accept you.” Alfred stated.

I sat everyone down at the table and spoke to Trevelyan first. “Well... I suppose that the Council didn’t say much to you?”

He shook his head. “They just said you had a strong spirit, but otherwise... nothing peculiar.”

I sighed from exhaustion. “This is ridiculous. Even if there were some great secret in which to find, it really doesn’t matter. Even if we knew what the problem is... we can’t fix it.” I got up from the table and started pacing.

Trevelyan stared at me with concern, but Alfred informed him about Atris. Then he got behind and comforted me. “Are you going to be all right?”

“It’s going to weigh heavily on my mind for some time. I just can’t believe they would do such a thing.”

“I know it’s easy for me to say, but you should not let this hurt you. As long as the Council needs me, they won’t be able to touch you.”

I turned around. “I don’t want to be in your shadow forever. I want to get to a point where they respect me enough to treat me like they would one of their own.” I raised my hand to silence him. “Now I’m starting to wonder... if I want to stay in the Order anymore.”


“Trevelyan... Revan is often blamed for the civil war... he wasn’t.” I pointed in the direction of the Council Chamber. “It was because of them that all of it came about. They think they know better than everyone else and act accordingly.”

“Calm down.” Trevelyan said.

“The last time I left the order, it was because I believed they were apathetic. Now I’m starting to see something worse emerging... they are so convinced of their own superiority... it’s beyond arrogance.”

Trevelyan held me in his arms. “Please don’t look to issues you can’t control. Right now, all that matters is what’s within your influence. All that matters is that you find peace. Once that happens, then you can look to greater things. In the meantime, I want you to not let this bother you.”

“I suppose I have to help myself before I can help another.” I returned to my seat across from Alfred.

Alfred looked at me with a degree of concern. “Are you aware that you never asked if I made any progress?”

That caused me to lift my head. “Did you?”

“My friend says that he has information that the Council is keeping from you. He says he’s willing to share it in exchange for assistance from you.”

Just as my heart seemed to glow, it sunk at the request. “What kind of assistance?”

“My friend requires the help of another Jedi in order to complete an investigation.”

“Why is he anomalous? Is there anything else?”

“He would prefer not to reveal his identity until you agree to help him. That would require meeting him on Nar Shadaa.”

“Nar Shadaa?”

He nodded. “My friend has been investigating the activities of a syndicate based on Nar Shadaa. He believes that... a slave would be able to infiltrate the organization most easily.”

My heart sunk at what I was hearing. “So... he wants me to masquerade as a slave?”

Alfred nodded with a grim expression.

Trevelyan looked at me with great concern and then faced Alfred. “We should find someone else. It doesn’t have to be Yuthura.”

I said sarcastically, “Great idea! Bastila would make a wonderful choice. I’m sure she’d jump at the opportunity to help me out.”

“I’m serious. There are others who I think could do it.” Trevelyan stated.

Alfred continued to explain the task. “There would be more to it than being aesthetically pleasing. Yuthura is a trained dancer and she’s one of the best. The closer to the crime boss, the better the chances are of succeeding. And she has the skills that would be required to hack into the syndicate’s computer. She is the most logical choice for the task.”

Both of them stared at me as if I were about to enter the jaws of hell... that may have been true for me. As much as I hated the plan, I wanted to know what Alfred’s friend knew. “When does he want this done?”

“There is no deadline, but he would prefer sooner than later.” Alfred said.

After a suspended moment of silence, Trevelyan put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “You don’t have to do this.”

“I need to. I knew there would come a time when I had to confront this. I also want to know what the Council is hiding from me.”

Trevelyan got in front of me. “It would mean being able to restrain your anger against anything that you witness. Do you really think you could do it?”

“If I had to, yes.” I said with utter confidence.

“So if you were to watch a fellow twi’lek getting beaten by a shock whip, you wouldn’t react?”


“If she were weeping and begging to be forgiven for an act she didn’t commit?”

“Stop it.” I requested.

“Revan, what are you...?” He raised his hand keep Alfred silent.

“And if her master doesn’t give mercy, would you let her be thrown into an arena to be fed to a rancor... and you wouldn’t react?”

“Shut up!”

They both stared at me and I realized that Trevelyan was trying to provoke me like Atris had. This wasn’t to hurt me, but to make me understand that he was right. I could not restrain myself if I saw some of the horrors of slavery again. If I couldn’t restrain my emotions, then I would fail.

After a long pause, Trevelyan spoke in a very sympathetic tone. “I was just describing what you might encounter. If you were watching something like that... could you honestly say that you would not react?”

After a brief moment of denial, I was hunched over in my seat sobbing very loudly and painfully. There was no way for me to deny that I couldn’t succeed. I had hoped that I had established some self-control, but I was too weak and I knew it.

Trevelyan pulled me up and held me in his arms again. There were no more words spoken... none were needed.


After a suspended period of emotional turmoil, I reestablished control of myself. It just surprised me how easily I could lose control and how difficult it was to confront what tormented me greater than anything I’ve ever known. Having Alfred with me again was very much like it was a decade ago.

“I thought that I had gotten through all that. When I was a Sith, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I just hate slavery and all it is. Every time I would watch another slave getting flogged... all I wanted was to end it. On Sleheyron, I didn’t have the means to stop such acts. Now that I do... I haven’t learned to keep myself from acting.”

“I’m sorry about what I did, but it was important for you to realize that...”

I raised my hand. “...that I wasn’t able. I know.”

Trevelyan faced Alfred. “Is there any other way to convince your friend to share what he knows?”

“If he had the data that he required, then yes. However, because Yuthura is his best hope for retrieving it, he won’t say anything.”

“Then let’s find another way in. How much can your friend provide us with the layout of the facility?”

I stood up. “Don’t do anything stupid. If I can’t do it, then I’ll just forget the whole thing.” I walked to the door and gestured them to leave.

“Don’t you want to know what the Council knows?”

“This is too much on my mind. I appreciate what you two had done, but in the meantime... I don’t want to deal with another issue. Let’s just get some sleep and deal with this another time.”

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 07-21-2009 at 12:19 PM. Reason: Final revision
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Old 06-14-2008, 12:23 PM   #67
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One thing though, do you mean Zez Kae Ell? Or is it a different person that we are talking about?

Good job though. I am glad that Yuthura is kinda facing her fears, and her memories at the same time. Perhaps, it will ease the hurt. Great job though!

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Old 06-14-2008, 06:36 PM   #68
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Another great chapter. But Hutt has two t's, not one.
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:04 PM   #69
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Chapter 24: Trapped

When I was as ready as I could be, both physically and emotionally, Zez Kai Ell took me to Fasa’s palace. It was several kilometers away and we took a tram to reach it. The way back looked simple enough, but the consequences of getting lost were high. I ensured that I would remember the way back. He had changed into some moderately elegant clothing and I was clad only in my dancer garb to make it appear that he was a wealthy master escorting a slave to be sold. It was very unpleasant to be looked upon by everyone else with such pity, but that was how I had to appear.

When we were in front of Fasa’s palace, Zez Kai Ell asked me one last time if I were ready. I didn’t say anything... I just gave him a look filled with scorn. He understood that I silently said that I hated him for what he wanted me to do. Before we entered the main doors, I realized that I still wore Alfred’s necklace. I didn’t want to risk losing it, so I gave it to Zez Kai Ell. “This is important. Don’t even think of losing it.”

After he put it in his pocket, he held my hands to give me some much needed assurance. “Alfred is very proud of what you’re doing. This is a brave thing and I regret asking it of you. When you’re back, one way or another, I will tell you everything you want to know. I promise.”

I nodded and followed him in.

We encountered an attendant at the main entrance. Zez Kai Ell began the negotiation. “I was informed that Great Fasa is looking for a new dancer.”

“No, he’s not exactly looking for another...” he glanced at me and I caught his attention. “...but Great Fasa is always interested in new talent.” He stood up to take a more thorough look at me. Of course, the definition of ‘look’ included pinching my cheek, evaluating my facial attributes, had me open my mouth so he could check my teeth. “How old? Is she well-behaved?”

“25 standard years. And she is totally obedient.” Zez Kai Ell answered for me.

“And why are you selling her?”

“She was given to me as payment for a debt. I have no need for a dancer and I would prefer the credits.”

The attendant moved his eyes from my face down to the rest of my body. Without any regard for my feelings, he unstrapped the top piece to the outfit, revealing my breasts. I tried not to react, but it was humiliating to be naked from the waist up in front of Zez Kai Ell and several other eyes that happened to be in the chamber with us. If things couldn’t have been worse, he didn’t just want a glimmer; he clutched them and then my lekku within his grip. It was to evaluate me, but I knew that he did it more for his own sick pleasure. They were sensitive, but I fought hard not to go into tears. It wasn’t the pain so much as being reminded that my body no longer belonged to me. I just closed my eyes and tried to put my mind somewhere else, but it wasn’t so easy to do when I had a guy with my lekku clutched in his grip.

When he was done, the guy handed me the top piece of my outfit. “Yes... she’ll do very nicely, but I would like to see her dance before I bring her before Fasa.”

Zez Kae Ell gestured me to dance. “Please show him your skills.”

After I got my top back on, I started a routine and after only twenty seconds, he had been impressed. “Great Faso would love to have this one! She’s even better than his last dancer. Please follow me and I’ll take you to him right away.”


When I was brought before the hutt, it didn’t take long for him to make an offer. My dancing was still a bit rusty, so I backed it up with some of my Jedi power... not enough to be overtly recognized, but just on the brink of possible to perform without the Force. There simply was no way a hutt would have rejected such talent.

“Magnificent! I’ve never seen one with such beauty, finesse, and grace as this one.” The Hutt looked to Zez Kai Ell. “How much do you want for her?” Fasa said in the Hutt language.

“4000 and not a credit less.” Zez Kae Ell demanded.

“Done! Irav... pay him and then send him on his way.” Fasa said to the servant.

Zez Kai Ell and I took one last look at each other before he left me on my own. Although it was already too late for me to back out, it was uncomfortable to watch him as he walked out of sight. I felt as though I had been left alone in the jaws of hell.

Fasa looked back to me. “What is your name?”

“Yuthura... Master” I hated using that word, but I had to in order to succeed.

“Welcome to my service, Yuthura. Please dance for me.”

“I am yours to command, Master.” I pleasantly said, but it was an utter lie. I only did as he commanded because it was my choice. It was just as easy for me to refuse and leave, but that wasn’t what I wanted.


I did as I was told and danced with all the grace and poise I had when I danced for Omeesh and more. Fasa greatly appreciated my talent and laughed with that horrible sound which Omeesh used to have. Despite everything, I found that the experience was easier than I had feared. I still had to keep my wits about me, but I felt that I had gotten over the worst part of the experience.

Next to Fasa was his personal attendant, which Zez Kai Ell called ‘the body slave.’ She was a human woman with tan skin and dark hair. She was very beautiful, but had a look in her eyes that seemed to resent me the more he enjoyed my performance. I would not have been surprised if she feared me stealing Fasa’s heart from her.

If it were up to me, she could have it. I saw the computer terminal which Zez Kai Ell spoke of and I could tell that it was linked to some very sensitive data that he wouldn’t have wanted a spy such as I to get access to. I just had to find a way to get access to that terminal without the prying eyes of the guards on me. While Fasa slept, the room would have been empty of all but him and his body slave... me. Once I took her place, the only thing between me and the terminal was a sleeping hutt.

For about twenty minutes, I danced for Fasa and his laughter died down to the slow breathing of sleep. When he started snoring, the body slave gave a hand signal to everyone in the room. One of the other twi’lek slaves that had been in the room escorted me out.

She had orange skin and a very cheerful look about her. In twi’lek, she addressed me. “I need you to come with me. It’s been a long time since the master has enjoyed a performance such as that. You are a wonderful dancer.”

My twi’lek was not fluent, but I was understandable. “Thanks. What happens now?”

“I need to get a collar for you and I’ll show you to our quarters.”

“So we don’t get separate rooms?”

“Only the Master’s personal servant has her own room. The rest of us are strictly confined to the slave quarters unless the master commands us otherwise. Our shock collars don’t restrict us to our quarters, but the Master says that if we are caught without an escort, we’d be punished. If you leave the confines of the palace, or go into a restricted area, your collar will administer a painful shock. I would suggest you stay where you know that it is safe, otherwise ask if you are not sure.”

“Is a collar really necessary?” I asked.

She looked at me as though it were too obvious to ask. “Yes. We all must wear a collar, even our first.”


“Fasa’s personal servant. She is entitled to many privileges that we are not. I think you have a good shot at taking the title... if you want it.”

“What would I have to do?”

“It involves making yourself recognized among the others. Your dancing was a great start, but it often involves getting... closer to the master. That’s why I don’t seek it.”

Sounded simple enough... disgusting, but within my abilities. “Who is the first, now?”

“Her name is Kasi. She’s been here for many years, but became first only a few months ago. She has worked hard to become first and is very sensitive about newcomers such as you, especially those that try to gain Fasa’s favor.”

She took me to a supply room where a variety of different items were kept for short and long term storage... including slaving collars. She picked up one and handled it like she’s done it a hundred times. “This one looks about right for your neck. Hold still and I’ll set it for you.”

The sight of the damn thing scared me beyond reason. Those collars had a portable power cell that activated if the wearer moved out of a specified area, which eliminated the need for a chain. But it was not that which startled me. At the back of the device was a small explosive that detonated if the collar were improperly removed... or to execute the wearer. If that collar were around my neck... I would literally have been trapped. I had no means to remove it without killing myself once it was around my neck.

Before that could happen, I used a mind trick on her. “I don’t need a collar.”

It worked. “Oh, I guess that you really don’t need one.” She hung it back up and turned around. I couldn’t believe it, but I came across a sight I never saw on Sleheyron... her back was free of imperfections that came from torture. “You don’t have any scars from a shock whip on your back.”

She gave a very confident smile. “The master never gives torture unless we truly deserve it. If we did something by accident, he would understand that, but if we defied his orders, we would be disciplined, but not hurt. Only if we did something really terrible... then he would use pain for punishment.” She gave me a sympathetic expression. “I saw the scars on your back. I assure you that Master Fasa will never do again if you behave yourself.”

I remember those days when slaves had nothing more than each other. This was like reliving one of the few moments that I treasured in Sleheyron. I smiled at hearing that she had it better than me. I wasn’t even trying, but I made a friend. “What’s your name?”


I extended my hand and we shook. “Yuthura.”

“Welcome to Master Fasa’s service, Yuthura. I’ll show you to our quarters.”


This palace seemed like a paradise compared to Sleheyron. I almost found the existence livable, but it was not enough to simply get by... I had to gain Fasa’s favor so I could be promoted to first as soon as possible. It may have been a bearable experience, but I hated not being my own person. I hated having to wait in the slave quarters until Fasa summoned me.

The slave quarters were quite spacious, but having eight other people around made me feel claustrophobic. There were six other females aside from me and two male slaves all sharing the same space. The slave quarters really were not so much our living space as it was a public area for Fasa’s guests to enjoy themselves... at our expense.

I didn’t have much time to get acquainted with the other slaves, as a Weequay was waiting for me within the chamber. At first I thought... I guess I didn’t know what I originally thought... but it seemed I was expected to do more than just dancing. Attia said that on top of our normal duties, we were expected to be ‘good company’ to guests.

I would have used the mind trick to get rid of him, but there were so many witnesses around that I couldn’t risk it. And it seemed that he was not interested in anything too intrusive. I could stand rubbing his shoulders, sweet talking to him, and being a pleasant companion for a while. He really loved my dancing and asked if I could do a private dance for him; it was then that I drew the line. With the mind trick, I sent him on his way.

Once he was gone, I realized that getting access to the computer terminal in the throne room may have been much easier than I had expected. If the Hutt were asleep, all I had to do was sneak in and do it without Kasi noticing. It just might have been doable...

The throne room was heavily guarded from the outside, as I expected, so I found an alternate route through the air ducts. Squeezing through seemed easy enough, but the collection of dust and filth that had built up over the decades was horrible. Webs, insect carcasses, and all the other grime was disgusting; but I managed to get into the chamber. I found myself in a nearly perfect position to gain access to the terminal without attracting attention. The Hutt continued to sleep, but I could not see Kasi within the room.

As much as I disliked leaving a potential problem out in the open, I could not afford to waste the opportunity I had right there. The computer normally would have been encrypted, but I had a rare chance to log in and do what I came for. I might have been able to decrypt the codes on my own, but when I saw the control panel providing unbuffered access to all of the sensitive data that was supposed to be encrypted; I went for it without any concern for who else might have been in the room with us.

What I expected to take hours had been done in only a matter of minutes. From what I could determine there were two levels of secrecy within the Exchange communication networks, one that was shared among the major crime lords and another for their local activities. Fasa had a network of spies and operatives whose activities were not of any importance to any of the other lords, which seemed like the best method to create a link by which I could have info downloaded without arousing suspicion.

In the time I had, I generated a new data link to an operative that didn’t exist. All that I had to do was conceal it among the rest of the activity and it would never be discovered. After that was established, all I had to do was program the console to shut down the next time anyone logged on and it would wipe away any record of my activity.

Before I was ready to jump back into the air vent, something drew my attention and I realized that someone was approaching me. I knew that I didn’t have the time to hide my activity before I was spotted, so I reset the computer; but it was too late for me to avoid being caught.

I jumped away from the console just before Fasa’s body slave moved out from behind behind a pillar and gazed upon me. “I thought I heard something! How did you get in here?”

“I’m allowed in here.” I commanded of her with the mind trick.

Her mind was strong enough to repel my order. “No you’re not. The guards don’t allow other slaves in here when the Master’s asleep Where’s your collar?” She pulled a comlink out of her pocket. “Get in here, now.”

Before I could respond, the chamber doors opened and the guards outside came through. The situation didn’t seem bad enough that I refrained from using the Force to fight back. If they knew I were a Jedi, they would have known that I was on a mission. Then what I just did would have been for nothing, so I allowed them to take me.

All the commotion generated by the guards and the commands by the body slave woke the Hutt from his nap. He clearly had been upset by the disturbance and shouted at Kasi for what she did.

“Forgive me, Master, but I found this one sneaking around. I don’t know how she got in.” She directed her attention to the guards. “No one says they let her in.”

The Hutt gaze upon me, but didn’t seem angered or suspicious. “You’re supposed to stay in the slave quarters unless summoned by me. What were you doing in here and how did you get past the guards?”

I hesitated to answer, but came up with a clever lie. “I... didn’t know what you wanted of me, Master. I was in here this whole time. I was waiting for you to wake up... I didn’t know what you wanted of me, forgive me for not asking.”

Kasi didn’t believe me. “I thought I saw you escorted out. You weren’t here this whole time.”

“I’m sorry, but I did not know what you wanted of me, Master. I didn’t wish to disturb you. I just didn’t know where I was supposed to go.” I lied.

“Is that why you don’t have a collar? Attia was supposed to see that you learned the rules here. Did she not speak to you?”

I gently shook my head.

Kasi knew I was lying. “I saw her. I saw Attia speak to this one after you were asleep, Master. Ask Attia herself and she’ll tell you.”

The Hutt looked at me again. “Attia’s supposed to have fitted her with a collar as well. I don’t think so. I’d be more inclined to believe that this one simply wasn’t informed of the rules and just acted in ignorance. As for Attia... bring her before me.”

“Master....” Kasi began before being interrupted.

“She is deserving of punishment, one way or another. I just want to know whether she neglected her duties, or if she forgot to fit her with a collar.”

Kasi began again. “This is the one I think you should be concerned about. She’s lied to you already.”

“I’ll decide that for myself, thank-you. I just want to see whether Attia has something else to say. She did not fit Yuthura with a collar; that is undeniable.”

When Attia entered the chamber, she had been interrogated about me. I’ll just say that she answered the truth and it did not satisfy the Hutt. The more she did, the more severe her punishment became. “That’s enough! If you had simply told me the truth, I might have handed out a light punishment, but because you’ve continued to brush off you responsibilities... I take this very seriously.” He looked to a Gamorian guard. “Take her to receive ten shock lashes.”

She did not deserve that! This had nothing to do with her, but she would have received punishment for something I was responsible for. As she fell to the floor begging, I saw her back again... clean of imperfections and I couldn’t bear to see the scars that a whip would leave behind. It would have been just as though I had given them to her... and the thought sickened me.

I stepped forward. “Master... I should be the one who is punished. I was the one not wearing a collar. I should have known better.”

Attia brought her head up and looked at me as though I were a godsend... not knowing I was the one who caused all that.

“It was Attia’s duty to break in new slaves and give them collars. She knew what was required of her and didn’t follow through.” Fasa responded.

The guard picked her up off the floor and she cried in fear. I couldn’t help her with the Force, so I got on my knees. “Master please give me the punishment instead. I knew I should have had on a collar, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

This was very strange of me to ask for punishment. That’s what Omeesh tried to do to his slaves... break them and make them ask for more punishment. Only this was done to keep another from being harmed. I couldn’t live with the guilt, but I could stand the pain of a whip more easily.

“Wait!” Fasa commanded. He gestured me to come up to him and quietly whispered in my ear. “I respect what you’re doing, but I have to maintain order and she knew...”

I protested further. “She didn’t do anything! Please give me the punishment instead.”

He seemed to like that I was willing to serve another before I served myself. “I would reward such... loyalty, but because I have to maintain the rules...” He pulled back. “Let Attia go. Yuthura will take the punishment instead.”

Attia started crying for me and gestured her gratitude for what I did. Although her gratitude was manufactured by me, it was warming to know I made her feel valued. I was the one escorted by the Gamorian out of the room and I put up no resistance. Although I was grateful that Attia wouldn’t suffer, I was not fond of what was ahead for me.


The Gamorian hauled me to a room that didn’t have the semblance of a torture chamber, but there was a line hanging from the ceiling where a victim’s hands would be tied to administer shock whips. I saw no blood or indication that it was done often. Maybe Fasa was a more decent master to his servants after all. Maybe I could stand leaving the other slaves behind. In Nar Shadaa, they would have had it much worse than living as Fasa’s servants.

My hands were bound to the line and secured so I wouldn’t fall to the floor. A sudden fear came over me that I would instinctively use the Force to avoid being hurt. I knew that I couldn’t allow that to happen right there, so I put myself in another moment where I was at peace.

I suddenly felt the the Gamorian pull off my top, exposing my breasts like in the medical ward. That was so my clothing wouldn’t be damaged by the whip, but it increased the pressure upon me even further.

A few seconds later, I felt the first painful lash tear through the flesh on my back. It was every bit as painful as I remembered. I used a Force technique that reduced the pain, but it still hurt. My screams were much more exaggerated than the pain I actually felt, but not by much.

When the tenth lash had hit, I suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. I didn’t react as I feared. That relief turned to despair when the Gamorian placed a slaving collar around my neck and secured it. That brought about a very sickening feeling in my stomach. With the explosive in the back of the collar, I trapped. For the first time since I was on Sleheyron, I was truly trapped.

When the Gamorian released my hands, I fell to the floor, then was given a moment to get my top back on before being escorted to the throne room. At that time, I found myself on the verge of panic. The thought of being trapped had become so hard pressed upon me more then than any other moment of my life. I had no idea how to escape that horrible place. I was trapped and I had no idea whether or not I could escape alive.

-----Original post--------

Oh come on! Hutt, Zez Kae Ell, padawan, Shan... even jedi are not in the dictionary! If I make a simple error with misspelling a SW word, it's not something I can quickly or reliably obtain. If you are just giving a little criticism to let me know what's wrong, then I thank you and will try to avoid the same errors in the future. I would appreciate knowing where my grammar is wrong much more. I don't mean to bite the heads off people who are offering genuine corrections, but I am more interested in improving my wording and grammar than something I can just verify from a SW dictionary.

P.S. Yes, I know that I changed the name from being right BACK to being wrong, but that is something that I willing to live with instead of going back to change every single 'Kai' to 'Kae'

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 07-21-2009 at 12:20 PM.
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:09 PM   #70
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So Zez comes into this too huh? Interesting, wonder what he knows...
Yuthura is facing her fears which in the end should be a strengthening experiance, but something tells me that this wont go quite as planned. As stated there were minor errors but no biggie. Overall this is another praisworthy addition to the work. Great job!

P.S. - <=== Cow thinks so too.


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Old 06-14-2008, 10:31 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by Darth_Yuthura View Post
Oh come on! Hutt, Zez Kae Ell, padawan, Shan... even jedi are not in the dictionary! If I make a simple error with misspelling a SW word, it's not something I can quickly or reliably obtain. If you are just giving a little criticism to let me know what's wrong, then I thank you and will try to avoid the same errors in the future. I would appreciate knowing where my grammar is wrong much more. I don't mean to bite the heads off people who are offering genuine corrections, but I am more interested in improving my wording and grammar than something I can just verify from a SW dictionary.

P.S. Those corrections are made after you bring them to me. Thanks.
Okay, I will make a mental note to point them out when I see them. Mistakes are inevitable and some words, to an extent are just cosmetic. These mistakes are really just simple typos. Don't worry too much about it because we have your back.

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Old 06-16-2008, 12:38 PM   #72
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Chapter 22: Into the Jaws of Hell

When I was as ready as I could, both physically and emotionally, Zez Kae Ell took me to Fasa’s palace. It was several kilometers away and we took a tram to reach it. The way back looked simple enough, but the consequences of getting lost were high. I ensured that I would remember the way back. He had changed into some moderately elegant clothing and I was clad only in my dancer garb to make it appear that he was a wealthy master escorting a slave to be sold. It was very unpleasant to be looked upon by everyone else with such pity, but that was how I had to appear.

When we were in front of Fasa’s palace, Zez Kae Ell asked me one last time if I was ready. I didn’t say anything... I just gave him a look filled with scorn. He understood that I was silently telling him how much I hated him for this. Before we entered the main doors, I realized that I was still wearing Alfred’s necklace. I didn’t want to risk losing it, so I gave it to Zez Kae Ell. “This is important. Don’t even think of losing it.”

After he put it in his pocket, he held my hands to give me some much needed assurance. “Alfred is very proud of what you’re doing. This is a brave thing and I regret asking it of you. When you’re back, one way or another, I will tell you everything you want to know. I promise.”

I nodded and followed him in.

We encountered an attendant at the main entrance. Zez Kae Ell began the negotiation. “I was informed that the Great Fasa is interested in a new dancer.”

“No. He’s not in search of another, but is always interested in new talent.” The attendant took a thorough look at me. “Yes... she’s very pleasant to the eyes, but I would like to see what she is capable of before I would consider showing her to Fasa.”

Zez Kae Ell gestured me to dance. “Please show him your skills.”

After I performed for only twenty seconds, he was impressed. “She’s exactly what Fasa would love to have! Please follow me and I’ll take you to him right away.”


When I was brought before the hutt, it didn’t take long for him to make an offer. My dancing was still a bit rusty, so I backed it with some of my jedi power... not enough to be recognized, but just on the brink of impossible to perform without the force. There was no way a hutt would reject such talent.

“Magnificent! I’ve never seen one with such beauty, finesse, and grace as this one.“ The hutt looked to Zez Kae Ell. “How much do you want for her?” Fasa said in the hutt language.

“4000 and not a credit less.” Zez Kae Ell demanded.

“Done! Irav... pay him and then send him on his way.” Fasa said to a servant.

Zez Kae Ell and I took one last look at each other before he left me on my own. Although it was already too late for me to back out, it was uncomfortable to watch him leave. I knew that I was left alone in the jaws of hell.

Fasa looked back to me. “What is your name?”

“Yuthura... Master” I hated using that word, but I had to in order to succeed.

“Welcome to my service, Yuthura. Please dance for me.”

I bowed. “I am yours to command, Master.” I pleasantly said.


I did as I was told and danced with all the grace and poise I used to have when I danced for Omeesh and more. Fasa greatly appreciated my talent and laughed with that horrible sound which Omeesh used to have. Despite everything, I found that this experience was easier than I had feared. I still had to keep my wits about me.

Next to Fasa was his personal attendant, which Zez Kae Ell called ‘the body slave.’ She was a human woman with tan skin and dark hair. She was very beautiful, but had a look in her eyes that seemed to resent me. I would not be surprised if she feared that I would steal Fasa’s heart from her.

If it were up to me, she could keep it... but I had to find a way to replace her so that I could have access to the main computer terminal without the eyes of the guards on me. While Fasa slept, the room would be empty of all but him and his body slave... me. Once I was in her place, the only thing between me and the terminal was the sleeping hutt.

For only twenty minutes, I danced for Fasa as his laughter died down to the slow breathing of sleep. When he started snoring, the body slave gave a hand signal to everyone in the room. One of the twi’lek slaves in the room escorted me out of the throne room.

She had orange skin and a very cheerful look about her. In twi’lek, she addressed me. “It’s been a long time since the master has laughed like that. You are a wonderful dancer.”

I couldn’t free her, so I tried not to make friends here. My twi’lek was not fluent, but I was understandable. “Thanks. What happens now?”

“We need to get you a collar and I’ll show you to your quarters.”

“My quarters?” Although ‘collar’ should have filled me with fear, having my own room surprised me more.

She smiled. “Yes, you have your own quarters. They are not very large, but they are enough for your privacy. You are free to walk about the palace, but there are places which are restricted. Your shock collar will only activate at the master’s command, if you leave the palace, or enter a restricted area... which are clearly marked.”

“Is a collar really necessary?” I asked.

She looked at me as though it were too obvious to ask. “Yes. We all must wear a collar, even our first.”


“Fasa’s personal servant. She is entitled to many privileges that we are not. I think you have a good shot at taking the title... if you want it.”

“What would I have to do?”

“It involves making yourself recognized among the others. Your dancing was a great start, but it often involves getting... closer to the master. That’s why I don’t seek it.”

Sounded simple enough... disgusting, but within my abilities. “Who is the first, now?”

“Her name is Kasi. She’s been here for many years, but became first only a few months ago. She has worked hard to become first and is very sensitive about newcomers such as you, especially those that try to gain Fasa’s favor.”

She took me to a supply room where there were a variety of different items for short and long term storage... including slaving collars. She picked up one and handled it like she’s done this a hundred times. “Is this too large for your neck?”

The sight of the damn thing scared me beyond reason. These collars had a portable power cell that activated if the wearer moved out of a specified area. At the back was a small explosive that detonated if the collar was improperly removed. If that collar was around my neck... I was literally trapped. There was no means for me to remove it without killing myself.

Before that could happen, I used a mind trick on her. “I don’t need a collar.”

It worked. “You don’t need a collar.” She hung it back up and turned around. I couldn’t believe it, but I came across a sight I never saw on Sleheyron... her back was free of any imperfections from torture. “You don’t have any scars from a shock whip on your back.”

She gave a very confident smile. “The master never gives torture unless we are truly disobedient. If we did something by accident, he would understand that. If we went against his orders, we would be disciplined, but not hurt. Only if we harmed each other or did something terrible... then he would he use pain as punishment.” She gave me a sympathetic expression. “I saw the scars on your back. I assure you that Master Fasa will never do that unless you make him.”

I remember those days when slaves had nothing more than each other. This was like reliving one of the few moments that I treasured in Sleheyron. I smiled at hearing that she had it better than me. I wasn’t trying, but I made a friend. “What’s your name?”


I extended my hand and we shook. “Yuthura.”

“Welcome to Master Fasa’s service, Yuthura. I’ll show you to your room.”


This palace was like a paradise compared to Sleheyron. I almost found this existence livable, but it was not enough to simple get by... I had to gain Fasa’s favor so I could be promoted to first as soon as possible. It may have been a pleasant experience, but I hated not being my own person.

Some time after I was shown to my quarters, I was summoned by Fasa to the throne room. There were no clocks, so I had no idea what time of day it was. I rushed there and was bracing myself for another dance.

When I got right in front of the hutt, he started yelling at Tashi. “You were supposed to process Yuthura. You haven’t fitted her with a collar.”

She got on her knees and begged for his pardon. “I’m sorry master. I don’t know how I forgot.”

Fasa had a grim expression that I never saw on a hut. “Tashi, you know how serious this is.”

“Yes, master.” She said with great fear.

“Guard... administer 10 shock whips.” Fasa ordered.

This was not her fault! This had nothing to do with her, but she would receive punishment for something I had done. As she was on the floor begging, I saw her back again... clean of imperfections and I couldn’t bear to see the scars that a whip would leave behind. It would be just as if I gave them to her... and the thought sickened me.

I stepped forward. “Master... I should be the one punished. I was the one not wearing a collar.”

Tashi brought her head up and looked at me as if I was a godsend... not knowing I was the one who caused this.

“It was Tashi’s duty to fit new slaves with collars. She knew what was required of her and didn’t follow through.” Fasa responded.

The guard picked her off the floor and she was crying in fear. I couldn’t help her with the force, so I got on my knees. “Master please give me the punishment instead. I knew I should have had on a collar, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

This was very strange for me to ask for punishment. That’s what Omeesh tried to do to his slaves... break them and make them ask for more punishment. Only this was done to keep another from being harmed. I couldn’t live with the guilt, but I could stand the pain of a whip more easily.

“Wait!” Fasa commanded. He gestured me to come up to him and quietly whispered in my ear. “I respect what you’re doing, but I have to maintain order and she knew the consequences.”

I kept protesting. “She didn’t do anything! Please give me the punishment.”

He seemed to like that I was willing to serve another before I served myself. “I would reward such... loyalty, but because I have to maintain the rules...” He pulled back. “Let Tashi go. Yuthura will take the punishment instead.”

Tashi started crying for me and gesturing her gratitude for what I did. Although her gratitude was manufactured by me, it was warming to know I made her feel valued. I was escorted by a gamorian out of the room and I put up no resistance. Although I was grateful that Tashi wouldn’t suffer, I was not fond of what was ahead for me.


The gamorian hauled me to a chamber that didn’t have the semblance of a torture chamber, but there was a line hanging from the ceiling where a victim’s hands would be tied to administer shock whips. I saw no blood or indication that this was done often. Maybe Fasa was a decent master after all. Maybe I could stand leaving these slaves behind. In Nar Shadaa, they would have it much worse than in here.

My hands were bound to the line and secured so I wouldn’t fall to the floor. A sudden fear came over me that I would instinctively use the force to avoid being hurt. I knew that I couldn’t allow that to happen now, so I put myself in another moment where I was at peace.

I suddenly felt the the gamorian pulling off my top and exposing my breasts like in the medical ward. This was so my clothing wouldn’t be damaged, but it increased the pressure even further.

A few seconds later, I felt the first painful lash tearing through the flesh on my back. It was every bit as painful as I remembered it. I used a force technique that reduced the pain, but it still hurt. My scream was much more exaggerated than the pain I felt.

When the tenth lash had hit, I suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. I didn’t react as I feared. That relief was gone when the gamorian placed a slaving collar around my neck and fitted it snugly, but loose enough so I could breath. This brought about a very sickening feeling in my stomach. With the explosive in the back of the collar, I was truly trapped for the first time since I was on Sleheyron.

When the gamorian released my hands, I fell to the floor, then was given a moment to get my top back on before being escorted to the throne room. At this time, I was starting to doubt what I was trying to do by all this masquerading. I have achieved nothing in all this.

When I was in front of Fasa again, he said, “I don’t usually administer pain for punishment, but a shock collar is a serious matter. I care for the safety of all of you. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, master. I will dance for you again whenever you command.”

He looked at me, confused. “You’ve just been given 10 shock whips. Are you really willing to dance now?”

“My old master frequently had me dance while I was hurt. He found it amusing. The truth is that I’m used to it.”

He looked at me with great sympathy. “Your last master was a fool to harm you in such ways. I will never do such things to you again.”

Before I bowed, I saw a very concerned expression from the face of Kasi. I was a definite threat to her position. “Thank-you, Master.”

“As much as I’d love to watch you dance again, I have other matters to attend to. I will be having guests tonight and would like to have them watch you then. For now, you may return to your quarters and rest.”

“Thank-you, Master.” I hated saying that word, but I had to as often as possible. I just hope I don’t start saying it genuinely.

Tashi asked Fasa if she could tend to my wounds and he allowed it. Slaves rarely serve slaves, so I knew I gained much favor from him. Kasi looked insulted and was getting bitter towards me.


For the next two days, I kept up my performance as the best slave I could be and I knew I was making progress. There was no way that I could get access to the computer terminal unless Fasa fell asleep and I was alone with him. I had to replace the first and I had to do it soon. I was getting exhausted and didn’t know how much more I could take.

Kasi has occasionally threatened me, but I knew that it was in my best interest that she do so. If she hurt me, she would lose her favor with Fasa. I even tried to provoke her into hating me, but she wouldn’t act. I also learned that the first slave would likely yield a means to remove the slave collars... since she would oversee everything Fasa did. I only hope I see my time to get rid of the collar and escape.

On the third day, I realized that the epidermal paste covering the tattoos was starting to fade away. During a dance routine, Fasa wanted me to dance on his bed and noticed the red marks on my leg. There was no way to hide it anymore, so I played along with a cover story that the sith tattooed an innocent twi’lek slave and he bought it. He rather liked them and wanted to personally wash them off my skin.

It was very unpleasant to be held in the arms of the hut, but as he was cleaning me, I could tell that he was taking much more to me. Kasi was looked with great hate in her eyes and I knew that I near the end. I was putting on a good performance, but my patience was running thin and I needed to escape this place.

When Fasa had been cleaning me off, he handled me like a doll. Although I smiling, this was the next worst thing to rape. I was starting to think that my situation couldn’t be worse, but then he stripped off my bikini and asked me to dance with only the shock collar on.

I do not know how I controlled my anger, but I held up long enough for him to fall asleep. I was in so much conflict with myself that I dropped to my knees and curled into a ball. I hated myself for doing all this. I had to escape this place and I had to get out now!

I was not in pain, but so disgusted with myself that I just wanted to hide and die. This was more demeaning than anything I have ever done because I had power, but couldn’t use it to free myself. I desired so much for Trevelyan, but I left him behind and did all this to myself. Was this always to be my fate... that I would die a slave? It seemed that was about to happen.


As I was returning to my quarters, I came to the realization that I have been going about everything wrong. Kasi, herself might be my means of escape. She would have every motive to help me if it helps her. If I were gone, she would keep her place... if she betrayed me, I could turn Fasa against her and claim she tried to kill me, or something like that. This was a dangerous thing, but I was too desperate to try anything else. I had to escape this place immediately, not any later.

I turned back to the throne room and it was guarded by about a dozen gamorians. It turns out that my performance in the last two days was enough to convince them that I was the new first, so they let me in with the sleeping worm and his first slave.

The room was dark, but I could see Fasa in a deep sleep. Sitting next to him was Kasi, almost in tears. When I came into view, she must have thought I was tormenting her. “What are you doing here? Get out. You’ll be first soon enough!” She quietly exclaimed.

I just came forward and told the truth. “I don’t want to be here anymore. You don’t want to lose being first. Our goals are compatible... would you hear me out?”

She looked at me with great anger and pointed to the entrance. “Just go, or I’ll call the guards.”

“I want to escape this place, but I need your help. If I’m gone, you won’t have to worry about me anymore. Could you help me?”

She stared at me for a moment before seeing the sincerity behind my eyes. “What do you want?”

“How do I get rid of this collar without causing it to explode? Do you know how to remove it?”

“Only the master can unlock it.” She said.

“How would he do it?” I asked.

“He has a control panel near his throne. He uses to control the settings on our collars. It might unlock them as well.”

I found the panel and went through the settings and options. I soon found the option to take control of the shock collars, but it requested an access code for critical functions like unlock and... execute slave. All I needed was to absorb some of Fasa’s mind and obtain the access code.

“Simple enough.” Then I placed my hand on the hut and drew some of his memories... a life drain was not painful, but it weakened the victim very quickly. This wouldn’t bring him out of a deep sleep.

Although it was not my desire to know what the hutt hand in his mind, I realized that Fasa was nothing like Omeesh. I felt that he valued having his slaves genuinely love him. Although it pained me to leave them behind, I knew it would have been better to leave them in his care. Before long, I obtained a master access code. When I punched it in, it allowed access to the settings of every shock collar. As much as I wanted to free the others, they would have wanted to stay. When I found the ID for my collar, I unlocked it safely.

When it was off, I gasped as though it had been strangling me since it was on. The feeling of being free of it was blissful.

Kasi was also glad to see it fall from my neck. “Good. Now leave here and never come back.”

Although I had my means of escape, I still had to gain access to the computer and only one set of prying eyes to deal with. I just needed to stun Kasi for a few minutes and I would have free reign access to the terminal. Her mind was resilient to the stasis trance, but she soon lost consciousness. “Thank-you for helping us both, but even you can’t know about this.”

With the access code I got from the Fasa, I logged onto the computer and programed the data link to feed live info every time Fasa used the terminal. From this terminal, there would be a link between here and the Couriscant Enclave.

I logged off and stood there for a moment to realize that I suffered through three days of hell to finish three minutes of work. All that mattered now was that it was done. This nightmare was almost over.


Escaping the palace was easy once the shock collar was gone. I was embarrassed at how low I went to complete this task. I hated myself for yielding to that hut’s every desire and had lost much of myself by going through that hell again. Except for the shock lashes on the first day, I had been given the best treatment that a slave could want. But it was the first time in almost eight years that my body was literally possessed by another... I felt that I could not survive that again.

When I returned to Zez Kae Ell’s apartment, I couldn’t speak. I just entered and laid on his bed like I owned the place. Little things like manners weren’t on my mind at the time. He was very patient with me.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked.

“Not really.”

After a moment of watching me, he started rustling through a box and then came back to my bedside. “Here. Alfred said this was your favorite.”

I opened my eyes and saw him presenting me with a bottle of black ale. I didn’t understand why he had it or that he would offer it to me. I looked at him to silently refuse.

“It’s alright. If it makes you feel better, just go ahead.”

He set it on the table next to the bed and gave me a glass. I was hesitant to reach for the bottle, but I knew he wouldn’t think any less of me if I did. He obviously knew that I drowned out the galaxy with alcohol to ease my mind in times of extreme stress. Now was one such time.

I downed the first glass without savoring it. The second was a little slower and by the third, I drank normally. Zez Kae Ell sat across the room and just kept me in the corner of his eye. I knew he was worried about me, but he didn’t show it.

After about five minutes of silence, I was ready to start speaking. “I established the live data link. I don’t think anyone suspects.”

“That’s great news.” He said with little enthusiasm.

Another long moment of silence came between us. I was waiting for the alcohol to hit the bloodstream. He was just letting me do what was necessary to calm myself.

“Do you want me out of here soon?”

“You can stay as long as you want. Just do whatever you need. It’s over now and you did well.”

Those words had little impact on me. It wasn’t over as long as the memories remained. But I couldn’t just erase memories left and right, even if the Council would allow it. There was nothing I could do but accept what happened. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped myself into a fetal position.


I had finished the entire bottle and got a very rough night. Even though I scarcely had any rest, just getting a few hours away from reality made things a little easier. I woke up to Zez Kae Ell sitting next to my bedside. “How are you feeling?”


“I’m sorry to hear that.”

I was done with Nar Shadaa and wanted what I came for. “Alright... I did my part and I expect you to do yours. What has the Council been keeping from me?”

He looked at me very cautiously. “Yuthura... you are under a significant amount of stress and what I tell you may be too much. I would prefer that you...”

“I did what you demanded! You said you would spill the truth, so say it!” I demanded.

“You are very angry and hurt... the last thing you need is to hear of additional lies and injustices against you.”

Lies? Injustices? There was even more going on behind my back than I was lead to believe. I would not be stalled any more. “You said you would tell me after I had done as you asked. Don’t make me force it out of you.”

“Your experience has affected you more greatly than I feared. I ask for you to please wait until you’ve calmed down before I tell you.” He requested.

I grabbed him around the collar of his robe and held him against a wall. “I have just gone through the worst hell of my life! Tell me! I need to know what they’ve done!”

Fear was very apparent in his eyes. He was a Jedi Master and could easily stop me, but he wasn’t. He was trusting me to not allow my anger to take over... it was. Nothing else seemed to matter other than getting what I wanted, but I couldn’t through force. I relaxed my grip and let go of him.

After sighing in great despair, I stepped back and dropped into a chair. I was in agony from the last few days and couldn’t control my emotions anymore. “This whole thing was just a ploy... wasn’t it? To get me to do what you wanted?”

He shook his head. “That’s not true.” He held my shoulders in a comforting manner. “Yuthura... do whatever you must to heal from this. When Alfred believes you are ready, I’ll come to Couriscant and tell you everything you want to know. In the meantime, I’m afraid that anything I say would only hurt you further. You should return to Couriscant as soon as possible.”

I started weeping. “How do you think that makes me feel? The only reason I came to Nar Shadaa was for what you promised. Do you think this is supposed to make things any easier... when you break your promise as well?”

He looked across the room and extended his arm to a plasteel cylinder. Out of it came a saber staff that floated to his hand. He offered it to me. “I’m going to want this back. Would my lightsaber be enough collateral to assure you of my intentions?”

The lightsaber is a jedi’s most prized possession and for him to give it to me allowed me to smile. I took it and examined the well-crafted weapon and activated it. The blades were a magnificent violet. Then I turned my attention back to him. “I accept.”

He smiled back to me and then fetched my cloak, lightsaber, and necklace. “I’m sorry that I put you through this, but I will inform the Council of what you’ve done. I think that this was a very fitting final trial for you. It takes great courage to stand against one’s own fears and you should be proud of yourself.”


Zez Kae Ell escorted me back to my ship and watched me get underway. Once I was at hyperspace, I removed the padawan robe he had given me the night before and got back to looking like myself again. I wished that I could have showered, but that’ll just have to wait for a while longer.

When I was fully dressed, I wrapped my necklace around my neck... but before I attached both ends of the chain, I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. It was very much like the way I felt when I had that collar around my neck. It seemed to make me feel strangled... trapped. Taking it off was almost relieving. I held it my hand and feared that I may never be able to wear it again.
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Old 06-16-2008, 03:47 PM   #73
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That was a very powerful chapter! You captured everything so well. Amazing job!

I hope that Yuthura has some closure.

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Old 06-16-2008, 04:17 PM   #74
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Afraid not. Although it hasn't been prominently displayed in this chapter, Yuthura has suffered a devastating experience. I think that the next chapter is going to show why she was able to restrain her anger so well. It wasn't self-restraint... it was something else.

I realize that the story has been stagnant for quite some time, but I've got a main story arc that will begin after she recovers in the next chapter. Although I'm glad that the story has gotten many compliments, I realize that I need to keep it progressing.
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Old 06-16-2008, 09:36 PM   #75
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Something else, hmmm,...very interesting. Oh I'm gonna be wondering what is until the next chapter comes out. I can't wait to hear Zez Kai Ell's secret. I'm looking forward to the new story arc.

This was a good insight to Yuthura's experiences in the slave world. That, intentionally or not took the main focus of this chapter...I quite enjoyed it. All the things that she had to do...poor Yuthura. It was quite nice but surprising to see Fasa be a kinder slave owner. Still a perverted Hutt, but much kinder than I expected. Thank you for another wonderful read!


Viva La Resistance!
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Old 06-17-2008, 07:47 AM   #76
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i really like how this story is going [: (only read first 2 chapters) i loved how you portrayed Yuthura - i never really managed to discover her WHOLE past, because it was the first planet i visited. =/
awesome work. i'll deffo be back to read it.

"If God is a DJ, then life is a dance floor, love is the rhythm and you are the music."

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Old 06-18-2008, 08:59 PM   #77
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Shortly after my arrival, I went directly to one of the lavatories to wash away the filth of Nar Shadda. I didn’t go to great efforts to inform anyone that I returned... I just wanted to be alone.

Sitting in the bath seemed soothing both to my flesh and to my mind... as if I could wash away the last three days. The truth was that no amount of water could make me feel clean. I knew I was at the mercy of that hutt and I got to a point where it became natural for me to follow his every order without question. I knew that I surrendered myself to Fasa because I knew I was trapped and had no means of escape.

As I looked back upon what I had done, I could not believe that I endured for so long without using my force abilities. I wish I could say that it was out of self restraint, but I know exactly what happened... it was instinct for me to not act. If I had been exposed as a jedi, that explosive within my shock collar would have enslaved not only my body, but my force abilities as well. I was more afraid of becoming his weapon than becoming his pleasure slave. The thought made me weep.

When my sobs began to echo off the walls, I heard a knock on the door. My mind was in so much chaos that I didn’t feel anyone was there. After a long moment, I gave a reply. “Yes?”

“It’s Alfred.”

Without any thought, I just unlocked the door and pulled it open. Normally, I wouldn’t allow anyone to see me in this state... not even Trevelyan. Alfred was the only exception to that. He has seen me weakened so many times that I was almost comfortable with it.

He quickly paced in, glanced upon me in the tub, and then turned his head away.

The expression he displayed made me laugh. “You’ve never seen me before... have you?”

“I wish you had let me know...”

“This is a bathroom. What else would you expect?”

“I heard you crying. I wanted to see if you were alright.” He said, still not facing me.

“You don’t have to turn your head. It’s alright.”

He turned so he could see me in the corner of his eye. “Would you mind putting something on instead?”

I chuckled at how uncomfortable this must make him. He doesn’t seem to realize that I’m the one who’s exposed. I stood out of the water and wrapped myself in a towel. “Better?”

“A little.” We both smiled at each other and sat down on a bench laying on the other side of the room. He saw the tattoos on my leg and stared at them for a moment. “I felt great discord within you and wanted to know if I could help you through it.”

I dropped my head in despair. “You know what happened in the last few day?”

He nodded. “Zez Kae Ell contacted me after you had infiltrated the hutt’s palace. He wasn’t aware that you were acting on your own without the approval of the Council or me. By that time... there was nothing to do except wait and hope you’d make it back.” He looked at me, worried. “When you did, he said you were in terrible shape. I hoped he was exaggerating.”

I stared at him, trying not to display how I really felt. What Alfred said scared me... I didn’t want him to worry. “It was just a terrible experience. I’ve been through worse.”

“Do you want to tell me of it?”

I shook my head, almost from fear. “No. I don’t want to remember any of it.”

He got on a knee in front of me. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I think...”

I stood up and almost dropped my towel. “You don’t know anything about it! I don’t want to talk of it!”

He reluctantly nodded.

I was ashamed of my outburst. He didn’t deserve to be yelled at. “I’m sorry. It was a terrible place and I just want to forget it. I didn’t mean to lash at you.”

“It’s alright. I just wanted you to know that if you need anything...”

“I just want to be left alone.”

He nodded. “Remember that you do have friends to turn to. Don’t hesitate to receive help from them... they know you would do the same for them. A jedi is never alone.”

I almost saw tears in his eyes as he said his piece. I think he knew I was about to isolate myself from the galaxy. There was no reason to share my story with everyone else. I was disgusted with myself and didn’t want anyone to think any lower of me.

After Alfred left me alone, I started sobbing again. When I trained to be a jedi, I came to believe that I would never be controlled through fear again. I thought that I would never be coerced into acting against what I knew to be right. There was no way to deny what I did. When I was on Nar Shadaa... I surrendered myself to Fasa.


For nearly a week, I kept myself hidden from the rest of the galaxy. The Council had been informed by Zez Kae Ell that I suffered a traumatic experience and they’ve granted me medical leave. They’ve even arranged for me see a councilor about my psychological dilemma.

At first, I played along with it, but I wasn’t willing to share what happened on Nar Shadaa. Since she didn’t know about what happened, she started asking me personal questions about slavery and my feelings. She clearly knew nothing of being a slave and I wasn’t inclined to tell her, so I stopped wasting her time after the third session.

Alfred tried to help me as well, but I didn’t want him to see me in my condition. I knew he had my best interests at heart, but I didn’t want him to know what happened in Fasa’s palace. I didn’t want anything other than to be alone. He knew that he couldn’t help me through this, so he honored my request.

Trevelyan was away on a mission, so I didn’t have to worry about him hounding me to spill my guts to him. The others didn’t seem to understand that I wanted solitude. When Master Zhar tried to get me out of my quarters through force, I used the force to throw him out. He didn’t take too kindly to that, but he understood that I wouldn’t leave my quarters unless I chose to do so.

When I did leave, it was either to go to a local cantina or to restock my stash of black ale. Since I didn’t have any duties to tend to, I just tried to shut everything out. While I was on Korriban, I just drank when I needed to. Now, I couldn’t seem to do anything else but down one bottle after another. I knew I was slowly killing myself, but it may have been because I didn’t have the courage to do it quickly.

When Trevelyan finally came back five days later, he seemed to think that his presence was just what I needed... self-centered bastard. He wouldn’t know how to handle me... he knew nothing about why I suffered each day. What chance did he have at easing my pain?

“You’ve missed your last two counseling sessions. You’ve refused to leave this room other than to intoxicate yourself. You attacked Master Zhar. Everyone...” Trevelyan said.

“I didn’t attack him. When he tried to coerce me out, I threw him there instead.” I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with my back to him.

“He was trying to help you... we all are.”

“Maybe I don’t want your help! What if I’m happy the way things are?”

He got on a knee in front of me. “But you’re not. Something happened to you on Nar Shadaa.” He cautiously placed his hands on my shoulders. “What was it?”

“You wouldn’t understand. Don’t ask me again... everyone has been badgering me with that question since I came back.”

“If you told us... if you told me, then we wouldn’t have to ask you again.”

I brushed his hands off. “I don’t want to talk about it! Can’t you get that through your thick skull?” I stood up and turned my back on him again. “And why do you ‘have’ to ask me, anyway?”

“I care for you. You’re hurt and I don’t know why.” He got behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “I was hoping you’d trust me enough that I wouldn’t have to ask.”

Those words had some impact on me, but I couldn’t tell how. I was not drunk, but I was under the influence of alcohol. “I would trust you with my life, but I still mean what I said. You would not understand.”

He stepped in front of me. “What would it take?”

“If you were a slave, you might know why you wouldn’t want to talk about it.” I turned towards my bedroom. “Please just leave me alone.”

“You’ve been alone for almost a week. It’s not helping.” He was almost pleading.

I turned around and gave him a perverted smile. “When I was on Korriban, I used to roll around in bed with Uthar when I was depressed. Maybe that’s what would cheer me up right now.”

He looked at me as if I had given up on myself. Then he turned for the door and left. I laughed as he walked away, but it was only to try and make him think that I was beyond him. In truth, I was a pathetic excuse for a sith or a jedi.

What was I trying to prove? Why was I shutting everyone out? I know something is wrong, but I couldn’t seem to understand why I was in so much discord. I’ve been a slave to one of the worst Hutts for seven years, but I’ve never been affected as greatly then as I was with Fasa.

It took some time, but I came to understand what it was about his words on trust that caught my attention. I trusted him with my life and he lead me back to the jedi. Now, I’m slipping away from that. This time, it was not anger, but embarrassment that was dragging me down.

I was laid on my bed and held the necklace in front of my eyes. This had been around my neck for eight years, but never had it reminded me of a shock collar. Although I had looked at it differently while I was on Korriban, it wasn’t the necklace that chained me down. In the end, it was my desire to break the chains others have placed which enslaved me to the sith.

I put it around my neck again and didn’t let fear stop me. The sickening feeling returned, I felt claustrophobic, and it was getting difficult to breathe. I was not putting on a shock collar and it was not going to hurt me, but the chain made me feel trapped.

My every urge was to remove it, but I valued the necklace too much. I would not allow my most important possession to become a thing I fear. As the minutes passed, it seemed more and more difficult to breath. When it became intolerable, I was desperate to get it off. I tried to pulled off the chain without detaching the ends, but the titanium was too strong. Panic almost took over as I struggled to find and detach the ends. Once it fell from my neck, I gasped in relief.

When I got hold of myself, I picked it up again and dangled it in front of me. It was so important to me, yet it scared me...

I heard the door chime. “Who is it?”

“It’s Juhani.”

I probably wouldn’t have welcomed anyone other than Alfred or Trevelyan, but Juhani and Nevski did save my life. I still owed it to them. “Enter.” The door slid open and she cautiously walked in. I gave her a very pleasant smile. “Trevelyan sent you... didn’t he?”

She nodded. “He’s concerned about you.”

“It seems like everyone’s ‘concerned’ for me. Maybe they haven’t considered that I just want to be left alone.”

She stared at me for a moment, fearing what she was about to say. “Revan told me about you... about why you fell to the darkside.”

I gave her a threatening gaze. Trevelyan promised to not speak of what I told him to others. I felt betrayed that he shared it without my permission. “How much did he reveal?”

“That you were once a slave and that your experience has kept you from finding peace. He also thought you would be willing to speak with another who knows what you’ve gone through.”

“You... were enslaved?”

She nodded. “Only for a few months. I don’t think I ever faced the hardships that you have, but even then... it was the worst experience of my life.” Her sympathetic look turned to confusion. “Did you not know?”

I shook my head. “I suppose I never asked.”

“It’s not something that I share with others. It’s humiliating and demeaning. Despite everything Revan, or my Master, Quatra, knew... they would never truly understand what it means to be owned by another and treated as though you felt nothing.”

I shook my head in objection. “That wasn’t what Omeesh did. He wanted his slaves to feel his wrath. He didn’t simply disregard their feelings... he enjoyed making them suffer and...” I started sniffling and my voice broke up. Normally, I wouldn’t break into tears, but after a week of solitude... she seemed like the only one who would know what it was like to be controlled through fear.

Juhani let me cry on her shoulder and comforted me as Trevelyan or Alfred would. It didn’t matter that we weren’t close... she understood what it meant better than most. “What happened on Nar Shadaa? What happened there that caused you to suffer so greatly?”

I couldn’t give a direct answer. I pulled back to face her. “When you were a slave, were you coerced into acting against what you knew was right?”

“If you’re asking if I was raped, then no. Cathar are not as prized as twi’leks.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t mean that... I mean have you been so paralyzed with fear that you instinctively acted against everything that you knew was right? That you began thinking and acting like your master wanted?”

She turned away and dropped her head in shame... I knew that she suffered through it as well. “Yes. It made me feel like an animal. It was like I had lost a part of myself every time I acted against what I valued.”

“On Sleheyron... that happened everyday. I was more fortunate than most of the others, but I was so afraid of Omeesh that I surrendered to his every whim.” I looked away from her. “When I started learning to use the force, I promised myself that I would never be coerced in such a way again.”

She knew what I was implying. “What happened?”

“The slaving collar around my neck had a fail-safe that not even a jedi could disarm... alive. I was genuinely trapped and even the force couldn’t help me. From that point, I wasn’t acting for my mission... I was acting out of fear of my life.”

She got in front of me again and tried to assure me that I was alive and well. “But you did free yourself. You didn’t let yourself be exposed and did what you set out for.”

“For three days, I did everything that hutt commanded!” I screamed in anger. “Do you remember the nurse that almost died because I couldn’t control my instincts?” I grabbed her collar and confessed. “It wasn’t self-restraint that kept me from acting... I was too scared to do anything else!”

I slowly released her and turned around, curling myself into a ball and weeping in shame. Although Juhani knew what it was like, I still didn’t like admitting what I did. She hovered over me and rubbed my shoulders. “There is no greater enemy than one’s own fears. It takes a brave woman to face them.”

I pulled my head up. “Haven’t you been listening? I didn’t act until I was too desperate to keep going. If I didn’t figure a way out when I did... I would not have survived.”

“What would you have done if it was not for your fear? If you weren’t afraid, would you have been able to control yourself or would you have just had another incident like in the infirmary?“

That didn’t give me any comfort. Although she was right, I hated thinking that it was fear that saved my life again. It was my greatest enemy, but it was also my greatest ally on many occasions. I stared at her with doubt, but I couldn’t object to what she concluded.

“Is that what has been causing you such discord? That you were coerced through fear?” She asked.

“I thought I was beyond that. It seemed that with the force, I could never be enslaved again. What happened on Nar Shadaa just seemed to slap me in the face and made me realize that there was nothing to keep it from happening again.”

She paused for a moment before asking, “Does Revan know?”

“No, and I want you to keep it that way. I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“He’s concerned for you and I think he would understand what happened.”

I shook my head in protest. “No. I shouldn’t have even told you about it. I don’t want anyone to know about this.”

“If you’re afraid that this’ll affect other’s opinions of you... it won’t.” She smiled in encouragement. “Revan taught me that there is no weakness in being afraid. He says the strongest people... the ones with the most courage are the ones who face their fears most often. He says that the future of the Order is not in the hands of jedi like him, Bastila, and Master Vandar. He says that it’s in the hands of people who have seen the cruelties of the galaxy and know the conflicts in which to solve.”

I turned around. “Do you believe that?”

“I don’t, but Revan does. And if he would put his faith in me, I would do whatever I can to not let him down.”

For a long moment, we just stared at each other. Although no words were spoken, it was like we knew exactly what the other was thinking. I embraced her for giving me the courage to tell the truth to the ones that mattered to me.


After I told Alfred and Trevelyan what had transpired, a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It seemed that I was not traumatized so much by the experience on Nar Shadaa as I was in revealing it to them. I valued their respect so much that I was afraid of losing it. Once they knew everything, that fear was gone. It didn’t make everything as it was before the ordeal began, but it was a start.

Like with Juhani, I displayed some very potent emotions and they both were more patient than I deserved. When the truth was out, it gave me much peace. Trevelyan feared that I had killed someone... it relieved him to know that it was ‘nothing more’ than that I acted through fear. It’s easy for him to say that because he had never been through it, himself.

Alfred said that the High Council had already promoted me to Jedi Knight and offered to give me a formal ceremony if I requested it. Although I turned down the offer, Trevelyan thought I should have one for such a significant event. He thought I was being antisocial, but I was still shaken by Nar Shadaa. Although I was in a better condition than before, I really needed more time.

In the end, I decided to have the ritual. Trevelyan told me to make the arrangements with Master Vrook and he would prepare a celebration for me after it was concluded.

When I went to see Vrook in his office, Kavar was with him. Although they were glad to know I was ready to return to duty, they gave me an answer I didn’t expect. “We can’t postpone the date for your knighting for long. In two days, you’re going to be dispatched to the front lines.”

“Front lines?” I asked.

“Yes. Sith forces have launched an attack on two systems. Republic forces are stretched thin in that sector and will require our aid.”

“I thought the sith were defeated. What happened?”

“The majority of the Sith’s war effort was destroyed with the Star Forge, but there are still remnant forces that are sustaining the conflict. Although defeat is inevitable, they are likely to fight until the last man. We’ll need your expertise for the conflict.” Kavar explained.

That seemed to sour the promotion that I thought I earned. “Your policy is to not dispatch padawans into a war zone. I see that you’ve pushed me up to Jedi Knight to use me. Should I be thanking you?”

“You’ve earned the rank of Jedi Knight. We usually give a padawan a final trial before they are promoted... you seem to have done it on your own. By facing one of your greatest fears and overcoming it, you have proven yourself to be a true jedi... officially and unofficially.” Kavar said.

I’ve yearned to hear the Council say those words, but I never thought I would be so uncomfortable knowing why they said them to me. I felt that my final trial was a failure, yet I couldn’t deny that my mission was a success. It was apparent from my expression that I was not at ease.

“Is there something else troubling you?” Vrook asked.

“Yes. I’ve been going over something about my time on Nar Shadaa. I’ve come to realize that I haven’t overcome my feelings towards slavery. I thought that facing it would have calmed my fear... I think it’s become worse.”

“What do you mean?” Vrook asked.

I thought about telling them what happened as well, but I just didn’t trust them enough to reveal that I almost surrendered myself to the Hutt. “Never mind. I may just need some more time.”

“Unfortunately, you are going to have to prep yourself quickly. If you wish to have a knighting ceremony, it will have to be held either tonight or tomorrow night. On the third day, you and several others will be dispatched to assist the Republic’s forces under siege from the Sith. We are going to need you battle-ready by then.” Master Vrook stated.

“Could you tell me more about this invasion? What should I expect?”

Kavar stood up. “We’ll have a mission briefing tomorrow for you and all the others who will participate in the defense.”

“The reason we called you here is to know if you wish us to hold a knighting ceremony for you. If so, we must know when to hold it.” Master Vrook said.

I smiled in anticipation. “Tomorrow evening sounds great.”

“Very well. It will be held in the Council Chamber at 18:00 hours tomorrow. You may bring your Master to the ceremony as well.”

“May I bring one other as well?”

“Of course. Just realize that knighting is a private ritual among only those closest to you.” Vrook stated.

“Thank-you.” I bowed and left Vrook’s office.


A significant number of events had taken place over the rest of the day. Although my knighting was a significant thing to me, I was still greatly concerned about the information the Zez Kae Ell promised. He said he would be back for his lightsaber when I have healed, but that might mean waiting until after I got back from the front lines. That was something that I wanted to know as soon as possible.

On top of that was the upcoming assignment that I didn’t think I was prepared for. Although I was feeling much better about myself since Nar Shadaa, I was still not fully recuperated. I didn’t think I was psychologically prepared to enter a war zone, but I did have a few days to prepare myself before I would be expected to fight.

After I had spoken to the Council, I met up with Trevelyan again. “The Council said that the Sith have launched an assault on two Republic worlds. Do you know anything about that?”

“Yes. I’m to lead the defense of the forces on Bacurra.” He said.

“You?” I chuckled. “You’re not even a master, yet. Why would they give you command over an entire planet’s forces?”

“Because I’m Revan. I’m the genius that saved the Republic from destruction by the Mandalorians. Remember?”

“You’re Alex Trevelyan. You’ve never lead a platoon of troops into battle before... at least not for real. Now they make you a general?”

He smiled and shook his head. “It’s in title only. Master Vandar will be watching over my shoulder to ensure that I do everything properly. I’m there to raise the morale of the forces on Bacurra. If they think I’m the great mastermind that I once was, then it should do much for them.”

“Are you saying that you don’t think you’re as capable as Revan was?” I asked.

He stared at me for a long moment as he was going over something in his mind. “I don’t know. When I confronted Malak, he said that I was stronger than I ever was as the Dark Lord. The truth is that I may still have his potential, but I don’t have his experience.”

I nodded in agreement. “So... will we be fighting side by side?”

He gave me a very serious look. “No.”

That was not the answer I expected. “Oh... I was hoping that I’d have an opportunity to save your life for a change.”

“I hope not. If you were to come with me to Bacurra, then you’d be under my command.” He looked at me with discomfort. “Let’s just say that it’d be best to separate our personal feelings from our duty.”

“Trevelyan, I owe you my life. I don’t like having that on my mind if you insist that I never be allowed to protect yours when it’s in jeopardy.”

“Do you understand why that can’t happen? If a mission depended on sending you into harm’s way... I’d prefer to avoid that. As much as I would want you to come with me to Bacurra, I can’t afford to have my personal feelings get in the way... neither can you.”

That saddened me to hear such a harsh truth. “Are you telling me that...?” I couldn’t complete the question. “No. That is what must be done.”

He shook his head excessively. “Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s because I love you that I can’t have your life in my hands as well as many others.” He held me around the waist. “Do you understand why?”

I nodded.

He put his hand under my chin and placed his forehead against mine. “Enough of that... are you going to have a knighting ceremony?”

I smiled. “Yes. Tomorrow evening at 18:00 hours.”

“Then I’ll arrange a celebration for you after that. Everyone who wants to congratulate you? Or do you want to keep it small?” He asked.

“No need for any of that. Would you be there during the ceremony, instead? I would be honored to have you and Alfred with me when that happens.”

“Of course. Then after that...”

I smiled in anticipation. “We’ll see.” Then I gave him a very serious look. The last time I spoke to him, I was very inconsiderate of him. “What I said to you earlier... I’m sorry about that. I wish I could say I was under the influence of alcohol, but I wasn’t.”

“I... didn’t want to ask about it, but when did you start drinking?”

“Shortly after I became a sith. With all the chaos around, I needed a way to escape. I’m not dependent on it, but it’s a way to escape reality for a while.” I paced around the room for a moment before realizing that I’ve never seen him drink. “Have you ever gotten drunk before?”

He gave me an embarrassed smirk. “I don’t drink intoxicants. They don’t make one’s problems go away... they just postpone the inevitable.”

I couldn’t restrain myself... I just giggled like a girl. “You don’t eat savory foods, you don’t drink, you haven’t had sex until you were... 32?”

He looked at me as if I were humiliating him. “31.”

I kept laughing. “How do you interact with others if you’re so reserved?”

He kept looking at me with no expression, but then made a joke out of it. “Do you think the Council would know anything about that kind of thing? They gave me my memories... remember?” That kept the laughter alive for a while longer.

Last edited by Darth_Yuthura; 06-19-2008 at 07:33 PM. Reason: Incomplete Chapter
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:23 PM   #78
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Good chapter.

So Yuthura is affected a lot more than she thought that she would be after being a slave 'again'. Drinking seems to be an escape for her. You captured that pretty well Darth_Yuthura! Keep up the good work!

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Old 06-19-2008, 10:25 AM   #79
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I tried to give Yuthura the classic symptoms of a rape victim, but since I don't know that much about it... If there are elements of the last chapter that don't make sense, PLEASE inform me so I would know that it is incorrect.

I hope that her reasons for isolating herself made sense since one of her strongest beliefs had been crushed and she realized that the force couldn't protect her as she had thought. And because she was a sith (where fear had to be hidden) that would explain why she kept to herself instead of sharing it with Trevelyan or Alfred. This chapter is not complete, so keep watching for the rest to come in.

The next chapter will begin the first true story arc where she is exposed to war. When that comes, pay close attention to how her beliefs contradict with those of the Council and Revan's past strategies.
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Old 06-21-2008, 12:49 PM   #80
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I think that you did a good job showing the symptoms...but then again I am no expert either. But it coincides with every TV episode of shows on the subject. It made sense to me why she didn't share it with Alfred and Trevelyan. That was a big barrier of protection that she had crushed, realizing that the force can not always protect her. I hope she findsa way to overcome. I'll keep my eye out for the next installment.


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