College Quotes

[Ctrl Alt Del]

The University is a nice place indeed. A bastion of knowledge and a heaven for minds seeking enlightment. Also a great spot to collect tons of nonsensical info that obviously only adds to the character. Nice place indeed.

So it was when I was combing my hair on the bathroom adjacent to my classroom (yeah, I do that a lot) that I thought on doing a compendium that probably no one else did before, but hopefully might encourage someone else to do the same: I set off to search for any superb notes I could find on desks, tables and walls (and whatever can support a written message left for curious readers) and compile my findings on a notebook. I have this notebook right on my side but it's still an incomplete work. Nevertheless, I'm willing to share the quotes I have obtained thus far, I believe you'll find them most picturesque.

A word of warning though. These were originally written by unknowns, but certainly at a young age, authors. So you may expect the detachment and strong language characteristic of teenagers that may shock some. Read at your own risk:



Don't teach your Marx to suck Hegel - Found at the desk in a classroom at my campus (note: the original was much funnier and graphic, but, unfortunately, english doesn't have a saying that can make it work just as well).

Kicks ass - Found below the last writting, connected to "Marx" through an arrow.

"It's a powerful feeling when the crap hits the water and the water slaps the ass" - Found on the wall beside the toilet (note: it was carved on the wall on a height consistent with a person sitting down on the bowl. This may lead to interesting theories but they're all conjectures)

"Jesus
loves
you
or
not" - found on at a desk in my classroom. The words were disposed in a similar fashion; like stairs, not one directly below the other.

"Jesus loves you,
but he tells that
to everyone, sweetheart." - Again, found at a desk right next to where the last quote was found (note: I wonder why those under a social science tutelage are so blasphemous).

"It would be worse if he didn't tell that to you as well, right darling? You'd probably want to be one of those women" - Found beside the last quote, connected to it through brackets (note: seems like a ironic retort at the last inscription, a perfect example on the dialog that takes place via those means).

[Darth Avlectus]

Well I haven't found too much memorable quotes but this might be good for a laugh:

...Several years ago in some California community college...

TILE GROUT DEFACING WARS
The phantom janitor

Several people that apparently are each petty douche-bags whom are at odds with each other over apparently racial BS, acting like wannabe gangsters, writing stupid crap everywhere. In some little town they all decide to take their ridiculous squabble into a bathroom of a small community college.

This annoying state of affairs was not acted upon partially because there wasn't enough money to fund daily removal of the defacing going down, and partially was the work of one of their own janitors.

Days go by and behold...an average citizen decided to take action and get results.

Found in front of a urinal between tiles in said college:
day 1: la Revolution
day 2: NO la revolution
day 3: vive NO la revolution (the NO still legible)
day 4: Above with "Brown power" added, and then a ways off to the left "This school is full of kkk."
day 5: another comment written in the grout above in pen "black power b****es"
...weekend passes...
day 6: next to "black power b****es" is some comment about how mexicans and whites are their b****es.

I go to A&R to complain then they send me to maintenance and their junior janitor, a young fellow of about 21 with a mexican accent whom I KNOW cleans that restroom answers. He plays stupid about the whole thing. Nothing is going to get done. Something clicks in my head.

I figured it would go away now that there has been a complaint. WRONG.

Come back later that day and another 2 comments, both in the familiar sets of handwriting. One is the persistent mexican whom I now suspect is the janitor, the other was apparently whoever wrote the "NO"

Mexican: La Raza taking the country back from the man and his slaves, this is my country!
other: <arrows to "borwn power" and "black power"> "you're both ignorant posers and there is NO revolution coming so get back to work"
Me: ...:disapprove:

day 7: I walk in earlier than usual with some cleaners and rags in my backpack and my digital camera because I had that strange feeling like I was going to catch whoever was doing it. I take pictures of all of it, I do my biz, clean off the walls and leave.

Come back that evening 5 hour later after studying to see written: "This my stall and my country b****es." As I am leaving I catch that same janitor fella coming down the hall and he has a pen over his ear...no cleaning equipment. Once past him I dash to get my camera... come back, crack open the door to catch him in the act... <SNAP!>

Me: "Aha! What have we here?"
Janitor: "Hey ese, I no do nothing. I clean it up--"
"No you didn't clean it up! I have the cleaners and *I* cleaned it up. Still even have the rags to prove it."
"You the one that wrote all that stuff ese?"
"No, but I have pictures of all the handwriting samples and will gladly submit my own to PROVE my innocence--I'm going to your boss AND I'm going to the cops"
"NONONO! You can't do that, I get fired! PLEASE"
"Why shouldn't I have your ass fired?"

Senior janitor "Garry" comes around the corner--the half-crazed 'Nam veteran. "What's all this commotion?"

Me: "Your boy here has been marking some of that racist dreck in the grout and I have the pictures to prove it"

Garry: "I knew it! I caught another couple of little bastards today doing that same crap in all the other restrooms and issued them [college system] tickets. Juan--you're the only one I know on about 'revolution' and I thought you were up to something."

Juan: "ugh"

Me: "Really now?"

Garry: "Oh yeah, they've been going around to the bathrooms doing this crap for several months now."

Juan: "Please don't fire me!!!"

Me: ...

Garry: "Oh, I won't fire you--but I need someone else to stay longer to clean out the kitchen grease tanks, and do some of the extra cafe detail. Also there's sticky messy trash cleanup outside from the orientation party--Bill was going to help but I'm let him go home early because it's his anniversary today.

BTW, thanks."

Me: "You're welcome."

So the moral of the story: Don't be a douchebag unless you can get away with a fair bit of anonymity.

Edit: @ below

[Det. Bart Lasiter]

"THE PHANTOM ****TER WAS HERE" - in a bathroom stall

[mur'phon]

Found on a wall separating two toilets under the label "philosophy":
"What if this wall was made of glass?"

A poem found on another stall wall, probably not original, but since google couldn't find it I'm posting it.

"Let us bury Marx today,
and be rid of him once and for all.
We'll do this task with great respect
but we'll do it with resolve.

Then we'll dig up J.M Keynes,
Adam Smith we'll rectify.
For they have suffered for far too long
under the gory tacherite lie."

Really like this one, and I find myself using it as my default poem in situations that demand I know one.

[TKA-001]

"HELP! I'M TRAPPED BEHIND THIS WALL! BREAK IT DOWN! NOW!!!"

Found written backwards (as though viewed with a mirror) on a random brick wall.

[jawathehutt]

"scotchland, boozebekistan, keystonia, Hong Pong, Beermuda and Papua New Guinness"
The teams from the "alcolypics" I was at yesterday