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Old 08-07-2008, 05:27 PM   #1
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Star Wars - Knights of the Old Republic III - Threat from the unknown.

Star Wars

Knights of the Old Republic III: Threat from the unknown.

The galaxy is at war again! Darth Revan has returned from The Unknown Regions and rebuilt the Sith Empire. And he is now together with the True Sith waging war against The Republic. But there is hope: The Jedi Exile has rebuilt the Jedi Order and, together, the Jedi and the Republic is trying to stop Lord Revan and the Sith...

Chapter 1

[In orbit of Mantooine, Noon]

The lone Republic Orbital Shuttle came out of Hyperspace just a few miles away from the huge Interdictor-class cruiser, a model used by the Sith Empire. The two men inside the shuttle's cockpit were of the races Zabrak and Human. The human, who was tall, good looking, and muscular, looked to be the younger of the pair. His facial expression was tense, he looked like he was late for an important meeting, while the Zabrak, who had light brown skin and a lot of small horns on his head, had a more calm expression. The younger one had short cut blonde hair, except for the thin Padawan braid on the left back side of his head. He was wearing a brown tunic, brown pants and black boots. Over that he wore a wide sleeved dark brown Jedi Robe. His Zabrak friend and Jedi Master wore a light brown similar tunic, but the left sleeve was cut off because of his robotic arm which had an unprotected laser running straight from the elbow to the hand. He also wore a Jedi Robe, again with the left sleeve cut off, and in a lighter brown than his human Padawan. On both of their belts hung their metallic lightsaber hilts. The younger one's name was Johra Ulgut, and the Zabrak's name was Bao-Dur Lumar. They were on a mission to find the missing Jedi Knight Karnah Krawalker, who had sent a distress call from the planet.

“Take us towards the cruiser,” Bao-Dur said to Johra, who was the pilot. Johra looked at his master and hesitated, but when he saw Bao-Dur's serious facial expression he turned the shuttle towards the Sith cruiser. But before they had time to start moving, a Sith Starfighter approached them and ordered them to state their business. Bao-Dur leaned forward to the comm.
“We are selling Correlian ale to the bars in the city of Morka,” he said and waited for the response.
“Follow me. We need to inspect your cargo,” the voice said and started flying towards the Interdictor cruiser. The shuttle followed. When they landed in the cruisers hangar they opened the boarding ramp, and a group of five Sith troopers, all wearing full silver armor, stormed in. They aimed their blaster rifles at the two Jedi, who were now walking towards the troopers with their unlit lightsabers in their hands.
“Stop! Jedi!” a Sith trooper shouted and they all started firing their blaster rifles.

In less than a second the Jedi ignited their lightsabers and parried the shots. When they parried the first wave of shots it was easy to deflect the shots back to the one who fired it. Not a single trooper survived. Johra and Bao-Dur walked down the boarding ramp only to be met with more Sith troopers. The Jedi were more skilled, but the troopers overwhelmed them only with numbers. They soon realized they had to run. They ran through the nearest corridor, making sure to close a blast door behind them, and ended up near an elevator. They called it to them and ignited their sabers, in case someone was in there. Luckily, no one was, and they deactivated their sabers and stepped in. Johra entered the level that the bridge was on in a computer panel, and the elevator started moving.
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Old 08-10-2008, 06:26 AM   #2
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It's a nice start, but it was a little short, try to make the chapters longer. There was nice detail in the fic, and I can't wait for more, I assume this is your first fic?
Anywho, good work, looking forward to more.

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Old 08-10-2008, 07:43 AM   #3
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^^^ QFE.

Twas a tad short, but good reading all in the same. Awaiting for more
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Old 08-14-2008, 11:18 AM   #4
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Thanks everyone for the feedback. I also thought it was short, but I'm working on making longer chapters. Have been away for awhile and starting on Chapter 2 now.
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Old 08-14-2008, 11:59 AM   #5
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I like the creativity of the names you using...it shows how much work is put into it. Very descriptive...though a bit more in the battle would have been nice. Yeah it could have been longer, but I write short chapters myself. Meh, I guess we both have to work on that.

I´ve been away as well, and it really slows things down, as far as working on a fic, doesn´t it? I will definitly keep my eye on this one. Happy writing!


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Old 08-14-2008, 12:02 PM   #6
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Nice start, here. I won't add any more complaints to it's length, so instead I'll just say - I hope chapter two will be out, soon.

"If God is a DJ, then life is a dance floor, love is the rhythm and you are the music."

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Old 08-15-2008, 04:36 PM   #7
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Chapter 2

After a long elevator ride the elevator stopped at the floor that the bridge was on, and the two Jedi stepped out of the elevator. Three Dark Jedi with long black robes and black Dark Jedi tunics stood before them, their unlit lightsabers in their hands.

“Hand over your lightsabers,” the one in the middle said and held out his free left hand.
“I don't think so,” Bao-Dur said while brandishing and igniting his blue lightsaber. He was a defensive fighter, and so his primary lightsaber form was Soresu.
“Then you will die!” the Dark Jedi shouted and all three ignited their red blades.
Two of them ran towards Bao-Dur and attacked with a flurry of attacks, while the third one stood in front of Johra, who still hadn't ignited, or even brandished, his lightsaber. He was studying the Dark Jedi closely.

As soon as the Dark Jedi move towards him, Johra used the Force to jump up in the air, flipping and landing behind the Dark Jedi. In the few seconds that he was in the air, Johra had ignited his green lightsaber and did a horizontal attack behind him. It hit right where it was supposed to. The Dark Jedi's legs were cut of and he fell down in a small pile.

A small bit away, Bao-Dur was parrying every strike that the two Dark Jedi made, even having time to do counters at some points. One of the Dark Jedi dodged one of Bao-Dur's counters, and attacked with a flurry of fast strikes, Bao-Dur parried them but had to dodge at several moments. Meanwhile, the other Dark Jedi had time to com around him. The two Dark Jedi attacked simultaneously and each of them did a Kata, which Bao-Dur parried with difficulty. One of the Dark Jedi lunged at him, and would have killed him if not Johra had struck his green lightsaber in the way. He forced the Dark Jedi's saber aside, and cut of his saber hand. The Dark Jedi fell to the ground in pain, while Johra smiled. At the same time, Bao-Dur managed to cut through the other Dark Jedi's defense, and he sliced of the Dark Jedi's head. The two Jedi deactivated their sabers and opened a nearby door. The four Sith troopers that stood inside were not surprised to see the Jedi. They fired their blaster rifles at the two Jedi, who once again ignited their lightsabers, and parried shot after shot, from every direction.
“You take the ones at the right, and I'll take the ones on the left!” Johra shouted while running towards the troopers on the left side of the room, at the same time parrying the shots. He flipped over one, cutting of the troopers head in the air, and then landed in front of the other one. He did three strikes, one to the troopers blaster rifle, the second to his hand, and the third one to his head.

Bao-Dur was standing in front of the other troopers, parrying shot after shot. He directed the shots back at the two troopers, and they fell to the ground, dead. Bao-Dur and Johra ran up the small slope up to the bridge door.

[The bridge of the Aakgan, 2 PM]

The woman stood in the center of the walkway that went straight through the bridge. She looked out the big observation window, her eyes staring emptily. She was wearing a black Dark Jedi tunic, black pants, black boots and a cloak with the hood pulled up, going to the ankles. Four Sith troopers stood at different places on the walkway, guarding their master, while five Sith uniform dressed workers were on each side of the walkway, controlling the ship via the computer consoles. The one closest to the woman said in a scared voice:
“Lady Taltrin!” The woman didn't move.
“Speak,” she said in a monotone voice, still not moving at all.
“The Jedi are just outside the bridge. What are your orders?” the uniformed man asked, while glancing at the door.
“Lock the door. Then activate the shields,” Taltrin declared, and the man pressed some buttons at the console. A clicking noise was heard, conveying that the door was locked, and then a quiet sound, like the starting of a small engine, was also heard. The shields were activated.

[Outside the bridge of the Aakgan, 2 PM]

Johra and Bao-Dur were at the door to the bridge when they saw the shield activate.
“Damn!” Johra shouted and hit the wall with his hand. “How are we gonna get in now?”
“Be calm, my young Padawan,” Bao-Dur said and felt the shield with his robotic hand. He then hit the place where he had touched it. The shield deactivated. Johra pressed the button to open the door, but was denied.
“It's locked,” he said and brandished his lightsaber. He ignited it and struck it through the door. He began cutting a hole.

[The Aakgan bridge, 2 PM.]

“Lady Taltrin, the Jedi are getting through!” the man closest to Taltrin exclaimed and pointed at the door. “Close the blast doors!” he shouted. Taltrin stretched out her right hand towards him. She used the Force to lift him up about 1 meter, at the same time choking him.
“I'm giving the orders around here,” Taltrin said. “You would be wise to know that.” And she threw him into the back wall. He fell down, dead.

[Outside the bridge, 2 PM]

Johra was almost finished with cutting the hole when he heard a loud crash a bit to the right. He stopped in the cutting.
“What was that?” he asked, looking at Bao-Dur.
“The sound of we needing to get in,” Bao-Dur answered and pointed to Johra to keep cutting. Johra finished cutting the hole, and the door fell inwards. The two Jedi walked into the bridge. They took of their robes and ignited their lightsabers. Taltrin turned around brandishing her curved lightsaber hilt. She held it straight up, and ignited her crimson blade. She then held it so that it pointed diagonally down to the right.
“Karnah!” Johra shouted when he saw Taltrin's face was really Karnah Krawalker's. She laughed coolly.
“No, I'm not Karnah Krawalker. I am Darth Taltrin,” she answered and laughed again. “My master need a very special thing from this planet. He's sent me to recover it. I intend to do so. Even if I have to destroy the planet.”
“Then I'm afraid we have to disappoint you,” Bao-Dur said.
“We shall see,” Taltrin said, still smiling.

She stood calmly as the Jedi ran towards her and delivered the first ten strikes. She parried them elegantly and easily. The two Jedi attacked her with strike after strike, and she parried with ease. It was obvious that Taltrin had the advantage. She kicked Bao-Dur away, and Johra started a flurry of fast cuts. She parried most of them, but was forced to dodge sometimes. She forced Johra's lightsaber away and lunged at his chest. Johra threw himself aside, while Bao-Dur ran back and striked at Taltrin's chest. She parried, and then did a Kata at Bao-Dur. Bao-Dur parried the strikes, but lost a few and had to dodge. Johra ran up behind Taltrin and did a strike towards her head. She turned around just in time to block his attack and then push him of the walkway. She stretched out her left hand towards Bao-Dur, and he flew up 1 meter. She held him still in the air for a moment, and then, blue/white lightning came out from her outstretched left hand. The lightning came over Bao-Dur's whole body, the pain for him was absolute. Taltrin shot out the lightning for a few seconds, then she threw Bao-Dur into the big door. He only survived because of his Jedi training.

Johra jumped up on the walkway when he saw Bao-Dur lying on the ground and Taltrin standing over him with her lightsaber raised. Johra ran across the walkway, just in time to stick his lightsaber between Taltrin's lightsaber and Bao-Dur. He forced her lightsaber away, and unleashed a fierce Kata. Taltrin now parried more seriously, instead of the elegance she displayed before. Johra never stopped the stream of attacks, and Taltrin soon realized she could not overpower him. As they clashed in battle, Taltrin were forced towards the observation window, and she saw her opportunity in the computer console that stood on the walkway. She forced Johra's lightsaber into it, and as it exploded, she used the Force to push him away, then ran out the same hole that the Jedi came in with. A droid voice was heard in the speakers.
“Warning! Failure in primary missile bay. Chain reaction caused by explosion in missile bays. Evacuate.” Johra ran over to his master.
“Master,” he said while pushing Bao-Dur. Bao-Dur stood up. “We need to get out of here,” Johra continued and handed Bao-Dur's lightsaber back to it's owner. Bao-Dur put it his belt, and they ran back towards the elevator.
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Old 08-15-2008, 05:54 PM   #8
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I see some similarities to Star War: Episode III. I have to say that I like the detail a lot. I think that you are off to a wonderful start, and I know that you will improve and improve as the story goes on. I eagerly await chapter 3. Good job, and keep on writing!

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Old 08-16-2008, 05:42 AM   #9
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Very nice chapter there, a good length, and like Rev7 said, ver nice detail in it. Good work.

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Old 04-30-2009, 05:47 PM   #10
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I'm back! Hehe.

Chapter 3

Johra and Bao-Dur exited the elevator, once again on the floor they had landed on. They ran towards the hangar, seeing various explosions and running Sith personnel on the way. At least two times they were forced to find a way around debris that had fallen down by the explosions, but they reached the hangar in one piece. They opened the door and walked in. They saw that the shuttle was unharmed, thankfully. They were just about to enter it when the heard a voice behind them.

“Don't try to get away,” a Dark Jedi said, while he and another one ignited their crimson lightsabers. The two Jedi walked towards them, brandishing their lightsabers. They stopped a few meters from the Dark Jedi and activated their sabers. Johra leaped towards one of them, striking many fast and hard strikes. The Dark Jedi had trouble parrying, and Johra forced him back towards the door. Bao-Dur and the other one was engaged in a saber-lock, no-one seeming to gain the upper hand. The Dark Jedi forced Bao-Dur's saber back, and he was just about to kill him, when an explosion rocked the hangar, sending large parts of the floor, including the shuttle down to the fuel maintenance walkway. Streams of hot fuel ran on both sides of the walk way, on its way to the engines.

The two Dark Jedi had fallen down into the hot fuel, but Johra landed on the walkway, and Bao-Dur on the top of the shuttle. Bao-Dur jumped down on the walkway and ran over to Johra, who was lying still. Bao-Dur carried him towards the shuttle, not knowing what to do. He saw the shuttle drifting towards the engines, and a plan formed inside his head.

“I could use the engines to...” he thought aloud. He grinned and jumped into the ship. He put Johra in the co-pilot seat, and sat down himself in the pilots seat. He checked the systems if anything was damaged, and he saw that the engines were bad. He closed the boarding ramp, and the shuttle drifted towards the engines. They were only a few meters away.

“Let's hope this works,” Bao-Dur said in a nervous voice. They were in the huge engines now, and was just about to get sucked into space. Bao-Dur fastened his and Johra's seat belts. There was a sound like thunder when they passed through the engines, and the small shuttle was shot out into space, Bao-Dur flicking the engine switch like a madman. At last the engines worked, and the shuttle straightened up from it's suicide course towards the planet. Bao-Dur breathed out, but soon held his breath again when the Sith Cruiser exploded. Parts and debris were flying everywhere. Suddenly, the shuttle rocked, a part had hit the left wing. Bao-Dur cursed, and the shuttle fell down towards the planet. The ship got through the atmosphere unharmed, and crashed close to the town Morka, in the desert.

Bao-Dur opened his eyes. He was relatively unharmed because of his seatbelt, but Johra was still unconscious. Bao-Dur unhooked his seatbelt and stood up. He shook Johra, hoping to wake him up, but he was unsuccessful, so he used the Force to give Johra energy, which woke the human up immediately. Johra opened his eyes and stood up. He shook his head to get rid of the fatigue. Once he was fully awake, he asked Bao-Dur what had happened. Bao-Dur explained basically what happened, but told his apprentice to wait with the details for later.

“Right now we have to get off this ship.” Bao-Dur walked over to the panel. He pressed the button for opening the boarding ramp, but it didn't work.

“We'll have to open it manually,” Bao-Dur declared and walked towards the boarding ramp with Johra following closely. Bao-Dur brandished his lightsaber and activated it. He quickly cut a hole through the ramp, making the metal around the blade melt and turn orange. As soon as he withdrew his lightsaber the hole fell down on the sandy ground, the metal cooling within seconds. The two Jedi jumped down. As soon as they got out the strong wind caught their clothes, making their tunics flap around them. They saw a landspeeder coming towards them from Morka, blowing up sand behind it. Johra and Bao-Dur took a few steps towards it, each step making sand blow up around their feet.

As the speeder stopped next to them, they saw that the pilot was a man in his thirties, with black short hair, stubble, and a scar across his face. The man was dressed in a brown leather jacket, black pants and black boots.

“Master Jedi,” the man said. His voice was humble. “I saw your shuttle crash and thought I would investigate. Jump in, it's not safe out here.” The Jedi jumped in the speeder and sat down. The man quickly turned the speeder around and drove back to Morka.

“You can stay at my place until you find a way off this planet!” the man shouted over the engines as the drove into the town.
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:22 PM   #11
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

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Old 05-01-2009, 03:13 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
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Old 05-02-2009, 06:53 PM   #13
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Machievelli is the guy who reviews all the Fan Fic's that are posted here. What his post means, is that' he has read your fic, ready for review.
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:56 AM   #14
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Okay, so I just have to wait, or must I, like, give my permission or something?

EDIT: Because I would love to be reviewed, so I give my permission.

Last edited by Carsew; 05-03-2009 at 12:24 PM.
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Old 05-09-2009, 10:18 AM   #15
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Chapter 4

The speeder stopped next to a small house in the outskirts of the town. The man parked it inside a small garage and led the Jedi into the main house. It was a simple construction, consisting of a living room/kitchen, one bedroom, and a bathroom. The living room was furnished with a couch, an armchair and a holonet device. The kitchen held all the usual kitchen furnishings, but nothing fancy. The man nodded at the Jedi to sit down. Johra threw himself onto the couch, but Bao-Dur shook his head and stood still.

“We will not be of any trouble,” he said, and cast a look at his Padawan, who immediately sat up straight.

“No trouble at all, master Jedi,” the man said and bowed a little. “My name is Joran, by the way. Joran Zarturus.” Bao-Dur nodded.

“My name is Bao-Dur Lumar, and this is my Padawan, Johra Ulgut,” he said and pointed at Johra.

“Nice to meet you.” Joran bowed again. “I'll go get you some clothes to cover those up.” He pointed at the lightsabers and walked into the bedroom. Johra leaned forward.

“So, what do we do to get off this rock?” he asked.

“We'll have to go to a cantina and find someone who has a ship. But we'll have to do it quick. Something is wrong.” Bao-Dur kept casting nervous looks at the bedroom door.

“What? What's wrong?” Johra asked, he too looking at the door.

“Probably nothing. Don't worry about it.” Bao-Dur looked back at his Padawan and smiled reassuring, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Johra shook his head and looked away. Joran came out of the bedroom again, carrying two large ponchos. He gave one to each of the Jedi, who put them on. The worn-out ponchos hid the lightsabers and Jedi clothes, making them look like ordinary travelers or mercenaries.

“Thank you for your kindness,” Bao-Dur said and bowed his head. “We will try to find a pilot who will take us back to Coruscant, and we would be grateful if you directed us to the nearest cantina.”

“No, master Jedi, I cannot,” Joran said. “The storms are still strong out there, so you have to stay inside. It'll be over by tomorrow.”

“Well, tomorrow we might be over,” Johra muttered under his breath. Joran didn't seem to notice. He smiled and put his hands together.

“I'll go make us some Tanque tea,” Joran said and rushed over to the kitchen. Johra and Bao-Dur sat down in the couch and waited.

“What do we do now, master?” Johra asked quietly, while Joran rushed around in the kitchen. “We cannot stay here until tomorrow.”

“Patience, Padawan,” Bao-Dur said and patted Johra's shoulder. “We will be off this planet by tomorrow, and then it's straight back to Coruscant. Trust me.” Bao-Dur smiled and turned his head to Joran, who had come back with a tray holding three cups of steaming hot tea. He put the tray on the table. They each took a cup.

“I thank you again for your kindness,” Bao-Dur said and smiled at Joran, who shook his head.

“I am only repaying what I owe to the Jedi. At least, I will owe to the Jedi, once you save the planet that is.” He smiled. Bao-Dur coughed, not knowing what to say. In fact, their main target at this point was not to save this particular planet. As long as the council did not decide to send a fleet, they were merely stuck here to await the storm to pass. Joran, noticing the tense air in the room said: “Drink up.” Johra and Bao-Dur looked down into their cups, and saw bits of roots floating around. They forced themselves to drink a little before putting down their cups again. The two Jedi stood up.

“I think we'll retire now,” Bao-Dur said. “It's been a long day, and we need some rest.” Joran looked surprised, since they had just started drinking, but he collected himself fast and stood up.

“Of course. Let me just set you up with some blankets,” he said and went into the bedroom. After a minute he came back with two thin blankets. He put them on the coach.

“I hope you don't mind that I take the bedroom?” he asked Bao-Dur.

“Of course not,” Bao-Dur answered humbly. “We have already taken enough from you.” Joran smiled. He wished them a good nights sleep and went into the bedroom again. Bao-Dur sat down on the couch and held up the blanket.

“This is really thin,” he said to Johra, who sat next to him. Johra nodded in agreement. “Well, I guess we'll have to use the Force to keep us warm. Get off the couch, I'm sleeping here.” Johra stood up and sat down in the armchair instead. He knew that protesting would be useless.

“Well then,” Johra said, leaning back. “Good night.”

“You too, Padawan.” They turned the lights off and lay as comfortable as they could, and Johra fell asleep after just a few minutes. Bao-Dur was still awake for awhile, making sure nothing happened, but even the Jedi Master couldn't resist the beauty of the dreamland, and so he fell to sleep.

“Johra, come on!” Johra heard someone shout. It was a girl, that he could hear. He looked ahead and saw Karnah, with her Jedi clothes and training lightsaber in hand. Her long black hair fell smoothly over her shoulders.

“We have to show the masters our skill with a lightsaber,” she said and ignited the blue saber. Johra remembered this to be the day when Bao-Dur made him his Padawan, a full member of the Jedi Order. He was twelve years old at the time. He ignited his saber and attacked Karnah. It was an even fight, and even though Johra attacked in the most unpredictable ways, he could not get around Karnah's guard. He did a fast flurry, delivering many strikes to Karnah, scraping her skin a few times, but nothing major. She counterattacked, and Johra had to throw himself back to avoid the lightsaber. He attacked again, jumping up in the air and striking down hard. They ended up in a saberlock, Johra being the stronger one, so Karnah was leaned backwards. She pushed him away with the Force, something you were not supposed to do right now. Johra crashed into the wall, unharmed and attacked again. He unleashed a Kata, striking many fast strikes upon Karnah, who had to jump back. Johra took pursuit, not noticing that everyone else had stopped fighting. The two fought for what seemed like ages, no one could gain the upper hand. They saberlocked again, but now the power was even, and no one could overpower the other. Then Karnah kicked Johra back, making him land on his back, and his lightsaber rolled away. Before he could get it, Karnah pointed her lightsaber at his neck.

“Do you give up?” she asked. Johra nodded. First now they noticed that everyone was looking at them in awe. Two of the Masters came forward, one of them was Bao-Dur. Karnah helped Johra up, and they both turned towards the Masters and bowed their heads.

“That was an impressive display,” one of the Masters said, Johra remembered he was called Ryos Talbrot. “I will take you as my Padawan.” He held out his hand to Karnah, who grabbed it immediately.

“Thank you, thank you,” she said gratefully. Bao-Dur turned to Johra.

“And I will take you as my Padawan,” he said and stretched out his hand. Johra took it and they left the room. He turned his head to see Karnah, smiling widely. He smiled back at her and they separated.

Suddenly, the vision changed. Johra was on the planet Relixius, in a battle between the Sith Empire and the Republic. He was nineteen. Beside him was Karnah and her master. Blaster bolts were flying from both sides, killing many on both sides. Johra blocked the many blaster bolts coming at him. He ordered his squad to move forward, under the protection of his green lightsaber. The squad moved out of the trench and advanced at the Sith positions. The first Sith trench was just a few meters away. Johra jumped down, cutting off a Sith troopers head. The squad followed, blasting their rifles at anything silver. Johra cut down another one, and saw that Karnah's squad had followed. Once her squad arrived the Sith were broken, and tried to retreat to the next trench, but the Republicans shot them down as they ran. A few trenches away, Johra saw that Ryos was pinned down by a squad of Sith troopers and a Dark Jedi. Karnah looked the same way as Johra. Ryos was all alone against the Dark Jedi and the Sith Troopers. Johra, knowing it was too late for Ryos, tried to stop Karnah from running to help her master, but she ran anyway. Johra gave a quick order to the captain, and he jumped up from the trench and ran after Karnah, deflecting blaster bolts as he went. When Karnah arrived, Ryos was already dead, so she attacked the Dark Jedi. The Dark Jedi was taken by surprise, but he soon recovered and began to attack Karnah. The Sith Troopers didn't fire, scared of hurting their master. Karnah's eyes were covered in tears, and she was weak from the shock of losing her master, so the Dark Jedi had almost overpowered her. Johra let out a battle cry and jumped into the battle, cutting down two Sith Troopers. He cut down another, and the whole squad attacked him. He killed three more, reducing the squad to two men, who ran away in fear. Johra attacked the Dark Jedi, who was about to deliver the final strike to Karnah, and unleashed a Kata against him. The Dark Jedi could not block it, and now he lay in pieces on the ground. Karnah was lying on the ground, tears streaming from her face.

“Come on,” Johra said and pulled her arm. “We have to get out of here.” He managed to get her moving, and he pulled her back towards the Republic base. As they ran, Karnah was shot in her leg. She fell down again, almost pulling Johra with her.

“Leave me!” she screamed. “Do not sacrifice yourself for me!” Johra still would not give up on his childhood friend. He lifted her up, using the Force to help him, but he could not move fast enough with her. The Sith troopers were on the offensive again, hoping to gain their lost territories now that the two Jedi was fleeing. Johra saw his squad running over to him.

“Somebody get her to the base!” he shouted, and two soldiers carried her away. “Captain, report!”

“Sir, the Sith have pushed us back again, we must leave this sector.”

“What about the other sectors?”

“We do not know, but we have to retreat, now!” The squad ducked as a large laser bolt flew over them, making a crater in the ground a few meters away.

“You are right, retreat!” Johra shouted and started running. Two of the soldiers were killed by blasters on the way back to the base, but the rest of the squad got in unharmed. The base commander stood inside the bunker, ready to report.

“Go ahead, commander,” Johra said as the started walking to the command center.

“The Sith have pushed us back on all fronts, and Master Bao-Dur just gave the order to retreat.”

“And Karnah?”

“She is fine now, and on one of the shuttles.”

“Good, make sure everyone retreats,”

“Yes sir.” The commander walked over to a console, while Johra walked into the small hangar. Of the five shuttles in there, he immediately sensed which on Karnah was in, and so he got in that one. He went into the mainroom, and found her lying on the bench. She smiled faintly as he entered.

“Are you alright?” he asked and sat down next to her.

“With the physical, yes, with the emotional, no,” she answered and sobbed a little. “What will happen to me? My Master is dead, and I'm already nineteen, no master will want to take me.”

“Of course they will, you are one of the most skilled Jedi I know, Karnah.” Johra's voice was reassuring and his eyes were the same.

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Johra smiled. “Now, get some rest.” He stood up and walked over to the cockpit door.

“Johra?” Karnah asked. Johra stopped, he sensed what she was going to say. “How fared the battle?”

“We lost.” Johra sighed and opened the door. He walked into the cockpit.

Johra woke up in the armchair the next morning, and found Joran running around in the kitchen and conversing with Bao-Dur. The sound from the storm had lightened up, so Johra drew the conclusion that it was over. He stood up and stretched a bit before walking over to Bao-Dur.

“Good morning,” he said tiredly.

“Good morning,” Bao-Dur and Joran said simultaneously.

“I'm making tea,” Joran said.

“Good.” Johra was tired, and didn't have the energy to complain about it. As Joran ran around in the kitchen, Johra took Bao-Dur aside.

“So, can we go to the cantina after breakfast,” he asked. “I want to get off this rock as soon as possible.”

“Patience, Padawan,” Bao-Dur answered. “But yes, after breakfast.” They each took a cup of Joran's disgusting tea and drank, strangely enough, with more appetite. They were served regular bread for breakfast. After everyone had eaten, Bao-Dur stood up.

“I thank you once more,” he said. “But now you really have to show us to the nearest cantina.”

“Yes, of course,” Joran answered, seeming like he had gotten used to the Jedi's company, and was sad that they were leaving. He opened the front door and walked out, with the Jedi in tow. They walked a long bit into the slummier parts of the city, and they saw the people and buildings change from richer and cleaner, into dirty beggars. After a few minutes of walking, they came to a large cantina.

“Here it is,” Joran said. “I'll go back to my house now, and you can come back later to give back the ponchos.”

“We will, sir,” Bao-Dur answered and Joran left. The Jedi walked in. Inside, the cantina was filled with a strange smoke, and everywhere sat people looking like bounty hunters and smugglers. Johra and Bao-Dur split up and looked for a pilot. Johra didn't have much luck, and everyone he asked seemed to be busy, or they didn't have a ship. He sighed and sat down at the place they entered. After a few minutes Bao-Dur joined him.

“No luck?” Johra asked his master, turning towards him. Bao-Dur shook his head.

“You?” he asked, and now Johra shook his head. “Return to Joran's place and wait for me there, I'll look a little longer.” Johra nodded in agreement, and once again they separated, Johra exiting the cantina and going back to Joran's house. He saw that the streets were now full of patrolling Sith, to the locals utmost annoyance. Johra kept in the shadows, making the walk back take longer, but he arrived unharmed. Immediately as he entered the door, he sensed something was not right. He held his hand on the lightsaber and slowly walked in, the door closing behind him. He looked around the living room. He heard a lightsaber ignite, and he turned around to see a hooded female figure leaping out towards him, red lightsaber in hand. In a split second he brandished and activated his green blade, just in time getting it up to block the cut. Taltrin, whom he saw was the one who attacked him, was on top of him, trying to force his lightsaber down on his throat. She had the advantage, since he was caught by surprise, and she was about to kill him, when he used the Force to violently push her into the wall. The hood fell off her face, revealing an emotionless face. Johra leaped over to her and used the Force to make her dropped lightsaber fly into his hand. She was on her knees when he held his lightsaber close to her neck. Her face was still emotionless.

“Why?” Johra asked. “Why did you turn to the Dark Side?!”

“You do not know the power of the True Sith. Soon, the Republic will be nothing, and the Jedi even less. You will all die.” Johra's eyes filled with tears. He had to kill his childhood friend, but he would not let emotion get in his way. He raised his lightsaber for the final strike, when he saw something was happening to Karnah. She started shaking violently, and Johra stepped away a few steps. And then, suddenly, emotion returned to Karnah's face, and then she fell down. Johra sensed the Dark Side aura around her was gone. He ran forward to check her pulse, she was alive. He lifted her up and carried her to the couch. He laid her down, and sat down next to her. He knew she was back.

In the cantina, Bao-Dur had found a suitable pilot to take them to Coruscant, and he exited the cantina to find Johra and give him the news. Outside, he saw an armored man walking towards him, two blaster pistols by his side. The man drew the pistols and fired them rapidly at Bao-Dur. In a second, Bao-Dur had brandished his lightsaber and activated it, deflecting the shots. The man, probably a bounty hunter, continued to fire his blasters, force Bao-Dur further and further back. As he deflected the bolts, Bao-Dur knew he could not break the steady stream of fire, and so used the Force to push the armored man away. He ran away towards Joran's house, looking back to see the Bounty Hunter running after him. The commotion had caused the Sith troopers on patrol to notice the Jedi Master, and they too followed him. He ran into a nearby alley, and deactivated his lightsaber, hiding in the shadows. The Sith troopers were confused, and continued to run, but the bounty hunter took another way. Bao-Dur noticed it was the way to Joran's house. He sneaked up behind him, and activated his saber close to the mans neck. The man kicked him away, but as he did so, Bao-Dur managed to rip off his helmet. The man turned around to him. It was Joran!
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Old 05-14-2009, 12:25 PM   #16
Nick Vader
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pretty nice work there !!! Nice job on the storyline and the advancing script. I think you should advance to smthing like 20 chapters. My advice is , keep writing some not-expected changes to the story. So far so...excellent !!!

Keep it up.

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