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Old 08-03-2009, 10:50 PM   #41
Kado Sunrider
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he'll struggle. I promise.

You'll just have to wait to find out why...


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!
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Old 08-07-2009, 03:00 AM   #42
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Kado!!!
A nice addition ... although, I do have one nit-picky thing I wish to nit-pick about (who knew? )

And that's .... How quickly Ghel fell from the dark and back into the light. Now, I know that he was only falling in the first place was because he thought Jaina had died, but ... To fall and do the things he did, and come back so quickly and flawlessly? ... I just find that a little hard to beleive.

I remember I once had a problem in my first story where I had a character that tried to kill Jolee but he managed to come back to the light after only a few minutes of talking.
I didn't realize it until somebody pointed it out!

Anyways ... that just being said ... I really liked it
It was only that nit-picky thing that a cocked my head to the side at, haha.

8.5/10!!!

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Old 08-07-2009, 02:24 PM   #43
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well, not to justify my intent here, but Anakin came around pretty quickly when he transformed from DV. And I tried to write the chapter beforehand like he was having some doubts, and only gave into the dark side when someone threatened him or said something particularly urksome to him. Anyways, I'm writing chapter 10, and without giving everything away, he's going to spend a lot of time trying to come to terms with what he's done, and what he will do.

There's your spoiler for the day. Hope you enjoy. xD

BTW, good to see you BFA! Its been a while, hasn't it.


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:05 AM   #44
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Too long its been, Kado.
Way too freakin long, lol.

In response to your comment, and after a millenia of thought (thats how long I believe the gap of time in my visual response to the cerebral response in my head takes for me ) I have come with an answer to that which you have said.
And that is ...

Touche, indeed!
I didn't think about it that way.

I look forward to seeing the struggle that awaits Ghel!

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Old 08-10-2009, 12:28 AM   #45
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Just reviewing it now, though due to the lateness of the hour, it could be tomorrow before i post the next chapter.

Anyways, to BFA!

Once again, a comparison. My plan, which is always subject to change as my mood goes, is to have his return be something along the lines of Lukes when he returned to the light after the Reborn Emperor died.

Anyways, back to the grindstone. If I post here again before the next chapter is out, someone whip me! ;D


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:51 AM   #46
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Oh, don't worry .. I already have the whip ready just in case.
[I think it'll be best if you didn't ask why I have a whip though, lol ]

And the plan sounds good enough for me!
But lateness of the hour?? Tis only 1:51pm =O

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Old 08-10-2009, 01:51 AM   #47
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teacher's review Part 1

Chapter One



The Transitory Mists that enscorled(Encircled) the Hapes Cluster shone suddenly with the brilliantly bright explosion of a nearby starfighter. Everything was falling apart. Jaina Solo had not been heard from since she had boarded the Anakin Solo, and the Jedi battle group was beginning to sustain loses, although there had been no casualties. I flipped my XJ5 on too its backside to avoid a beam of turbolaser fire from the Super Star Destroyer Megador. Suddenly, a blast of intense pain, followed by an incredible sadness permeated the Force coming from the Anakin Solo. Either Jaina is dead, or Caedus has finally been defeated. [should be new paragraph] The thought came through the battle meld that I and my wingmate, Tesar Sabatyne were connected through. My heart goes out to them. They have suffered much already. I replied to the Barabel, also sharing my empathy for the Solo family.[should be new paragraph because of conversation break] This one does not understand the human grieving process, but I can feel their pain. Its intensity is great. I clicked the comm twice to acknowledge the thought and continued my dodge and weave tactics through the enemy fire.

"All wings, we have distressing news."

A flurry of comm clicks ensued, meaning that while everyone was listening, they were to busy avoiding fire to actually speak.

"A nanovirus has been released upon the Dragon Queen. It is unknown whether or not Queen Mother Tenel Ka and her daughter escaped."

A sob came from the comm, whom I identified as Leia Organa Solo.

"Those bastards are going to pay if they killed my granddaughter." Han Solo's voice was thick with emotion, and it sounded as though he was speaking through a lump in his throat.{I have not read the last book yet, so are we sure Han knew the girl is his granddaughter?)

Emotions we're running high through our battle meld, and Tesars thoughts came crashing through the battlemeld into my own mind.

Calm, Tesar. That way leads to the darkside.

They are eggbreakers, unworthy of life. They deserve to be hunted.

Tesar, calm yourself.

Through the comm, I could hear his shallow breathing as he used a Jedi breathing exercise to calm himself.

This one is calm.

Good, lets see what our next target is.

Suddenly, the turbolasers stopped flashing, and I completed my barrel roll to find a quiet battlefield, devoid of the louds(No s) booms and screeching sounds of combat.

"Command?" I asked as I used the force to activate the comm.

The voice of Master Horn came over the speaker.

"The battle is over. Darth Caedus is dead, and the Moffs have been captured. You may return to base for recovery."

Letting out a long slow sigh of relief, I spun my ship around and headed for home, Tesar gliding along silently next to me. If I get the chance, I'll help them in any way I can, on my word as a Jedi. We shared a few moments more thought with each other about the battle, and then dropped the meld. This has been a very interesting day...


~ ~ ~


The hangar bay was packed with Jedi of every age unloading and disembarking from the many passenger shuttles that served as a decoy for Darth Caedus to follow. A mechanic who I recognised( recognized) as a wizened old man named Grel came rushing up to my fighter with the fuel line. Reaching out with the Force, I popped the hatch and waved to him.

"Hello Grel. Happy to see me back alive?"

"You young rascal. You're too much you know that. Even for a Jedi."

I chuckled in reply and slid off the side of the fighter and landed nimbly on my feet.

As I walked away, I felt a stur(stir) in the Force coming from the other jedi in the hangar. I turned around, and saw the battle-scarred hulk of the Mellenium ( Millennium) Falcon, escorted by two more XJ5's land in the center of the hangar.

Remembering my earlier resolution to help the family in any way possible, I decided to see if there was anything I could do for this Force-forsaken couple climbing down the ramp in front of me.

When I tried to approach and offer any assistance, Han Solo flashed me a dangerous look, and I decided that now would be bad time. He had one hand around the waist of his wife and the other hand resting on the handle of his blaster, as if ready to attack the first person who spoke to him. Next came a handsome man pushing the battle-scarred body of Jaina Solo to the bases medical facility for a bacta session, and it looked like she would be needing quite a few of them. Even through the sweat and blood, I could tell that she was an exceptionally beautiful female, and the gentle sobbing noise she was making seemed to make her seem more beautiful than normal in a sad kind of way. Her glassy eyes met my bright blue ones as she was pushed by on the hover(-)gurney and she gave me a sad sort of smile. I returned it, and felt for her with the force, then sent her soothing messages of recovery and happiness. She let out a tired sigh and stopped sobbing, then drifted back into the divine realm of sleep.

I turned away, thinking that the parade was over, when a very noticeable ripple permeated the crowd. I turned sharply, and saw the thin figure of Master Skywalker holding the unmoving form of Jacen Solo in his arms. Tears of sadness were running down the older mans face, and following the path of his family into the warren of tunnels.

Master Sabatyne and her son approached me from behind, and I turned to greet them.

"Master Sabatyne. It was an honor flying with your son today, he is a most able pilot."

She sissed out the Barabel form of a laugh.

"This one thinks you have a good sense of honor and dignity. You did well in working with my son today. He says you yourself are an excellent pilot."

"It is one my favorite hobbies. Most of my free time is spent on a simulator."

She nodded and thanked me once more before turning to depart. Suddenly, the weariness the battle had inflicted on me set in, and I decided it was a good time to retire to my quarters, where I could meditate on the days events in peace.



Chapter 2



The healing effects of my Jedi meditation trance cleansed my body of all weariness as I sat on the floor of the Shedu Maad Medical facility that was doubling as the Jedi infirmary. Floating in the bacta tank next to me was the sleeping form of Jaina Solo, recent hero of the space battle and the killer of Darth Caedus, her twin brother, Jacen. Even through the meditation trance she was in, I could feel the waves upon waves of endless sorrow coming from her lithe form. The uniform swooshing of the infirmary door announced the arrival of Jaina's parents, the legendary Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo. I pulled myself out of my trance and cracked open my eyes to see the pair staring at me confusedly.

"Master Organa Solo. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Leia let out a short sigh and said,(No need for a paragraph break)

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well. Might I ask who you are?"

Silently cursing myself for not starting with the introduction.

"I am Ghel Thek. My father was a survivor of Alderaan."

A small smile spread across Han's face.

"You're Faerd's son? How is the old rascal doing?"

I was surprised that my father knew someone as famous as Han Solo, but I guess it shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did, they did fight in the Rebellion together after all.

"My father was killed several years ago during the Yuuhzan Vong war. He was killed in action during a combat mission on Borleias."

The smile faded from the roguish face.

"I'm sorry to hear that kid, your father was a good man. We fought together a fair few times during the Rebellion."

"Please," I replied, "you have no reason to feel sorrow for my fathers passing, you have enough to deal with as it is."

The pained expressions on both of their faces immediately told me that I had said the wrong thing.

"I apologize. I said that too brashly."(Didn't need last quote)

Leia nodded, then walked over to Jaina's bacta tank closely followed by Han. When the stood next to each other in front of Jaina's face, he slipped a hand around her waist. I felt it was time to leave. Walking quietly to the door, I turned around and spoke quietly to the pair.

"If you need anything, let me know. I'd be happy to help you in any way I can."

~ ~ ~


Over the next few days, I encountered Han and Leia many times passing through the halls. They greated9greeted) my(me) happily, though I could still feel the pain of loss they we're9were) masking. Occasionally I would sit and eat with them, trading stories that my father had told me of his time in the rebellion, and the daring victories and near defeats they had suffered during the brutal war.

Han was particularly fond of sharing his old smuggling, which I found entertaining, even though his wife sat next to him and rolled her eyes whenever he reached a particularly unbelievable part of the story, which ruined the effect slightly. About 5 days after Jaina had been put in the tank, I was spending my free time in the simulator room, running pilot simulations with an XJ5.

Through the Force, I felt Han approach me from behind just as I was beginning to start my fourteenth or fifteenth run through the simulation. The computer was pitting me against a dozen coralskippers with a pair of corvette analogs firing plasma cannons at me as well. The attackers almost immediately began to spray fire towards me, and I jinked, dodged, rolled and wove my way through the onslaught. The first coralskipper I encountered was doing its best to jink and weave out of my burst-fire laser blasts, but its shielding anomalies soon caved, and the skip erupted into a flash of atmosphere and chunks of yorik coral. One of his allies had caught on to my tail and was spraying fire past my fighter, only slightly missing the edges of my shields. I swerved right, directly into the path of an oncoming skip, then at the last moment, flipped my fighter upside down and dove. The two skips collided and broke up in another brilliant flash.

The remaining skips began to coordinate, and I realized that the sim had added a yammosk to one of the frigate analogs. I deduced which of the corvettes had the yammosk, then headed for the other one. I swooped along the hull of the ship and the skips began to fire at me from above, using the force, I swerved, avoiding the plasma balls, unfortunately for the corvette, the shielding crews we're not expecting their owns ships to fire on them, and massive hull breaches began to vent atmosphere. When the crews finally realized what was happening, they began to swallow up the shots. Climbing steeply, I spun my fighter in a three hundred and sixty degree loop and loosed a shadow bomb. I propelled the projectile into one of the larger hull breaches. The massive explosion split the ship in two, taking four coralskippers with it, and sending large amounts of space debris carreening (careening ) off my shields. Flipping around towards the other analog, I tried the same tactic, but the shielding crews we're(were) ready.

I launched a shadow bomb, opening a hull breach, then corkscrewed around. Most of the skips managed to copy the maneuver before they plunged into the debris cloud and a certain death, but one didn't pull up in time and exploded when it was hit my(delete my) a massive chunk of yorik coral. With only four coralskippers left, and the yammosk analog leaking atmosphere, I harried the fighters slowly elimating(eliminating) them one by one until their(there) was only one left. By jinking and diving the last skip had managed to avoid all my attacks so far. I launched a concussion missile, and when it was within meters of where the shielding anomaly would appear, I sent a single shot into the anomaly. The miniature black hole swallowed the shot and closed, and the concussion missile slid right past the skip(')s defenses then exploded, destroying the vessel. I circled back to find the yammosk carrier trying to slink away, but I accelerated to catch the vessel, then fired my last shadow bomb and, like its fellow, burst apart and vented bodies and supplies to the cold vaccuum(vacuum).

I sat back and released a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I turned to look up in the face of the man standing next to me, only to find it blank with shock.

"Han?" I asked.

He pointed and I turned back towards the screen. My time was just over three minutes. I looked at the name below me on the register. Luke Skywalker - 3 min. 21 sec. I was shocked beyond belief. Master Skywalker was perhaps the best pilot in the galaxy. He had single-handedly destroyed the most dangerous superweapon ever created with only a single proton torpedo, and I had just bested him.



Chapter 3



I stood quietly outside the door to the room that was serving as an impromtu (impromptu) council chamber while the Jedi we're on Shedu Maad. 3 hours ago, I had bested Luke Skywalkers time for the quickest run on the Jedi flight simulator, and Han Solo had gone running to Luke to brag about it. I shook my head slightly and let out a quick chuckle. He certainly has his smuggler moments. A beeping noise signaled that I was allowed to enter, and the door slid open. I walked slowly into the room and stood in the speaking area, surrounded by the council. I glanced around at the faces of the men and women surrounding me. The dark eyes of Kyp Durron stared at me over his steepled fingers, on his left sat Kenth Hamner, the surprisingly level-headed Corellian Master whose tactical skill was unmatched. Sitting on the left side of master Luke Skywalker was my former mentor, Master Corran Horn. Arrayed around the room were Jedi Masters Sabatyne, Cilghal, Kyle Katarn, Octa Ramis, and Kam and Tionne Solusar.

"Masters. You wished to see me?"

Luke's blank stare diverted from the floor to meet my gaze headon.

"Yes, Ghel. We have an important mission for you to undertake. However much I think the Jedi need time to regroup and refresh, the galaxy at large still needs us. We have heard news that a large group of pirates have raiding trade routes along the mid rim, the Council would like you to investigate these pirates, then if necessary, deal with them."

"I understand, Master. Is there anything else I should know?"

Luke nodded.

"You will not be leaving for a few days more, as Jaina Solo will be accompanying you. She is in a state of turmoil over her brothers death. Part of the reason we chose you is because of your ability to help people see through their pain. We would like you to help her in any way you can."

The news made me happy, as I had been looking forward to getting to know Jaina more since our first encounter.

"As you wish, Master. I will do my best."

Luke nodded, and my old mentor smiled at me, before turned and departed. His mind brushed against mine, and I felt his pride at my maturity and responsibility. I continued down the hall, feeling more upbeat than I had since the war had started. I wandered the halls of the mining facility, greeting my fellow jedi (Jedi is a proper name and always shuld be capitalized) cordially before continuing my walk. As I approached the mess hall, I saw Han Solo open the door and take a step through.

"Han!" I yelled.

He poked his face back out of the door way and his famous Solo grin split his face.

"Well how ya doing, kid?"

I sped up to enter the hall alongside him.

"Great. Just great. Jaina and I have been given a mission from the council."

Han's face fell.

"You we're hoping to spend more time with your daughter before she ran off and almost got herself killed again, weren't you." I said.

"yeah. Just promise me one thing, kid."

I knew what was coming, and I already had my answer ready.

"If it comes down to it, I'll make sure she makes it home, with or without me."

He nodded, then we headed over towards the table where Jaina and Leia were sitting.

Han sat down across from Leia and I sat across from Jaina.

Jaina was staring at her plate, her food untouched, and Leia kept throwing sidelong glances at her daughter as if afriad(afraid) she might break down at any moment.

"Jaina, hunny(honey)?" Han said.

She looked up into his face, but her eyes looked distant and unfocused.

"Hello Dad." she said quietly.

"I've brought someone for you too meet."

I could feel Hans gaze as Jaina looked into my face.

"You're the one from the hangar."

I nodded solemnly while her parents looked confused.

"The hangar? Jaina, this is Ghel Thek."

She reached out with the Force and probed my consciousness, so I opened myself to her pleasant, although saddened, touch. I sent her a few more images of comfort and peace and she sighed in content.

"So the Masters have given us a mission."

I did not outwardly show my shock, though I wondered why I had not felt her probe that particular thought. It must be her pain masking her presence in some way. I thought.

Leia glanced at Han with a look of pained shock on her face. She looked towards me and opened her mouth to speak, but Han reached across the table and put a hand over her mouth.

"I already asked him." he said solemnly.

Leia looked at me once more, and this time, I felt and saw her gratitude for my willingness to sacrifice my life for her daughters. I turned back towards Jaina and began to speak.

"Yeah. The council wants us to track down some pirates who've been raiding shipping lanes in the Mid Rim."

She nodded, then looked back down to her food.

"We should head out as soon as possible."

I knew this was coming, so I put an easy grin on my face and cocked my head.

"You sure about that?" I asked.

She looked up at me once again, and her dazzling green eyes met my sparkling blue ones.

"Absolutely."





The starting of the loud engine roused me from my clouded thoughts. I looked over to the young woman sitting next to me, taking in the beauty of her almond brown eyes and shiny brown hair. My apprehension at the coming mission was like the noise of a roaring waterfall that I could not block out. Rearranging myself in the co-pilots seat to make myself a little more comfortable, I reached out to the repulsorlift ignition switch and flipped it down. With a soft hum, our repulsorlifts engaged and we lifted slowly into the air. Glancing out the front viewport, I saw Han and Leia, one hand around each others waist, waving up at us as we left. I smiled back at them, and waved as well. I glanced over at Jaina and noticed she wasn't smiling at all. I sent her another message of happiness and peace, and she seemed to relax a little in her seat. She let out a deep sigh.

"That's a really nice talent you have there, Ghel."

She turned to me and smiled.

I shrugged my shoulders, "It comes naturally too me. Master Skywalker believes it is a unique ability, and it is one that not even he can achieve at this time. For some reason, I can access peoples emotions even when they are shut down completely."

She giggled softly. "Well, I'm just glad to have you along."

I settled back in my seat and relaxed my shoulders. The long flight ahead would allow me to try out the new jedi meditation technique that Master Skywalker had taught me only days before. Standing up, I retreated to the main hold of the ship, and sent Jaina a telepathic message that I would be in a meditation trance for a few hours. I sat down in the center of the hold and crossed my legs. Slowly releasing all tension in my muscles I dropped into a state of hibernation.

Using the Force, I augmented my memory and brought memories from my past to the forefront of my councious thought. For nearly three hours, I studied everything that I was and had become, I pointed out flaws in myself that I wished to change, and things that were good in me, that would hopefully stay the same. When I was almost ready to drop the trance and return to the land of the living, a crystal clear image that I had never seen before sprang up behind my closed eyelids.

I was in a metal holding cell, of standard imperial design, but old, rusty and delapidated.( dilapidated ) Suddenly, the door slid open and two armed guards threw a hunched and bloodied body into my cell. I rushed forward and caught the falling body. Without looking, I sensed that I knew this person from somewhere. I turned the body over, and Jaina's bloody and ragged face stared up at me. Her face was bruised and her eyes were half-shut with pain. She was breathing raggedly, almost panting for breath, and I knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" I whispered in a pained voice.

She shook her head and raised a finger to my mouth.

"My time has come. Tell my mother... Tell my mother I love her. Dad too."

I shook my head and told her she could not die on me now.

"Goodbye, my love."

Her head lolled backwards onto my chest and rested there, eyes open, staring endlessly at the ceiling.

With a gasp of breath, I opened my eyes and stared around the compartment.

Jaina was standing in the doorway to the cockpit, staring at me with a discomforted air. She smiled slightly when she saw I had come back to reality, then walked around behind me and settled down on her hands and knees and started massaging my back.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"I am now." I replied.

"You had a vision."

It wasn't a question. She knew I had experienced something, and she probably knew it was bad, due to my pained expression and unusual return to normality. I nodded solemnly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She asked me in a tone that said she wanted to know, but didn't want to intrude unless I felt like sharing. I stood up, then pulled her to her feet.

"I will tell you. But first, I'd like to take a shower. I'm covered in sweat."

I walked past her back to the sleeping quarters, and I could feel her eyes following my muscular form until I disappeared from view. I grabbed a towel from my quarters and proceeded to the refresher. A minute later, I stood in the sonic shower, hands covering my face, reflecting on my vision.

I had never experienced a vision before, and the nature of my first led me to never want to have it happen again. Suddenly, I remembered the last thing she had said to me in my vision. My love, she called me. Smiling, I flipped the switch on the sonic shower and gingerly stepped out of the stall. I called the towel to me with the Force and had barely tied it around my waist when Jaina came through the door. She blushed slightly for just a moment, but then recovered her poise and said, "We're coming out of hyperspace into the Teneb System."

I nodded, and she left, closing the door behind her so I could change in peace. I quickly put my flight suit back on headed forward to the cockpit. I sat down, and Jaina pulled the lever dropping us back into realspace. We emerged on the edge of what had recently been a massive space battle. The wreckage was spread out as far as the eye could see, and probably farther.

I looked over at Jaina in disbelief, a look that was echoed on her face. A battle this big hasn't been fought since Endor. I thought to myself. We carved a swath through the debris, slipping around the shattered hulls of endless Nebulon-B's and Imperial Star Destroyers. Suddenly, out of the gloom, a massive hulk of what looked like Star Destroyer wreckage floated past us. Inscripted in massive letters that were covered in blaster scarring and other damage was the word Extractor, the flagship of Admiral Defth of the Galactic Alliance 6th Fleet. Horror radiated from Jaina through the Force.

"No.." she began. "Who has the firepower to wipe out an entire GAG fleet?"

I shook my head.

"It seems impossible that those pirates could have done so much damage, but this is where we're supposed to start looking for them."

She glanced at the scanners, which had begun to beep.

"I don't think we're going to need to find them. It looks like they've already found us."





I was almost tossed from my seat as Jaina launched us into a complex backwards roll. If the Artificial gravity had been set any higher, I most likely would have been. I thought to myself. Her consciousness linked with mine as we engaged a Jedi Battle Meld. She told me to head back to man the turrets with her mind and I hopped out of my seat and ran for the turret ladders. I slid down the ladder until the artificial gravity kicked in again and I was suddenly crawling along the floor. I slipped into the gunner seat and powered up the quad-lasers. I sent a message back through the link saying that I was ready. Instead of replying, she flipped the craft end-for-end and headed straight towards the fighters. By that time, my lasers were already going full speed, strafing the shields of the lead fighter. I noticed that these were old model X-wings, like the kind flown by Master Skywalker back in his Rebellion days. I alerted Jaina to this through the meld. Once again, she didn't answer, so I returned to my duties.

The fighters, mostly old rebellion era models, continued to stream out from the debris field, chasing the freighter like a swarm of deadly wasps. We had only managed to survive so far because the debris we were dodging was taking all the hits for us. Jaina continued to dodge and weave through the asteroid field while I fired continuosly( continuously) at the oncoming fighters. So far I had managed to take almost a half dozen fighters down, but another dozen seemed to replace each fighter that was vaped. Suddenly, Jaina's voice echoed in my head. We're out of the debris field.

Moments later, I was almost thrown from my seat for the second time in less than ten minutes and the entire ship began to rattle and shake. I knew what had happened before I got confirmation, but my worst fears were confirmed when Jaina contacted me again. Tractor Beam.

I slipped out of the turret and jogged quickly back to the cockpit.

"What is it?" I asked.

She pointed. Floating out in space was the immense remains of a large space station, orbiting the 3rd planet in the system.

Darting past us, what remained of our attackers forces slipped into small crevices that could only be landing areas. Our ship was inexorably pulled slowly into one of the larger openings. Our landing pads settled on the dust covered docking bay's light()less interior.

"This is where the fun begins." I said with a slight grin.

She nodded and we both drew our lightsabers and proceeded out to where the loading ramp led off the ship. She slapped the button to lower the ramp and then activated her purple lightsaber. I took a second to calm myself and let out a sigh, then followed suit with my brilliantly green blade. She ran down the ramp, and immediately the blaster bolts started flying. I ran down to join her, my green blade flashing in all directions to redirect any fire that came my way. After a few more seconds of fighting in which a small group of the pirates were killed, I noticed that too many of their shots were going wide, and thats when I realized we had fallen for a trap. A sharp poke to the back and a massive amount of electricity raced up my spine and into my brain, and everything went black.

~ ~ ~

The first thing I noticed upon my return to consciousness was the terrible ache in the back of my head. The splitting headache was doing me no good, and I had incredible trouble just opening my eyes. Finally, I managed to crack them open enough for me to see where I was. Fear flooded through me as I realized that this was the cell from my vision. I managed to sit up, and thats when I noticed that Jaina wasn't in my cell with me. I would not have found this uncommon, except that I could smell her sweet scent on the air, and the cell had two cots. Almost as soon as I reached this conclusion, the door opened and a body was tossed inside. I caught the body, knowing it was Jaina, I was afraid to turn her over and see my vision realized, but I forced myself to face the truth. I flipped her over to find her face only a little sweaty, with a tired look on her face. Her eyes were closed, but I could tell by her breathing that she was not sleeping. She opened her eyes slowly.

"Its good to see a familiar face." She said with a small smile.

As relieved as I was too see her alive, I could not ignore that she had obviously been through some type of torture, though it was not as brutal as the one from my vision.

I ripped a small piece of my cloth shirt off and dipped it in the small water bowl that the two of us would be sharing for the rest of our confinement, then I lifted it too her forehead and wiped some of the grime off her face.

She sighed and leaned her head back on my knee.

"I thought I would never see you again. They said they were going to kill me."

She sat up and put her head on my shoulder and began to cry. I used the Force to soothe her and send her messages of comfort and companionship, but I did nothing to stop her sorrow.

Sometimes its better to let your emotions out.

She stopped crying for a second and looked into my eyes.

"Ghel, I have something to tell you.."

I stayed silent and waited for her to continue.

"Ever since the first time I met you, I've felt a connection."

I tried to look away from those brilliant hazel eyes, but could not.

"I felt it too.."

She was getting closer, much closer, until her face was almost touching mine.

"I love you." she whispered.

And then our lips met. I could not help but kiss her back. It was like blissful oblivion, like nothing I had ever felt before, almost as if the Force had taken on an earthly manifestation in our intertwined bodies.

She pulled back for a moment and stared into my eyes again.

Amazing...

"Ghel, if we die here, I want to die with you, loving you." her speech was barely audible, and I heard it more through the Force than the material world.

"If we die here, it shall be together, as lovers." I said to her, continuing in the small whisper.

She leaned forward and gave me one final kiss, a lingering sensation on my lips, ran a hand across my cheek and whispered,

"good night, my love."

I watched her graceful form cross the small cell and lay down on the small cot.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

That was... interesting. I thought to myself as I walked the few steps to my own cot and lay down to get some sleep.

Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day.




Chapter 6



I awoke to find myself being dragged down a hall towards an unknown destination. I had a massive headache, and didn't open my eyes at once. Instead I turned the force inwards upon myself to try and find the source of the pain. There was only one problem. I couldn't feel the Force. Thats when I decided to open my eyes. I instantly regretted my decision and spots of light blurred my vision. After a few seconds, the spots disappeared and I was able to discern my surroundings. Dragging me down the hall were too brawny human males with shaved heads and dark skin. On their backs were small reptiles clinging to organic support devices.

Ysalamari.

I closed my eyes and slumped my head down to conserve energy. A door opened ahead of us and I was thrown bodily to the floor inside the dark room and the door closed behind me. Pulling myself to my feet, I sat on the floor and rubbed my hands against my eyes to try and cure my headache. I had been sitting there for only a few seconds when I recieved a sharp blow to the lower back and was tossed across the room. I hit the wall with a loud crunch. Mentally I assessed the damage. One, maybe two ribs, nothing I can't deal with.

I rolled to my feet and straightened up. In return I got another sharp kick to the abdomen, doubling me over. An elbow connected with the back of my neck and I collapsed into a convulsing heap. Thats when the lightsaber came on. The crimson glow illuminated the entire space. A barking laugh, familiar yet erie, echoed around the chamber.

"You are pathetic. You call yourself a Jedi."

I knew the voice, but I couldn't place it. Instead of responding I slowly got to my knees and stared up into my attackers face. Basked in the crimson glow was the face of my father, grinning ferally down at me.

"No. It can't be. You died at Borleais."

His barking laugh echoed around the chamber once again.

"You are ignorant of the many mysteries of the Force my son."

"It can't be. You're dead."

The toe of his boot connected with my nose, and I felt it shatter. Blood spewed across the floor.

I could sense him kneel down next to me, leaning close to my head to whisper in my ear.

“Will you join me in the Dark Side or die my son?”

“I will never fall prey to the Dark. Whether you truly are my father or not, I will not join you.”

He chuckled.

“Time to die.”

Blue intertwined with red as forks of lightning arced out from his fingers and lanced like sharp knived into my body. The pain was unbareable( unbearable), and it continued for almost 30 seconds. When it stopped, he was still laughing.

“Your whole life is pathetic. You are the son of a world that no longer exists. You have no one to care for you. Your family is gone, and you have no one left but me.”

“You are wrong. I have one person. Jaina still cares for me.”

His laughed echoed one last time.

“You ignorant fool. She died before you did.”

The lightning struck me and I disappeared into oblivion.

~ ~ ~

I woke with a scream of agony. I sat up abruptly and felt the blood rush from my head. Normally I would have felt dizzy, but my overwhelming anger overpowered all other feelings. Thats when I realized the ysalamari had been removed. I laughed. I stood up and full of the darkness that was my hate for my father lifted the guard on the other side of the door off the ground. He collapsed back to the ground with his head facing the complete opposite direction. I lifted the keycard from his pocket with the force and slid it into the slot to unlock the cell.

I stepped out into the hallway and alarms immediately started blaring. I kept walking. I had only one thing on my mind, anything else was just a distraction and would be destroyed. Four guards came around the corner ahead and all of them had their hearts ripped from their bodies. I continued on, through the increasingly large pool of blood and around the corner. I realized that with each person I killed, I became stronger, more immersed in the Force. At almost every corner I met more guards. All of them died. If they attempted to shoot before they went down, the got the particularly painful treat of having their insides melt under the force of the lightning issuing from my fingertips.

I’m coming for you Father. I sent the message ringing through the Force and felt a slight sturring( stirring) from the center of the station. I turned another corner and headed for my father. Its time to die.

I turned one last corner and a group of a dozen guards stood waiting for me. Standing in front of them was a short man dressed entirely in black. He ignited a red lightsaber and pointed it at me. The blinding flashes of blaster shots richocheted everywhere along the hallway. I stuck a hand out and at once, all of the bolts redirected themselves into my hand. The gathered into a small ball floating about an inch from my hand. I threw the ball with the force. It shot forward like a cannon, completely obliterating the Sith’s head and passing through 2 more soldiers before burning a hole in the door behind them. Bolts kept flying, but I used the Force to deflect them away from me and into the walls on either side of me. When i got within 2 meters of the men I used the Force to slam them all into the walls with back-breaking force and blasted the door open.

I strode inside and my father stood in the center of the room, lightsaber already ignited. I stopped. Time to die. We charged towards each other, he with glowing sword in hand and me possessing only the Force. We collided, and I grabbed his arm just before he could deliver a killing blow from the saber. With my other hand I landed several punches in the gut with lightning fast agility. Prancing away, I dodged swipe after swipe of his saber, sometimes jumping over the blade, others bending my body in unnatural poses to avoid the deadly beam.

I danced forward well within his first ring of attack and started deflecting his attacks with my limbs, striking his sword arm before he could land a critical strike against me. I shot my hand up into the air and caught his hand. I shot lightning directly into his sword arm and his muscles convulsed. The lightsaber fell limp from his hand and I caught it with my other hand. Swinging the blade in an arc I disemboweled(Disemboweled implies removing the viscera from the abdomen. It should have been amputated) his right arm leaving him shreiking( shrieking) in pain. He collapsed to the floor in a screaming heap rolling around holding the stump of his arm. I lifted him into the air by the neck. I forced myself beneath his mental barriers and spoke directly into his mind.

This will not be a quick and easy death. I will make you suffer, and I will enjoy it.

Reaching deeper into his head, I brushed aside his mental barriers with ease and grabbed at the most terrible memories I could find and forced him to replay them in his mind. I continued, my hatred at him for killing Jaina driving me onward like a whip from the master. Slowly his eyes blanked and began to glass over. I walked forward and brought him down to eye level and looked directly into his eyes. I put a hand on his forehead and sent one last message.

You should not have forced my hand.

Lightning arced from my fingertips directly into his skull. In a millisecond, all the hair on his head had burnt off and his brain fried. I let the corpse collapse back to the floor. I looked down at the corpse, noticing it no longer looked like my father, but was instead a middle aged man of a different look entirely.

He used a hologram to try to torment me.

I called his lightsaber to hand. During his last seconds, I caught glimpses of a rocky planet with no foliage, standing in a circle all around were men and women of different species all holding ignited red lightsabers.

They are my goal. I will hunt them all down for the rest of my life for killing Jaina. None of them are safe. They will all die.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:52 AM   #48
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Teacher's review part 2

The Dark surrounds me like a living shell...

I returned from my trance in the cockpit of my X-wing but kept my eyes shut.

And I revel in its presence...

The beeping of the realspace return system sounded in the cockpit. The lever pulled itself of its own accord and the small craft reverted to realspace in the Coruscant System. Without moving, I directed the ship towards the bright ball of life that was the capitol world of the Galactic Alliance.

"unidentified fighter, this is coruscant(Capitalized) control. Please state your business." The bored voice of the traffic controller droned through the cockpit.

"Just here for a visit control."

"please proceed to landing platform one-one-nine-zero-alpha."

An alpha landing zone? I thought. Those are reserved for smugglers and other lowlives on the wrong side of the law.

I dropped the fighter into the atmosphere, heading towards the landing platform on my sensor screen and landed smoothly. Popping the hatch, I leaped out of the cockpit, expecting resistance and was not disappointed. However, what I did not expect was to see recently elected Cheif (Chief) of State Natasi Daala waiting for me.

"Welcome back Jedi." she said with a slight gleam in her eyes.

I bowed, slipping into my former role as a servant of the force for just long enough to add an illusion to my true self. I righted myself, looking back into her face, and caught the every end of her grin as it slipped from her face. She likes being in a position of power. I guess I'll just have to prove too her that she's not in control here.

"Thank you for welcoming me back personally Admiral Daala. Your appearance here is quite remarkable for a Cheif(Chief) of State whose main priority should be sitting behind a desk attempting to restore the balance this galaxy needs."

She cringed at the insult, but managed to hold her tongue. Only barely.

"You are correct, I must return to my duties. These men have been assigned to your personal guard for the remainder of your trip here."

"They will not be necessary." I implied with just a hint of force.

"That may be true, but they are not for your safety, but for the safety of the peoples of the Galactic Alliance. I fear what harm a Jedi might cause in such turbulent times."

My anger, held under control for the beginning of our conversation suddenly burst forth. My two armed guards were tossed into the air and disappeared off the sides of the platform. Daala, suddenly unprotected, pulled a small holdout blaster and fired a bolt at my chest. Instead of easily blocking the futile attack with my lightsaber, I allowed the shot to connect, burning a hole through my robe directly above my heart. The bolts energy disappated over my skin as I looked down into the smoking hole. I looked back up and into Daala's eyes. I smell your fear, Daala. I grinned maniacly( maniacally) as I lifted her bodily into the sky. I gripped her throat tightly, just tightly enough that she could manage a few words.

"If you kill me, all will be thrown back into chaos."

I chuckled.

"Admiral Daala, do you really believe you are that important?"

I reached into the brain and forced her mind to fire an impulse that knocked her unconscious. I allowed her to fall to the floor, and was satisfied by the crunch of a broken wrist, and possibly a few ribs.

A lesson learned, Admiral Daala. Next time, do not cross me.

I strode away back towards the small shuttle that had brought the trio to my platform. Hopping into the drivers seat, I started up the engine and sped away into the Coruscant skyline. I swerved through traffic, heading for the old GAG headquarters. I parked my landspeeder in the bay, jumped out and was immediately confronted by a guard.

I reached into his mind and forced him to forget I existed and to go grab something to eat. He immediately turned around and walked out of the hangar. I proceeded through the door and walked down the halls, unimpeded by anyone. I waved my hand and the door in front of my unlocked and I entered the GAG guard barracks. I quickly stole a uniform and slipped it on, pulling myself into the tight()fitting uniform with incredible dexterity.

The door opened and a young woman walked in.

"What the --"

I reached out with the Force and grabbed her by the neck just as she reached for the security alarm. Her body crumpled, fingers sliding along the button and finally hitting the floor with a dull thud. I stepped over the corpse and walked brisquely(briskly) down the hall towards my destination.

A short turbolift ride to the top floor and I was standing outside the door to Jacen Solo's office. The door slid open and I stepped inside, entering the massive space with a keen eye. The massive window opened a view to the vista of buildings with their tops sticking out of clouds, small speeders looking like bees weaving in and out from around the towers. The dark wooden desk sitting in the middle of the office reminded me of the wood from one of the planets in the Hapes Cluster, though I did not know its name. Because Jacen had died only a short time ago, his possesions( possessions) had yet to be removed, and such, were still cluttering the office. Official documents were spread out all over the desk in an endless maze of fiberplast sheets. I'm not here to investigate his work with the GAG. I reminded myself. I used the Force to shove all of the sheets off the desk and onto the floor.

I spread myself out within the Force, searching every nook and cranny, feeling for the presence of the dark side that might reveal the location of his last treasure. There was nothing here. I will not give up. I walked around to the other side of the desk and slid my hand around on the bottom side. I pulled my hand off and felt a slight tingle in the Force, barely perceptible, like a scream being heard from far away. I used the force to pull the small section of wood away from the desk to reveal the hidden compartment. Inside, there was a sheet of fiberplast with a short handwritten note on it.

If you have found this then I am one with the Force,
Whether you are Jedi or Sith, I wish to pass on my
knowledge to the next generation of Force-Users.

My holocron, the holocron of Darth Caedus,
is hidden away in the Palace of my wife,
Queen Mother Tenel Ka of the Hapes Consortium

If you found this, Uncle Luke, know that even in my darkest moment,
I never abandoned my family, there was always the faintest glimmer,
that last bit of love for them that I could not sever.

I love you, Uncle Luke.

This was it. I found it, the holocron of Darth Caedus, his secrets would soon be mine, and then I would find those miserable excuses for Sith that hid on the barren planet and make them pay for the death of my lover. It was fitting that, in death, her brother, the man who had almost ripped apart the entire galaxy, was helping to bring down his twins killers.

I stared out at the endless skyline, thinking on my life. This was my chosen path, and there is no turning back.



The endless lines of Hyperspace reverted to their normal locations in a flash. My long journey from Coruscant to the Hapes Cluster was finally over. I stretched, arching my back against the small cramped seat in the X-wing cockpit. I drifted slowly through space, waiting for the hailing call of one of the Hapan Patrol ships to contact me and order me to identify. I sat in silence for nearly a minute before realizing that the entire Hapan Fleet had gone to Shedu Maad. I was alone. I hit the thrusters and continued on my course, allowing the small ovoid astrounit behind me to compute my final jump to Hapes. The starlines enveloped me once more. A few minutes later I arrived at Hapes.

This time I was not so lucky.

"Unidentified fighter, this is the Hapan Battle Dragon Dalliance, please state your intentions and destination."

I leaned forward into the small mike on the dashboard.

"This is Ghel Thek, I'm here on behalf of the Jedi Council. Requesting permission to land at the palace."

"Permission granted, Master Jedi. I hope you know that the queen is not with us here at Hapes."

I clicked twice to acknowledge and blasted towards the planet. The sooner I get out of here the better. I pulled out of my steep drop and into the Palace hangar. The repulsorlifts hummed as the ship was lowered to the floor, then shut off. I popped the hatch and leapt out of the cockpit to be greeted by a small escort. Standing in front of the group was a beautiful Hapan woman in diplomatic attire.

"Welcome Master Jedi. It is an honor to meet a member of your order." she said with a slight bow.

I nodded and walked past her, the group turned and followed me, the diplomat walking slightly faster to catch up with me.

"I can lead you to your quarters now, if you'd like, or I can show you around the palace."

"Show me to my quarters."

The(y) seemed a little off-put (Put out, but why would they be put out if they did offer you a choice?), but did as I ordered, and soon we were standing outside the door to a luxury apartment. I motioned to the door and it slid open and we all stepped inside.

"The guards really aren't necessary." I turned to face the woman.

"Its just a precaution. All visitors to the palace are not allowed to travel without armed escort."

"I guess I'll be the first then." I replied.

The weapons of all four of the guards were ripped from their hands and tossed across the rooms. Instantly, all four engaged(me) and(as) the diplomat retreated slowly towards the door. Before she could run out, I closed it with the force, then shoved her head first into the hard metal. She slid to the floor, unconscious. The guards engaged me in hand to hand combat. The first went down with a broken arm, the second with a snapped tibia(also a broken arm). The third and fourth had their skulls smashed together when the(y) tried attacking from too close of an angle to each other. The skirmish had lasted about 5 seconds.

I walked to the door and hit the panel. The body of the diplomat hit the floor with a thud as the door slid out of the way. I walked on, down the hallway towards the Queen Mothers quarters. I could feel the darkness growing, pulling me ever closer to the hidden holocron. Surely Tenel Ka had felt this power, how could she have been so blind? I turned left and a group of guards hurried past me on the way to my apartment.

I strode quickly along the hall, towards the elevator shaft at the end of the hall and pried the doors open with the force. I leapt inside, landing nimbly on a small outcropping, and began the climb, launching myself into the air and landing on small platforms for less than seconds, reaching skyward like a bird soaring ever higher. At last, the Force directed me through another door, and I somersaulted through, landing on the level of the Queen Mothers bedchamber.

I walked along the empty halls, alert for dangerous traps that could fill the empty space. I met no resistance, and reached the Queen Mothers chamber in a few short minutes. The darkness here is almost material, as if I could reach out and feel it with my hands.

I sat down and crossed my legs, allowing my mind to fill the room and search for small crevices and other hiding places. In one corner, hidden behind a large tree from an unknown planet sat in a pot, the darkness here was slightly more powerful than the rest of the room. Barely noticable( noticeable), and easily overlooked. I crouched down and pushed through the branches to find an empty compartment. Disappointment washed over me, and I sat down once more to meditate. Suddenly, I noticed a tiny section directly underneath the royal bed that was almost devoid of darkness.

Oh Jacen, you were a clever one.

I lifted the bed carefully into the air and saw a small crack in the floor. Pulling up the boards, I saw that my prize was indeed hidden here.

I reached into the small hole and lifted out the small prism.

"Finally."

I replaced the bed, then turned to leave the room.

Standing in the doorway were three female commandos.

"You have violated one of the sacred laws of our people. For that you shall die."

All three drew menacing blaster rifles and aimed at me. I chuckled in response then let me face darken.

"Do your worst."

The shots hit me one after the other, striking three spots on my chest. Instead of burning through, however, the energy raced up my arm and lanced back towards the attackers. The bodies fell, smoking holes in their chests and looks of surprise on their faces. I strode to the door, stepped over the bodies and proceeded back to the hangar.

Finally.



The image of Jaina swam to the murky forefront of my sleeping mind.

Ghel...

She seemed to be in intense concentration, focusing on something far away.

Come back, my love...

I awoke slowly, lingering on the edges of reality, wishing, hoping with all my heart to slip back into that wonderful abyss in which I could see my love once more. She was gone, and only in memory would I remember her. Our last conversation, in that small cell on the sith(Proper name, Capitalize) battle station, was one of love. She wished too(to) die as lovers, and she did. But I persevered. A familiar darkness stole over my thoughts and I attempted to calm myself. My path has been laid before me. I have but one more stop to make before I begin my hunt.

The ship emerged from hyperspace on the edge of a small asteroid field on the very rim of the Hapes Cluster. I wound my way through the rocks, feeling for a darkness hidden in the debris. Suddenly, I felt it, and piloted the craft swiftly to an immense asteroid, and landed near the opening to a small cave. I exited the craft and headed down into the tunnels. I sped along the rocky floor, looking for the site of a terrible deed, the murder of Mara Jade Skywalker, and the birthplace of Darth Caedus.

I stood in the center of the room, feeling the dark powers surrounding me, and knelt down to meditate.

Ghel. I could feel a voice whispering in my head, yet it was somehow not inside me.

Open your eyes.

Something inexplicable told me to open my eyes. Standing before me was the shade of Jacen Solo, yet he did not look like he had when his body was brought back from the battle with Jaina. He seemed somehow happy, at peace.

"Jacen?" I asked.

He smiled.

Hello Ghel. Yes, I am Jacen, not Caedus. I have been returned to the light.

"But-" I began.

Jacen held up a hand.

My sister.

I hung my head in shame and sorrow.

"So," I said quietly, "You have come to exact revenge on me for your sisters death."

Ghel. She's alive.

I sat silently waiting for something terrible to swoop down and claim my life, and then suddenly, I understood his words.

"what?" I said in disbelief.

She lives. The Sith did not kill her, they sent her on a random hyperspace jump and she was stranded in deep space for days before finally managing to get a lock on her position and flying back to Shedu Maad.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

Do mynocks chew power cables? he said with a chuckle.

This more than anything, reassured me that this was Jacen, not Caedus. I remembered the feeling I had had of Jaina, reaching out to me in my sleep and knew in my heart that what he said must be true.

Suddenly, the darkness fell away and a feeling of intense calm and peace set in. I looked up into Jacens face.

"You have brought me back to the light, Jacen. I cannot repay you enough."

Actually, you can. Love my sister as I loved her. Let my parents know that I am sorry, but that this is the way it was meant to be. And lastly, tell Tenel Ka that she was my guiding light in the dark, and that she and Allana led me back.

"Of course." I said, feeling more happy than I had ever felt in my entire life.

May the Force be with you, Ghel.

"And you, Jacen."

The form faded, and I stood up, turned and left the cave. But not before looking back one last time for a glimpse of my savior. He was gone, and the darkness that had prevaded the cave had disappeared as well, replaced by a glowing calm.

I arrived back on my ship and set a course for Shedu Maad. After clearing the asteroid field I accelerated into lightspeed, headed for home.


Critique
The basics were good, but the going dark then returning to the light both happened too fast. For that matter from what I have seen of Jaina you had her falling for your character too readily. From what I've seen of the girl, she would have been leery of falling in love at all.

It would have been more satisfying if the vision, then having her calling him through the force were the only times when she expressed her love. You also left unresolved the question of where the enemy got enough firepower to take on an entire fleet.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:47 AM   #49
Kado Sunrider
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Excellent. Thanks Mach!

I can accept that i may have pushed the characters into a relationship a little too fast, but give me a chance to explain my point of view. xD

Jaina's brother had just died, and she was looking for a little bit of TLC. Ghel had noticed Jaina before, and thought she was beautiful, but never got a chance to talk to her up until the hangar scene. That, along with Ghels ability to influence peoples mood and emotions pushed them along rather quickly.

Anyways, just wanted to justify my writing it as I did. Thanks much for the critique! I'll fix those errors immediately. (Oh how I wish I had Word...)


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:22 PM   #50
machievelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kado Sunrider View Post
Excellent. Thanks Mach!

I can accept that i may have pushed the characters into a relationship a little too fast, but give me a chance to explain my point of view. xD

Jaina's brother had just died, and she was looking for a little bit of TLC. Ghel had noticed Jaina before, and thought she was beautiful, but never got a chance to talk to her up until the hangar scene. That, along with Ghels ability to influence peoples mood and emotions pushed them along rather quickly.

Anyways, just wanted to justify my writing it as I did. Thanks much for the critique! I'll fix those errors immediately. (Oh how I wish I had Word...)
The thing is Jaina has had two men, Zekk and Jagged Fell circling her for so long, and neither has gotten very far with her. While I can see her wanting a shoulder that isn't family to cry on, it didn't feel right for her to fall head over heels in such a short time.

As for something to work with, download Open Office, which is a system that mimics the older word, and is free.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 08-12-2009, 07:35 PM   #51
Kado Sunrider
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
The thing is Jaina has had two men, Zekk and Jagged Fell circling her for so long, and neither has gotten very far with her. While I can see her wanting a shoulder that isn't family to cry on, it didn't feel right for her to fall head over heels in such a short time.

As for something to work with, download Open Office, which is a system that mimics the older word, and is free.
oh cool, thanks for the Open Office suggestion. It is true that Zekk and Jag have been hounding her for a long time, but she admitted that she loved neither of them anymore, partly because she had changed, and partly because they were always at each others throats over her.

Ghel is strong and intelligent, not to mention rational, (at least up until the dark side bit) calm and understanding to an unbelievable degree.

Anyways, Chapter Ten is coming right up, got about ten minutes more editting to do before I throw it up here.

BTW, Mach, thats three posts from you in one thread. Excluding the main thread, thats got to be a record or something. :P


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Old 08-12-2009, 09:18 PM   #52
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Chapter 10

Shedu Maad, the Jedi Sanctuary on the edge of the Hapes Consortium, contrasted starkly with the dull colors of the Transitory Mists. A lone starfighter drifted towards the rocky ball at speed, slowing down just before reaching the upper atmosphere.

"Unidentified Freighter, this is Jedi Master Corran Horn. If you do not have business here--"

"Master Horn, this is Ghel Thek."

There was silence on the comm for a few moments.

"We'll meet you in the hangar."

That doesn't sound good. I thought.

I pulled the craft into a sharp dive and headed for the sanctuary's hangar. I slid the large craft carefully into a berth and popped the hatch, preparing for the worst Worst case scenario, they banish me from the Order. I walked down the hatch and around the side of the freighter to see Masters Corran Horn and Luke Skywalker standing there waiting for me.

"Master Skywalker, Master Horn." I said with a bow. "I have returned."

Luke shot Corran a glance that the younger man returned in kind.

"We can feel the darkness in you, Ghel." Master Skywalker said. "But we can also feel the light, something happened to you, a vision, or a meeting. It brought you back to the light. However we cannot in good conscience allow you to rejoin the Order."

My heart sank, I knew this was coming, but it still hurt. I dropped my head in silent defeat.

"At least," he continued, "Until you have told your story to the council, at which time your fate will be decided."

I looked up into his face, a huge grin spreading rapidly across my face.

"Thank you, Master."

Luke nodded and turned away, heading back into the base.

"For the time being, you'll be confined to your quarters." Corran said. "But I wouldn't worry about that, shouldnt take too long, we havent been doing much around here except preparing to leave."

The question that I had been waiting to ask my master sprang to the forefront of my thoughts.

"Do you think they will let me rejoin the Order?" I asked.

He glanced sidelong at me with an intense gaze.

"I won't deny that I can see the darkness in you, and the places where it has burst forth. But I can understand your pain. Mirax was once kidnapped and I believed her dead, and I too came dangerously close to the dark side on many occasions. I had Corsec training for dealing with loss that you didnt have." He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked out of the hangar and into the brightly lit hallway. "But I wouldn't worry. We both felt the light inside you, and its beating back the dark. It will always be there, as will the temptation, but you'll learn to control it."

We were standing outside the door to my quarters now, and the door slid open. I walked inside and turned to face my former Master.

"Its good to see you again, Master."

"It has been far too long, hasn't it?" he said with a grin before the door slid shut.


---------------------


The door slid open and I continued to stare at the ceiling, going over my narrative that I would shortly be delivering to the Jedi Council. I knew I should have cared more about who was barging into my room, but I didnt even bother to reach out with the force and find out, I was to focused on my planning. Suddenly, there was a brush of lips against mine and a warm body settled down on top of me.

"Ghel, I've missed you."

My eyes were still closed, but I could feel the uncontrollable smile appear on my features.

"Jaina." I said. It was a statement, not a question.

"Let me in, Ghel. Let me help you. I know you have to appear before the council before they let you back into the Order."

I sighed and dropped my mental barriers, allowing Jaina's mind to mix with my own, sharing thoughts and images, feelings and emotions until we were almost one person.

You see? Master Horn believes that they will let me back in, but Im not so sure. I've done a lot of evil in a short time.

Ghel, you and I both know that the Jedi preach forgiveness, and if they both felt the light in you, they must know you have been redeemed. I still want to know how, and I can feel that you're concealing it from me.


I had concealed Jacen's appearance until a time at which I could gather the remaining Solo clan together and tell them his final message.

I will tell you, but not now, and not until your parents are back from wherever they are with Allana.

There was a sharp knock at the door, and Jaina rolled off me.

"I think its time." she spoke in barely a whisper.

We walked to the door and I pushed the switch, on the other side a young jedi apprentice stood waiting.

"Mr. Thek, the Jedi Council is waiting for you."

Mr.? Oh well, I suppose Im not really a Jedi anymore. Yet.

I followed silently after the padawan, feeling Jaina's eyes on the back of my neck.

No matter what happens, I love you.


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Old 08-18-2009, 02:54 AM   #53
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I have a feeling that they will let Ghel back into the order but I also like to think of how his future will turn out if they deny him.
Interesting indeed.

A nice chapter Kado. It gave pretty much no inclination as to what Ghel's fate will be and that was good. It keeps us waiting for the next chapter!
9/10!

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Old 08-18-2009, 03:21 AM   #54
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Thanks for the comment BFA, I've been thinking lately, (I know, you've warned me about doing that.) and I've come to realize that the only reason I write at all is so that people can get a smidgen of enjoyment from my writing. BFA, I hereby dub you official Patron of my works. Without you, I doubt I would still be writing this one.

Back to the grindstone for Chapter 11!


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Old 08-18-2009, 03:55 AM   #55
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!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this honour!

It's been my pleasure, Kado
It's an awesome read of a story and I'm glad that you're continuing in writing it!
Looking forward to chapter 11 and the announcement of Ghel's future!!!

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Old 08-24-2009, 04:34 PM   #56
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Chapter 11

((Its a short one, more of an bridging section that leads to the next part of the story. Taking a break from writing Chapter 12 to post Chapter 11!))


-----------------------------


The door slid open and I entered the circular chambers. Situated in a semi-circle before me was the Jedi Council.

"Thank you for coming before us today, Ghel." Luke said from the seat directly in front of me. I nodded in return and waited for the Grandmaster to continue.

"There is no doubt to all of us here that you have experienced darkness, and that darkness still besets you. However, we can also feel the light that is beating back the darkness. Corran felt you change while on your mission, and when you did not return and Jaina did, we feared you had fallen. It is the wish of the council that you relate your exploits to us now, before we pass judgement."

I sighed. "As you wish, Master."

"You may begin your tale at the point at which you last saw Jaina, we know what happened up until her release, but we dont know what happened after."

"I awoke to find myself being dragged down a hall by two guards, carrying ysalamari to negate my force abilities." I began. "I was tossed into a dark chamber where I was met by a fellow force user. He tortured me, when I finally got a glimpse of his face, it was my fathers. He used an ooglith masquer."

I stared at the ground, but could feel some of the council fidgeting.

"He told me Jaina was dead and then incapacitated me with Force Lightning. The last thing I remember was the unnatural hatred that was flowing through me. I do not know how long I lay there unconscious, but when I awoke I was screaming with rage. The Ysalamari was gone, and I brutally murdered the man guarding the door. I... rampaged, through the facility, mercilessly killing anyone who opposed me until I was outside the central chamber. Another man, presumably his apprentice stood waiting for me with a cadre of guards. I killed them all, again without mercy, and proceeded into the chamber. The duel was short quick and brutal, but I didnt let him go easily, not for killing Jaina. I overloaded his brains with his own painful memories." I looked into Lukes eyes, shame welling inside me.

"After I departed, I traveled to Coruscant, where I attempted to find the knowledge, presumably contained in a Sith holocron, of Darth Caedus. I did not find what I was looking for, and continued my search to Hapes. The holocron was cleverly hidden in the bedchambers of the Queen Mother, after retrieving it, I was forced to kill 3 Hapan commandos to escape. I assume Tenel Ka has relayed this information to you." Luke nodded, and I continued my story. "I traveled to the asteroid where Mara was killed, once more looking for traces of Darth Caedus. When I arrived, I tried to meditate, but was... interrupted."

Luke stared at me with a probing interest.

"Jacen." he said.

"Yes, he appeared to me as a Force Ghost. My initial thought was that he was there for retribution of his sisters death. However, he told me, that in his last moments, when he sacrificed himself to save Tenel Ka and Allana, he was redeemed."

"Just like my father..." Luke muttered softly.

"He told me Jaina was alive, and turned me from my dark path, instilling in me that it would only lead to death and destruction. I did not believe him at first, I must admit. The defining moment, I asked him if he was serious, and he replied, with a Solo grin, 'Do mynocks chew power cables?' I knew at that point that he was Jacen, and not Caedus, come to haunt me."

Luke was grinning, grinning as I had not seen him do since the birth of Ben.

"Have you told Han, Leia or Jaina?" he asked suddenly.

I shook me head.

"Ghel, please step outside while the council deliberates."

I walked out the door, feeling slightly better than I had in days. Telling of my dark deeds had released some of the tension upon my soul.

* * *

"Ghel Thek, by the authority of this Council, you are hearby reinstated as Knight of the Jedi Order."

Relief flooded me, but I did not allow my emotions to show. I bowed low, then straightened and looked into my masters face. He was grinning. Several of the Masters stood and excused themselves, having other business to attend too. At last, only Corran, Luke and myself were in the chamber.

The pair approached and Corran wrestled me in a rough bear hug which I returned whole-heartedly. So much for acting like a Jedi. Luke stood there watching us with his customary childish grin on his face.

"Ghel, I'm going to tell Han, Leia and Jaina tonight." Luke said. "Its their right to know."

I nodded my agreement, and he walked out of the chamber. My master and I turned to follow. I listened while he told me about the short discussion that had followed me leaving the chamber. I was surprised to find that the vote had been unanimous for me to rejoin. After he excused himself to find his son, I walked along in silence, my mind drifting back to Jaina.


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Old 08-29-2009, 04:15 AM   #57
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Chapter 12

((Well, its only BFA and I who still read this, but I'm still going to continue posting. However, some feedback, even if its just something along the lines of "hey Kado, keep up the good work." That would be amazing and keep me going.))



I awoke to find Jaina running her fingers through my hair. I smiled.

"Don't you know how to knock?" I asked quietly, my eyes still closed.

She hit me softly on the chest.

"knock, knock." she said, mocking me. Even with my eyes closed I could see the beautiful smile playing across her lips.

I opened my eyes and sat up. Before I knew what was happening, she had me in a tight embrace, kissing me passionately. When she finally leaned back, I put my arms behind my head and flopped back down on the bed. I breathed a sigh of contentment. That's never gonna get old. She walked to the small chest that held my few possessions and grabbed a pair of sweats.

"Come on, Lover Boy. Lets get some training in." she said, cocking her head to the side in a playful manner.

I slid sideways out of bed and force called the pants to my hand. I'd gotten over Jaina seeing me in only my undergarments long ago, but it still amused me to watch her stare at my chest when I was getting dressed. I pulled the loose-fitting pants on and called my lightsaber to my hand before clipping it too my belt.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Lets go." I replied, holding an arm out so she could hold on to it.

Minutes later, we arrived at the main training hall at the Jedi Temple. It was crowded with Masters and Knights alike, it didn't look like many of the younglings had gotten out of bed yet. Two weeks. I thought. Two weeks since I was accepted back into the Order. We proceeded to a clear area near the center of the room, finally finding a clear area in which to work.

"So," I began. "What is it today?" I asked, leaning as far back as I could, reaching almost a ninety degree arc.

"Lightsaber practice." She said, a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Again? How many times do I have to lose?" I said playfully. The last time we had sparred, I managed to circumvent her all-out attack and land quite a few lethal strikes to her back and side.

She gave me a look that reminded me sharply of her mother, and I grinned.

"Alright, alright. As long as you don't get mad at me for winning and I still get my massage."

She laughed softly before settling into her favored position. As I settled into mine, I glanced around and noticed that most of the rooms occupants had stopped their training to watch. Most rested nonchalantly, watching from a distance, but some of the younger knights had gathered on one side of our sparring area, watching intently.

I felt a prickle of the Force and brought my lightsaber up in a sweeping block that parried her initial assault. I sidestepped, avoiding the knee she brought up that would have taken me out of the fight in a most unpleasant manner. About a week ago, I had developed the strategy I was using now to counter Jaina's full-body rampage. I would use my right hand to block her ferocious lightsaber swings, while using my left to deflect and avoid her bodily attacks. Suddenly, I switched to the offensive, moving my blade in a series of blows that pushed her backwards. I saw an opening and brought my saber down on her neck, but she managed to catch the attack near the hilt and we pushed against each others weapon, locked in that stance.

"So I was thinking I should cook dinner toni--" I said before she thrust a knee into my gut.

I involuntarily keeled over, and felt her bringing her weapon down for a slash at my back. I slipped into the Force and grabbed my training saber where it lay on the ground. The blade activated, flying up to parry Jaina's attack while I was still bent over. I could feel the blade pushing Jaina back and away from me by the ferocity of the attack she could not counter with physical blows. I straightened and called the saber back to my hand.

I beckoned her forward, and she lunged at me with renewed vigor. I allowed her to push me back, fast at first, then slowing as we neared the edge of the mat. When my feet stood on the edge of the training area I leapt over her, landing facing her and reaching in to strike. She parried my blow with low block and we locked blades for the second time. With speed only a force-sensitive could have managed, I slid to her side, the blades traveled up and over her head as she protected herself from my sliding attack. When the blade was directly above her head, I shoved her lightsaber up as hard as I could with the Force.

She was caught unprepared, having put much of her attention on stopping the blade from coming towards her and not up. The blade deactivated when it left her hand and I leapt into the air, caught the blade and flipped, landing neatly on the mat, facing away from Jaina. I turned around and grinned at her. She looked disappointed that she hadn't been able to beat me, but I could tell that she was already calculating how to counter my latest strategy so she could exploit it next time.

A few of the knights were cheering, but most of them looked to be in stunned disbelief. I could read the expressions on there faces. They were whispering among themselves now, I heard one of the humans in the group ask his friend quietly, "How did he beat the Sword of the Jedi?"

I walked back to Jaina and slipped a hand around her waist.

"You know, I've decided that I'm going to let you win when we spar in public, if only to save you some face." I said jokingly.

She smiled. "You just don't want to admit that these two victories have been flukes." She said as she poked me hard in the chest.

Grinning, I leaned towards her ear and whispered, "Come on, lets go get some breakfast, I'm starving. And then I believe you owe me a massage." I said. She groaned, but I could tell she was looking forward to some private time.

The cafeteria was nearly always empty this early in the morning, but to our surprise, Han and Leia were sitting at a table near the front of the chamber, both nursing cups of caf and looking like they had just gotten out of bed. Leia looked up and waved us over, and as we walked over, I saw Han reach for a small roll covered in icing. I reached out with the Force and pulled it from his hand, calling it too me. He turned and reached for it as it flew through the air towards me, missing it by inches as it sailed onto my open palm.

"Now, now, old man, can't have you eating stuff like this so early in the morning or your keel over and die on us." I said with a grin before taking a bite.

I sat down opposite Jaina next to Han who punched me in the shoulder and grabbed the roll back from me and tore into it with gusto. Leia, who had been watching amusedly when I had taken the sweet, rolled her eyes and took another sip of caf.

"So what are you two doing up so early on this fine morning?" Jaina asked.

"Lando called us for help, again." Han said tiredly. "Something about unexplained malfunctions at his YVH Factory on Metellos."

"Maybe Jaina and I can come with you. I've got no missions to go on, just training and meditating, I think it would be good for me too stretch my legs. What do you think, Jaina?" I asked.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind getting out of here for a couple weeks." she replied wistfully, taking a sip of caf from her mothers cup and handing it back to her.

"You two are welcome to come along." Leia said cheerfully. "We planned on leaving this morning so we'll leave as soon as you're packed."


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

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Old 08-29-2009, 05:26 PM   #58
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I really liked it. Good use of elements like redemption, love, betrayal, and revenge, which I've always felt were some of the most prominent themes in Star Wars.

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Old 08-29-2009, 05:54 PM   #59
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Thanks Alk! I agree with you whole-heartedly. I've always felt that Star Wars was a conglomerate of almost every theme I can think of, which is probably why its so successful, every emotion you can think of is portrayed in our favorite universe, which makes it easy to get lost in.


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Old 08-30-2009, 02:49 AM   #60
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Sorry for the late reply Kado!

I knew Ghel would get re-instated! Awesome!

The training duel between Ghel and Jaina was fun to read about. Especially when she cut him off in mid sentence, lol.

A nice couple of quiet chapters, Kado.
A comfortable read; I likes

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Old 08-30-2009, 04:20 PM   #61
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Thanks BFA, I don't find quiet chapters as fun to write as the action packed ones, but I didn't want to jump right in to another fight so soon after his dark side excursion. No hints as to what's going to happen at Lando's factory, but you might find it interesting, plus I'll be introducing another character!


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Old 08-31-2009, 02:45 AM   #62
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Another character you say?
Hmm ... I am intrigued.

Can't wait.

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Old 09-03-2009, 10:37 AM   #63
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Well I have been watching stories on this site and haven't said anything about them. Maybe I should start now.

I really liked this last chapter, but I had trouble understanding some of the actions they did. The bit with him and the pastery with Han was amusing. Keep it up and I'll keep reading.
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Old 09-04-2009, 03:43 AM   #64
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Thanks Shuttle, glad I could get you to leave your lurker den.

I dont plan on stopping this story anytime soon, so be prepared to keep reading.


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Old 06-04-2011, 12:50 PM   #65
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Chapter 13

(I can't believe its been almost two years! Well here it is. Chapter 13!)

I sat behind Han in one of the passenger seats in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon and rested my elbow on the armrest. I looked to my right and winked at Jaina as I motioned with my hand and the lever that Han was reaching for shot forward and stubbed his finger. He swore angrily and then looked back at me as I put on the most innocent face I could muster. On the other side of the cockpit Jaina was trying and failing to contain her laughter while Leia had a small smile on her face. I shrugged and grinned at Han as he turned around and the battle scarred freighter lifted off the landing pad.

“It’s going to take us a couple days to get to Metellos,” Han said, “Lando always had a way of choosing obscure planets for his business enterprises.”

“It helps when your businesses are as varied as Lando’s.” Leia replied in a slightly dignified manner.

“It’s what you get when you marry a smuggler, Princess.” Han looked back at me and winked. “I’d take Lando over some of your political friends any day. Those conversations would put a angry krayt dragon to sleep. At least his conversational skills extend beyond political banter.”

As the two continued to argue I looked over and caught Jaina’s eye and jerked my head towards the back of the ship. She nodded, stood and turned to leave and I followed her away from the bickering couple. Over the years, the Falcon had undergone a lot of restorations and modifications. At the moment, it looked like a military supply depot that was slowly being converted back into a home. On the table in the lounge an ammo crate sat between a stack of plates and a lamp that looked as if it had fallen off the table one to many times.

I sat on a couch in the lounge and she laid down with her head in my lap. As I played with her hair she shared memories from her childhood, playing games on the Falcon with her brothers, the first time her dad had let her fly the ship, and other stories. When she came to Jacen’s name she would pause and I would send her thoughts of peace until she continued on with her story.

Some time later we returned to the cockpit to an unpleasant silence. Leia looked as if she had been crying and Han was looking particularly guilty. I could tell from the atmosphere of the room that their argument had brought up the touchy subject of Jacen. Even though they had learned from Luke that Jacen had been redeemed and had returned to the light, the loss of their second son had left a visible mark upon Han and Leia. At times, both seemed battered down by the burdens of the universe.

“You kids doing okay?” Han asked nonchalantly.

I glanced at Leia who was staring into the blurred star lines of hyperspace.

“Yeah, just great.” I said.

“Mom,” Jaina said, “Will you come help me cook something for dinner? I’m not as good in the kitchen as you and I think these two will thank you later if you help.”

Silently, Leia stood and followed her daughter obediently out of the cockpit. I slid into the co-pilots seat and glanced at Han.

“Han...”

“I brought up Jacen.” he said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Luke told us the whole story. Those jokes were always a bit ridiculous.” he said with a sad chuckle.

I didn’t know how to reply so I stared silently out the viewport.

“Ghel.”

I turned to look and met Han’s probing stare.

“Yeah, Han?”

“Do you love her?”

I thought back to the feeling I had experienced when she had entered my room after I had returned to the Jedi outpost on Shedu Maad.

“Yes. I do.”

----------

The dark skinned and extravagantly dressed man who stood waiting for us on the landing pad was easily recognizable as Lando Calrissian, the galactic entrepreneur and old smuggling companion of Han Solo.

“Han, you old pirate.” Lando said as he strode forward and embraced his old friend in a bear hug.

“It’s good to see you, Lando.”

“Leia, you’re looking beautiful as always.” he said with a slight bow as he kissed her hand.

“You lousy scoundrel,” Han said with a playful shove, “go attend to your own wife.”

“Can’t, old buddy. She’s out of the system overseeing the recovery of our Kessel operation.”

Lando caught my eye and gave me a sly wink as he said, “Jaina, aren’t you gonna introduce your friend here?”

Jaina, who had been smiling at the banter exchanged between the two friends, blushed and hurried to introduce me.

“Lando, this is Ghel Thek. Ghel, Lando Calrissian.”

He took a step in my direction and offered his hand, which I accepted.

“Pleased to meet you, Son. I knew your father well. He was a good man.”

“Thank you sir,” I replied, “but the pleasure is all mine. I’m not sure most of us would still be alive if it weren’t for your YVH droids.”

“I don’t believe that one bit,” he said with a chuckle, “You look like you can handle yourself in a fight. Now if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you on a tour of our command facility.”

With a regal flip of his cape he turned and led our small party inside the droid factory.

------

After we had finished our tour of the facility and were shown our quarters we met Lando in the control center to find out what problems had been plaguing his factory.

“It started a few standard months ago,” he began, “Droids that were waiting to be shipped out were being destroyed by something. I had my scientists analyze the remains and they determined that the accuracy of the blaster marks indicated that the assailant was a droid, but we didn’t have definitive proof until 4 standard days ago.”

At this, he pressed a few buttons and a security hologram appeared on the screen. The video showed a YVH droid striding through a storage facility blasting away at the inactive droids with calculated efficiency. After clearing the room the droid turned, stared directly at the camera and then fired a single shot that turned our view to static.

“The attacks have been getting steadily worse,” Lando continued, “Two days ago a pair of workers were killed while on duty. I’ve had all personnel evacuated until the situation is resolved. Other than the fact that the rogue droid likes to go after the newest droids off the line I don’t have any solid leads for you to follow. I’d also like to find out who reprogrammed the droid and apprehend them if possible.”

“Don’t worry Lando,” Han said, “We’ll come up with something. A rogue droid should take three Jedi less than a day to hunt down.”

“I think this might be harder than you think, Han.” Leia replied. “We’ll rest up and get a fresh start in the morning.”

“Great,” I said, “I’ve been looking forward to some action.”


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!

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Old 06-06-2011, 09:28 AM   #66
The_Catto
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Ahhhhhh. Too long it has been my friend!
When I got the pm I was like ... "Oh" ... In trying to remember the story you were referring to. And then it was "ohhh" when I realized and then that turned to "Ooooohhhhhhh! Awesooooooome!!"

And you know what? ... I wasn't disappointed!!!
The back and forth between the characters was well written and a lot to what I remember from reading the NJO series. Good job and this chapter shows you have clearly not lost your talent!

Now ... enough brown-nosing!

Only one thing.....

I thought you said it was going to be a long chapter!?!?!?!




:P

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Old 06-06-2011, 03:05 PM   #67
Kado Sunrider
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Indeed it has!

As it stands the chapter is 4 pages in my word program. This is actually just about half of what I wrote as Chapter 13, but it really needed to be separated into two different chapters. The benefit of that is you'll be getting two updates in half the time!


Chapter 12 of Renewal released!

Chapter 2 of Heir to the Force released!
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