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Old 05-28-2008, 04:51 AM   #1
Diego Varen
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[Fic] Evil Within

Star Wars - Evil Within

Prologue
Preparation

Trials in the Jedi Order had changed over the years. In the past, the Jedi Masters on the Jedi High Council interviewed the suspect and debated on whether the suspect in question was still suitable to the Order.

While the questioning was often brief, they usually got and received every detail. Nowadays, the Jedi Order was much tougher and they liked to make sure that they got every single detail, whether it was relevant or not; by making sure that the suspect answered as many questions as they could, until they revealed a weakness.

One of the last well-known trials had taken place five years ago and it was with a fallen Jedi, who many called the Jedi Exile. Prejudice and false knowledge against the Jedi Exile usually made out that the Jedi Exile had betrayed the Jedi Order, due to the horrible crime that was committed, in going to war. People nowadays had even forgotten the Jedi Exile’s real name, since that title was all anyone ever referred to the Jedi Exile as. Even the Jedi Masters seemed to have forgotten her true name and even when they talked about her (which was rarely), they too called her the Jedi Exile.

How the Jedi Exile’s trial became public knowledge amongst the Jedi Order, no one had any idea whatsoever. Confidential information had leaked out and now everyone knew what had happened at the trial.

Only one person had no idea about the whole thing. The recently redeemed Jedi Knight, Revan, who now liked to be known as his alter ego, Diego Varen.

The Jedi Masters on the Jedi Council were glad that Diego didn’t know about the trial, since it revealed that the Jedi Exile had been Revan’s most trusted general, in the Mandalorian Wars, five years ago. While Diego wouldn’t have remembered his past as a Sith Lord, he would’ve wanted to find out a bit more about it.

The reason Diego didn’t know about the trial was due to the fact that he had gone to visit his friend, Republic admiral in-training, Carth Onasi. The two of them had met, during the ending weeks of the Jedi Civil War and had been crucial to the defeat of the Sith Empire, the enemies of the Republic. Them, along with a well-respected Jedi Knight, Bastila Shan, as well as others, Jedi or not, who had joined them to help stop the evil of the Sith and destroy an ancient factory of the Sith, known as the Star Forge.

Bastila meanwhile had remained in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, where the Jedi Order resided. Despite having being promoted to a Jedi Knight, after aiding Diego and his crew, she had been put on trial soon after. Bastila couldn’t blame them, for she had fell to the dark side, in the final days of the mission that the Jedi Council on the war-ravaged Dantooine had entrusted to her, Diego and the others. Thanks to Diego, she had returned to the light, but this didn’t satisfy the fussy Jedi Masters and they wanted her to answer for her fall to the dark side.

Bastila, like most people being put on trial, was nervous, but her situation would’ve been much improved had Diego been by her side, supporting her in her time of need. Although she realised that Diego had been sent on yet another mission by the Jedi Masters, so that could get rid of a possible aid, during the trial. Everyone else who had joined Diego weren’t available either, due to their decision to go their own separate ways and the Jedi Order didn’t see any reason to try and call them in.

Preparation was important, however and Bastila was certain that she had prepared herself for the trial ahead.

This optimistic view didn’t last long, since Bastila realised that she would had to defend herself against the Jedi Masters and the jury, which consisted of several young and aspiring Jedi students. Bastila remembered the Jedi Exile’s trial. In the past, at least the trials had took place with just the Jedi Masters that the suspect knew and (usually) it was private, but with a jury, anyone could discuss the trial, once it was over.

* * * * * * * * * *

Minutes passed and the trial was getting ever closer. Still, Revan didn’t show up and Bastila felt more alone than she had ever had before. During her brief spell being Malak’s apprentice to the dark side, at least her dark power had made her feel alive with power, where as now, she felt dead with guilt.

“Jedi Bastila!”

A cold, gruff and emotionless voice called from the trial room. What Bastila noticed was the fact that she had been called a Jedi only. Had the Jedi Masters already decided to remove her position as a Jedi Knight and just refer to her as a Jedi in name only? She didn’t want to think about it, as she got to her feet, her insides twisting with nerves.

Bastila had to admit that the trial room was a true wonder to behold. Sparkling white walls shone and clean white floors glistened in the sunlight, shining through the large open windows. This was one improvement the Jedi Council had made from their original trials, where they all took place

The guard that had called Bastila in led her to a stand, so that she was right opposite the watchful gaze of the Jedi Masters, so she could be watched for, in case she showed weakness.

The Jedi Grand Master and also the smallest of the Jedi Masters, Vandar Tokare stood and spoke first.

“Do you know why you’re here, Bastila?” he asked.

Bastila nodded, her insides feeling worse than they did before. With no witnesses and nobody to support her, she was alone, against the entire critical Jedi Order around her, watching her every move. How was she supposed to get away from this trial, without having to suffer the consequence?

“Yes, Master Vandar,” Bastila answered, a lump in her throat, “I’m here to answer for my crime in falling to the dark side and joining the dark lord, Malak.”

Making sure that she was addressing every single Jedi Master, besides Vandar, they all stared at her, each probably with the opinion, “too right you are.” Vandar continued and Bastila returned her view to the elderly Jedi Master.

“It’s good that you’re aware of this,” Vandar told her, “And now, I’ll allow the other Jedi Masters to give their judgement, since you have no witnesses to…”

“Sorry I’m late!” a voice echoed in the trial room.

The majority of the jury gasped with shock and the Jedi Master’s faces stiffened. Bastila didn’t dare turn around, but temptation took over and she turned to see who had entered the trial room.

It was Revan, or to be correct, Diego Varen.

Last edited by Diego Varen; 06-01-2008 at 02:01 AM.
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Old 05-28-2008, 07:55 AM   #2
The_Catto
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Interesting start, Diego. I'm wondering whether or not Drak's presence will be known before Coruscant and what will happen then. But ... Just like everyone else, I will sit and wait, haha.
Nice start and awaiting for more.

Welcome back to the CEC!

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Old 05-28-2008, 07:57 AM   #3
Diego Varen
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Originally Posted by Mr_BFA View Post
Interesting start, Diego. I'm wondering whether or not Drak's presence will be known before Coruscant and what will happen then. But ... Just like everyone else, I will sit and wait, haha.
Nice start and awaiting for more.

Welcome back to the CEC!
Thanks Mr_BFA, it's nice to be back. And yes, Drak will be my attempt at a mysterious character and even I'm wondering how long it'll be before anyone finds out about him.
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Old 05-28-2008, 08:03 AM   #4
The_Catto
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That's the best thing about writing a fic I reckon.
Having no idea where it will go and how events will unfold.

Although, it can be annoying when you want a chapter finished by a certain time but just don't know what to write!

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Old 05-28-2008, 11:36 AM   #5
Bee Hoon
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:waves: Hey there, welcome back again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diego Varen
Neither of them were sure about whether they could remain in love or not, but they had decided not to be romantic, when they were in the Jedi Order.
What do you mean by this sentence? And is there any reason why their dialogue is italicised?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diego Varen
Now on his master’s command, Drak left the cantina and he returned the bartender back to normal and vulnerable to the protests of the entire cantina, for him ignoring them.
Ditto with this sentence. I'm not quite sure of your meaning here.

That's it for style. In terms of plot, it would nice if you could mention why exactly the masters decided not to condemn them for their love...perhaps because it redeemed Bastila? What is juri juice? Drak is evidently not cut out for a life in espionage, as his appearance combined hanging around a cantina for hours on end is hardly a good way to avoid attention. You could also describe the other patrons and the reason for their interest in him... Could they be wondering why there were still Sith on Korriban? Is the planet's economy (which was previously sustained by the Sith) failing? Things like this add a lot of believability to a story.

Keep writing!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 05-28-2008, 11:51 AM   #6
Diego Varen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
:waves: Hey there, welcome back again!

What do you mean by this sentence? And is there any reason why their dialogue is italicised?

Ditto with this sentence. I'm not quite sure of your meaning here.

That's it for style. In terms of plot, it would nice if you could mention why exactly the masters decided not to condemn them for their love...perhaps because it redeemed Bastila? What is juri juice? Drak is evidently not cut out for a life in espionage, as his appearance combined hanging around a cantina for hours on end is hardly a good way to avoid attention. You could also describe the other patrons and the reason for their interest in him... Could they be wondering why there were still Sith on Korriban? Is the planet's economy (which was previously sustained by the Sith) failing? Things like this add a lot of believability to a story.

Keep writing!
Thanks again for the in-dept review. I know that this needs a bit of polishing, as it was rather rushed, so thanks for mentioning.

Also, whether it was around in the Star Wars universe or not, Juri Juice was a drink available from The Phantom Menace game, so I decided to include it here. Obviously, it needs more detail than that, but when I edit the prologue, I'll make sure to improve the things you've mentioned.

Thanks again, Bee Hoon.
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Old 05-30-2008, 05:02 AM   #7
Bee Hoon
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You're welcome! Heh, that explains why I haven't heard of it. Didn't play that game:P



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 05-30-2008, 05:05 AM   #8
Diego Varen
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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
You're welcome! Heh, that explains why I haven't heard of it. Didn't play that game:P
I've been replaying both KotOR and TSL and one of the games says that there is a drink called Juma Juice, so I'll use that instead.

Oh and expect a new prologue with a slightly different plot, as I'm slightly disappointed with the prologue. Plus, I want to rethink the plot. I'll let you know when I've edited the prologue.
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Old 05-30-2008, 06:06 AM   #9
Bee Hoon
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No problem! Remember to take your time.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 06-01-2008, 02:00 AM   #10
Diego Varen
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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
No problem! Remember to take your time.
Helpful advice as always. The new prologue is here, by the way.
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Old 06-06-2008, 10:06 AM   #11
Darth_Yuthura
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Great! I love watching tragic characters about to face judgement of those that have not gone through what the fallen jedi have. I can just imagine what Revan will say in the next chapter. Make the Masters shallow their pride!
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Old 06-06-2008, 11:14 PM   #12
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Not a bad start Diego Varen! I wonder what will happen to Bastila...

Anyways, keep on writing, and take your time. Good job!

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