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Old 06-01-2008, 11:17 AM   #1
Marius Fett
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KotOR: The Rise and Fall of Revan

This is my first fic, so please try not to be too cruel.

It's about how I imagine Revans rise to power and eventual "death" and the hands of his apprectice was like.

______

“Are you sure this is worth it Master?” asked Malak nervously, “If we should take control of the Star Forge now, if we destroy the Republic, we will lose everything we once held dear to us”

“It will be worth it Malak, with the power of the Star Forge at my command, the Sith Empire will be unstoppable. We will not mindlessly slaughter civilians and destory planets and random however, that is the job of Mandalorians. We shall hit only key strategic points in the Republic. We will cripple them, but not destroy them completely. We will need to maintain the economy to ensure a prosperous future.”
Revan replied.

“Very well Master, I trust your judgement.” Malak said back.

Then, there was a bleeping from one of the consoles, Malak looked down and looked at the monitor.

“We’re there Master. We’ve reached the Star Forge system.”

“Ah excellent.” Revan replied excitedly. “Soon we shall have the Star Forge at our command.”

Then, there were footsteps behind them. A Sith officer was walking across the flight deck towards them.

“What is it Admiral Karath?” asked Revan.

“We’ve arrived Lord Revan, we are ready to exit hyperspace at your command.”

“Proceed.” Repled Revan. “Do not fly too near the Star Forge however, it may have defences in place to stop ships reaching it. Darth Malak and I will make our way to the Station in one of the small shuttles. They make for a smaller faster target, therefore we will be far more difficult to hit.”

“As you wish, my Lord Revan” said Saul with a bow.

Then he turned and walked over to one of the consoles lining the wall.
He fiddled with the controls for a moment, then stepped back. The Leviathan exited hyperspace around 5 seconds later.

“There it is, Master.” Malak said. “Finally we have reached our goal.”

Revan turned to look out of the window, what he saw was a magnificent site.
A gigantic space station, bigger than anything else he had ever seen, perched above an enormous star. He reached out with the Force, feeling the stations presence immediately. Its dark side aurora was unbelieveable.

He waited a few moments before turning away from the beauty of the Star Forge.

Then he spoke to his apprentice, who was also staring at the amazing sight.

“Indeed we have my apprentice.” Then he turned to Admiral Karath.

“Admiral, you are in command while Malak and I are onboard the station disabling its defences.”

“Thank you, my Lord. I assure you the ship is in safe hands.”

Revan and Malak then walked across the flight deck to the door, they went through and made their way to the elevator.
Once inside, Revan removed his mask, he looked directly at Malak.

“Malak.” He said “What we are about to do is a milestone in the history of our empire. You will need all your wits about you, and you will need all of your training. Be alert at all times.”

“I will master.”

“Good” replied Revan, donning his mask once more.

The elevator came to a hault and the two men made their way across the hangar bay to where a shuttle was waiting for them.

They entered the small craft, Revan taking the pilots seat and Malak, the navigators.

“Well, my apprentice, this is it!” Revan said in an excited voice.

He fired up the ships engines with a few keystrokes, then he took the joystick in his hand. He pressed a switch to seal the shuttles loading ramp and another to pressurise the vessel.

Then he pulled a on the control panel and hit a button on the ceiling above his head.

The small ship rose from the hangar floor and slowly made its way towards the exit.

Revan manouvered the ship outside the Leviathans docking bay then punched up the engine power.

The craft flew at an astonishing speed towards the station. Malak looked admiringly at his Master.

“I never knew you were such a fine pilot Master! During the war I only ever saw you pilot cruisers. Maybe you should have been a fighter pilot!”

“And how then would I have directed a fleet?”

Malak turned and looked out of the cockpit window towards the planet below.

It looked wonderful, the ocean was crystal clear, even from space Malak could see the mountains and oceans and rivers. But of course, he wasn’t interested in any of that.

He was feeling for the planets dark aurora in the Force.

He could feel a great deal of life down there. A great dark power.
Perhaps this would be the first race they conquer?

Malaks thinking was disturbed, as the craft gave a violent shudder.

Malak looked down and the controls and saw that all the warning lights were flashing.
The engines were failing.

“Master what’s happening?”

“It’s some sort of disruptor field.” Revan replied calmly. “Do not fear, I sense that we will be able to disable it from the planets surface.”

“Will we even reach the surface? The ships systems are failing!”

“I see you still have much to learn Malak,” Revan said. “I shall guide the ship down with the Force.”

Malak was embarassed that he had thought his Master incapeable of landing safely.
“Sorry, Master. I should have thought of that.”

But Revan wasn’t listening, he was focussed on the ship. Grasping every atom of the ships hull, reaching inside and taking control of the whole ship, holding it through the Force.

He willed the shuttle to safely land on the planet, he felt in the force for the planets strongest source of dark energy, sensing it was the key to disabling the disruptor.

The ship landed on a beach. Near a damaged Republic hammerhead cruiser.

Revan and Malak cautiously left the ship, looking around in wonder.

The sand was white, clean with no trace of dirt. The sea was a clear, crystal blue, they could see and sense much life on this world.

“Come, Malak” Revan told his apprentice. Revan jumped, propelling himself with the Force, up onto a small cliff.

Malak followed his Master.

They saw a path in front of them. It wasn’t natural, it was too perfect.

“We are not alone.” Said Revan. “There are others here on this world with us.

Then there was a sound of heavy footfalls, someone was running towards them.

An alien being ran around the corner in front of them, it stopped when it noticed the two intruders. It was strange, it had large eyes protruding from its head, which was elongated.

It had brown-green skin and long, but strong looking legs. They were all clad in rough garments of fabric in shades of brown-green. They were obviously hostile to the two Sith.

Five more of the strange alien beings followed. They were armed with Vibroblades and swords of varying types, no doubt salvaged from the wrecks of ships the two Sith could now see, dotted around the area.

All the creatures raised their weapons at once.

Revan took his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. Its blood red blade spilling out from the hilt.

Malak did the same.

“Right.” Said Revan to the strangers. “Lets see how you fare in combat with two Sith!




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Old 06-01-2008, 11:24 AM   #2
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I can't wait for the next part!

Great work


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Old 06-01-2008, 11:25 AM   #3
Marius Fett
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Originally Posted by sekan View Post
I can't wait for the next part!

Great work
Thanks Sekan.

Chapter two should be out in the next few days.




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Old 06-01-2008, 02:14 PM   #4
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I had an hour to spare, so I wrote this small chapter.

_____

The natives made the first move, running towards the two Sith Lords with their swords raised.

One ran towards Revan, and tried to slice through his neck. Revan grabbed his enemies arm, using the Force, he threw his opponent into the air and caught him on his lightsaber blade. The super-heated beam of crimson energy went straight through the aliens chest, then Revan used the Force again, to throw his fallen foe off his weapon, onto another of the strangers.

The alien fell to the ground as his fallen comrade was thrown on top of him, Revan leapt into the air, saber raised and landed with his saber blade through both of the two on the ground.

At the same time, another of the creatures went for Malak, trying to stab him through the stomach. Malak used his Force Lightning power, frying his opponents flesh leaving a charred smoking corpse on the ground.

Another of them came for him, he side-stepped its viscious attack and lifted his opponent into the air with the Force. Using the Force, he reached deep inside the aliens body and found its heart. Using his dark power, he began to squeeze the life out of it, the creature screaming in agony.

Then Malak drew his hands to the left of his body, he began to draw the Force energy from the air into his open palms, then he threw his arms above his head, then he unleashed the dark energy on the creature, who was still floating in the air screaming.

When the blast of energy hit it, it was thrown all the way across the beach, into the sea.

Malak turned to his Master. Revan had the remaining two aliens huddled at his feet.
Malak walked over.

“Master, do you know what these things are?”

“No…” replied Revan. “But lets find out.

Then, he said, “Hmm… I only need one for questioning!”

Then he used his Death Field, to draw the life out of one of the two creatures huddled at his feet.

He used the Force to throw the corpse off the cliff.

“So…” he said. “It’s obvious you can’t speak basic, so it looks like I’ll have to teach you.”

Revan reached deep into the creatures mind, he forced basic in, and ripped the creatures own language out. The creature was screaming, but Revan continued. For five whole minutes Revan remained inside the creatures mind. Finally, he stopped. The creature lay there, exhausted.

Then Revan said to Malak, “Now that it knows Basic, let’s find out what it is.”

“What are you?” Revan barked at the alien.

“I am a Rakata!” it replied, “Please don’t kill me. You are superior, I know this. Just please don’t kill me.”

“Who are the Rakata?” Revan continiued.

The creature lay there whimpering. “SPEAK!” bellowed Malak.

“We were great once. Said the creature sadly. “At one time, we held the whole galaxy in our grasp. We were the supreme beings… For many, many years we had the galaxy at our mercy. But we were fools. We grew so blind, so arrogant, we began to think ourselves invincible. Over time, we started to lose our powers, eventually they were gone altogether. Then, the races we conquered started to rebel. We returned here, to our homeworld. To where our greatest achievement of all resides. We destroyed all clues as to where we ran to. And for hundreds of years we were left undisturbed.

Ships have fallen from the sky occasionally, caught in the disruptor field, but rarely are there survivors.”

“What do you mean by ‘your greatest achievement?’” Revan demanded.

The creature sighed, a few moments later it looked up at Revan and quietly said…

“The Star Forge…”




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Old 06-01-2008, 02:37 PM   #5
Burnseyy
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i've always been interested in how Reven and Malak journeyed together. (:
I was going to write my own fic about it, but I thought otherwise.

Great plot! Though, I do think some of the descriptions can be made more detailed. Just a bit of critique if you want it. Might make the story more fun.

(:

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Old 06-01-2008, 02:42 PM   #6
Rev7
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This is my first fic, so please try not to be too cruel.
I am sorry to say this, but this is one of the worst fics that I have ever read.

Not a bad start there Mr. Fett. Keep on writing!

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Old 06-01-2008, 04:02 PM   #7
Marius Fett
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Quote:
Great plot! Though, I do think some of the descriptions can be made more detailed. Just a bit of critique if you want it. Might make the story more fun.
Thanks for the feedback. I'll definitely do that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev7
I am sorry to say this, but this is one of the worst fics that I have ever read.

Not a bad start there Mr. Fett. Keep on writing!
You cut me real deep man...

Heh, thanks Rev7.




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Old 06-02-2008, 12:44 PM   #8
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Five minutes later, Revan, Malak and the captured Rakatan warrior were walking up a steep slope, heading towards a stone structure of sort.

“This is the place you seek. This temple contains the controls for the disruptor field.”
The Rakaktan said, looking at Revan and Malak with a scared expression.

Revan looked up at the temple. It was huge, far larger than any of the temples the Jedi or Sith had. Malak began to speak.

“Master, how fo you propose we get inside? The door is blocked by some sort of energy field.

Revan looked at the entrance. Sure enough, at the foot of the colossal stone structure, the was a yellow energy shield across the doorway.

“How does one get inside.” He demanded of his captive.

“You cannot. The shield cannot be penetrated. The only way to open it is if the priests of my caste open it. Even then, only one person may enter at a given time.”

“Caste?”

“Yes, the Rakata are split into several castes. Here on this island, are the Elder caste, of which I am a member, and the Red Rakata, led by The One.”

“You will take me to your Elders. They will open the Temple for us.”

“But I –“ the Rakatan began to stutter.

“YOU WILL TAKE US TO YOUR LEADERS!” roared Malak, sending forth a bolt of blue-white Force Lightning at the Rakata. The captive screamed as the Lightning hit him. He was thrown to the ground, Malak kept pumping him full of lightning until Revan said

“Enough! Malak, stop this.”

Malak stopped.

Revan used the Force to lift the flailing creature to its feet.

“Where are the rest of your people?” He asked in a calm voice. “Take us to them.”

Revans calm voice must have done the trick because the Rakatan began to walk to the east. To a small canyon. The two Sith followed, keeping close to him.

They came to two stone pillars. Walked through them and turned a corner.

They came to what appeared to be a city. Stone walls, stretched the length of the beach. A great metal gate way half way along. The Rakata approached the gate and it opened before him.
He beckoned the two Sith inside. Another Rakatan came over,

“What is this? What are these creatures?”

“They are humans. They come seeking knowledge of thre Star Forge. They defeated five of our warriors in combat. They are here to meet the council.”

He turned.

“Follow me.” He said.

A few minutes later they were before a group of five Rakata.
They were in a small circular room, with a sandy floor and stone walls.

“So. Straight to the point. Why are you here?” one said.

Revan spoke.

“We are here seeking information on the Star Forge.”

“Ah, the Star Forge. Our greatest invention. Our most prized possesion.”

Another of the Rakatan Elders spoke.

“It is a thing of evil. Are you here to destroy it?”

Revan sensed that they wished its destruction. So he played along.

“Indeed we are my Lord Elder.”

“Indeed? Well, how can you prove this? That you are not here to use its power?”

“I have known too much war. I know that in the future some evil race will attempt to take the Star Forge, so I feel it is nessesary to destroy it now. However, we need to enter the Temple to deactivate the disruptor field. Otherwise we cannot reach the station to destroy it.”

“And if we open the Teple for you, what will you give us in return?”

“I noticed during my battle with your warriors, that they are particularly succeptible to Force attacks. I could train your warriors to resist the Force?”

“What is this Force you speak of?”

“I’ll show you. Do you have something I can use to demonstrate?”

He noticed a cage against the wall. There was a Gizka inside.

“Do you need this creature?” he said.

“No” was the reply.

Revan sent a bolt of Force lightning at the Gizka. Deliberately making it as bright as he could, so as to dazzle the Rakata.

The Elders began to murmur amongst themselves.

“Please exit the council chamber. We will summon you when we reach out decision.”

Half an hour later, the two Sith were in front of the Elders again.

“We have decided. You may enter the Temple.”

“Thank you” replied Revan.

“You will not regret this decision.”

“We’d better not. Now go. Our priests are waiting for you outside the Temple gate. I trust you remember the way?”

“Indeed we do.” Replied Revan as he turned away.

“Thank you. And Goodbye.”




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Old 06-02-2008, 07:09 PM   #9
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There is one thing that I noticed. As far as I know, you manipulate "The One", not the elders. That is like one of the first things that "The One" says. That was all that I noticed.

Anyways, good chapter, and I am looking forward to more.

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Old 06-09-2008, 10:55 PM   #10
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I would say this fic has potential, but I think it lacks the subtlety that I would expect to see in a story. The lines given seem like what to find in a dialog for a game. Overall, I would say that there are too few lines with too many ideas being given... It's not very believable in my opinion (Of course this is the SW universe so why should I complain about that?).

If Revan and Malak had more difficulty in getting the tribes and elders to cooperate... If Revan had not explained everything in a few lines at one time... Have the two slowly develop into sith instead of already being sith... That's what I would suggest.

That's just my opinion.
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