lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: Rise of the Dalasians
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 08-28-2008, 09:47 PM   #1
Arcesious
Trolololololololololololo
 
Arcesious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NE
Posts: 1,876
Current Game: Mass Effect
Arrow Rise of the Dalasians [NSW] FIC

(I'm starting over with all my stories... Again. lol. I'll start fromt he very beginning. A beginning that coincidentially coincides with the 'Origins' theme we have at the moment.)

The Rise of the Dalasians

Chapter 1: Consciousness

“They say the first moment of consciousness is frightening… But I’m not afraid.” The alien thought.

“Who are ‘they’? How do I know this…?” Thought the alien as he swam around in the deep depths of the ocean.

“In fact… How can I even think with such cognitiveness? How is it even possible? How am I articulate? Why do I understand this? Up to this point…. I have never thought. I can’t even remember anything before this…” Questions poured into the alien’s head.

“Where am I? What is this… cold, bluish-white stuff?” Thought the alien as he swam around.
The alien then examined himself.
“I’m… big. I have…. A tail, ten legs, six eyes… a mouth…” He looked at his amphibious-reptilian body.

“I’m covered in…. Fins and scales. My body is of the color… blue. What are these antenna things coming off of my face and behind my… neck? How do I even know what these things are called? How is this possible? What does the word ‘possible’ mean…?” He thought, confused.

He stretched the toes of all his legs. He then felt the bones in his body, and became aware of the armor on the outside of his body. “I have an endoskeleton and an… exoskeleton. I have double-bones everwhere... I have spinal cord alternating from a dual to a triple spinal cord... I'm... double jointed... My muscles feel.... powerful... My body is... sleek... streamlined..."

Wow… this is all just…. amazing. And it feels so good... So much... power... So much... knowledge... And I have... six big, bulky arms up in my chest region… 5 fingers in my uppermost arms… 7 in the pair of arms beneath those… these two arms’ with seven fingers each seem to form into… something."

"Huge pincers I could stab with… Like an Acklay... What is stabbing? I’ll have to think on that one later. I also have… 11 fingers in my lower arms… Wait… These aren’t feet… What's an Acklay?” He stretched the various thumb-like appendages he had.

“They’re hands. And my two other limb pairs… Those are… legs… My six arms and four legs are seperated by a long midsection in my body...” He stretched his four muscular legs in his abdominal region. He then stretched his toes.

“These are… feet. I’m… A creature… I live… I think… therefore I am… I feel, therefore I am? Where are these... thoughts... coming from?” He realized, but with confusion due to overwhelming information.
Then he thought the ultimate question; “Where did I come from?”

(This particular story will cover the history of the 'Dalasians'. The rest of the story, such as from the 'Great Dark War' and 'Transdimensional War' will be rewritten quite differently once I get to those. C & C helps. I'll have mostly short chapters, and the Dalasians aren't going to that powerful. They will get a dose of anti-uberness.)


Please feed the trolls. XD

Last edited by Arcesious; 09-09-2008 at 09:30 PM.
Arcesious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-29-2008, 01:38 AM   #2
Rev7
I'm a Mage
 
Rev7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,208
Current Game: CoD 5 WaW; Skate 2
Helpful! 
Ah, cool.


Rev7 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-09-2008, 10:19 PM   #3
Arcesious
Trolololololololololololo
 
Arcesious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NE
Posts: 1,876
Current Game: Mass Effect
Chapter 2: Unmatched Superiority

Chapter 2: Unmatched Superiority

The Dalasian swam around in the darkness. It was pitch black. He swam down. It got darker. He swam up, and it got less dark.

He continued to swim upwards, until he could see a faint light.
"That is... light." He thought, the knowledge of what it was coming to his mind.

Soon enough, he could see the surface. He swam up to it and broke the surface, to feel a strange sensation around his head where there was no water.

"Surface... He suddenly felt the sensation to suck in what was above the surface. What seemed invisible to him filled his six lungs."

He breathed, in and then out.

"This is... Gas." He thought.

Then he no longer felt the need to breathe in the gas. He went back underwater, and was overcome by an urge to consume something. He was hungry.

He swam back down, wondering what the sensation he was feeling meant. The then heard sound waves- swishing sounds.

He swam deeper, and as he stopped being able to see in the dark, his thermally-sensitive eyes took over, and he saw something big, red and orange colored.

He had an instinct to swim towards it.

As he swam towards it, it started moving away. It was smaller than him, but fast.

He pursued it easily, keeping up with it without much effort.
As the other creature swam away as fast as it could, he overtook the creature. Suddenly he had the instinct to clamp his jaws on it.

He bit the creature in the spine, instantly killing it. The then went to chew it for a few seconds, and then swallow it. It tasted juicy, salty, rough, and cold.

The Dalasian then saw many other smaller red-orange creatures. A whole school of small fish. He swam after them, and gulped large sections of them up quickly.

When he was done, his urge of hunger was gone.

He swam around for a while, not knowing what to do. After a few hours, something started following him. Stalking him like prey.

The Dalasian didn't realize this until the stalker came too close. The stalker came within five kilometers of him. The Dalasian heard him with his excellent hearing, and turned around. He saw a huge yellow blob accelerating rapidly in the distance.

He stopped, curious. "What is that?" He thought.
The stalker kept on its interception course, coming faster and faster.
In seconds, the Dalasian saw the creature's jaws, lined with gigantic teeth, coming right for him.

He quickly dodged as the huge creature raced by, missing its catch.
"That thing is trying to eat me!" The Dalasian thought.

The creature came in for a second pass.
The Dalasian instinctively formed daggers with his middle arms, and thrust them in the creature's mouth. The creature yelped as the Dalasian's middle arms punctured the roof of its mouth.
He took his arms out of the creature's mouth, and the larger creature proceeded to bite down on the Dalasian's spine.

He heard a scrape, but felt no pain as the larger creature's teeth slid off the side of his extremely tough exoskeleton as it bit down.

The larger creature yelped as several of its giant teeth broke under the stress.

Then it decided to go for the Dalasian's legs. That time, it hurt. Several large teeth penetrated the Dalasian's three right shoulders, creating extreme pain. His right three arms then went limp and numb, but were luckily not ripped off as he jerked them out of the other creature's mouth.

His instinct was to run away, and he did, using his tail and still-functioning limps to swim as fast as possible.

The other creature pursued, and the Dalasian kept ahead for awhile. Several times, the stalker almost bit his tail off, but narrowly missed.

The Dalasian suddenly has the instinct to swim deeper to escape. He swam down, going deeper and deeper. After half a minute, the other creature started to slow down, but kept on pursuing.

Eventually, after two minutes, the creature stopped pursuing, as the pressure of the water was too much for it to stand, but bearable for the Dalasian.

"Now that I survived that... What am I going to do about these shoulders?" Thought the Dalasian.

------------------------------

"Excellent. The experiment seems to be doing well. But perhaps we should have engineered it with tougher muscle tissue." Said a deep, echoing voice.

"It will heal. Besides, eventually it should, theoretically, become clever enough to overcome its weaknesses." Said a similar echoing voice.

"I don't see the point of giving it weaknesses. A creature this advanced shouldn't even need to learn from its weaknesses or mistakes."

"The foundation of learning has always been for us to learn from our mistakes. The unexpected variables. This creature must learn to adapt to its environment. But unlike us, without evolution. Therefore, it must learn how to learn." Explained a very, very deep, echoing voice.

"It could have been stronger though. Why give it a flaw such as easily torn muscle tissue? Why not an intellectual flaw that it must overcome, like greed; like us?" Said one of the voices.

"Because it took to long for us to learn to overcome our instincts. We are a dying race. The legacy of our ace must be kept on in a more superior race. It must have physical inferiorities. It must learn the concept of mind over body." Said one of the deep voices.

"I might add, that it is still quite physically powerful. Considering the physical design of most creatures, this one is win the top 10 of the most deadly predators. It ranks 8th in physical power out of innumerous species..."

"The problem is, you decided to put five of the ten of the most physically power species all on this planet. Even ranking 8th, it might not survive the law 'survival of the fittest.'"

"I think it will be smart enough to reach the top of the food chain. For now, let us wait and see how it does, and, if necessary, help it along more than we already have, but I highly doubt it. We named it 'Dalasias Extremophilias Rex' for a reason - because it's superior. One, day, it will have unmatched superiority."








And that is the second chapter...


Please feed the trolls. XD
Arcesious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 02:16 AM   #4
Arcesious
Trolololololololololololo
 
Arcesious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NE
Posts: 1,876
Current Game: Mass Effect
Edit: I know this must be getting kind of annoying but oi.... I keep on coming up with a better start for a story. And now this story is obsolete for me. I want to take a whole different approach... So I'd like it if well... All these threads I've made where deleted:

'The Great Dark War' (Yeah I know it's FIN but IDC so I'd like it deleted.)
'The Transdimensional War' (Incomplete and it just wasn't working out.)
'The Noobahlics' (Because I am no longer a halo fanboy and that story is particularly retarded.)
and finally, this thread: 'The Rise of the Dalasians'


The reason for all that... Well the stories I've been making. I've just been going along with it as it goes. I have not yet figured out a huge twist/revelation/uber-awesome ending. That and the main body of this story and all the others is boring and not very well written. I need to brainstorm how to 'explode the moment' in my stories before going further, and I need to set in stone in my mind exactly what it will all lead up to in the story.

IMHO, I haven't been putting enough effort into these stories, and they've been mediocre.

Also, I want to do soemthing different. I want the story I plan to make to be entirely out it's own genre. No Starwars, no Star Trek, nothing like that. The only concepts I want to 'imitate' (In a unique way) from starwars are lightsabers and the force. From Startrek I'd have imitation of transporters, phasers, quantum weaponry, and torpedoes.
From everwhere else... I've got ideas from WOW, LOTR, and a minor concept from Halo.

From WOW and LOTR I want to adopt that 'epic concept' of 'magic' and 'olden-time epicness'. You know, ancient peopel of great power... Ancient mysterious, forgotten lands... Weapons of great power... Ancient secrets... epic wars...

From Halo, there's the religious covenant... I want to have a crazy religious race (maybe like 3-5 seperate ones) be one of almost a dozen races of great power in different realms and dimensions (Oh yeah, the universe I'll have this time will be kind of psuedo-m-theoryish, IE, only so many alternate realities, dimensions, and a limit on size. I want the 'physics' and whatnot to be a least semi-realistic) of the galaxy all fighting against each other for reasons I haven't come up with yet...

I'm sorry, but the Jedi, Sith, and random, ugly, unrealistic aliens and mostly crappy looking spaceships (save a few) just are too cheesy for my ideology of a really good story.


Please feed the trolls. XD

Last edited by Arcesious; 09-13-2008 at 02:34 AM.
Arcesious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 03:28 AM   #5
DeadYorick
The Keeper of Peace
 
DeadYorick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,275
Current Game: Pheonix Wright
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arcesious View Post

I'm sorry, but the Jedi, Sith, and random, ugly, unrealistic aliens and mostly crappy looking spaceships (save a few) just are too cheesy for my ideology of a really good story.
What is obsolete? Its a sci-fi story. It can't be obsolete even if you tried.

I have to disagree with your statement above. The only reason I ever go back to Star Wars is because of the Jedi, the Sith, the crappy looking spaceships and the aliens. I do not find the aliens ugly or unrealistic. Because what is real? All of these aliens are just figments of someone's imagination. They are just thoughts someone has, the Covenant are far from your notions of *real* because they were just thoughts generated into someone's head.

In order to make a story you have to equally stretch your ideas throughout the plotline. You cannot have all your good ideas take place in the first 3rd of the storyline, it doesn't work properly that way and will get boring. What I normally do is I work on both the Protagonist and the Antagonist the most while brainstorming the storyline and then think of the climax first. That gives you something to look forward to when you actually write it.

If you like all these ideas from Star-Trek, Halo and Starwars why don't you just create a fic with them? Fanfiction doesn't belong to anyone but the fans. I could probably think of a scenario in Star Wars where there is a non-sith religious cult, phaser-like blasters, torepedoes. ETC. Remember it is fiction, no one is going to judge you for being creative. I can guarantee that if you decide to create your own series with Lightsabers, the force, some religious cult etc... your going to get lauded for being extremely unoriginal. It is going to be another Eragon all over again.

Also. If you feel your fic is becoming mediocre don't give up on it. Stories progress through time, not all stories are perfect when the writer first starts writing it. As Stephen King says you shouldn't brainstorm your story to much at the beginning. You should let the storyline flow while you are writing it. Then you will be able to learn about better choices for your characters and a climax can form.

I actually resent that unrealistic aliens comment the most. Since I found a lot of the aliens in Star Wars very creative. If anything I find most people who dislike Alien species are those who do not understand them that well and choose not to understand them because they know everything they want to about humans. They can't focus on visualising themselves in something elses's shoes because it is much easier to do it in a humans. The concept of a good writer is someone who just pours their heart out into their writing. It doesn't matter about how well you write it, it just matters about the fact that you write it


"There's gotta be a better way to make a living"
-Kyle Katarn
DeadYorick is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 04:12 AM   #6
Endorenna
Gamer Wanna-be
 
Endorenna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,140
Current Game: inFamous/Uncharted 2
Whoa, Arcesious, hold it right there! I want the rest of this!

PS: You think your stuff is mediocre? You should read some stuff I came up with a couple years ago! Thank goodness I didn't frequent forums then, or I might have been really idiotic and posted it! :0 This, on the contrary, is an interesting and a fun concept.

PSS: Read the above once more .


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
Endorenna is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 01:25 PM   #7
Arcesious
Trolololololololololololo
 
Arcesious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NE
Posts: 1,876
Current Game: Mass Effect
Well not all the aliens in starwars are bad... I like the Nikto and Wookies, but I dislike creatures like Rodians, Twileks, Ithorians, Selkath, Devaronians, Trandoshans, and Hutts...

(BTW, I'm not an 'alien racist', I just prefer 'realistic' aliens. Nikto are a very cool reptilian species, and wookies are a very cool primate species,

My reasons:
-Rodians look like smurfs... (But I do like Greedo just because he was a brave bounty hunter...)
-Twileks' tentacle things and the huge variations of their skin in all colors of the rainbow is just plain weird...
-Ithorians and Selkath look and seem pretty weak...
-Devaronians look like cheap imitations of the classic 'Devil', what with the horns...
-Trandoshans are just ugly... (No offense to Bossk. He's cool)
-And Hutts seem very pathetic. I can't see how a species such as the Hutts could have possibly gained so much power and territory, as they lack precise hands capable of building useful tools, they are lazy, sluggish, and in no way a predator that realistically should have ever become a dominating species...

Ships in starwars:

X-wings, Z-95s, E-wings, Y-wings... etc, etc... It's kind of funny how our fightercraft and bombers look way cooler than most starwars ships... However there is a good portion of ships I do like... It's kind of funny how 'older' ships in starwars, IE, episodes 1-3 ships look more high tech than episodes 4-6, but I understand that the way Lucas did it back then, they didn't quite have the technoogy they have today...
However, I'm not saying Lucas isn't a creative genius, because he is a creative genius.


Please feed the trolls. XD
Arcesious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 03:31 PM   #8
DeadYorick
The Keeper of Peace
 
DeadYorick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,275
Current Game: Pheonix Wright
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arcesious View Post
(BTW, I'm not an 'alien racist', I just prefer 'realistic' aliens. Nikto are a very cool reptilian species, and wookies are a very cool primate species
You still havent given a single reason as to why they are "realistic". All Aliens are just figments of our imaginations

Quote:
My reasons:
-Rodians look like smurfs... (But I do like Greedo just because he was a brave bounty hunter...)
-Twileks' tentacle things and the huge variations of their skin in all colors of the rainbow is just plain weird...
-Ithorians and Selkath look and seem pretty weak...
-Devaronians look like cheap imitations of the classic 'Devil', what with the horns...
-Trandoshans are just ugly... (No offense to Bossk. He's cool)
-And Hutts seem very pathetic. I can't see how a species such as the Hutts could have possibly gained so much power and territory, as they lack precise hands capable of building useful tools, they are lazy, sluggish, and in no way a predator that realistically should have ever become a dominating species...
-Almost all Rodians are death obsessed. How exactly do they look like Smurfs? From what I remember Smurfs were tiny little blue men who wore white hats. Rodians have tubes for mouths, craters in their skin, antennie, tube hands etc. Rodians look more like Anthropomorphic flys.
-Twi-Lek's tenticle things hold their brains and their color variation is just their pigment. Are you saying you dislike the female Twi-Lek's?
-Ithorians I may dislike but I disagree about the Selkath. The Selkath remained neutral in Kotor 1 because they were the only source of Kolto. Rather then be threatened by either the Republic or the Sith they decided to remain Neutral to both parties to preserve their planet. The Selkath are actually a good species as they have poison tipped claws.
-I actually find Trandoshans as a particularily good species. If you want to see a good looking Trandoshan then buy Star Wars Galaxies and create your own
-The Hutts are actually not pathetic. The entire reasons why they dominate so much is because they are intelligent, they live for hundreds of years and come into fortune very easily from what I understand. The Hutts do not focus on doing the work themselves but rather hire people to do it for them. That is why they dominate, they are large megalomaniacs who don't do any of their work and instead hire other people to do it.


"There's gotta be a better way to make a living"
-Kyle Katarn
DeadYorick is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 03:43 PM   #9
Arcesious
Trolololololololololololo
 
Arcesious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NE
Posts: 1,876
Current Game: Mass Effect
Quote:
Originally Posted by RakataDark View Post
You still havent given a single reason as to why they are "realistic". All Aliens are just figments of our imaginations



-Almost all Rodians are death obsessed
-Twi-Lek's tenticle things hold their brains and their color variation is just their pigment. Are you saying you dislike the female Twi-Lek's?
-Ithorians I may dislike but I disagree about the Selkath. The Selkath remained neutral in Kotor 1 because they were the only source of Kolto. Rather then be threatened by either the Republic or the Sith they decided to remain Neutral to both parties to preserve their planet. The Selkath are actually a good species as they have poison tipped claws.
-I actually find Trandoshans as a particularily good species. If you want to see a good looking Trandoshan then buy Star Wars Galaxies and create your own
-The Hutts are actually not pathetic. The entire reasons why they dominate so much is because they are intelligent, they live for hundreds of years and come into fortune very easily from what I understand. The Hutts do not focus on doing the work themselves but rather hire people to do it for them. That is why they dominate, they are large megalomaniacs who don't do any of their work and instead hire other people to do it.
Cool... Well I just learned soem stuff from you that I never knew... As for twileks... I mean one or two basic skin colors is fine, but a species with that many colors would be kind of pointless unless if twileks evolved from some sort of 'chameleon' species or something...


Please feed the trolls. XD
Arcesious is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-13-2008, 04:41 PM   #10
Endorenna
Gamer Wanna-be
 
Endorenna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,140
Current Game: inFamous/Uncharted 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by RakataDark View Post
-I actually find Trandoshans as a particularily good species. If you want to see a good looking Trandoshan then buy Star Wars Galaxies and create your own
Just don't make a female Trandoshan and you'll be fine.


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
Endorenna is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > Rise of the Dalasians

Tags
baked alien!, emo, fruit salad

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:29 PM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.