Yayyy!!! First fanfic!!!(This is great cause im not a writer!)(THIS FANFIC IS NOT FINISHED)[takes place when palpatine gets a new body on byss. Please do not criticize me for my lack of knowledge, this is just supposed to be a spoof. Think of it as a sort of alternate reality.]
"That goddamn son of a b----," Palpatine thought as he plummeted to his death in the elevator shaft.
Beep. Doop. There it is again. Beep. Doop. Again. Beep. Doop. Am I going mad? Beep. Doop. Where am I? Beep. Doop. Who am I? Beep. Doop. Ah, everything is coming back now. Beep. Doop. I am Emperor Palpatine, ruler of the Empire. Beep. Doop. But how did I get here? Beep. Doop. Something... About a shaft... Beep. Doop. Oh. I fell down an elevator shaft. Beep. Doop. No, no, not fell, was thrown! Beep. Doop. But by who? And how did I get here? Beep. Doop. Ah. Darth Vader. Beep. Doop. Ah, everything is coming back now...
"Can you hear me? My lord, can you hear me?!"
"Good. Thebody transfer process is complete without error."
"Where am I?"
"You are at the Imperial cloning facility located on Byss."
"Good. How do I... Look?"
"Much less... Er... Wrinkly, my lord."
"Good. So, er, how is the Death Star's progress?"
"Not very good."
"Well then tell the bloody workers to get on it!"
"Er... It's not quite that..."
"It was sort of... Blown up, if you know what I mean."
"Er... The rebels, your highness.
"The rebels? My god, can't you workers do anything around here?! Well, did you at least win the war?"
"Erm... No, your highness. We were... Er... Beaten by... Er... Small, furry, primitives called Ewoks native to the planet Endor."
"We were beaten by bloody TEDDY BEARS???!!!"
"Er... Yes, in a sense."
"Yes, my lord?"
"Did you at least capture Luke Skywalker?"
"I am sorry, but he has escaped and created a Jedi Praxeum on Yavin IV."
"What the f--- is a praxeum?!"
"I am not sure my lord."
"Then how did you know he created one?"
"Captain Laurent Dontin had found out about it, and reported to the Imperial Remnant his findings. None of us are quite sure what a praxeum is."
"Imperial remnant?! This is the goddamn Empire!!!"
"Not since you "died", my lord."
"Alright, well, build me a giant-a-- ship that can beat the hell out of luke and the rest of his jedi pansies."
"It will be done, my lord.*bows*"
And with that, Admiral Thrawn walked away.
"Wait," Emperor Palpatine said.
"Yes, my lord?" Said Thrawn.
"I want to turn the Imperial remnant in to The Dark Empire, ruling the galaxy through the dark side!"
"How would that work, exactly?"
"Like this- BRING IN THE PRISONER!"
"NO!!! I'LL NEVER JOIN THE EMPIRE, NEVER EVER EVER!!!" The prisoner yelled.
"Watch this- JOIN THE EMPIRE!"
"NO!!! I'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVE-" Palpatine waved his hand "-AAAAAAAooooh yeah, I mean I would totally join the Empire, I mean the Emperor seems like a cool guy..."
"It will also be done, my lord..."
Isaac Clarke has requested a fanfic review for this thread.
Last edited by Isaac Clarke; 02-16-2011 at 02:12 PM.