I love how you incorporated the Wilhelm scream into that
For a small critique, Revan's voice seems a little forced and not very natural sounding, like when
the Selkath Jedi gets trapped in the room with the Sith, the expression of shock doesn't feel genuine
Perhaps in the next sequence you could deal with that. Since its an attack on their ship, and they're facing waves of Sith troops, try to instill an element of hurry and battle-readiness, as demonstrated in Trask's manner of speaking.
Also, there were a few typos in the Selkath Jedi's subtitles. Nothing too glaring, but making them as perfect as you can gives your work a more professional look.
Otherwise it was well done. I like the way you added an echo effect to Carth's lines to make it seem as if it was over the PA, and the bluish tint for video feeds.
Great work, hope to see more.