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Old 02-09-2009, 11:31 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Current Game: The Old Republic....what else?
They will pay....

"I love you."

My eyes flutter open at those three, perfect, blissful words. Across the bed from me, perfect in every way I can imagine, is my wife. Waist-long golden hair, pretty blue eyes, and a soft smile on her lips. More than just that, the bulge of her tummy, just three months away from our little couple becoming a trio. I reach out, stroking the curve of her stomach, hoping to feel a little poke of our unborn baby, my eyes never leaving hers.

"I love you too, babe. Always and forever." This makes her smile more, a tint of rose filling her cheeks, before a sarcastic look comes into her eyes.

"That's nice." I purse my lips at this all-too familiar quip, and her response is to stick out her tongue, provoking me to tickle her. We roll on our bed for a minute before the alarm goes off, drawing a pout from her, and a deep, resigned sigh from me. I move to the edge of the bed, her following, wrapping her arms around my waist from behind. "Do you HAAVE to go?"

I grin at her, stroking her face, my reluctance apparent as I nod. "Unfortunately, love, I do. Work does call, and if I don't, I won't get paid." She pouts deeper, but lets go and slides from the bed, darting to the 'fresher before I could get there.

"Haha, I'm pregnant!" She grins as she shuts the door in my face. I just laugh, and wait for her to finish. After all...all that baby in her has to be torture on her bladder.

My day at work was fairly uneventful. A starship mechanic isn't a glorious job, but it paid well, and was a healthy mix between using my mind and body. And, being stationed on Coruscant, I had a many opportunities to meet many interesting beings. About two hours from punching out, though, I got a call on the holovid.

I brought it up on my station, and smiled when I saw my wife. My smile dropped when I saw her face, though...it was tight, tear-streaked...frightened. "What's up babe?" I tried to mask my own growing sense of dread, but I have no clue how well I did.

"There some men here, Ja'on...please, I'm scared..." That much was obvious, from the fact she called me and not the police. I could hear them crashing through the small house, furniture being smashed, voices speaking a language other than Galactic Basic. I'm not exactly fluent in other languages, but I know the basic gist of "thug" in any tongue.

"Stay in the bedroom with the door barred, but if they bust in, give them what they want, babe. I'm on my way home." I didn't even wait for her acknowledgement, instead running to my speeder, yelling to my boss, "I've got an emergency at home. Call the cops!" I saw him nod, moving to the other terminal, and I was already in my ride, punching the accelerator hard, not paying attention to traffic. I heard a couple horns blare, and a few insults, but they didn't matter...I had to get home, the pit in my stomach dropping more and more with every passing second.

I soon approached my home, sirens from the local police force closing in as well, another speeder parked out front, my front door busted in. Slamming the counter thrusters hard, banking the little sky car hard to break its forward momentum, I jump out as it comes to a stop in time to see three beings, two twil'leki and a human, run out my house and jump in their speeder. I don't chase, instead running in my house. "Margie?! MARGIE!" I shout as I run through the little home to the bedroom. The door had been smashed in as well, and my vision was going grey even before I burst through the door-frame...the walls were spattered with blood. I ran in, my wife now a mangled mess, stomach split open, a handful of stab wounds in her torso. The worst part was, she wasn't gone yet. I ran to her, cradling her head, her eyes fluttering open, barely able to focus.

I don't remember crying, but tears were splashing on her face, my voice a hoarse croak as I begged her to stay with me. She smiled, once, stroking my face, whispered softly, "I love you, babe...please...don't lose yourself..." She trailed off, her hand dropping to her body, head going limp.

I was at the police station, in a daze. There was a cup of caf in front of me, long since gone cold, the blood from when I held my dying wife dried in my clothes and on my hands. They had pulled the security data from my home system, and were reviewing it. They were able to ID the two twi'leks, but not the human, and there was already a hunt for them. Less than an hour later, they were in, booked, processed....and released.

I blinked, and blinked again, looking up to the Sergent who told me this. Something in my eyes must have frightened him, because his hand dropped to his stun baton. "What did you just say?" I could feel my face flushing, could hear my heartbeat heavy in my ears.

"I'm sorry, but those two we picked up have connections. They've been released on bail, and orders have come from high that we can't touch them." My vision started to tinge red at the edges, darkening quickly, as I stood, the chair flying back and tipping. Grabbing the edge of the table, I flipped it on its side, the mug flying and shattering against a window, the caf splashing over the floor. At this, the officer drew the stun baton, charging it, but held off, waiting for my next move.

I didn't care about him. I stalked towards the door, muttering under my breath, "They will pay for this. Mark my words...They will pay."
I quit my job, collecting my last check. I also sold the house and all of my possesions...I didn't want anything extra to remind me of what I had lost. I took all the money I had and went to a second-hand store in the less-glorious parts of town. Most of the deals here were under-the-counter, and one could pick up many things for cheap...and without the hassle of "acquiring a licence" for most of the merchandise. Standard rules were all sales were final, merchandise comes as is, and if caught without a licence, they never heard of you. I looked through their weapons, and in the end was able to pick up a Soro-Suub hunting rifle with scope, a couple thermal detonators, and a well used DL-44 heavy pistol. Thus armed, I started my quest of justice.

Just from the day I lost her, I knew who to go after first. It was a local gang in the neighborhood, headed by a Twil'lek. He went with the family name of Fortuna, but whether or not it was true, no one could really say. After all...very few people would go to Tatooine to talk to a Hutt's Majo-Domo to see if the thug was telling the truth. That, however, didn't matter to me. I just needed to know who had to die.

The first thug I found was on a street corner, peddling spice and death-sticks. He was a bith, but fell into a life of crime instead of music. I'd seen him before, but never gave a second glance, after all I wasn't buying, and this was the kind of trouble I had been wanting to avoid. I drew the pistol, starting the charge as I walked up to him. He turned as I approached, his face pulling into what I assume was a smile, his soft whisper of a voice carrying the short distance, "Wanna buy a death-stick?"

I chuckled, shook my head. "No thanks. I've got one," at which point I leveled the blaster at his over-sized cranium and loosed the charged shot. His head exploded into a gooey mess, a look of shock in his beady eyes. That's when I saw my hand...it was shaking. I'd never killed anyone before, not in the heat of battle, not in cold blood...never. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves, then holstered the blaster in my coat, and walked on. Three blocks away, I ducked down an alley and puked my guts out.
Three weeks later, I had taken out most of the street-level thugs from the gang. They started getting smart, carrying weapons themselves, selling their wares in 2's and 3's. It started to get tricky, but after the second thug, I started getting smart myself, pocketing creds they happened to have on them. Today I used my second thermal on another pocket of spice peddlers, when my blood ran cold. I had lobbed the grenade from a rooftop, keeping me safe from the explosion, and making it difficult to pinpoint where I came from. After the blood and giblets stopped falling, a Twil'lek ran out, cursing, firing a small pistol up and down the deserted street. It wasn't Fortuna, but I recognized the tattoos on his Lekku...it was one of the two thugs that had actually killed my wife. I pulled out the rifle, looking through the scope. There was 9m between him and me, and unlike most stun-setting weapons, this one had a 10m range for effective stunning. I calmed my nerves, the anger boiling in my guts as I steadied my breathing, until the scope stopped bobbing. I drew in a tight bead on his head as he kept turning and firing, attempting to flush me out. A soft squeeze on the trigger, a now familiar "VWOP!" from the rifle, and the thug slumped to the ground. When no one else came from his building to take him in, I shouldered the rifle, ran down to the street, threw his limp body over my free arm, and got into the nearest speeder, taking off fast and hard.
After finally prepping my captive, I took a bucket of cold water, dumping it on him. "Wakey wakey!" I taunted, grinning sadistically. When he came to, he immediately started to struggle, pulling his arms and legs to find he was tied spread eagle. He finally looked at me.

"It's you! We killed your wife almost a month ago...and you've been killing our men? You must be stupider than you look to come after us like this! We have connections that you can't begin to imagine. If you surrender now, I might let you die fast." His face was pulled into a smug look of superiority..and it made me laugh.

"You say I'm stupid, well..I am a mechanic. Maybe it's true. But...you see..by doing what I do, I know certain things. Like the dangers of working on an engine. There's a noise hazard," at which point I put on a set of hearing protection, "as well as thrust and tempurature hazards from the exhaust." My victim looked beside me and finally saw a console, and turned his head to find the business end of a large thruster engine, the types used on Pods, pointing at him. He started saying something, which I couldn't hear, so I shrugged as if to appologize, and hit the button, then engine starting up. After a couple seconds, it burst to life, the exhaust blasting into his clothing, pushing his body to it's limit, arms and legs straining against the ropes. His face pulled into an agonized scream. I knew that at idle, it would make him go deaf and maybe singe his clothes. Instead, I kicked the thruster to full After Burn, turned, and walked away. Once I was outside, and the doors to the garage had closed, I pulled off my hearing protection and popped my ears. "That just leaves his boss."
I don't sleep well. In fact, I try not to sleep anymore..caf, stims, certain levels of spice...anything to keep the sleep from hitting me. Passing out is preferable....it's because of my dreams. Either I see Margie beautiful and perfect, and when I reach for her, she becomes a horrid mess....or worse yet I see her, pale but alive, almost translucent, a look of growing sorrow on her face, tears staining her cheeks. She just doesn't understand...I'll be with her soon.

Fortuna wasn't entirely stupid. He knew someone was after him, and there was a cam from when I took his second, so he knew it was me. I was just better at hiding than he was at looking. A few more thermal detonators, sometimes taking out thugs selling time with various women, and the girls themselves. After all, they're willing to work with this scum...they aren't any better. Finally, my prey came for me directly, with a dozen or so bodyguards. I was well covered on a rooftop, well within the now modified rifle's lethal range. The first four guards were down with gaping holes in their heads before they started firing back. Four more guards down, and one blaster shot actually singed the roof under me. Then, one pulled out a rocket launcher, prepped it, aimed at me, and fired...right at the same time I did. The rocket barely left the tube as the laser bolt smashed into the front of the explosive, detonating it on the spot. A quick sweep showed the last four guards blown to bits, and the Twil'lek burnt badly but alive. Two quick shots, and his hands were mush. The worst part is...there was no emotion from this. No thrill, no angst, no anger. Oh well.

I stood up, heading down from the roof, and over to my latest victim. When he saw me, he started crying, trying to crawl away. This elected a little anger, and I ran the remaining distance. Instead of slowing, though, I kept my momentum until I planted my boot into his ribs, electing a loud crunch, and a scream from his lips, followed by a cough with blood spattering the ground.

"Please! Please don't kill me!" he begged, and this drew my anger out a little more. I kicked him again, evoking another scream. However, this kick was at his gut, and had an upward motion, flipping him onto his back. I straddled his chest, dropping hard onto his ribs, causing a muffled cough with more blood.

I drew a large hunting knife, similar to what had to have been used on my wife, the twil'lek's eyes growing wide. "And why not? Why should I spare your life after what you did to me."

He shifted his focus, looking at me and not his potential doom. "I can give you the one who wanted that. It's Senator Drakensky." My eyes glazed over...I remembered this man. About a week before my wife had been killed, I had worked on his ship. My wife brought me lunch the day I finished, and the Senator had seen her..had offered a few hundred thousand credits to have her. Of course, we had said no, but I thought that was the rest of it. I noticed Fortuna had a disc, holding it to me. He repeated himself, seeing that I was back with him, "This has all the information you need. I was trying to find you to give it to you if you would leave us alone."

I took the data disc, popping it in a reader. The phone call, the payments, the proof that the Senator is the one who got these thugs out of jail that day. I looked at the twil'lek, and a smile of relief flooded his face. "You just saved yourself. I was going to kill you the same way you killed my wife." I flipped the knife from overhand to under, "Instead you get a quick death now." He tried to beg one last time as the knife came down in a vicious arc, embedding itself to the hilt in his skull.

"Now.....he will pay...."
I hate sleeping....she's not just crying now. She's begging me, don't lose myself, turn back. I explain it's for her...that this scum needs to die for what they did...and she just breaks down in chest-wracking sobs.
The senator isn't stupid. The annihilation of Fortuna and his gang was big news, and now the normally tight security around his home makes it seem like a fortress...but he has to pay. I can't stop now. Just him...and it's over.

A bothan stealth generator gets me inside. A new knife quietly takes down a few lone guards. I work my way up, and finally bust into the bedroom. And there she is...waist-length golden hair, blue eyes so full of fear....a two month old cradled in her arms. I stand, dumbstruck, blinking back the tears. Then I notice the small things..her nose is wrong, she's too tall..and the wedding ring is all wrong. It's not my margie...it's this scum's concubine. I see her begging, dropping to her knees, and finally I notice my blaster pointed straight at her head. I explain myself, quietly, "He has to pay." First one shot, and she slumps. Then I hear the screaming baby, and remember my wife's stomach. A second blast, and the screaming stops.

I turn, and go through the other door, and there he is, pale as a ghost, behind a too-expensive desk. And between me, and him...are two robed figures, beams of light emanating from their hands. I feel..something...I haven't felt in a long time. A kind of peace. "Put down your weapon, and come quietly with us...you're wanted for multiple murders." The younger one is speaking, and I can feel the peace washing over me is coming from him.

I think hard for a moment, remembering why I was there, then my anger flares like a nova, "This son of a schutta raped and murdered my wife!" The young jedi cringes, almost collapsing from the barage of my hate.

The older jedi raises a hand to silence the babbling senator. "Where is your proof of this?" I toss him the data disc, which he catches deftly, his lightsaber blade never wavering from it's protective position. "If this is true, then he too will be under arrest. But I still have to take you in. Throw down your weapon."

I look at the bearded man for a long hard minute. I smile, shrug, and comply, throwing my pistol on the ground hard. Only as it falls does the elder jedi realize it had been modified, and when the weapon touched ground, it exploded. The outer casing had been filed down, barely strong enough to hold out for a few shots. So, instead of lethal shrapnel, it's more like tin-foil. The two jedi block the few pieces that fly at them, but the senator and myself aren't so lucky.

"Is this the best you can do?" The arrogant man laughs. "I would have expected a thermal detonator, or a disruptor rifle...not a little scratch from this." He pulls a piece of the shrapnel from his arm, and notices a purple ichor dripping from it.

His eyes show utter confusion, so I enlighten him. "A neuro-toxin, only spread through internal contact. You have about one minute to live. Me, I'm already neutralized." I then hold up a syringe with a thing clear fluid. "What will you give me to get the antidote?"

Panic begins to set in his eyes, as he looks from the purple ooze, to his cut arm, to the needle in my hand. "I'll drop all charges, get you off scott free!"

"Just like Fortuna and his other lackey after you murdered my wife?" He nods. "That's not enough."

He grabs his arm, most likely the numbness starting to spread. "Money! Power! Women...what do you want?"

I look him in the eyes, "I want you to give me EVERYTHING I want." He nods feverently in agreement, and I toss him the syringe. He dropped it, but it was plastic, and didn't break. Picking it up, he pulls off the safety device and shoves the needle in his arm. Just as he hits the plunger, injecting the stuff into his body, I growl out, "I want my family back, you son of a...."

My last word is drowned out by the senator's new scream, the jedi moving to him at first, then jumping back as lesions flood his body. The older one looks at me, face full of question. "Two part acid...the base a local anestetic when by itself, the clear part little more than citric saline. When mixed, though...." I trail off as the senator's scream turns to a gurgle, his body hemoraging through the skin, before he falls completely apart. "Now...I'm done." I pull out my knife, charge the jedi. Instead of meeting me and cutting me down, though, a wave of energy slams into me, and then I slam into a wall. The last thing I hear, "You're under arrest."
"In the case of Ja'on Starri, how do you find the defendant?"

"We the people find Ja'on Starri, on the count of multiple homicide, guilty due to insanity."

"Very well. Ja'on Starri, you are hereby sentanced to spend the rest of your normal life in Asylum."
I can't sleep...I can't sleep...I can't sleep....I can....can't.....sl...eeep......

There she is. She's right there. Come to me margie! I'm here now. I can be with you! Why? Why are you leaving me? Why are you crying? Come back! COME BACK!....why? Why did she leave me? What did I do wrong? I didn't do anything wrong...everyone I killed deserved it. The only thing that stopped me...was those Jedi.

They took her from me. Kept me from joining her. It's too late now, she can't wait for me any longer. It's their fault!

They will pay for this.....I don't know when, I don't know how...but They will pay....

JAvatar80 has requested a fanfic review for this thread.
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:36 AM   #2
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This story freaked me out. Seriously. You have my vote.

Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:17 PM   #3
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Woah . . .

Got my vote . . . I think im gonna . . .

Grand Admiral of the Imperial Remnant.
"This one is constantly thinking, analyzing, strategizing. He showed no fear, but was curious, studying me in turn."
―Emperor Palpatine
"All thoughts are worth listening to, whether later judged to be of value or not."
"I have no qualms about accepting a useful idea merely because it wasn't my own."
"Butů it was so artistically done."
―Thrawn's last words
-Master Tactician
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:16 PM   #4
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Wow. A Star Wars version of Max Payne, but a much, much more extreme one. Pretty good job. Needs some polishing (mostly some typos), but the idea is very good and fits the topic perfectly.

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Old 02-24-2009, 06:34 PM   #5
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I second what Endorenna said, and I "third" and "fourth" it, too.../vote
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:34 AM   #6
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ngom ngom ngom
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There are minor errors (typos, a bit of grammar and punctuation). The story is a little trite, but it's very well-executed. It has a very real, genuine (as Sabre would say) tone? I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it's a rare quality It's amazing that a simple mechanic would suddenly acquire badass marksmanship and resourcefulness, but a little suspension of disbelief makes it work. This too, would have gotten my vote. Well done!

The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:44 AM   #7
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wow...I'm a little late in reading but wow...I really enjoyed that, and I was into it enough that I failed to notice some of the other things that have been pointed out. I hope you continue to write, excellent story and a great read imo.

"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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Old 03-07-2009, 08:24 AM   #8
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Current Game: The Old Republic....what else?
Thanks guys for the feedback. Sorry it took me this long to get back to the story, work's been heck in a good way the past few weeks.

Reading it after having not for a while, I caught most of my typos, and as I put more up, I'll be on a lookout for those.

Bee - I'm glad that it had a real feel to it for you. I just put myself in this story, and acted it out in my head, and put how I felt down. As for how resourceful and badass marksman my character became, it's not TOO far fetched. As a jet mechanic r/l, I know how resourceful we are. And while the story was short, it took place over two months. An obsessed man or woman can excel by leaps and bounds with little more than a space to shoot. It's all about location.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:29 PM   #9
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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