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Old 06-14-2008, 08:47 PM   #1
TriggerGod
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The Tales of Roma and Delphus

Prologue: 5 Years in the Future

I enter the temple I fought and trained in for a short time. I knew he would be there. I can't believe I spent all those years tracking him down, when it would all come down to this. I drew my lightsaber and he dropped down from the shadows, using his somehow-black lightsaber. "Been a while, eh, Roma?" I close my eyes and tried to focus. "Of course, Delphus. We haven't seen each other in so long.." I responded to my rival... I could see the evil in his eyes. If he hid them, he wouldn't look one thing like a Sith. How to defeat him, I pondered...
Wait... I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me think about what happened all those years ago. Before Delphus was evil. Before I hunted him down, hoping to capture him. It was, of course, all in vain. I jump away from the temple, into one of the trees surrounding the temple on Yavin, hidden. I suppress my powers, and I quietly sneak over to my ship. I put the ship in camouflage mode, and think.

This is only Chapter 0. Every thing will start to make sense. Don't worry.
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:52 PM   #2
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That is such a wonderful beginning. Keep up the good work!!

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Old 06-14-2008, 11:40 PM   #3
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Okay, not a bad prologue; however, I do have some advice for you.

When a new (different) character is talking you should always start a new paragraph. It makes the piece more "readable", and isn't a strain to read. Would you like to take the time to read something that is long and bunched togather? Probably not. I will show you what I am talking about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TriggerGod View Post
Prologue: 5 Years in the Future

I enter the temple I fought and trained in for a short time. I knew he would be there. I can't believe I spent all those years tracking him down, when it would all come down to this. I drew my lightsaber and he dropped down from the shadows, using his somehow-black lightsaber. "Been a while, eh, Roma?" I close my eyes and tried to focus.

"Of course, Delphus. We haven't seen each other in so long.." I responded to my rival... I could see the evil in his eyes. If he hid them, he wouldn't look one thing like a Sith. How to defeat him, I pondered...

Wait... I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me think about what happened all those years ago. Before Delphus was evil. Before I hunted him down, hoping to capture him. It was, of course, all in vain. I jump away from the temple, into one of the trees surrounding the temple on Yavin, hidden. I suppress my powers, and I quietly sneak over to my ship. I put the ship in camouflage mode, and think.
That might not have helped much. I am just basically trying to say that you should always start a new paragraph when a new character is talking.

Enough with that though, good job with the prologue, and keep writing. I will definately read this fic.

~Rev

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Old 06-20-2008, 04:28 PM   #4
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Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Turn Back the Pendulum
(Side Note: The main part of the story is in the Past, so when Roma's thoughts return to the future, I will use the BOLD style)

8 YEARS AGO
"Master Aro, you have been assigned a new Padawan."
I was taken into a dark room. A small light shone down on me. I noticed another kid. My age? I'm not sure...
"Roma, step forward."
I did as I was instructed to, and soon, they called up the other kid. They mentioned his name...
"Roma. Your master is Master Aro. Step forward, Aro."
A light shone on a Zabrak. I'm guessing he was Master Aro.
I walked up to Master Aro, and while I wasn't paying attention, they said his name. Say it again!
"I am Master Octa. Delphus, you are my Padawan. I work in conjuct..."
He cut off. What was going on? Octa's face turned bright red, and dropped to the floor, dead. Delphus was looking at him. What happened.
"It appears he has died, masters." Delphus stated.
"Very well. Aro..."
"I know.. Delphus, you are now with me and Roma."
We walked out of the chamber, with the droid that carried Octa's remains. It wasn't a coincidence. I know there are no coincidences.

5 YEARS AGO
Its been 3 years since Delphus joined up with us. As we were taken in as padawans together, we became knights together. I was practicing one day with a robot tuned to Master level, and Delphus was tinkering with something over there. After I dealt with the robot, I walked over to Delphus. He quickly covered whatever it was. I did catch a quick glimpse of it. It appeared to be a holocron. I felt evil from Delphus' heart, but why?
"Yeah, Roma?"
"We should head out soon. Go and prep the ship. I've gotta do something quick..."
Little did I know that that holocron had been in Delphus' possession since our mission to Hoth 4 years ago, and that he had already been corrupted by it.

I returned to my thoughts of now. I know Delphus is near... I can hear him. I opened the cockpit, and jumped out. I reached out using the force, and found him hiding in the trees. He jumped out, and my bright purple blade struck his dark black blade.

Last edited by TriggerGod; 06-20-2008 at 04:41 PM.
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Old 06-20-2008, 04:39 PM   #5
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Interesting chapter; Except, I assume you meant struck, not stuck, in the last paragraph.

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Old 06-20-2008, 04:39 PM   #6
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Yeah, your right, I'll edit it now
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Old 06-20-2008, 07:09 PM   #7
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Interesting....short chapters, but they aren't bad.


Last edited by Rev7; 06-20-2008 at 07:09 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 06-23-2008, 04:04 PM   #8
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Chpater 2: To the 8th Power

CHAPTER 2: TO THE 8TH POWER

It's late at night. Its been a month since I've seen that holocron with the evil aura.. I use an ancient technique: Force Camo. I use the force on myself to dampen sounds. I blend into Delphus's room, and I search around for that holocron. I find, and quickly take it back to my room.
This holocron was as I feared; a Sith Holocron. But there was something etched onto the back of it. The word "DEATH."
It all clicks together! I quickly take out a datapad I used to record the name of criminals I hear of. I guess that since if it can kill people, it can manipulate the time of death. I slowly speak. "Jacen Solo: killed in a lightsaber duel with his sister after mortally injuring and killing his aunt, Mara Jade Skywalker."
I hook the datapad to the holonet. 40 seconds passed...
"BREAKING NEWS!"
I use the force dampen the sound of the datapad, just enough so I can hear it.
"THE NOTORIOUS DARTH CAEDUS, HAS BEEN KILLED. IT HAS BEEN REVEALED TO THE PUBLIC THAT CAEDUS WAS IN FACT JACEN SOLO, DAUGHTER OF LEIA ORGANA SKYWALKER SOLO, AND NEPHEW TO LUKE LARS SKYWALKER."
How could Delphus be harboring such a powerful device. I carefully place it back in Delphus' room. This thing is 8 times as powerful as a lightsaber. You can make people do what you wish with it. I have to catch Delphus in the act.

1 Year has passed since I tried the Death Holocron. I haven't been able to catch Delphus. We were returning to the Jedi Temple.
"Roma. I forgot the mission log on the ship. Can you go run and get it?"
"Sure."
Hmm. Perfect timing, Roma. I landed the ship farther away then normal to buy me time. I won't need to use this holocron anymore. Delphus thought. He lifts up the holocron and destroys it. I hop to the ship, and I hear yelling and mass lightsabers igniting. I hop back to see Delphus battling Master Aro.
"DIE, OLD MAN!" I hear Delphus yell. No. This can't be happening... Delphus is holding his own against Aro... Delphus lets one hand off of his saber, only to hold it out towards another saber. Force Pull! I draw my lightsaber, and Delphus looks at me.
"You got here just in time, buddy." The saber flies towards Delphus, he grabs it, and slices off Aro's saber hand. He holds both sabers across his neck. No..

I let my anger go. Aro's body is being rolled just by the fierce aura of my energy.
"Delphus. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!"

That was when things turned sour.
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Old 07-06-2008, 09:09 PM   #9
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Chapter 3: Negative

Chapter 3: Negative

My anger took hold of me. I could feel the power steaming off my hands. Raw.. Power... But I wasn't doing my actions. Almost as if, the dark inside of me became... a split personality. And it was taking over.
"Well, this is my first time coming out. Nice to meet you - Delphus, was it?" I/He said. I better give him a name. Nega.
"Well, since the wuss I'm sharing a body with won't accept his true power... OBLITERATE!" ... What?
A white ball appeared in front of his hands. Nega was drawing my energy - no, my life force - into the ball. If he keeps drawing energy, I'll die.. Gotta take over...
...
...
...
I twitch, and I take back my body. I quickly shot off the power, which condensed, then shot. Just missed Delphus, but the energy of the blast broke through the temple wall, which allowed Delphus to escape. I quickly followed him. He was using Force Speed, and I caught a glimpse of him running on the roof. I jump up onto the roof, and he runs off. I looked on the roof. Bombs! Thermonuclear ones at that... He really wants to get rid of me. Gotta get away.. or at least get rid of them...
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Old 07-10-2008, 11:18 PM   #10
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Good job, TG.


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Old 07-12-2008, 11:40 PM   #11
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Chapter 4: Countdown

Chapter 4: Countdown

Looking at the timers on the Bombs, and the speed, I'd say I have 5 minutes. I don't wanna risk Nega killing me if I release my anger...
"I can help."
I twitch. Who said that??
"Surprised? Its me. Your evil side."
What?
"Let me out. Trust me. If you die, I die. I felt that when I was draining your life. Fortunately for you, if I die, you don't. We have to work to support this bond, and get rid of the bombs"
... I let my anger go, and my physical features changed that I didn't know before. Lines appeared along my arms, and glowed with a ambient blue light. The lines, as far as I could tell, originated from my eyes, as I could see the light below my eyes.

"Alright. Time to get cracking. Burst!" Nega yelled. A blue orb appeared, but wasn't draining my life. He shot it so it went just a few feet above the roof. A line extended from my hand, connecting the orb to it. Nega drew my hand across the roof, and the bombs were lifted into the orb safely, without detonating. After collecting all the bombs, only a minute remained. Nega quickly shot off the orb into space. He cut the string. The bombs safely detonated, only the aftermath reached the planet, only shaking us, and the temple only lost a few pieces of it's material.

"Thank you, Roma."
"Same, Nega."
"Nega? Hmm.. I like it."
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Old 07-22-2008, 12:07 AM   #12
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Chapter 5: Teh King

Chapter 5: Teh King

I realize that Delphus didn't have his own ship, and might've taken our ship. I quickly run using the force to our landing site, and see the ship missing. I've gotta find a new one. Maybe the temple has one...
I reach the temple. The bombs did a bit more damage then expected. But the structure still appears stable. I go to the hangers, and I find several ships. I inspect them. Between me and Delphus, he was the tech geek. I quickly jumped in the cockpit, and started randomly pushing buttons.
"Roma... do you know what your doing?"
"Nope."
I hit a flashing, neon green light, and the ship lifts up. I turn my chair to the navicomputer. Not many choices... I choose Dantooine, as I might get some help from the holocrons...
I arrive on Dantooine (with a rather shaky landing, that is) and visited Khoonda. I once heard that over 4000 years ago, the residents of Dantooine hated Jedi because they didn't do anything about the bombing during the end of the Jedi Civil War. I open the door to the Administrator's room.
"Yes?" he asked?
"Roma, theres something odd about this guy. Something... evil..." Nega told me.
"Yes. Is there any chance of me exploring the ruins?"
"Yes. I will send word to the guard to open the sub-level."
"Sub-level? What about the main enclave?"
"That was already looted."
"Is there any way I can explore the main enclave anyways?"
"Yes. That is open to the public"
I walk out of the room, and I quickly run across the plains of Dantooine towards the enclave. I contemplate what the administrator said...
"That was already looted... That was already looted..." repeated constantly in my head. I once found a holocron on Ossus explaining how to open a secret room in the enclave, protected from the bombing. Is it possible the looters already found those rooms?

"Ready my speed bike..." said the administrator.
"Yes... milord..." said a worked at Khoonda.

(You see? I got the title to work into the chapter! )
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:40 AM   #13
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Nice! A modder can be an artist in many more ways, I see


*Note: Chapter 8 is out!*
[Fic] The war of the ancients, seen through the eyes of one young men, as he walks the road of destiny... The Triumvirates War

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Old 07-25-2008, 09:34 PM   #14
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Chapter 6: Teh King, Finis

Chapter 6: Teh King, Finis (Aka. First Strike)

I arrive at the enclave. It appears that after being rebuilt, it was abandoned. If I remember the holocron correctly, I should take a left, then, right. The wall in front of me was apparently a weak one. I pushed it down, and I found several [aged] footlockers filled with Jedi Goods. Lightsabers, Holocrons, robes, and more! I random picked up a holocron, when an electric bolt struck it.
"Well well. Didn't I say that this part was looted? Now that you've revealed this room, I will take it, and pawn it."
I gasp. How could he? Why would he?
"I knew it! He was evil!" Nega told me.. Why didn't I heed his warning?
"I never introduced myself. I am Nivian Retzloff." He said.
Nivian took out a sword hilt, that resembled a lightsaber. There was no blade though...
"I realize you are a Jedi. I will fight you on equal grounds!"
A red blade shot out, but it wasn't a sword blade, but rather, a lightsaber blade in the shape of a sword blade! Slightly faster then a normal one. He swung the blade at me, just as I ignited mine. They barely clashed.
I jumped back, and I thought of something.
"Hey. You look like you might be royalty, considering the style of LightSword. How about a fair, only sabers, duel?" I proposed.
"Heh. Very Well." he agreed.
I focused my power into my hands, and with each strike upon his blade, I felt both of us shake.
"..." he stared vacantly at me for a few seconds, before a shot of lightning arched from his hand to me. I barely dodge.. I felt the electricity hit my arm.
"You broke the rules...." The signs of Nega appearing began to show up... "KNOW YOUR PLACE!" Nega fully appeared, with the normally blue lines red.
"First Strike..." I quickly disappear, and reappear in front of Nivian, with my Lightsaber impaling him. "... SHUNPO!"
I jump back in time for him to fall over.
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Old 08-09-2008, 01:31 AM   #15
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Chapter 7: The Geass and...

Chapter 7: The Geass
Note: Geass is pronounced ghey-us

I picked up a random holocron, and an odd image appeared. It resembled a bird*. I couldn't hear it well, as most was static, but there was a part about something... I couldn't tell...
"...~Geass has the ability to do anything. It can convert those to the Light. But, at the same time, to the Dark. More powerful Geass can command a person's organs to stop. Even to make a person commit suicide~...
"...~there is a Geass facility on Dantooine, on Ryloth, on Coruscant~..."
The holocron died out before the list ended. I would end up visiting the one here on Dantooine, but I may visit the ones on Ryloth and Coruscant, depending on what I find in the one here... but first, I gotta find out what is Geass...
"You know anything about Geass, Nega?" I ask my Alter-Ego
"No, unfortunately, I don't. Only slight mentions..."
"What do you mean?"
"I am a Spectre of the Dark Side. I entered you when you first used the Death Pyramid, and I slowly manifested myself as an alter ego. Usually, I am just someones rage focused as power. I hear many things in my travels."
I nod. I think I understand.
Now, I just gotta find this "Geass" Institution...
I step over Nivian's corpse, and walk out of the Enclave. I get on his speeder, and I speed across Dantooine. After about 6 Standard Hours riding, I finally find an oddly marked building, with a symbol resembling the symbol on the Holocron. I try to open the door, but it's locked. I should find another way inside...
I jump up to the roof (after a few tries) and I slice open an opening into the roof, and I jump down. I end up in a cell, with someone else..
"Who are you?" I ask? He asks me the same question.
"My name is Roma." I reply, and he tells me his name. "V.V.**"
"Letters? Don't mess with me." I tell him.
"I was born here, some 100 years after the Jedi Civil War." V.V. tells me.
What? Impossible. Or...
"Back then, I was a normal person. Then, the one before me came, and transferred his Geass and immortality to me. He then died."
I'm having troubles believing this. But he did say something about the Geass... I ask the obvious:
"What is Geass?"
** Any names such as V.V.'s is pronounced as the first letter and a 2. In other words, for B.B., it would be "Be-2" like a droid.



Now, I've been gone for a while (from last Sunday to today (Friday) to be exact, for those who've been watching...) so I'm gonna make a little treat to you all...
Chapter 8: The Geass, Part 2
"Geass is a mind control ability. There are several stages of Geass:
Form 1: The Geass only manifests itself in one eye, and the user can use it at will. You can only use the Geass on one person before it doesn't work on them again.
Form 2: The Geass is manifested in both eyes, but you can activate at will. You still can't use it more then once on the same person.
Form 3: The Geass is permanently active in one eye, while you can activate the Geass at will in the other eye. You can use this Geass on anyone as many times as you like.
Form 4: Geass is permanently active in both eyes. You still can use it on anyone you like. This is the form when you can become one of us.
"Now, to explain these letters. We are given letters based on our Form, then, our Geass Strength. Us 2 letters are the weakest. We are all Form 4's here, but there are certain strengths. Upper letters like A and B are the strongest, while lower letters like me are weaker. Now, depending on the number of letters you have is determined by your cunning. In this facility, there is only one that has 4 letters. D.D.D.D. is the strongest, and can use Geass to the point where no one else can see it. He was also the youngest to leave this institute. When you leave, you can give yourself a name. He was 6 standard years old." V.V. explained.
"What was his name after he left?" I asked.
"Delphus."
What? He was 6 when he joined...
"According to the Jedi who found him, he had a high "medichlorian" count. What are those?"
I shake for a bit, and I shakily tell him:
"The higher your count is, the higher your affinity to the force is... and vice versa."
Is it possible? It all makes sense now!
Delphus used his Geass on Master Octa all those years ago! But he didn't use it when he battled Master Aro? Maybe he wanted to test his abilities...
"Why are you in here, V.V.?" I ask him.
"I refused to try and kill someone using my Geass."
...
"Do you want Geass?" He asks...
Do I? If I train myself, I can use it, somehow, against Delphus...
"Give it to me."
I hear pounding on the door of V.V.'s cell.
"No! Not now..."
The door is forced open by a large and muscular looking man. He looked different. Like a man, but not like a human..
On his forehead is emblazoned the numbers "6.6.6."
"GET AWAY!" V.V. yells at me, and from his(6.6.6.) hand, a barrage of blaster bullets are shot toward my direction. I draw my lightsaber, and most of the bullets are hit back at 6.6.6.. A few stray bullets hit V.V., and he falls over, wounded.
"This guy looks tough. Time to try the Second Strike... TAKE OVER!" Nega yells in my head, causing my ears to ring. This time, the lines on my body are a bright white and silver, and my arm starts to glow.
"Nega... what are you doing?"
"SECOND STRIKE!" Nega Yells (using my mouth now) and my right arm glows a bright white, with a dragon head forming on my hand. (It appears that the entire arm went white, a head went over my hand, and a wing appeared on my back)
"Devil's Fury!" My alter-ego yells. My white parts become bright red, and the wing propels me into the guard, driving my hand through the chest. The energy is then collected into the area of my arm inside of 6.6.6., and spikes extended from the inside, causing extreme, irreparable damage.
Nega returns to my body, and I walk over to V.V., who appears to be mortally wounded.
"I'm..." He coughs out blood, "OK... I know how to pilot a ship. Get me on your back, and I'll tell you where to go..."

* About the symbol I'm talking about:

Like that, except black, and more solid lines...
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:16 PM   #16
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Sidestory 01: Cloverfield

Sidestory 01, Part 1: Attack on Courscant
(Note - I watched Cloverfield last nite, and I thought "Hey, if such a monster could exist in our world, why not in the Star Wars world?" and so, this idea was spawned.)
(Note2 - Sidestories have little to no relevance to the story. Its just a little part to keep people entertained. I may base a sidestory on a movie I saw recently, of a book I read recently, or of ideas that I came up with on my own.)

I'm(Roma) walking the streets of Courscant, getting ready to go to a friend's party. I think about what has happened so far, with the Geass Facility, and Dantooine.. (Its safe to assume that Roma now has the Geass)

I enter my friend's apartment. I see many of my friends, from different corners of the galaxy. Arian, the person who is renting the apartment, is leaving for Ryloth. Maybe I should ask him to try and find the Geass facility there. But, then I'd have to tell him about the Geass...

"Hey, Roma, whats going on?" Arian asks me.
"Nothing, Arian."
"Don't be so gloom. You might not see me ever again!" he cheerfully responds. He doesn't know I might end up meeting him again on Ryloth while I'm looking for the Geass facility for more info on Delphus.
I hear an explosion. An invasion? No...
I run out of the apartment (while everyone else is oblivious to what is happening) to the roof, and I see a giant monster wreaking havok on the city. It jumps up onto a tall building, where I can see it drop chunks of itself onto the city below. I can hear the shrieks of terror coming from below. Why?
I see many military ships fly towards the monster, but their attacks have no effect whatsoever, even the Rail Cannons had no effect on the monstrosity. The monster swings it's massive arm at a ship. Wait... where is that ship being flung to? NO!
I jump off of the building onto another building when, moments later, the ship that was hit by the monster plummets into the side of the building. Some people get onto the roof, and I see Arian is in the group. I shout his name, but the crowd was too loud for him to hear me.
I jump back onto the roof of the apartment building, and I grab Arian.
"Roma, what the hell is that thing?" Arian asks me.
"I don't know. All I know is that thing isn't affected by weapons that we have. We also have to get out of here."
"How?" He asks desperately.
"...Get on my back."
He does what I say, and we jump down into the city below. He gets off, and we enter underground tunnels that we used as hiding places for both the Clone Troopers and the Seperatists in the Clone Wars.
We walk fast through the tunnels, desperate to find a way to the spaceport where V.V. and the ship are located.
We are down in the tunnels for 2 standard hours before we slow down considerably. There was a reason for that though. We heard some clicking.
The tunnel is pitch black... but I felt I should look through my various pouches for something to illuminate the tunnel, even a little.
I take out my lightsaber, and ignite it. The small area we are in is lighten up with an ambient purple light. I look down. What the...
I am attacked by a small creature that resembles a kinrath.* I ionize its internal organs (and external), while another attacks Arian. I swing my saber down, slicing it in half. I look around the illuminated area, and I see some abandoned blaster rifles. I pick them up, and give them to Arian.

"What do you want me to do with these?" He asks.
"I don't wanna be protecting your ass while going down this tunnel. Shoot your own parasites!"
As I say that, several shots fly past me, and I see some Republic troops running down the tunnel, and take a turn, disappearing. I turn, and I see some Parasites, on the ground. They saved us.
I grab Arian, and we run down the tunnel to where the troops turned, and found a door. We opened it, and closed it quickly.
We look inside, and we see everyone who was injured by the creature or the parasites.
"Look, tell me if you were bitten or not by those creatures!" I hear a Republic troop ask a woman.
"I don't feel so good" says a man in a corner. Several Hazard Troopers come, and take him into a room. I see that his eyes are bleeding. The man is taken into a room where we can see silhouettes... I see him rapidly expand, then..
I turn before it happens, so I don't get nausea...

"Hey, you 2!" A trooper calls us over to a door. "Go through here. If you get through, there is a door. Only another mile before you reach the landing pad that you described."
Curious choice of words.


*
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Old 08-21-2008, 02:14 AM   #17
Det. Bart Lasiter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TriggerGod View Post
Note: Geass is pronounced ghey-us
It's pronounced gee-us, now go come up with your own ideas. Seriously, it's like you just took the script for part of the series (which happened to be airing when you wrote that part), changed the names, and made insignificant changes to the plot. OH WAIT YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE ALL THE NAMES AND MADE A SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT HOW TO PRONOUNCE THEM LIKE IN THE SHOW.



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Old 08-21-2008, 02:25 AM   #18
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MOD NOTE: If you are taking material almost verbatim from other sources, then you must cite them, at the very least. Even if you do, it is still dangerously close to plagiarism, so please exercise more creativity in your story composition. This is what the CEC is for, to encourage original thought, not simple transcription.

Thanks.




have a suggestion for the lf poll? pm me
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:33 PM   #19
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MOD NOTE: If you are taking material almost verbatim from other sources, then you must cite them, at the very least.
Ah, thanks, both. I will have a credits/citations page sometime during the series that I will be updating along the series.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogue Nine View Post
Even if you do, it is still dangerously close to plagiarism, so please exercise more creativity in your story composition. This is what the CEC is for, to encourage original thought, not simple transcription.

Thanks.
At the moment, I'm only basing parts of stuff on the stories. I had an idea on how to progress the series, and that part was the only way I could think of that I could progress.

@Jaymack: I didn't post it at the same time of an airing. I don't watch the dubs that you can download, I see them every Saturday on Adult Swim, and it was Friday for me when I posted it.
I'll see if I can try and make the series a bit more original in the future. Thanks for the warning.
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