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05-23-2010, 03:03 PM
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#1
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Mercenary
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Unknown
Posts: 2,373
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Underworld
The Orange District of Coruscant is full of life and odd orange lights, yet is one of the darkest places in the galaxy. Everyone who is here never could have fit anywhere else. Evil lives and breathes here. The pit of the universe.
The CSF, or the Coruscant Security Force, was tracking a suspected murderer through the dark passageways of the undercity. He was spotted fleeing the scene of a murder. And not just any murder, but the killing of a Jedi Council Member named Jai’Karra. The Jedi was stabbed almost 40 times with a lightsaber. They suspected the suspect of taking the Jedi’s saber and using it against him. Strangely, the saber had no prints that came from anyone but the Jedi himself, but it had to have been the Jedi’s own saber that killed him since the Sith are extinct, right?
Captain Rex Ordo, a former Mandalorian shock-trooper, now a Special Forces operator for the Coruscant Security Force, was nearby with his squad investigating a recent increase in Hutt Cartel operations. His squad was the first to get there. Ordo spotted a man running off from the scene. Ordo’s squad, minus the medic who was to conduct the standard murder protocol, gave chase.
Ordo radioed for backup as he gave chase. The suspect ran into a building in the side of the Orange District that nobody ever wants to go to. The captain kicked in the door and drew his pistol as the team ran in.
The building was extremely dark, yet seemed to glow an eerie red color yet had no visible light sources. Ordo couldn’t shake the feeling of something bad about to happen.
As he walked further in, he noticed a room in which the glow was stronger. He walked in. The room had a very strange, pyramid shaped object.
Ordo heard his team in the background shouting “Clear!” as they entered each new room. They seemed very faint to him. All he could really hear was a chanting, and a buzzing sound in his ears.
Ordo reached out to touch the pyramid.
The door slammed shut with a bang.
He was trapped.
Canderis has requested a fanfic review for this thread.
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05-23-2010, 10:15 PM
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#2
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Chaotic Neutral
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Club
Posts: 1,631
Current Game: The Game
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Nice! Can't wait to read more.
I, for one, approve of the Ewoks. They're a fine representation of the primitive natives doing better in their own environment than the invading white man. 
Take that, Avatar.
"Welcome to The American Political System, where everything's made up and the votes don't matter!"
America: Where you have the freedom to express your opinions, and I have the freedom to hate you for it.
*dons stetson and putters away on the motor scooter of patriotism*
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05-25-2010, 09:42 AM
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#3
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 2,723
Current Game: Resident Evil 5
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That was pretty good. But that is only the prologue, right?
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05-25-2010, 09:54 AM
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#4
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Local curmudgeon
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,669
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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read
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05-28-2010, 10:27 PM
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#5
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Mercenary
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Unknown
Posts: 2,373
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@LotF Yes, i have about 1/5 of the story written, and this is a tiny bit of what i have.
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06-14-2010, 10:28 PM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 2,723
Current Game: Resident Evil 5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Canderis
@LotF Yes, i have about 1/5 of the story written, and this is a tiny bit of what i have.
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Well please post it soon, I'm quite eager to read it.
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06-14-2010, 11:14 PM
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#7
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One of Thousands
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kirkwall/The Free Marches
Posts: 3,181
Current Game: Dragon Age II
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AWESOME, but this fic is so short, I blinked and almost missed it! 
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