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Old 02-15-2010, 06:22 AM   #1
Darth Groovy
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Thumbs down Worst New Reality Series!

It's a tie!

Just when you thought The King of Cars was bad, A&E's long run of "groundbreaking" reality series have finally reached an all time new low.

Steven Seagal: Lawman



For those of you who live in a cave, let me pitch it to you as simple as possible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99E16w0PxCA

The one Steven Seagal, actor/martial artist/musician/ all around silly person, went from being once 80's film bad ass, to straight-to-DVD ass clown. Somewhere in his crazy life, he taught kung-fu to some police cadets in Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana, was honorarily "deputized" and has been allowed to put on a police uniform and roll with the cops. 20 years later in a last ditch effort to make money, he suddenly decides to put this crap on TV. So what you have is basically a re-make of C.O.P.S. with Seagal narrating the entire thing. I have tried to sit through one or two episodes, and with his constant rambling and over the top narration, I find myself falling asleep to this tired old formula. Steven may be a jack of all trades, bee keeper, marine biologist and all around fun guy...but this show is short on substance of any sort. Steven is looking really old and tired, and for most of the show, it seems like he is more in the way of the cops than actually helping anyone.....my God man, let the poor cops do there job and go home and bake a cake or something. Steven Seagal's career was at best when he spoke little as little as possible and snapped more necks. This all died somewhere between Under Seige, and Executive Decission. I remember important play ground discussions as a child as to weather Steven Seagal could kick Chuck Norris' ass or not. But lately at about 168 years old, Seagul looks more like the janitor from high school that tried to hang out and be cool with the kids during study hall.

Paranormal Cops



Literally riding in on the coat tails of the success of Paranormal State, yes, even the name itself sucks. The gist of Paranormal Cops, is that Ron Fabiani, a real cop from Chicago....and reject from Bill Swerski's Superfans (Da Bears!) rounds up a rag tag team of "real live" Chicago cops, forensic experts and token psychic, and rides around in a white van with a logo on the side that says CPD: Chicago Paranormal Detectives...get it? Yeah....stay with me here... I give the team 1 point for not having a custom license plate on the van that says "ecto-1". So this fat cigar chewing sausage neck who wears really bad hats, gets his team and goes and chases ghosts once his shift is over. The problem with this show, is that when it tries to be different, it comes out so silly, you have no choice but to laugh at how bad it really is. I am going to link the video to the first episode. I will have you note, that at about 3 to 4 minutes in, is where I had to shut this crap off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR2LEVqo47s

That's right....these knuckle heads have a PKE meter...



Other than that....it's the same crap we have seen on Ghosthunters, lots of close ups with the night vision lens, and some "psychic" saying "i feel a presence in front of me....now behind me....oh ****, I felt something!" What...ever... It's like the Ghostbusters without Ray Stanz, sad, and not funny at all. I will give props to the Ghosthunters, they make no apologies for what they are...Roto-Router guys who spent their income tax checks on spook finding software, and fancy cameras. They only wish to catch some audio visual experience in some way or fashion. Some people like to go rock climbing, or fishing...those guys hunt ghosts...fine! I accept that. Ryan Buel, and his PRS team on Paranormal State at least SEEM more committed to helping rid the people of fear, rather than actually catching any spooks in question, thus leading to that show's success and charm.

Alfred Hitchcock once said: "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it." That in itself is what gives me the pleasure in watching shows like this, most of the time you may hear a bang or a weird noise, or see some random shadow on the wall, and while I believe the paranormal is about 80% fabricated by our own fear, it's that other 20% that keeps me tuned in to shows like Paranormal State and Ghosthunters. We all love a good scare...even if it is the same formula every week. Sadly, Paranormal Cops has none of the charm that the other shows have, it has silly characters, bad equipment and the whole thing feels very badly scripted.

I will **** in agony if either of these two shows see another season. They are both equally bad in they're own unique way.

Please do NOT watch these shows on TV, it will boost the ratings. Youtube is your friend.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:21 AM   #2
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I haven't watched any episodes, but I think Jersey Shore would be like slow torture for me.
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:45 AM   #3
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:04 AM   #4
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i like jersey shore. it's funny as hell. the steven segal thing is hilarious too. what they really need is chuck norris as a real texas ranger. i would pay to see that.


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Old 02-15-2010, 11:13 AM   #5
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There are only 2 "reality" shows on TV even worth watching (though, to be honest: neither are really all that rooted in reality... but then,.. are any of these shows???):

Mythbusters

Top Gear

Other than the stuff on Adult Swim, these 2 series are the only reason I continue to pay for cable TV.


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Old 02-15-2010, 02:17 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by edlib View Post
There are only 2 "reality" shows on TV even worth watching (though, to be honest: neither are really all that rooted in reality... but then,.. are any of these shows???):

Mythbusters

Top Gear

Other than the stuff on Adult Swim, these 2 series are the only reason I continue to pay for cable TV.

Lies. From Gs to Gents was quality television!



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Old 02-15-2010, 02:32 PM   #7
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:43 PM   #8
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Lies. From Gs to Gents was quality television!
Never saw it. Never even heard of it before this post.

I guess I'll take your word on this one...


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Old 02-15-2010, 02:56 PM   #9
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Never saw it. Never even heard of it before this post.

I guess I'll take your word on this one...




Get a group like that on TV and you can never go wrong.



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Old 02-15-2010, 07:15 PM   #10
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Get a group like that on TV and you can never go wrong.
Especially if you're appealing to the brain-damaged section of television viewers.

No offense intended, Wally. Just seems to me that that particular show appeals to white homeboys and 16 year old girls who are raised in suburbia and wanna piss daddy off.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:42 PM   #11
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I haven't watched any episodes, but I think Jersey Shore would be like slow torture for me.
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YouTube Video

I like to watch this on repeat over and over every once in a while. Makes me think that maybe the worlds not such a terrible place for allowing shows such as these to exist.


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Old 02-15-2010, 09:48 PM   #12
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Generally, even watching reality shows, let alone MTV-certified ones, causes internal hemorrhaging in the vicinity of the southern cranial hemisphere. Sniffing aerosol cans gives the same result, too.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:13 PM   #13
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Especially if you're appealing to the brain-damaged section of television viewers.

No offense intended, Wally. Just seems to me that that particular show appeals to white homeboys and 16 year old girls who are raised in suburbia and wanna piss daddy off.


No offense taken whatsoever. I watched the show because the early episodes were hilarious because of how ridiculously stupid all the "Gs" were, and the later episodes actually weren't half bad because the gang-banging ex-cons from earlier were actually trying to clean themselves up and make a difference. There were some legitimately heartwarming scenes by the show's end.



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Old 02-16-2010, 03:10 AM   #14
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No offense taken whatsoever. I watched the show because the early episodes were hilarious because of how ridiculously stupid all the "Gs" were, and the later episodes actually weren't half bad because the gang-banging ex-cons from earlier were actually trying to clean themselves up and make a difference. There were some legitimately heartwarming scenes by the show's end.
Yeah. I actually watched a few episodes. Although, I believe it was from the second season, but I didn't mind it.

Mind you, I didn't mind King of Cars either.


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Old 02-16-2010, 11:51 PM   #15
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I watched both seasons of Gs to Gents and they were awesome. Whereas Jersey Shore (as far as I can tell without watching it) is watching privileged tools be as annoying as possible, Gs to gents is watching underprivileged tools clean up their acts and stop being such tools. Like Wally said, you start to actually care about the contestants.

Also, another awesome show is Mantracker. It's been on in Canada for awhile and just made the jump to America on the Science channel. It's about this guy who is basically a cross between Aragorn, Chuck Norris, and Tommy Lee Jones. There are 2 people who have 36 hours to get to a place that's usually like 25 miles away through the wilderness, and they're given a map and a compass and a 2 km head start. The mantracker has a horse and goes with a guy who's familiar with the territory, but they aren't given any navigation tools and aren't told which direction the runners are going in or where their finish line is. This guy literally follows the footprints and broken plants to track the runners, and he pulls off ambushes and stuff. He can tell whether or not there's people in the woods nearby by reading the expression on his horse's face. He's like a freakin' animal.



^ He looks that intense literally the entire time.

Last edited by IG-64; 02-17-2010 at 12:00 AM.
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Old 02-17-2010, 04:05 AM   #16
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Also, another awesome show is Mantracker. It's been on in Canada for awhile and just made the jump to America on the Science channel. It's about this guy who is basically a cross between Aragorn, Chuck Norris, and Tommy Lee Jones. There are 2 people who have 36 hours to get to a place that's usually like 25 miles away through the wilderness, and they're given a map and a compass and a 2 km head start. The mantracker has a horse and goes with a guy who's familiar with the territory, but they aren't given any navigation tools and aren't told which direction the runners are going in or where their finish line is. This guy literally follows the footprints and broken plants to track the runners, and he pulls off ambushes and stuff. He can tell whether or not there's people in the woods nearby by reading the expression on his horse's face. He's like a freakin' animal.
Holy **** : D I need to start watching that show

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Old 02-22-2010, 11:53 PM   #17
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Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

"Sounds like SOMEONE has a case of the Mondays!"

*runs*
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Old 02-23-2010, 06:43 AM   #18
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There are only 2 "reality" shows on TV even worth watching (though, to be honest: neither are really all that rooted in reality... but then,.. are any of these shows???):

Mythbusters

Top Gear
Both awesome.

Although, I have to ask, is that 'our' Top Gear, or a specifically US version of the format? I know Australia has it's own version, but I don't know if the US does or not.

For myself, aside from the two above that edlib mentions, I don't really watch much TV, let alone Reality TV (i'm not even sure what is classed as 'Reality TV'), but there was a series on a few months ago, Send in the Dogs, following Police dog handlers that I liked.






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Old 02-23-2010, 08:53 AM   #19
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It's a slightly edited version of the UK version. (I've compared full episodes online to the ones we see here on BBC America, and there's usually a short segment or 2 left out, or a longer one cut down to fit in commercials.)

Other than that, as far as I can tell, it's exactly the same... with Clarkson, May, Hammond.. and, of course: The Stig!

A lot of the British-specific pop culture references go over my head, though... and there's the occasional slang or phrase I have to Google...


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Old 02-23-2010, 05:18 PM   #20
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It's a slightly edited version of the UK version. (I've compared full episodes online to the ones we see here on BBC America, and there's usually a short segment or 2 left out, or a longer one cut down to fit in commercials.)

Other than that, as far as I can tell, it's exactly the same... with Clarkson, May, Hammond.. and, of course: The Stig!

A lot of the British-specific pop culture references go over my head, though... and there's the occasional slang or phrase I have to Google...

Yeah, somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I find that BBC shows filling an hour time slot are usually around 50~53 minutes while in the US they're generally 41~42 minutes.


Damn American TV networks!



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Old 02-23-2010, 06:03 PM   #21
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It seems like the Americanized version of T.G. cuts out the "Cool Wall" (and sometimes part of the news) segment mostly.

I had never seen the full versions of either of these before watching the show online...


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Old 02-26-2010, 05:11 PM   #22
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MTV is crap nowadays. They used to play music, then dominated by rap, then dominated by the influx of reality TV crap we see today. IIRC Ren and Stimpy would occasionally show when that all started.
A long time ago they had The Oddities cartoons which was one of my all time favorite series. The Maxx, that giant brain guy, Aeon Flux, and it was where Beavis and ButtHead started from. Followed B&B until their end--That killed it for me. Occasionally I do watch jackass now, but otherwise MTV just sucks horribly.

Sci Fi and history channel are interesting--too bad I don't get those anymore.

AMC is always good for an older movie or something.

Sometimes I watch AniMonday on Spike.

Cartoon Network: I liked Aqua Teen Hunger Force, robot chicken, and the squidbillies.
Comedy Central: Reno 911 is funny. Also don't forget south park.

Don't know the name of it, but, there's a series on ABC CBS right now where CEO's are actually getting perspective by working undercover as a grunt in their own company to see how s***ty it really is working for them. So they can be a better boss as opposed to ignorantly bleeding the company dry. If only more CEO's actually stepped outside their gold plated offices and did this to get an appreciation for their workers and how it all works in general. Life would be so much better. I can respect business owners who walk among their employees as just another one of them instead of lording it over them. It's on Sundays if you want to watch.

EDIT: Fixed tv station.

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Old 02-26-2010, 06:54 PM   #23
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Don't know the name of it, but, there's a series on ABC right now where CEO's are actually getting perspective by working undercover as a grunt in their own company to see how s***ty it really is working for them. So they can be a better boss as opposed to ignorantly bleeding the company dry. If only more CEO's actually stepped outside their gold plated offices and did this to get an appreciation for their workers and how it all works in general. Life would be so much better. I can respect business owners who walk among their employees as just another one of them instead of lording it over them. It's on Sundays if you want to watch.
Its called Undercover Boss, and its a pretty cool show. I don't go out of my way to watch it when its on, but I'll DVR it and watch it when I'm bored.
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Old 03-10-2010, 05:23 AM   #24
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Holy **** : D I need to start watching that show
I just watched an episode where one of the "prey" fell while down running from Mantracker, and he was pretty far away so he slipped back into the woods while she was still down. He explained that "whenever one of the prey falls down while running from me, it freaks them out so they always look behind them when they get back up. If they turn around and I'm not there that freaks them out even more."

Yes, Mantracker seriously uses Batman tactics.

I also DVR Undercover Boss, which can be pretty interesting.
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