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Old 07-21-2008, 12:04 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Portsmouth
Posts: 54
KOTOR III: The True Sith

Note. Okay this is a work-in progress and basically my own take on what KOTOR III should be like. Sorry for the length of the story in many posts. Newer posts will be much shorter.

So enjoy.



Chapter 1

It is a time of great fear. Though all that remains of the crumbling Sith Triumvirate has been reduced to a fugitive fleet, the Republic and Galactic Senate have been held in a vice grip of fear after the aftermath of the harrowing battle of Telos IV.

The saviour of the battle, the Jedi outcast “Exile” has vanished into the Unknown regions along with her the ship the “Ebon Hawk” in search of the lost Jedi Revan. But she and her remaining companions are needed. Devastating attacks from unknown forces with unknown intentions have plagued the trade routes of the outer rim leaving massive freighters in ruin with all crew hideously maimed and killed.

The Jedi council, now growing after the defeat of Darth Nihilus and the Sith have conspired with the 42nd Republic Fleet and have dispatched a fleet of Republic Warships. It is the Republic hopes that this armada can bring an end to the reign of terror that these attackers have created…

The black void that enveloped the dull ocean world seemed endless. In fact it was endless. Sprinkled across were the pale dim lights of a billion stars and galaxies. The tranquillity of the scene was broken by a two silent shadows creeping as the larger more intimidating one was preparing to pounce on the smaller one. Finally as their shapes became more distinguishable against the black vacuum of space, so did the signs of conflict that rid both ships.
The smaller craft was a Republic vessel. An Inexpugnable-class tactical command ship. Along its white and crimson red hull, stripped nearly bare by constant blaster fire was the words “The Dxun”. The ship gaining speed behind was a Behemoth of a warship. It resembled a Republic Interdictor cruiser but was longer and was like a finely cit crystal. Spindly towers rose from its stern before culminating into the main bridge which spring forward hanging over the stern of the ship. Barely noticeable on its black hull was the words “The widow of Malachor” Accompanying it was cloud of fighter’s poised for attack. Finally a shot was fired and chaos was unleashed.
Flashes of lights shot back and forth from both ships as the Interdictor launched a barrage of missiles from its bow that struck the Dxun close to one of its two exhaust ports. Inside the Dxun burnt corpses littered the hallways as half burnt soldiers staggered towards to the hatchways, preparing to make a stand. One of the crew quarters was alit with flames and sparks from the room’s power conduit fizzled and danced across the room in sinister fashion. Another explosion shook the room awaking the dazed soldier in the bed. His pupils sealed shut at the first sign of light that hung over him before.
His ears fixed themselves to the sound of the room’s door sliding open. Quick to react, he drawn the covers to reach for his blaster before realizing it was no longer there.
“Get Up! Get that lazy ass at of bed now soldier! Can’t ya see were about to be boarded.”
The gruff officer already in standard battle uniform stared down at the young officer with a look of grimace.
“Get ya stuff out the footlocker now! Don’t be surprised if they haven’t ionised our defence grid.”
The young office was perplexed. Who was this man? He ruffled his to hair to shield his eyes from the blinding light that he was still trying to get accustomed to.
He finally rose up and stared wearily into the eyes of his supposedly superior officer
“Two questions sir. Firstly what’s this place? And secondly. Who the hell are you?”
The officer stared with a mixture of disgust and surprise covering his face. He finally delivered a swift blow to young officer’s stomach.
“The explosions must have shaken you up real bad. Get up! I didn’t hit you that hard. My name’s Ganton Shalm. Sergeant at Arms. This is the Dxun and frankly, waiting around here for them to blow our brains out would be a bad idea. Now suit up Lieutenant. Carrick we’ve got work a ship to defend.”
Carrick stared towards the frustrated back of Ganton and silently suited himself in his armour before picking up a heavy carbine blaster.
“C’mon lets move” said the Ganton in a cheerful, trigger-happy way.
Out in the corridor things were far worst. The shudder of the ship signalled the capture of Dxun and it was imminent that a boarding party would soon arrive.
As Astromech-Droids and Protocol Droids tried to escape whatever conflict would befall the crippled ship. Meanwhile a mass of soldier’s with makeshift barriers had formed around the main airlock door. Each soldier was in standard republic armour. An orangey-red tint with a black suit underneath and the Republic emblem imprinted on the right arm band.
Each one of the soldiers, not what colour or species carried the same look on each face. Fear and determination. Finally the whirl of the docking procedure began as officer in the bridge sealed off all compartments. The captain stared down at the ship’s floor plan with a look of despair.
“If they reach the bridge, I want you to detonate the proton cores around the ship.”
The officer next to him nodded silently as if coming to terms with her fate.
“Yes sir. I’ll inform everyone on the ship. Might I ask you something Sir>”
“Sir. Who do think they are?”
“No idea. But I have bad feeling that we may have seen their kind before.”
“Who’s kind sir?” The officer said with the level of fear rising in her face.
The captain let out a deep sigh.
“The Si...”
His sentence was cut short by a loud rumbling that resonated throughout the ship.
Back down at the airlock, Carrick and Ganton had formed with a group that made up the second line of defence.
“Wish it could be easier.” Said Ganton “I mean you’re a Jedi aren’t ya?”
“Yep” said Carrick wilfully back
“Then where’s your Lightsab…”
“Their breaking through!” shouted an anonymous officer near the front.
The door fizzled and crack before a cascade of smoke and sparks billowed and shot through before a final explosion shattered all that remained of the airlock door.
Out of the door like a pack of dogs were soldiers blasting everything that moved. They wore Silver-reflective armour and their faces hidden by an intimidating black mask that was wrapped with a reflective helmet. They could have been graceful but as more entered they began the vaporisation of Republic troops.
“No! No! It’s the Sith, it’s the Sith!” screamed one of the soldiers before his chest was pierced by long silvery blade, now stained with dark crimson-red blood. The sword protruded from nowhere until a crackle of light revealed a figure dressed in a black tunic, with grey trousers and a black fearful mask with red bug-like eyes. The figure removed its pike from the soldier letting him for to the ground. It wiped off the dark stains of blood from its pike and proceeded to re-activate it stealth-field generator. It then began a silent trek across the corridors slaughtering unsuspecting individuals that fled from the battlefront and lured themselves into a sense of false-security.
“Die you {snipped}!” screamed Ganton before throwing a frag-grenade at a Sith Trooper. The Sith counteracted this with a roll of small device before proceeding to run for cover. It detonated and the armour of everyone in the blast range shattered and their skin melted a dripped like hot wax before they ash covered bones whittled away as soon as the hit the floor.
“Crap he’s got a disruptor grenade! Move back now! Move! Move!” screamed Ganton “Carrick didn’t you hear I’d said move now!”
As he watched the Republic forces flee in terror at the force of his disruptor grenade, the Sith Grenadier chuckled to himself.
“All too easy.”

Last edited by sarpedon2; 11-25-2008 at 03:31 PM.
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Old 07-22-2008, 02:47 PM   #2
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The Sith swarmed through the ship and one by one, republics soldiers either fell bravely and surrendered only to have such an act considered weak by the Sith and then they were spaced. The echoes of blaster’s and detonations grew louder. Ganton and Carrick had now reached the med facility of the ship stocking up on Med-packs and for some of those seriously injured the Kolto tanks.
Carrick stood up near the computer terminal. He monitored the main cameras. Nearly every part of the ship was compromised, except for the Bridge, the Medical Facility and the Escape pods. The Sith now had disable the engines and all the droids were captured and brought towards the airlock were their memory core’s were processed before the droids themselves were reprogrammed or scrapped. The Sith troopers had also cleaned up the corpses by propping them up to form makeshift barriers. A loud thud at the med-bay doors kept the last line of Republic Soldiers in fear as the knowledge of the Sith were almost were through the door dawned on them.
“Hang on. Hang on.” Said Carrick, the level of fear rising through his voice “Someone else’s coming through the door.”
At the airlock as the last remains of Republic soldiers were air-locked or cannibalised for use, the Sith Troopers lined up as a figure entered through the airlock. Tall and foreboding, it carried along with it a sweeping black clock adjoined with its hood. It wore a silvery grey mask, characterised by the patterns and symbols as well as the black eyepieces. Stretching from the mask to the back was a set of tubes that pumped red liquid. Its armour was adorned with patterns and though it resembled the armour or the Sith troopers, it was dark and dull not sparkling. It finally let out a dull breath and proceeded forward. The Red-coloured Sith commando realised the presence of the Sith Lord and nervously gathered by his right side walking in a befuddled manner.
“My Lord, it is wonderful to have you here, we have exterminated all undesirable’s no match of course for my soldiers and me and…”
“I do not care for gloating nor do I care for you flattering me, all I want to know have you reached the bridge yet?”
“Uh no my Lord but we have discovered several proton bombs situated at vulnerable points of the ship, we believe they are controlled from the bridge and if they are set off they could destroy our own ship.”
“I see. Well commander Ilesi. I hope you don’t make the same mistake as your predecessor as I feel that these men need a commander that can defeat a minority of Republic forces without the heavy loss of life on both sides. We are on the run commander and until the time that we are ready to strike back, these Soldiers are not expendable.”
The commando stared at the floor before realising his idiocy.
“Yes my Lord. I apologise Lord Eridus”
“You apologies don’t concern my commander. Just don’t fail me again.”
Eridus swept along the corridor sending a shadow over those that had yet to meet him. The commander looked on with shame and continued the clean up.
The med-lab had become awash with a sorrowful silence. Another sheet was laid down as some looked on with sadness, hatred or fear. Some loaded their ammo as Carrick remained fixed to the screen. Ganton approached looking weary from the fighting and horrors seen by his men.
“Channels to bridge still blocked?” asked the ever cynical Ganton.
“Yep. I’ve plotted a course to the bridge but the problem is that the place is crawling with Sith. Although.”
“Although what?”
“Maybe. Uh C5 H2 can you lend us a hand”
The scarred Astromech droid let out a few whirls and beeps before gliding to Carrick, Ganton and the computer station.
“Can you overload the power conduits through these corridors for us?” said Carrick pointing towards the pre–planned route towards the beep.
C5 let out more whirls, buzzes and beeps.
“Okay got it. Uhhh has anyone got a couple of computer spikes?” Carrick shouted amid the groans of dying and wounded soldiers. A few spikes slid across the pristine metallic floor of the med-bay to Carrick from an anonymous patron.
“Alright here you go, switch to camera 85.”
The camera showed the burnt- out shell that were once living beings and those that had cut them down. Finally a soft humming noise emanated from the power conduits before climaxing and exploding sending blasts of electricity towards the Sith troopers as they let out a dull groan before collapsing onto the hard deck.
“Got-em!” said Carrick with relief “now repeat it for the rest of the corridors.
One by the conduits in each corridor leading to the bridge overloaded killing any Sith that stood between the Sith and the soldiers. Now the only hard bit would be opening the bridge. Luckily they had a droid for that and a ton of computer spikes.
“Alright everyone lets move out.” Said Ganton as he directed the survivors of the slaughter to their last possible refuge.
The corridor’s still bared the scars of siege, still the blood of soldiers who died at the hands of the elite faction of Sith Assassins still lay fresh on the floor, walls and ceilings. An occasional flicker of the hallway lights created a fearful emotion that rippled through the hearts of the each soldier that tread with caution down towards the bridge. After the tiresome trip through the battle scarred corridors that lay littered with the burnt bodies of Sith Troopers they reached their destination. The bulkhead doors were ripped clean shut from the rest of the ship leaving only strands of Dura steel dangling from the edges with wires randomly sparking.
“No. No!”
The bridge was in pieces. Shattered glass littered the floor where only the charred flesh-stripped remains of officers and soldiers laid. Half of the computer’s lay in ruin, sending out an involuntary spark of electricity.
“Crap, we gotta get out of here. Move now! Come on, fight our way to the escape pods quickly!” shouted Ganton in fear as he urged others on.
Carrick stood there motionless, surveying the destruction that lay before him. Only a force-adept could have torn off durasteel doors like that. They were in big trouble.
“Carrick!” shouted Ganton “Come on!”
Carrick’s voice was choked with fear “Comin.”
The next noise he heard was the noise that would make any soldier quiver in his boots. It wasn’t Ganton screaming but the sound of the weapon that pierced his chest and was slowly cutting through him. A low buzzing noise. A thin bright-red blade emanated from his chest, held in the hands of Darth Eridus. He sharply removed it and quickly to the horror of Carrick and all the shell-shocked soldiers, sliced Ganton’s head clean off. It rolled to the floor holding the look of pain that burnt into the minds of all who witnessed Ganton’s death.
“My friends. You may proudly defend you weak lives. Well some of you have the chance to live. It is not everyday we come across force-adepts like those that stand among you. You will join us by choice or by force!”
A company of Sith Troopers approached the group and Eridus and two lifted the headless corpse of Ganton Shalm to be air-locked. The final company of soldiers, staring defeat in the face surrendered their weapons.
“So noble. But first.”
Eridus raised his right hand and by sheer power of the force lifted Carrick and six others from the company of 20 soldiers. He slammed them into the walls, incapacitating them with shock before wrapping strands of metal from the hull around them.
“You may fire when ready commander.” Said Eridus assertively
“With pleasure my Lord.” Said Commander Ilesi. “Troops, three, two, one and fire!”
The soldiers were raked with blaster bolts before collapsing into a smouldering pile on the floor. The hidden-Jedi’s pitied the dead soldiers. What they would face was perhaps far worse than death by firing squad. The path towards the dark side through torture and temptation.
“Leave the bodies where they are, we will have no need of this ship now, collect the data you need and prepare to evacuate the troops. Oh and take the prisoners to Cell 3A.” commanded Darth Eridus.
The Widow of Malachor drifted away from the Dxun leaving the crippled vessel drifting silently into the endless black void. Finally a thin tube discarded from the Widow hurtled towards the Dxun ending the ships service with silent explosions as its debris rained down onto the unknown ocean world oblivious to the fighting overhead.

The Next chapter I'm gonna need some advice with becasue it includes Hk-47 in it and I don't know what to write for the character because I really don't want to mess him up. So if anyone has any suggestions please reply to this thread.
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:43 AM   #3
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Very good, fic. I'm no expert, but I like it much!

To learn more about HK-47, visit this site: Click me!

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Old 07-30-2008, 12:17 PM   #4
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I'm posting less at the moment just so I can get comments on how I've potrayed HK-47. I'd like to see more comments. You can also suggest where you want the storyline to go from here.

“Do we have everything from the ship’s data core?”
“Nearly everything, some data was corrupted but analysis shows it was nothing worth knowing.”
“I see, send Lieutenant Briggs down to cell block 3A. Oh and Sergeant?”
“Yes Admiral.”
“Be quicker next time. This was a Republic warship not a rust-bucket of a freighter. Data is invaluable and none should ever be allowed to become corrupted.”
The sergeant left the Admiral’s side like a dog disappointed that it done all that its master asked of it and was still berated for not doing it perfect. Admiral Tigh fixed his steely gaze upon the stern of ship as a dozen fighter crafts, flew past like a flock of geese.
Deep in the bowels of the ship, behind durasteel enforced doors dimly lit at the edges with a red glow, was dank hallways where cool black cell doors hid the interrogation rooms.
“Well it could be worse.”
“How in chaos could it be worse?!”
“We could have been given a full cavity search.”
The Jedi grimaced even at the thought of one.
“Yeah using the force.”
Carrick slid against the shield’s of his. The shock that they emitted had begun a part of life for in him during the last three days. He no longer felt the pain of the shocks coursing through his body.
“Well we’ve got no choice have we? Were doomed either way. Killed if we don’t submit to the torture methods and “Killed” if we give in.” said Carrick “Though I’m sure something will pop up.”
Deep in the blackness of space as the Widow continued her silent voyage towards the next hyperspace route, another ship jumped in. Significantly smaller than the Widow, it was showed signs of previous battles. Scorched hull; dents and scratch marks. And yet it was armed to the teeth. A mouse vs. a lion.
“Sir another object just appeared on the scope.” Said a Sith officer fearing another round of constant berating from the Admiral just because he told him some bad news.
“Where?” said a grim Admiral.
“Sector 9 sir, but it seems to be only freighter size.” Said the officer.
“Okay head down to the Lord Eridus meditation quarters and inform him of the ship’s arrival.” ordered Tigh.
“Yes Admiral”
As the Sith officer left the bridge, flashing light from the scope map indicated that the bridge’s computer had identified the unknown ship heading towards them. The Admiral looked down at the map and backed off slightly at the first sight of the name of vessel.
“Launch a whole squadron of fighters now!” barked Admiral Tigh.
On the screen below him, hurtling towards them was one of the fastest ships in the Galaxy.
Ebon Hawk.
Far out in space, the Ebon Hawk exposed one of its turrets as Sith fighters headed towards it.
“They want us alive, so they try and disable our engines. HK are you any good at manning the turrets.”
The rust coloured droid stared back at the female pilot with the ever sinister glowing photoreceptors.
“Statement: I am a HK-47 assassin droid, over the last ten years I have exterminated over a thousand undesirable meatbags without losing a drop of oil. And you question my skills on a twin turbolaser turret!”
The young woman was hardly surprised.
“Just get into turret,”
“Acknowledgement: Yes master.”

Last edited by sarpedon2; 08-14-2008 at 02:21 PM.
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:22 AM   #5
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I think you did well on HK in this chapter, just remember the most important thing when writing HKs dialog is to make him a bloodthirsty droid with no respect for meatbags. Also just wondering who is the pilot of the hawk. Because if its Revan great I hate female Revans.

Mandalore-"...we mandalorians are a breed apart."
Kreia-"If by apart you mean broken, scattered, and in piecies then yes."
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Old 08-06-2008, 05:39 AM   #6
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As HK manned the turrets, the Ebon Hawk’s twin engines flared up before it shot like a blaster-bolt through a proportion of the blockade before having to engage enemy fighters. One by one the fighters we split open, allowing fire and the remains of pilots to scatter across space. On the bridge of the Widow, the admiral looked increasingly worried as the Ebon Hawk picked off squadrons of fighters.
“Sir, Lord Eridus is here. He’s heard of the attack.” Said an approaching officer.
“Oh bloody chaos! Okay keep it together” he mumbled and cursed to himself “Ah Lord Eridus, the ship is a Republic Dynamic-class freighter, known as the Ebon Hawk. She has posed some trouble for us in the past and has the skill to surpass any of our fighters in speed and skill and can barely dodge the turbolaser but we always save the best for last. Engage flak fire!”
An eruption of shrapnel explosions blanketed the ship which would shred any incoming ship, hostile or otherwise. The pilot of the Ebon Hawk pulled on a worried smile.
“HK shoot us a hole I’ll try and make it through!”
“Exclamation: Oh finally something remotely enjoyable!”
The Ebon Hawk’s guns spoke and thin line was scratched across the surface of the flak fire. The Ebon Hawk reared forward like a herd of Kath Hounds and with shrapnel raking the hull every second like a thousand rakes; broke through the firing range and took out the shields to the docking port. As dozens of service-men and droids were sucked into the cold and bleak vacuum of space, the Ebon Hawk crashed down onto one of the landing ports as the ship sealed itself and a company of Sith Troopers prepared to commandeer the vessel. Up on the bridge, the situation had deteriorated.
“I’m sorry my Lord.” Gasped Admiral Tigh as Eridus increased the grip of his force choke “Please sir, forgive me!”
He gurgled before dropping to the floor letting out his last rattled breath.
“Apology accepted Admiral Tigh.” Said Darth Eridus rather sinisterly before ushering in two Sith Troopers to jettison Tigh’s cadaver. “Captain Reeves, or Admiral now, send a legion of assassins and troopers from barracks 21 to 33 to guard the corridors from docking station 96F to cell block 3A. Go! Now!”
“Yes my lord” said Admiral Reeves before gesturing an officer to inform the barracks of the predicament.
Down in the docking bay, the soldier bodies fell to the floor, scarred with blaster impacts and clean cut of a lightsaber blow.
“Statement: You’d think meatbags that outnumber us 5 to 1 would have put up a better fight master.”
“Well you enjoyed yourself didn’t you?”
“Oh absolutely master, but something was lacking.”
HK-47, the female Jedi headed across the landing bay followed by a silver coloured astromech-droid. The Jedi tried to open the door but to no avail.
“T3, try and slice the lock.” Ordered the Jedi.
The droid responded in buzzes and whirls before lifting itself to the door before breaking through the code that protected the door. The door broke apart from both ends before a second door slid down. On the other side was a company of war-droids, glittering metal that reflected everything around them.
“Drop you weapon Jedi.”
HK and the Jedi exchanged looks.
“Didn’t you hear me I said dro-ahhhhh!”
The Jedi swiftly activated her lightsaber before cutting through the screaming horde of war-droids as HK and T3-M4 fired round after round of blaster fire, scarring the war-droids polished armour.
“Statement: something still lacking master.”
The group got into the elevator behind what remained of the scrap heap of war-droids.
“What do you want?” said the frustrated Jedi.
As the elevator reached the cell block, it opened to a long corridor. At the other end of the corridor before the next door a large group of troopers and assassins. One spotted them out of the corner of his visor before instinctively firing his blaster.
“Exclamation: that master. Oh this will be fun!” Exclaimed HK with unrivalled fury and joy.

Last edited by sarpedon2; 08-14-2008 at 02:21 PM.
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Old 08-14-2008, 02:36 PM   #7
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Still here writing it. To answer Qual's question the pilot is the Exile. Also the main character is Zayne character, its set 12 years after the Mandalorian wars and 3 yrs after TSL. I intend to tie up the KOTOR comics, KOTOR itself and TSL, story wise. My list of recurring characters are:
The Exile
Zayne Carrick
Carth Onasi
Bastila Shan
Jolee Bindo
Atton Rand
Marn Hierogryph
Shel Jelaven
Visas Marr
Misson Vao
Malak (vision)
Canderous Ordo

Malachor V (flashback)
Maybe Dantooine and Boz Pity (I dunno. Dantooine been sucked dry of any interest and how will I integrate Boz Pity into the history of the True Sith.)
And M4-78
I'll post anymore if I think of any. Oh and back to the story .

HK and the Jedi leapt to each side of the corridor, finding shelter behind storage crates. The Sith assassins activated their stealth generators before shimmering into nothingness. The Sith troopers began a rapid fire of blaster’s that raked the walls of the corridor as T3 fled the elevator towards a control panel as the elevator collapsed from the force of an exploding thermal detonator. HK had already dispatched a number of soldiers before more arrived with a group of battle droids.
“Query: Master, overwhelming number of meatbags, cannot dispatch without necessary cheating. Should I?”
The Jedi had realized the presence of two assassins and was in the heat of battle with both of them when HK asked for assistance.
“For kriff sake yes!” Screamed the Jedi.
“Acknowledgement master!” said HK-47 before revealing a spherical device that he proceeded to roll across the corridor towards the soldiers. He then pulled out a detonator and with a simple click the device exploded as the soldiers armour was stripped from their body and shattered; their flesh melted and charred and their bones scorched and vaporized into fine black ash.
The Sith assassins, surprised by the ferocity was cut down quickly by the Jedi. She brushed the human ash that filled the air around them off her.
“Disruptor bomb. How many?” she queried.
“Statement: seven. Only enjoyable way to dispatch unwanted specimens. Though I felt slightly cheated.” Exclaimed HK-47.
“How so?”
“Well with a weapon like that, it’s all too quick. Those poor excuses for meatbags don’t have time to saviour the feelings of horror and despair that run through their mind before their impending death. And even I with my advanced photoreceptors cannot not see the look on the faces before they die. Once again I fell cheated by a suitable, if not quick weapon where one can’t savoir the emotions of those who are about to die.” Stated HK.
The Jedi was aghast.
“Yeah I get that feeling as well.” She said sarcastically “come on T3 nothing left to kill now.”
The droid buzzed and whirled before motioning through the remains of human ash.
Meanwhile a few moments before the massacre below, the prisoner’s of block 3A where awoke by the sounds of gunfire that echoed through the air ducks. Screaming tore through their minds as the gunfire was replaced with awkward silence.
“Well this is great. Looks like a rescue party is on the way. Doesn’t sound like they got much hope.”
“You’d think they would have turned us to the dark side now and sent us down as human shields.”
“What you gonna do.” Said Carrick before sliding onto the force field. An hour of silence past as the sound of gunfire, turret fire and screaming intensified. A Sith officer entered the cells to begin their interrogation.
“Doing well down there aren’t ya.” Said Carrick sarcastically all the while with a smirk across his face.
“Shut it scum. Lets she how you talk with a lightsaber shoved halfway up ya ass! Now tell me why your ship was out here?!”
Carrick smirked
“Sorry. Sorry can’t hear you. The force-field. Can’t hear you properly. How about you open this up and maybe we can hear and speak a bit more personally.”
“Alright then.”
The officer turned off Carrick cell’s force field.
“That’s better now…”
Carrick was interrupted as the officer ushered in three soldiers who held the Carrick as the officer slammed his fist into Carrick’s stomach. Carrick gasped as he was winded by the ferocity of the blow before being thrown into shock by a punch to the left cheek of his face.
“Overload their cells, I don’t care what Eridus or the Admiral thinks, kill them, strip the bodies for any possessions them inform the Admiral of their ‘escape attempt’.
The prisoners where shocked by the natural ferocity of the interrogation officer.
“You can’t do this; they’ll see it on the camer-ahhhhhhhh!”
The prisoners screamed in agony as thousand’s of volts of electricity pulsated through their body before the fell to floor of the cells as smoke from their charred bodies wafted around the force cage.
The officer was handed a lightsaber before he activated it, sticking it close to Carrick’s throat. Carrick began to hyper-ventilate as the red beam of the Lightsaber began to intimidate him. As the officer began to press the lightsaber closer to his throat, he and his soldiers were stunned as behind the door was pierced by a bright blue blade that began to cut through the durasteel. It then began to carve a smile into the door before writing five words below it.
Have a nice day meatbags.
As the officer and the soldier’s exchanged bewildered looks, the door broke apart as flying shrapnel pierced the head of the officer. Smoke filled the room as one soldier was picked up like a toy dangling from the hand of baby and flung into the smoke. The soldiers began firing their guns aimlessly into smoke before being picked off easily by returning blaster fire. All the while Carrick was cowering on the floor in fear of all the events of last few minutes that were forced upon him. Emerging from the smoke was a rust-coloured droid that looked like it seen better days, an astromech-droid; sleek and silver; and a young woman, her black hair obscuring the right side of her face. Her beautiful face carried the scars of many battles and she was draped into Jedi robes with flex-heavy armour underneath. Carrick stared in disbelief.
“Bloody chaos, who are you?”
“I’m the Exile and I’d prefer you never ask what my real name is. This is HK-47”
“Acknowledgement meatbag”
“And this is T3-M4” said the Exile.
The droid buzzed and whirled.
“Thanks for the introductions. Oh by the way, why are you here?” Carrick asked nervously.
“Well we were gonna rescue you all but its seems you’re the only one left unless Jedi have now been taught to resist shock treatment of a 100,000 volts for 10 seconds. What’s your name?”
“Uhhh, Zayne, Zayne Carrick”
“Hmm. I remember you at Serroco, you and that Snivvian did some good food out of what’s-its-name, the Little Bivoli! That’s it. Well Zayne, how about you find you stuff and we head up to the bridge and try and shut down any tractor-beam they’ve set up to stop us escaping. Also to shut down the turbo-laser turrets as well. Well c’mon.”
As the Zayne trailed behind HK and the Exile beginning to talk to T3, HK whispered to the Exile.
“Query: Master do we really need this meatbag to be added to our assault squad. I mean he was close to a nervous break-down when we entered. I feel that he will be a hindrance to our team. Or maybe a bit of jealousy is entering my behaviour core I never know at my age.”

Last edited by sarpedon2; 11-25-2008 at 04:04 PM.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:04 AM   #8
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Been a long time. Most of this was written along with the posted stuff.
P.S. I'd like more comments please. Just some friendly criticism to help improve.

Deep in bowels of the ship, a nervous officer worked his way through corridors to Darth Eridus meditation chamber. He straightened his hair and smoothed his suit before entering the chamber. The chamber unlike the rest of ship seemed somewhat earthly. It was supported by four hooded statues. Running round the rim of the chamber, scratched into the unusual rock was the code of the Sith.
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
“Lord Eridus, a moment please?”
Through passion, I gain strength.
“Mi Lord? A moment please?”
Through strength, I gain Power.
“What is it?”
Through power, I gain victory.
“Well it seems that one of the prisoners he uhh…”
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The force shall free me.
Lord Eridus looked up as if now awake. Not with those black bug eyes of his mask but with raw red eyes with yellow irises. He no longer had eye lids and his flaky, burnt skin barely hid the charred bone and the exposed strands of muscle. He body was cracked and with every breath, the exposed parts of his rib cage split before coming back together. He lowered his head in sorrow. Few had been cursed with this unendurable pain. The sadness that ate at him and the unremorseful anger held him together. Had he not admired the Jedi and sought only pain, destruction and the absence rather than peace and rest for the living nightmare that was his life; he may have been likened to one of his former masters, the great Darth Sion. Sion passed with peace in the halls of Trayus academy on Malachor V. Perhaps this was the greatest thing he admired about Sion. He gave up the life long suffering and passed into death with no hate. Eridus wished every day that could. The problem was he couldn’t.
The last body fell as the armoury was seized by the Exile, Zayne Carrick, HK-47 and T3-M4. Zayne rushed towards one of the lockers, picking the lock before he pulled out everything. Grenades, armour, shields and blaster rifles toppled upon each other as the locker door was opened. Zayne ruffled through the equipment before finding his equipment. In a few minutes he geared up in unusual armour. Well unusual armour for a republic soldier. It was crimson-red Mandalorian armour, scorched and scratched from previous battles, the sinister emblem on the right shoulder now faded and worn. He swiped few of the grenades and acquired a disruptor rifle and his very own heavy carbine blaster rifle.
“Hey. Well I think you might need these. It looks like you used up all your ammo.” Said Zayne offering HK some of his grenades.
The droid behaviour registered shock.
“Statement: I will take you offer but don’t think this one-way-transaction will change anything between us. Meatbag.”
“I wasn’t trying to…”
“Don’t worry. He says that to everyone who isn’t his master.” Said the Exile “Got everything?”
“Cool. But could I ask something?”
“Well you’re a Jedi. So where’s you Lightsaber?”
Zayne let out a heavy sigh and stared at the floor for a few seconds before acknowledging the Exile’s response.
“I just got rid of it. After Malachor; I just gave up fighting, I mean what was the point in following Revan anymore. Y’know it just was suffering on both sides. And Malachor; seeing that planet crush itself along with millions of soldiers and friends just shattered any hope for a good end to the war. I never left the order, I just never went back. I didn’t want to.”
“I did.”
“Yeah but you basically killed all those people at Malachor! I remember I was on the bridge of your ship with Gryph and you were there with that Zabrak guy, then you nodded and then I felt the ship have. Bright lights and you could hear the screaming over the static. And you were screaming too. Looked like you were having a fit. And then you relaxed before passing out and I looked out towards Malachor. Well it wasn’t a planet anymore thanks to you. Wish I never got sucked in with your lot. Maybe Malachor could’ve been my grave.”
“That’s no way to talk”
“Well it is too me. I lost everyone cause of you and Revan and Malak. My mum, my dad, Shel. I don’t know whether they’re dead or not but thanks to all demobbing the Republic did after the war, everyone was scattered. I hate what my life turned into after that.”
Zayne combed his hands through his hair revealing the scars of Malachor that cut into his once soft innocent face.
“Anyway let’s go.”
Zayne slotted his pistol into its holster before realising something.
“The doors aren’t on.” He looked at T3 “Did you touch something”
The droid buzzed in confusion before relaying to HK
“Statement: Master, the droid has informed me of movement in the corridor we were just in. It must be assassins.”
“Great” said the worried Exile “Okay T3 try and slice the door open. Us three, lets ummm, let’s kill em.”
The cloaked assassins shifted closer to the party, their shock poles vibrating heavily from the conducting electricity. They came within striking distance of the of Zayne but chose to use fear rather than force. The lights began to flicker as one of the assassins began to force-crush the lights circuits. As each light when out, one of the Sith revealed themselves to their victims.
Zayne was hit straight in the chest, the shock of the pole knocking him back. He stumbled into some crates before firing a stray blaster bolt into the pitch black room. It lit up the room briefly where Zayne came face to face with his attacker. Stricken by fear, Zayne struggled to aim as the Sith wrapped his hands around Zayne’s throat. Finally as if by the grace of the creator, the Exile’s lightsaber was activated; before she impaled it into the assassin’s chest. The assassin gurgled before dropping onto the shell-shocked Zayne’s lap. Within in a few minutes Zayne assisted the Exile and HK as the last two Sith were killed. After scavenging anything useful from the bodies, T3 sliced open the door to a lit corridor. The brief yet chaotic minutes in the dark caused they’re eyes to sear in pain as the bright corridor lights blinded them.
On the bridge, a group of trooper’s began to prepare themselves of any unnecessary guests that may arrive on the bridge. Darth Eridus lurked behind them like an unmoving shadow staring out at the rest of the ship. In front the Admiral began his speech.
“Now men; The Jedi and her Droids can pose quite a match against all of you. Some will die; but let your hatred spur you on even in the face of your and your comrade’s death. Let the foolish Jedi scum learn the Sith are the true masters of raw power and will trample upon her small puny face and will leave her will shattered and lost. If she succeeds in overriding the bridge controls, I will personally have any survivors mind stripped of sanity and will leave them cowering at in a dark padded cell! Now be ready!”
The heavy gun-fire screaming reached all the way to bridge. Many soldiers on the bridge were handpicked to defend it. Lord Eridus saw no reason to participate. He left not out of cowardice but out of competence. He knew that battle had already been lost, the Admirals pomposity that the Sith were dominant clouded his judgement.
“If the Sith were dominant, the galaxy would have been ours by now” though the dark lord as he prepared to leave.
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Old 10-26-2008, 02:19 PM   #9
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Zayne and the rest finally reached the bridge. It had been hard. Dark Jedi corpses littered the halls of the Widow. Zayne and Exile where now sweating constantly from the ongoing fighting and both were breathing hard, Zayne wheezing.
“Never had so much fun in my life.” Said the Exile before drawing a heavy sigh and straightening herself “Okay so we get in, kill, shut down the tractor beam, the turbolaser’s and bring down the shields.”
“How many do you think there are? Queried Zayne.
“Probably not much”
To the quartet’s surprise, the door automatically opened. Behind it were almost a dozen and half troopers, poised for battle. Standing proudly in front of them, decked in light plasteel armour was Admiral Reeves; grinning sinisterly.
“No need for me to start monologuing Jedi and co. Trooper’s, prepare to fire. On my mark three, two, on-”
Within in that small space of time, the exile arched backward, raising her arms before drawing them back. Then as if an invisible band had been cut, her arms shot forwards as her blast of air shot across the room, knocking almost half of the soldiers back with the other half sent crashing to floor or like the admiral cling onto apparatus’.
Zayne slid beneath the gun fire from confused soldiers and lifted himself up; raising his carbine gun; and like a bat; smashing hard into the cheek of Admiral Reeves; whose cheeks erupted in a stream of blood, spit and shattered teeth before Reeves collapsed onto the floor, still coughing up blood. HK whipped out his grenade launcher and without a single bent joint- fired a small frag grenade at the windows. They shattered and the surviving soldiers and the admiral where hurled into the cold, vast reaches of space.
“Okay T3, slice the network, make sure you cut off all the main corridors that connect to docking station 21h. Overload 1st engine core. Time it for about 20 minutes. Should give us time to escape. HK strip the remaining bodies for anything. Oh and Zayne”
“Anyone else on board?” whispered the Exile “We need all the help we can get. If were gonna rescue him.”
Zayne was silent for a moment
“No, no one else.” Said Zayne with a look of doubt on his “Wait. Who we rescuing and where we going?”
“Long story”
“Well we’ve got 20 minutes to spare before you blow us all the way to the Rishi maze. Where and Who?”
The Exile sighed and stared at the floor briefly before making eye contact with Zayne for the first time.
“Revan and Dantooine.”
Zayne was speechless.
“Oh. Alright then lets go”

Last edited by sarpedon2; 10-26-2008 at 03:23 PM.
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Old 10-27-2008, 12:38 PM   #10
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20 minutes later
The Widow began to sparkle brightly in the dark pit of space as plumes of flames became extinguished just as quickly as they were created. The command deck fractured like a glass ornament and each part drifted apart driven by the explosions. Finally the ship’s lights passed away before a brilliant flash and sudden boom of noise escaped into the vacuum of space; as the Widow of Malachor tore itself apart quite like the planet it was honoured after. The remains spun endlessly towards the planet below. Shooting away was a small object, easily mistakable for debris, draped in red and scars of previous battles. It flared up brightly before a tiny flash sent it far, far away.

End of Chapter 1

For everyone who has viewed this, thank you I hoped you enjoyed though I would be more happy if more commented on it.
P.S. Chapter 2 coming soon
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Old 10-27-2008, 02:32 PM   #11
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“I’ve told once before. Tell me your agenda?”
“Youuu” slurred the ragged man wrapped in chains that hanged him from the wall “you know my, my agenda.”
“I know” said the man’s captive gleefully “I just want to hear roll off your tongue. Just once. Then I know that I’ve broken you.”
“Well you can take your request and shove it up your ass, you piece of sithspit!”
The torturer grinned insanely beneath the velvet hood, most of his face obscured by the lack of light in the circular room. The only light source was brass lamp that was twisted and was worn, its surface scratched with ancient symbols and emblems. It hung loosely above the man who had become the gaunt; his hair long, dirty and knotted. He was held in mid-air by chains that wrapped round him like a dianoga’s tentacle. His eyes were of a broken man. The room then lit up with blue flash as the man broke into a blood curdling scream as his torturer unleashed an unstoppable of force lightning upon the poor man. It stopped only 10 seconds later and the man let out a weak cry.
“I’ll ask you again. What is your agenda?”
“To bring you down.” The man said before slipping in and out of conscious.
“Very good.” Laughed the torturer before he unleashed another barrage of force lighting upon the man.
“Please! Please stop please! Ahhhhhhhhhh!” begged the man before his torturer unleashed more force lightning upon him.
“A Sith cares not for begging.” Spat the Sith before he proceeded to lift the man into the air choking him then letting him drop into his chains.
“What is your name?”
The man after months of endless torture had finally been broken.
“Revan. It’s Revan.”
The Sith once again smiled smugly
“Good. Good, now tell me about yourself Revan.”
The room lit up again and the same obligatory scream echoed throughout the cold desolate fortress on bleak blizzard world circling a cold and small star.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:55 PM   #12
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The Ebon Hawk finally shot out of hyperspace, debris of the Widow clinging to it. Its engines cooled as it slowed down as it began its descent onto Dantooine.
Dantooine was a lush backwater world, its grassy meadows and low lying terrain made it suitable for farming. Despite this attractive package, it was sparsely populated and the even 3 years after the battle of Dantooine, republic assistance was still less than moderate. Its only point of interest was Jedi Enclave. A sprawling complex; it was kept hidden from most of the galaxy until 8 years ago when the Jedi Civil War wreaked havoc with Dantooine. The fearsome Darth Malak launched a tirade of orbital bombardments upon the Enclave and the surrounding area and after that, though Dantooine still thrived with human and animal life, it lost a part of itself. 2 years ago that part returned with the rebuilding of the Jedi Enclave and the restoration of the dying ecosystem that was beginning to fall apart without the assistance of the Jedi to keep it stable and protected it from man-made dangers.
Dantooine however was different the day the Ebon Hawk arrived. It was wracked with planet-wide storms that hid most of the planets grassy plains from view. Flashes of light sparkled across the planet as the Ebon Hawk edged closer.
“Kriff. Weather looks bad. Do you think we can contact the Enclave?” said Zayne as he examined the Hawk’s navicom.
“Just contacting them now.” Responded the Exile as she placed the headset on herself. Static droning came through the headpiece.
“Great.” She said before slumping back into the seat “No answer. The storm must be interfering with the Enclave’s signal.
“What about Khoonda?”
The Exile responded by attempting to contact Khoonda. Success.
“Hello Khoonda. Any available space down there for a Dynamic-class Freighter? May be bad weather but this is urgent.”
“No space in the Enclave but we have an available docking bay at Khoonda. What’s your clearance code.” Said the crackled voice over the channel.
“210293Y8” said the Exile.
“Checks out with our records. Good to have you back Ebon Hawk. You are cleared to land.”
“Thanks. Ebon Hawk out” said the Exile before cutting transmission. She then placed her hand on the accelerator and the Hawk’s engines flared up again as it penetrated the thick stormy clouds of Dantooine.
The Hawk was rocked by violent storms as it grew closer to Khoonda. The torrential rain splattered across the cockpit window as the Hawk gained speed. Inside the Ebon Hawk, things were much better. Though T3 was rocking about violently due to the turbulence and Zayne was about to be sick, everything was okay. As the neared Khoonda, the lights of the Enclave and Khoonda itself became clearer. Fuzzy yellow and red lights dotted the stormy grass plains were no animal were seen. The Kinrath; nestled in the crystal caves near the Khoonda plains; the Kath Hounds & Iriaz; laying down beneath the Blba tree’s with there young and the flying Brith which settled in the winding alleys of rock that spread across the grassy plains. The Ebon Hawk finally descended into one of Khoonda’s docking stations. It gently landed with a low thud.
“Okay you got a cloak? Your gonna need it.” Said the Exile to Zayne as the she left the controls.
“Yeah I figured that, I’ll go get it.” Said the Zayne sarcastically before making his way to the starboard dormitory.
“T3 come with us. We haven’t been given clearance to enter the Enclave. HK sorry but you’ll have to stay and make sure nobody runs off with the ship.” Said the Exile.
The droid stared intensely at her before storming off, muttering something about Revan being a better master. HK walked into the centre of Hawk were Zayne was waiting, no draped in an emerald green cloak and beige tunic with leather boots and leather gauntlets. As he lifted the hood up and slotted his blaster in its holster he realized the droid was looking at him. Zayne was becoming nervous.
“Uhhh hi. How are you?” queried Zayne nervously.
The droid was unresponsive and continued staring at him.
“Mmmmm okay then. Exile you ready?” said the panicking Zayne.
“Yeah let’s go. Cmon T3.”
Zayne looked back at HK.
Finally the droid responded with a low mumbling
The downpour of rain was unbearable and even a minutes out in the open, Zayne, Exile and T3 were drenched. The visibility for Zayne and Exile was only about 5 metres. T3-20 metres. As they trod through the muddy landscape that was sprinkled with pools of muddy water that seemed restless with the constant hammering rain; the lights of the enclave became stronger. Only a few 100 metres from the Enclave, Zayne slipped on a moss-covered stone and tumbled face-first’ into a puddle of muddy water, his face now smeared with mud that dripped off his face with every second of the pounding rain. He wiped his face, lifted his hood and with help from the Exile, continued onwards. All the while his mind was a buzz with thought
“Why. Why am I here? I could’ve stayed on Coruscant, been with my friends but no I had to be heroic and join that bloody expedition!” he thought to himself before the storms awoke him from his mental slumber.
In front of him lay the Enclave. Any damage that it had sustained during the Jedi Civil War was no longer visible. The structure was entirely the same, yet the courtyard had become bigger and river now ran under a new bridge; down towards the valley. Zayne smiled as he moved closer. He remembered his days there as a fledgling padawan. Playing in the west courtyard with his friends while his mother, Reiva, tended the enclave’s gardens. The memories however brought back more sorrow though. He wished he could have all of that again. Finally they reached the enclave doors.
“Okay T3 do your thing.” Commanded the Exile.
The droid buzzed and whirled before lifting itself to the door and preparing to slice it. After a few seconds, the large doors heaved open with a heavy groan which was drowned out by the heavy sound of thunder and rain. Finally lowering their hoods, Zayne and the Exile entered the Enclave and were just ahead of them was gold protocol droid that seemed surprised by the appearance and their break-in.
“Who are? This is break and entering. I’ll have to inform the masters at once.” Said the worried droid.
“Don’t worry.” Reassured the Exile “I’m an old friend. Oh by the way, who are masters here anyway?”
“The master’s here are Master Visas and Master Atton. They are both in the council room. Master Mical however is in the Enclave sublevel and has requested no contact. However seeing that your are an old friend and do not seem to be lying; I’ll inform them of your arrival immediately.” Said the Droid in its monotone voice.
“No. They like surprises.”
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Old 10-29-2008, 11:38 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by sarpedon2
The hidden-Jedi’s pitied the dead soldiers. What they would face was perhaps far worse than death by firing squad. The path towards the dark side through torture and temptation.
A bit of a contradiction here

All in all, I enjoyed reading this! One thing though--it might help to space out your fic, as reading online is quitre different from reading a book. It'll help lazy people like myself to read it faster and not keep losing their place.

Your descriptions are fresh, although there are grammatical errors here and there. I think that a polish would pick up most of those, or you could get yourself a beta reader. I also like how you addressed the vacuum of space, although the Exile and Zayne miraculously survived it;D HK is pretty amusing here, but remember to have him start his sentences with "Statement" or "Inquiry" etc. You seem to be taking the KotOR1 style of portraying him, which is mad and bloodthirsty. My personal preference is the coldly efficient assassin droid in KotOR II, but hey, that's just me

All in all, well done and keep it up!

The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 11-25-2008, 02:21 PM   #14
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I wrote this bit a long time ago. Haven't really done much since late October.

Zayne, the Exile and T3 moved further down the corridor as the protocol droid continued its objectives. As they made their way closer to the council chamber, the Exile was overcome with the memories of the academies as she still saw it. The Exile’s memory; a ruin, where nature had superseded technology and engrossed all that was dead. Where the sun broke through the remains of the council chamber and shone down on the three bodies of Master Kavar, Master Vrook and Master Zez-Kai Ell. Their bodies drained of life and the force. The Rain began to die down, and now the showers of water became less violent and insane and the gently pattered down on the centre courtyard stone floor. It seemed the Enclave brought serenity to Dantooine and calmed the storm allowing the light of Dantooine’s two moons to reflect in the puddles that settled in concaves which wrapped round the stone paths. The Enclave; despite the destruction it had faced during the Jedi Civil War; was still the same it was long before the attack on Dantooine. Though it was now larger, it still retained the same simplicity and relationship with Dantooine’s ecosystem.
“Here.” Said the Exile before moving slowly towards the council chambers door. With a motion of here right hand, the doors opened gracefully revealing the concave with a platform running around where more than 30 seats stood. On the floor of the concave, lying on separate mats were two Jedi. One a female Miraluka, half of her face shrouded by silk hood to hide the empty eye sockets, she was deep in meditation before the arrival of Zayne, the Exile and T3 wrestled her back to reality.
“Atton she’s here.”
The young man, his black hair hanging forward stared up at the Exile. His eyes widened before he slowly lifted himself from his mental slumber and ran excitedly towards the Exile as they passionately embraced each other. Despite this display of emotion, their words were not so emotional.
“Hey.” Mumbled Atton
“Hey. Missed me?” said the Exile smiling.
“What do you think.” Said Atton smirking as he loosened his arms round the Exile.
The Exile and Atton separated and the Exile turned to the female Miraluka.
“Master Visas.”
“It good to see again my master” said Visas before turning Zayne. She stared briefly at him, as if trying to see past him. “I see you brought a friend.”
Atton turned towards Zayne who was now nervous that all attention was on him.
“H-h-hi. I’m Zayne Carrick.”
“Nice to meet you Zayne” said Atton before briefly shaking his hand. “What’d bring him for?” queried Atton to the Exile.
“I found him on a Sith ship awhile back. He’s a Jedi but he needs some training to get back into form.”
“Why you’d bring him here. Couldn’t he go to Coruscant with Mira and Bao?” said the Shocked Atton. “He’s too old.”
“Oh stop talking like you a real master and listen to me. I know where he is and this kid I can feel the living force flow through unlike anyone else I’ve meet. He’s got the potential but he can be a bit clumsy though and a bit stupid but we need him. We need as many people as we can to rescue Revan.” Whispered the Exile into Atton’s ear.
“Wait Revan!” Atton said after hearing the Exile’s revelation.
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:25 PM   #15
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nice concept

Never was anything great achieved without danger.
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:48 PM   #16
I should go.
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Very nice job, I look forward to more.

you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 11-25-2008, 08:10 PM   #17
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I like this story...It shows a great deal of promise
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Old 11-26-2008, 12:23 PM   #18
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A few hours had passed and the halls of the sublevel were now quiet. Zayne was in one of the sublevel’s rooms; now more simplistic than old sublevel was once was. He sat close to edge of his bed, staring blankly at the floor. He was no longer in his previous clothes but was now in the simple padawan robes.
“Never thought I’d be wearing this again” he muttered to himself. He couldn’t sleep. The events that happened well over a day ago played through his mind. Every death and every scream of agony flickered constantly through his mind until it seemed like the voices were really with him. He then slumped back onto the be and briefly closed his eyes. The images continued to haunt him. The death of a Lucien. The obliteration of a Serroco. The battle of Malachor V. He finally couldn’t take the memories and like so many times before he lunged forward before falling out of the bed and towards the stone floor. At the feet of the Exile and a female Padawan with a concerned look on her face.
“Atton wants to see.” Said the Exile.
“Whuuuh. What time is it?” groaned Zayne as he hoisted himself above the floor onto the bed.
“Morning. Come on, go get your stuff; he’ll be waiting in the high council chamber”
As the Exile departed with the girl, Zayne sighed heavily and after lifting himself up like a ragdoll, he made his way towards the exit of sublevel. The thought that Atton was wise enough to be on the High council worried Zayne. The idea that Atton may have retained the pomposity and arrogance of the Jedi during the Mandalorian wars troubled him. The rain that showered down upon the enclave the previous night had now gone and a sheet of clouds shielding the sun loomed over the horizon. The stone pavements that made up the courtyard where still damp and that only two Jedi were seen moving about the courtyard. As Zayne made entered the main Enclave, he realised that despite the time of day, many Jedi were still resting or meditating. He wormed his way through the corridors before coming to the docking port’s expansive courtyard. The edge of this courtyard was lined with empty rooms, where passing traders that arrived on Dantooine could supply equipment to the Enclave and it’s guests. It seemed the ship that from the night before was now gone and the other side of the courtyard which led to the High Council chamber and the Padawan and Youngling quarters. Zayne’s emotion ran high as he passed the rooms where him and friends once learnt and played while his mother tended to the Enclave gardens. As before like so many meetings, Zayne was late. The Exile waiting in front of the elevator that led to the High Council chamber, now no longer accompanied by the young padawan.
“Your late young Padawan” said the Exile, smirking while she did it. “Just listen to what he says.”
Zayne frowned.
“I know what to do in front of Jedi Masters. Have you got that?” said the frustrated Zayne “Oh by the way. Who trained him?”
The Exile cracked a smile.
“I did.”
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Old 11-26-2008, 03:09 PM   #19
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They entered the elevator silently. Zayne was surprised and glad. Perhaps Atton would not be as pompous and arrogant as the masters he had known. However considering his training under the unorthodox beliefs of the Exile, perhaps he would he act the fool and continue order of ignorant Jedi. As the Elevator reached the council chamber they were only three Jedi. An elderly Ithorian Jedi who wore the traditional robes of his species beneath his own Jedi robes and Atton and Visas.
“Step forward Zayne Carrick. My name is Master Habat. I see you have become an acquaintance with the Exile. She helped my people restore Telos IV during the purge of our order. But now we are together and in numbers that rival the order before the conclave of Katarr. You already Master Atton Rand and Master Visas-Marr.”
“Chodo I didn’t know you were a Jedi Master.”
“I retreated from view after the devastation of Katarr. The restoration of Telos IV not only allowed for me to satisfy my need to restore the planet but also the planet was a site of a minor wound in the force where I could hide and be safe from the Sith.”
“But now onto you Zayne Carrick. We understand you seem to have a ‘special’ relationship with the force and archive records on Coruscant dictated that you were framed for the Padawan massacre of Taris and we also discovered you were present at the bombing of Draay estate. And Serroco, and Malachor V. You have an interesting past Zayne and seeing you are fully accomplished Jedi Knight save for name, we would ask you to return to the order you left so long ago.” Said Atton before slumping back into his chair.
“And who will teach me?”
“She will.” Said Visas before indicating to the Exile.
“Oh. Ok then.” Said the ever surprised Zayne.
“We have been told of the Darth Traya’s confirmation of the True Sith to the Exile and where Revan has most likely gone to. The Exile has also told us of a possible location of Revan. Ziost. A planet once home to the Sith species like Korriban and Malachor V. However, there is a problem.” Said Atton.
“The hyperspace routes that lead to Ziost have become dangerous. There are stars and clusters of celestial debris that weren’t there before. Even plotting a jump from Korriban would still be dangerous because no one knows where Ziost is.” Said Chodo Habat before raising himself from his seat and beginning to admire the wildlife that surrounded the high council chamber.
“Then will need a skill pilot.” Said Zayne before waiting for one of them to continue.
“You could always go to Coruscant. I’m sure there’s someone that’ll be brave enough to fly that rust bucket of yours to Ziost and back.” Said Atton before like Zayne, waiting for a response.
“That rust bucket has survived Taris, Malachor V, Peragus and escaped from the Sith a hundreds times. And you don’t think it’ll be able to make it to Ziost and back!” protested the Exile before continuing “We need a crew as well you know.”
“I think I know someone who may find us a pilot.” Said Zayne.
“Who?” said the Exile before exchanging confused looks with Zayne.
“You really don’t wanna know.” Said Zayne

The next part is gonna have to return of Gryph so could someone give me pointers on how to do his character?
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Old 11-27-2008, 04:31 PM   #20
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Next part everyone. Hope anyone who has read this enjoyed it as much as I do writing it.

Coruscant- The Queen of the Core Worlds. A planet-wide metropolis that rose to the ever-dizzying heights of its orbit. Beneath the grand skyscrapers that twisted higher and higher and the newly constructed Mushroom-shaped Senate Hall, was the real Coruscant. A labyrinth of cantinas, swoop track’s, landscapes of thousand year old garbage and fume belching factories, it was forever alive. Not even the sound of never-ending traffic in the upper city could quiet this behemoth that once held the innocence of Coruscant; and crushed it like an ant. On one of its many platforms for trade, a businessman was conducting his trade.
“Look I’ve checked the carbine guns; one of my clients nearly lost half of his face thanks to your stock Gryph!”
The Snivvian before him edged back before smirking and lowering his hood.
“Now look here, Slyssk is an excellent manufacturer and I’m sure the parts were faulty” said the Gryph before he was interrupted by the furious Zabrak and his Zeltron companion.
“I don’t care; your stupid Trandoshan hasn’t got a clue unlike the rest of his low-life kind! Give us our money now before we blast you a new hole now!”
Gryph was still calm and patient
“Look are hand you over to my Hench” Gryph said before stopping & staring into space by his side, forgetting that his long-time partner had gone “-man.”
“What’s the matter Marn?” the Zeltron finally spoke “Miss the small amount of friends you truly had?” He let a rat-like sneer before giggling at his attempt at humour.
“Breesh shut up.” Said the Zabrak before turning back to Marn and realizing he had panicked and ran off.
“Sithspit. He ran off!” said the infuriated Zabrak who whipped out his blaster rifle before pursuing the Snivvian.
Gryph was not the healthiest of his species, as he panted heavily as he frantically wormed his way through the hordes of scum and villainy he instantly halted and through himself into a club. The heavy fumes of exotic gases barely masked Gryph’s potent body odour and allowed him to escape unnoticed in a cloud of female Twilek’s while their owner was buying a drink.
“Hello Lady’s” said Gryph in his attempt at chatting up the girls “How about I buy yo-”
The sound of music was shattered by the firing of blasters that caused a portion of fluorescent lights to come crashing down on the clubs patrons as the Zabrak mercenary. And Breesh had sighted Gryph and fired; piercing the chest of one of the Twilek’s and sending Gryph running towards the exit where he ran towards the edge before slipping fell two stories onto a docking platform where he hastily got up and fumbled around his bag before turning on his commlink.
“Slyssk, get the speeder and meet me at these co-ordinates. Look I showed you the diagrams on how to assemble the blaster carbines! How hard could’ve of it been!” shouted Gryph before cutting dead the commlink. A few minutes later, Breesh and his Zabrak master emerged, blasters to their heads, with two HK-50 droids with two heavy blasters and fierce amber eyes.
“Statement: Your actions may cost you your existence organism. It is our intent to exterminate unwanted organisms such as you and your friend.” Said one of the HK droids before the other one spoke.
“Query: I have concern that the use of the term ‘organisms’ doesn’t seem right for these people. Perhaps ‘meatbag’ would be a better term.”
“Response: No HK-assassin droid in their right processor would use that term!”
Finally speeding into view was the rusted-turquoise coloured speeder, driven by Slyssk.
“Oh Kriff! He was there all along. Shot him!” screamed the Zabrak before he and Breesh broke free from the HK droids before Breesh fell dead to the floor, with a 6 inch wide blast hole that went straight through his head. The Zabrak was lucky for the time being and was able to fire two shots at Gryph’s speeder before being simultaneously shot twice in the back by the Droids before stumbling forward and falling into the abyss of Coruscant’s under-city.
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Old 11-28-2008, 03:48 PM   #21
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Back on Dantooine three months later, Zayne’s re-training was excelling under the watchful of eyes of Master Chodo and the Exile. The season of autumn had now swept onto Dantooine and the many leaves of the Blba trees were now scattered around the gardens of the Enclave. In one of these gardens were Master Chodo and Zayne. Habat ignited his purple bladed lightsaber before letting it drop to the stone floor were it burnt through some shrivelled up leaves. Zayne stood in front of him. The autumn sun burning brightly behind him as the twin moons of Dantooine reflected dimly in his hazel eyes.
“You have learned much in your training Zayne. Your previous skills and knowledge, along with your ‘special relationship’ with the living force has excited both me, Master Atton, Master Visas and the Exile. Come raise you blade.
Zayne kneeled down onto the stone floor and held his lightsaber in his hand before allowing it to rise from his hands and into the air.
“Ignite Zayne. Show me your chosen path as a Jedi.” Said the confident Habat.
Zayne gently closed his eyes before his lightsaber ignited and from it protruded a soft yellow blade of energy. Zayne opened his eyes before waiting for confirmation from Master Habat.
“Excellent. The path of the Jedi Sentinel you have followed. I believe you have walked down this path before, no?”
For a few moments, Zayne was silent.
The final battle he carried his first blade was perhaps the battle that made him who he was now. His duel with his former master, Lucien Draay and the death of the dark usurper of the Jedi Covenant Haazen along with the redeemed Lucien. He changed so much that day and the heat of the burning Draay estate stuck with him for fifteen years.
“Ahh, I sense great past trauma’s circling through your mind. Tomorrow at midday, arrive at the council chamber for your knighting ceremony.”
“Thank you Master Habat for all your training. I will be willing to congratulate the Exile for her combat training as well tonight.” Said Zayne before shaking Chodo’s hand before running towards the door of the garden.
“Oh Zayne.”
“Do not worry my dear boy. He survived.”
Zayne looked perplexed before allowing his mind to delve deeper into the Ithorian’s words. He then showed a look of surprise and fear on his face before turning back towards Master Habat who was tending to the garden plants as if the previous sentence was never uttered.

Nearly finished chapter 2. It'll end on a cliffhanger so keep on reading.
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Old 11-30-2008, 06:50 AM   #22
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This is probably the longest post in a while but don't worry.

The next day, the winds from Dantooine’s savannahs had slept north towards the Enclave and the leaves that had finally settled the previous day had now been swept away. The sky was dull grey and the sun was shielded and the light of Dantooine’s plains had now dropped as the Iriaz began to sleep, while the Kath Hounds began to hunt. Zayne sat far from the Enclave itself. After checking the Ebon Hawk after its extensive repairs and narrowly avoiding HK’s constant harassment, he felt tired and realizing the sun was bright and the winds were still, he decided to the roam the plains around the Enclave. He found himself once again called to the ruins near the Enclave, the only explanation the Jedi Masters gave for them were that they were of Rakata origins and that they were destroyed during the attack on Dantooine. He knew of no species called the Rakata and decided to rest in front of Ruins despite previous occurrences. He had constantly felt ill and tired after despite resting. He reported these strange occurrences to Master Habat who scolded him for resting there as the Ruins were steeped in the dark side of the force. As he rested, he drifted in and out of consciousness and eventually, he fell asleep. This was five hours ago and as he awoke from his restless slumber he found that the sun had gone behind a veil of corpse-grey clouds and the wind had lay siege upon the Enclave and its surrounding fields. He lay still for a few minutes but as he did, whispers of creatures speaking in an indecipherable language grew louder until Zayne could no longer talk their now screaming voices and fled back to the Enclave. As he panicked and the sky grew darker, Zayne was in too much of a hurry to realise what trap he had ran into. As he wormed his ways through the narrow paths laced with jagged rocks, Zayne found himself as the prey in a Kath Hound hunting party. Realising their presence, he instinctively froze, as a look of terror grew across his face. The leader of the pack seemed almost benign as he examined Zayne from head to toe, but as Zayne stumbled, the Kath hounds launched into a frenzy of violence attempting to tear Zayne apart, limb from limb. Zayne realised the imminent danger and as the first eager Kath Hound lunged at him, Zayne swung his lightsaber and the raging Kath Hound and swiftly decapitated the beast before narrowing his eyes and turning to the other Hounds who were in more of frenzy after their leader’s death. Before any of them could move, Zayne brutally cut each of them down and with the last one; he pierced his blade into the Kath Hounds skull before allowing the beast to cry out in pain before he retracted his blade and leaving its blood to stain the grass around. Zayne’s breathed heavily, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead as he blindly stared at the bleeding carcasses of the Kath Hounds. He stood staring through their carcasses before the realization of what he did to them hit him. A look of panic began to sweep across his face as he edged back from the carcasses and twisting around, making sure no one saw him. As he turned around, he realized what caused him to maim. The ruin’s power seemed more potent than ever to him as he caught a glimpse of them around the corner and he finally realised the dark-side energies that emitted from them was the cause. He then ran as fast as he could towards the Enclave, trying to forget the massacre he just created and his brush with the dark side.
“We are all Jedi. The Force speaks through us. Through our actions, the Force proclaims itself and what is real. Today we are here to acknowledge what the Force has proclaimed.”
The council chamber was dark and Master Visas-Marr, Master Atton Rand, Master Chodo Habat and the Exile stood over Zayne Carrick, their blades ignited. Padawan’s sat in the council seats that lined the rim of room and eagerly watched and observed Zayne’s approach to the ceremony and attempted to learn from it.
“Take up your lightsaber, Zayne Carrick, Jedi Knight. And may the Force be with you." Said Master Habat before instructing Zayne to lift his Lightsaber and ignite it. Zayne did so and the light of the blade shimmered in the eye of all who basked in its glow. The Exile then stepped forward, and without a word lifted her lightsaber and brought it down onto Zayne’s shoulder, inches from his robes before she draw it back and the light of the Master’s and Zayne’s lightsaber’s disappeared and the great light that hung from the roof of the chamber brought new light into the council chamber as the Padawan’s clapped and cheered as another Jedi had risen further into the order.
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Old 11-30-2008, 04:05 PM   #23
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“Okay HK, check the engine coolers are at optimum temperature.”
“Statement: Acknowledgement master, should I command the droid to plot the coordinates for Coruscant.” Said HK-47 as he prepared for system checks while the Exile sat with her legs over the arms of seat, flipping through the Enclave’s Engineer report on the Ebon Hawk.
“Yeah you might as well do that, then again we could do it in orbit.” Said the Exile to HK without looking at him as she scanned through the notes by the Engineer on the Hawk’s structural instability. Zayne made his way from landing pad into the Hawk and as he passed through the main hold, the obligatory insults between him and HK-47 began.
The both them returned to their stations of work as Zayne sat in the co-pilot seat while the Exile had finished the reading the report and with a steady look on her face, began to do pre-flight checks for the ship.
“So tell me about Gryph. From what I remember during my time on Serroco, he enjoys the finer qualities of a woman’s physical features. Particularly my chest.”
“Yeah Gryph see’s himself as a lady’s man. He’s more of a con artist Y’know. If sure he’ll find us a pilot and while were there, we go to the Jedi temple. Perhaps theirs more people we can bring along seeing as were going to a planet most likely crawling with Sith and its gonna take more than two Jedi, a sociopathic Hunter Killer and a Droid who’s circuits are more fizzed up than a can of Juma Juice.” Said Zayne before slumping back into his seat. “I checked the navicom earlier. Seems T3 let me see where we’ve been. Lots of exotic places this ship’s gone too in the last 15 years. Malachor V, Korriban, Lehon and Dxun. Hey were you at Dxun during the war?”
The Exile, though she had come to terms with her decisions at Dxun found it hard to fight back the unsettling images.
“Yeah I was in command there.” Said the Exile before she changed the conversation “Hold on.” She then reached for a headset. “HK, engine okay back there?”
“Statement: Affirmative master. Returning to work post.”
“Okay let’s see if we can get this rust-bucket to Coruscant.” Said the Exile before she signalled Khoonda docking station.
“Khoonda Station. This is the Ebon Hawk. Permission to depart.” Said the Exile.
“Acknowledge Ebon Hawk, flight-status cleared. Enjoy your trip.” Replied Khoonda.
With the confirmation from Khoonda, the Hawk’s engines began to flare up as it the dirt and leaves around began to whip up into hurricane as the Ebon Hawk shot forward towards space, its distinctive shape and colour fading into the sky. As it reached the coldness of space, the Ebon Hawk gently drifted away from Dantooine.
“T3 got the hyperspace co-ordinates in the navicom.” Said Zayne as he examined the computer charts while trying to find Coruscant
The droid buzzed and whirled signalling yes.
“Punch it Exile.” Commanded Zayne as the joy and pain of hyperspace travel gripped him tightly.
“With pleasure Zayne.” Said the eager Exile as the stars around the ship seemed to stretch and the Ebon Hawk’s engines flared up for a brief second before it shot forwards at speed of light to the core worlds.
The Hawk upon jumping out of space was greeted with horde of rusting freighters, luxury yachts and Republic Warships are attempting to enter the space lanes around Coruscant.
“Looks like we’ve got a 3 hours wait now.” Said a glum-looking Zayne. “Overtake the traffic.”
The Exile smirked.
“You’re learning well my young padawan.”
“I am 33 Y’know I think you should keep that in mi…”
Zayne was interrupted as the ship was rocked by a voracious blast and the freighter in front of the Hawk began to turn towards it, revealing twin turbolaser batteries.
“Kriff! It’s an ambush.” Said the Exile as another blast rocked the ship which caused her to smash her head on the controls.
“We haven’t even done anything and their already trying to kill us! Exile try and out manoeuvre them.”
The Exile silently agreed and through the ship forward, barely skimming the massive freighter who fired it’s gun within the site of the Ebon Hawk. The Hawk dodged the hailstorm of laser fire but other ships were not so lucky. As a inferno engulfed the conglomeration of ships, many panicked and tried to escape only to cause more chaos. However one unfortunate cruise had run out of control and as explosions danced and sparkled across its now scorched hull, the Cruiser uncontrollably spun in the bow of the Freighter. The freighter lights briefly turned before in a quick flash, the Freighter was ripped apart and a vast fusion explosion consumed the horde quickly and destructively. The bright flash and echoing roar that was eventually lost in the vacuum of space quickly reached a Hammerhead Cruiser, the crimson outlines that ran across its hull now worn and scratched, a memory to the bitter and harsh battles of Mandalorian and Jedi Civil wars. At its helm, the Captain was notified of the disturbance as a distorted holo-image of the explosion was brought up on projector.
“Kriff. How many ships?” said the shocked Captain as he rubbed his chin before leaning his full weight on the projector.
“About 20 sir. Ships are reporting multiple detonations with radioactive signatures.”
“They had nukes on-board?”
“No sir, it might have just been the engines.” Said the officer as he examined the scope. “We might have redirect traffic sir though. The explosion triggered a large electromagnetic field around the area. Any ship in that area could suffer severe damage to all electrical systems, even life-support.”
“Okay, Travis send out a signal to all incoming traffic. Tell them to head to space lane 28, sector 2c.” said the Captain as the Comm.’s officer followed his order and briskly returned to his post.
“Captain, we have a ship that just came out of the interference area.”
“Can you identify it?”
“Dynamic-class Freighter. Has and id that’s not on our system. Must’ve have been out of Republic space for a pretty long time. It’s comin up fast!”
“Get our birds in the air, tell em, seek and destroy, seek and destroy!”
The ship’s hull opened up as a squadron of A-wings burst out and shot towards the Ebon Hawk.
“Great. Eight fighters coming up on our asses.”
“HK get in the turret and set it to rapid fire, I’ll try and out-manoeuvre. Okay Zayne I want you to get your gear and make your way to the escape pod, it’s in under floor grating in the hold. HK’s got a little surprise up his sleeves.”
“But why?” said the worried Zayne.
“Just do it!” shouted the Exile “Find Gryph, find a ship, now go!”
Zayne gave up trying and ran towards his quarters to find his clothes, lightsaber and credits.
“HK. Prepare to launch a missile. We’re taken those Bastards to hell with us!” said the Exile.
“Statement: With unequivocal pleasure Master.”
As Zayne rushed into the Escape pod, the ideas of what might happen, flashed through his mind. He finally sealed the hatch and fired the launch switch. The escape pod tumbled towards Galactic City as Zayne stared up towards the Ebon Hawk as it fired a single missile towards the squadron. Fire then began to consume the pod as it broke the atmospheric barrier and the last thing Zayne saw as he stared out of the pod’s window was a bright flash that blinded him, followed by a large fireball. The Ebon Hawk was nowhere to be seen. The burning atmosphere around him blocked anymore views. He was alone. Hurtling towards Coruscant with nothing but the Clothes and equipment on his back and a Lightsaber in his hand.
He was gonna need all the help he can get.

Chapter 3 coming up. Zayne Carrick all alone in Galactic City meeting old and new faces.

Last edited by sarpedon2; 12-30-2008 at 07:17 AM.
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:29 PM   #24
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 12-14-2008, 06:11 AM   #25
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Chapter 3

“Kid! Oi Kid!”
Zayne Carrick snorted before opening his weary eyes and the sound and smells of noxious gases curled round his nose before he gagged at the smell and instinctively threw himself up into a sitting position. He turned to his left to be greeted with origin of the smell that threw him out of his dazed state. A typically ugly Gant, the saliva dripping from its mouth, slowly settling into a pool of other unsightly liquids that festered between the floor gratings of the airbus. Its yellowish/green skin stretch and unleashed a rattling breath as the Gant’s eyes settled on the shocked Zayne. It did not say a word during the entire journey before a bell rang aboard the ship and a dozen more passengers departed, barely un-cluttering the ship leaving only Zayne and another three dozen passenger’s and the a bearded fellow who stood over Zayne with heavy box that hung from both his shoulders as he held out his left hand, his impatient face obscured by the dirt-ridden goggle’s, his knotted beard and the ragged cap that clung to his round head.
“What?” said the confused Zayne as he examined his whereabouts.
“Pay!” shouted the impatient conductor “Or don’t you understand basic.”
“Oh sorry yeah here ya go.” Said Zayne before sliding his credit stick into the dull-silver box. A collection of numbers appeared before he slid the card out and the number of credits that appeared on his Credit stick dropped.
“Pleasure doing business, now get off!” said the Man before he hustled Zayne of onto the busy sky platform. The airbus edged away from the platform before dropping out of sight into one of the million unending traffic lanes that filled the space between buildings on Coruscant. Zayne choked as he was overcome by the fumes of the ship and the once settled fumes that were whipped up into a frenzy that blanketed the platform in thin smog, becoming thicker with every arrival of ships.
Zayne shifted his bag and made his way through the shrinking and expanding crowd towards another airbus. He found himself at the edge of the platform and stared down into the abyss of traffic and dark lower city. Piercing the rain clouds that was hung over the skyline of Coruscant, a ray of sunlight broke through it and the exposed the ecumenopolis to a short bout of warmth and light as a trillion people prepared for the perpetual rush hour that gripped the planet.
“Move it dumbass!”
“S’eema qua wanajna poskin duro!”
“Oh frak you!”
This was an example of daily exchange that happened aboard the sky platforms that dotted the Galactic City. Zayne was never surprised by this attitude to living in Galactic City the Coruscanti’s had to each other.
Eventually the clouds broke and faded, revealing a washed-out blue sky laced with majestic white clouds that built up on the horizon. The sky became brighter and some of the species that motioned about upon the platform seemed to bask in the sunlight that caressed their skin while other fled beneath to lower levels, shielded from the sunlight that pierced their delicate flesh and fried and titillated their bodies in unpleasant ways. As Zayne finally found himself an airbus to take him to the Jedi Temple for shelter, a fight had started within the crowd. Not an uncommon thing to happen on the platforms but only until one of the fighter’s, a Chevian, struck the Aleenan with a heavy thermal detonator and idiotically blew himself up along with another dozen people to chaos. The crowd not caught up in the blast screamed and panicked, crashing until each other out of fear and confusion. Eventually the terror that gripped the crowd was so much, that many pushed each other unknowingly off the platform. As the screaming was drowned out by approaching sirens, Zayne found himself clutching onto to some person for dear life. Just as order was about to be restored, the surviving Aleenan’s began the pushing and fired blasters at the surviving Chevian’s that accompanied their idiotic partner. The crowd let out a final scream, as Zayne’s grip slipped and he plunged into the fathomless abyss below as the repulsor engine’s on the platform failed and the entire platform slipped off an invisible edge and plunged along with a once huddled mass of 200 hundred people; now scattered yet still screaming; into the ever moving traffic that lay below which scattered like a thousand flies. An explosion of metal and fuel spontaneously appeared and the entire sector grounded to a halt. Zayne however kept falling.
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Old 12-20-2008, 03:59 PM   #26
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The sound of speeders raced passed his ears as he Zayne barely sighted a Speeder below him that he could grab onto. His backpack held down his cloak tightly as the tattered hat he worn held tightly to his head. His lightsaber hung from the hook on his belt for dear life as attempted to grab the edge of the speeder. He screamed in pain as a burning sensation gripped his now blistered fingers. He let go and continued tumbling towards the lower city. By a stroke of luck, he landed onto another ship. Only problem was Zayne tried to overcome the smell that was set upon him, did he realise he was sitting waste deep in muck accumulated from the whole area, with 7 metres more below him. He dropped his face down and examined his blisters. He sighed, remembering this wasn’t the only time he was laying in rubbish and alien waste. The garbage barge continued its journey through the levels of traffic until the sunlight that reached down towards the bottom of the middle level, began to dim as the only light source was the collage of lights emerging from Cantina’s, billboards and apartment lights and spotlights that gave the lower city a glam that made it seem worse when travellers truly realised what it was really like.
The garbage barge finally settled among the clusters of ships that had docked near a long avenue that was filled to the brim with shops, cantina’s, restaurants and pazaak. An ever moving horde of aliens wandered through the market place as Zayne threw his hood up and joined. The barrage of dozen alien languages emanating from the stalls distracted Zayne from his path and the vast amounts of Technicolor lights that flashed constantly around him; along with the blaring sound of music; confused and startled him. It had been a long time since he was in a place like this and the atmosphere here was both mentally and physically choking. He swiftly moved through the crowds towards the stalls were a Quarren wrapped in worn clothes with faded ink symbols began the daily selling of black market goods. The approach of Zayne and the sight of his lightsaber dangling from his tattered belt alerted the Quarren and began to push away eager buyers of his stolen goods.
“Look Jedi, nothing here honestly. Please don’t get me arrested. I got kids to feed.” Pleaded the worried Quarren as he shook credits in front of Zayne. Zayne lowered his hood before leaning close towards the Quarren trying to face the pungent smell of the dealer’s last meal.
“Don’t worry. Beside I’m looking for someone. Know Marn Hierogryph?”
The Quarren relaxed and ushered Zayne into the back of a stall where a rusted protocol droid began stock examination.
“That dirty Snivvian. Yeah I know him. Gave me some ‘Sith Holocrons’. Said he went all the way to Korriban or Malachor V whatever which one it is, to get them. Never mind where he got them though, the Holocrons blew up in my assistance face!”
“Yeah wonderful” said Zayne as he toyed with the broken head of a droid that lay in a pile near the Quarren. “Know where I can find him? He’s an old friend of mine. More like partners actually.”
“Oh I see. Well you can find him about in CoCo town. Loves conning the newbie’s who head there. If you’re a friend, he’ll find you.”
“Cheers.” Said Zayne, slightly happier on where he had to go now. “Bye.”
“Don’t forget to come back here Jedi. Good prices and Guinkot!”
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Old 04-08-2009, 01:32 PM   #27
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Sorry for the long wait. I had nearly given up on this but today i felt the urge to write again, well here it is for anyone still wanting to read this.

As Guinkot attended to his customers, Zayne hurried out of back of the tent wormed his way through the tangled wires and scrap that built up near the edge of the platform and found himself near an air-bus station.
“One to the temple plaza please.” Said Zayne as he exchanged credits and curled up on one of the empty seats. The air-bus after a minute or so rose up and broke through the moving cloud of fumes and made its way to the temple plaza. T he cloud of smog dropped off as the air-bus neared the Jedi Temple. From afar, Zayne could clearly see how it had changed in last 15 years of his life. The single spire remained but in rested on an elaborate platform was ladled with cluster’s of gardens and dome and great windows that poured light into the temple’s great halls. A massive wall of stone now broke out onto the building that made up the Temple districts. Their brilliant friezes that depictured the order’s history had now become hidden by a veil of scaffolding that morphed into a sheet of dull metal that wrapped round the base of the temple, signifying the change that was being undertaken on this place of peace. The sunlight caught the tip of the spire and it sparkled brightly before fading back into a dull silver colour. As the air-bus finally landed, Zayne quickly left and the sunlight hit his eyes and he squinted instinctively as lowered his head and opened his eyes again. The excitement in his chest rose and he walked along the long, open plaza towards the Temple steps. This part of Coruscant seemed untouched by the thousand years of growth. Stone buildings still stood and their cracked and smooth arches were occupied by stores that hoped to capitalize on the Temple. Zayne had never been to this Temple but unlike Dantooine, the first sight of his possible new home was not of blur that was masked by showers of rain, but a brilliant burst of sunlight that raised the appearance of the temple to ever dizzying heights of grandeur. Zayne crossed beneath a cracked arch guarded by two ominous statues, the lightsaber’s drawn and implanted into the marble platform they rested on. A long expansive corridor opened up from the arched entrance, dressed in worn tapestries that we laced with good tassels. The first of many depicted a battle, a brutal fight between a legion of red-skinned warriors kitted in cast iron battle armour, their leader with an outstretched arm, contorting his enemy’s body and throwing them across the scorched terrain like ragdolls. This change in fortune shifted to the enemy in another tapestry as the enemy, Jedi, shattered the bodies of his enemy before igniting his lightsaber and engaging in a duel with the leader of the red-skinned army. The red-skinned leader drew his sword high, only to be bisected by the Jedi, the look of shock still on his face as his upper half slid away and his dead eyes flickered shut. Zayne frowned at the sight of a Jedi committing such an atrocious act, his master’s always made sure that such a style of killing was frowned upon and that a Jedi should show balance and calm in his fighting, not bloodlust. A company of Padawan’s were caught in corner of Zayne’s vision and he turned to see them unaware of his presence. They seemed near ten years his junior and as they first caught sight of them, they seemed hardly surprised and judging by his rugged appearance, his lightsaber hidden by his torn cloak, they thought him to be a tourist. One of them, a young boy with a weasel like appearance stared at him with unusual contempt. Zayne noticed the boy staring out him and set off down the corridor to confront him.
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Old 06-06-2009, 01:38 PM   #28
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Portsmouth
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Since i never got the feedback that i wanted which i believed was down to post sizes early on in the thread i'll be creating a new thread with shorter posts so as to not bore people to death
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