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Old 11-21-2011, 06:12 PM   #1
mr_dad
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STAR WARS: The Order of Darkness

This is a Trilogy that acts as a Prequel to my upcoming Mod. It focuses around a Jedi named Jona K'Har, and explains the dividing of the Galaxy between the the Alliance and the Federation.

Part 1: The Dividing Crisis

Summary
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:28 PM   #2
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I must say I'm intrigued by this storyline, and can't wait to read your actual installments!
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:44 AM   #3
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-14-2011, 05:05 PM   #4
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Chapter 1

Chapter 1
Enemy Teritory

Dromund Kaas. The last home of the remnents of the Sith race, and the new found capital of the Galactic Federation. Jona K'har never expected coming here as a full fleged Jedi Knight, much less a Padawan. Stranger still is that he was sent alone with no master to guide him; an action never before taken in the history of the Jedi.

"You're not worried, are you K'har?" Said Braiden. Braiden and Jona had been friends for nearly their entire lives. Braiden was always willing to help Jona out with his training and readily assisted him in his mission to Drumond Kaas. Braiden's ship, The Emulator haden't entered the planet's atmosphere yet. He was waiting for Jona's order.

"I'm just confussed." Jona replied. "Take us down, but try not to atract any unwanted attention."

"You worry to much, Jona."

"Still, be careful."

The Emulator, slowly glided throught the atmosphere and landed in a small clearing outside a Federation outpost. "You're sure they won't notice us here?" Jona asked, to which Braiden replied, "Now when have I ever let you down?"

"Well..."

"Don't answer that." Braiden Interupted, "I'll be waiting here. You had better make this quick though, I'm not sure how long I can keep the ship hidden." Jona nodded to his friend and was off.

*

Inside the outpost, Jona was suprised by how weakly garded the building was. A few sentry droids and soldiers were stationed in the passage leading to the command center. Unfortunatly, That was still to many. Jona need to reach the Federation database without being seen. The only visable means of hidden movment was an air vent that was much to small for him to fit through.

"I hate Dromund Kaas. It's impossible to tell when your shift is up with the sky always dark." Said on of the federation gards.

"C'mon It's realy not that bad. I mean...sure the shifts are way to long, but we could be doing worse jobs. You really should lighten up."

"Tell the sky to lighten up not me. At least I would have something to do as a Janitor or a garbage hauler. Now I just...have...to guard...are...do you feel tired." Jona was using the force to mess with the soldiers senses.

"What? No! Do you relize what would happen if the sergent...cought us...laying...down..on...I...think I'm going to..." Both sodiers fell over asleep. Jona could take care of the droids, but he prefered as little bloodshed as possible, although, technicaly his lightsaber couldn't shed blood.

Jona lept from his hiding place and telekanecticly threw nearby crates at the droids before they had a chance to fire at him. His aim needed some improvment. He hit three of the five droids, ignited his saber and charged at the others. After making short work of two of them, he threw his lightsaber in a boomerang fashion and cut down the last droid.

Waisting no time Jona ran to the central computer. It took some working but he eventually hacked into the mainframe. But to his suprise he wasn't alone in the command center. He suddenly felt a shap object trust at his back, and heard a familiar female voice speak to him from behind. "Hello Jona. It's been a long time, hasn't it."

Jona stood up and turned aroud. "Tanara Antilles. What a suprise." Tanara only grined and made a gesture with her hand. Jona all of a sudden lost conciousness and fell to the ground.

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Old 12-23-2011, 04:43 PM   #5
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Chapter 2

Chapter 2
Banishment


Jona lay on a metal bed in a holding cell, trying to recall the events that led him up to this point. Who would have thought just a week before, Jona was a normal Jedi Padawan who didn't plan to leave Tython for at least another year.

Jona's master, Darak Enn, was consistantly pushing the council for to grant him an apprentice. He was the Grand Jedi Watchmen, and Jedi of that rank are restricted from apprentices. Darak had once been friends with Jona's uncle and sense much potential in the boy. Reluctantly, Jedi Master Jade Skywalker granted him permission.
Darak was the best teacher Jona could ask for. As a Watchman, Darak had studied the ways of the force more deeply than any other Jedi in the order. The Council did not grant such people padawans because they thought that such power in the hads of one so young would prove far to dangerous. Instead, they elected those who were to become Watchmen, from the Jedi who showed extreme self-control. Darak was one such Jedi. Jade Skywalker did not fear Darak would lead Jona astray; he feared Jona would take the knowlage he learned from his master and use it for ill purposes.

Being a rare exception to the Watchmen's rank, Jona was restricted from many of the other rights Padawan's had. He must work in solitude and not recieve help from others. Also, he was restricted from carrying any possesions other than his robe, and his traning saber. Darak thought the Jedi were going to far, but he dared not argue with the council. Jona spent years of his life under Darak, until one day, his master mysteriously disapeared. This happed about the time of the Jedi's exile.

*

Almost a years had passed since the galaxy was divided. A federal group led by Senator Vemik, Sucseeded the Republic and formed a new Galactic Federation. The Republic senetors, however, did not try and fix this problem, but instead, blamed the Jedi for it. Mon Elek, Republic Chancallor at the time, hestitantly made a decree that Jedi were no longer recognized as deffenders of the Republic.

The Jedi Knights were exiled from Coruscaunt and their Temple was demolished as a symbol of the end of their troubles to the Republic. Under the some senators wer not satisfied however, and under the leadership of Senator Baron Onrik, they attacked the Jedi ships leaving coruscant.

Onrik underestimated the Jedi and lost the Battle however, and retreated to Coruscant. But to his suprise, he did not recieve a warm welcome, but an instantanious banishment from Republci space, for treason. Neither the Republic no the Federation would take him in. He left the Republic wiht the remains of his minor fleet, vowing revenge against the galaxy that had exiled him.

As for the Jedi, they recieved invitations from Senator Vemik, now the Viceroy, to join the Federation. Some Jedi, such as Jona's childhood friend, Tanara Antilles, accepted, but the bulk of the Order, remained neutral on Tython and Yavin IV. The Jedi's glory and Honor was lost to the galaxy. Now they were nothing but recluses "hiding" on their ancestors homeworlds.

Jona's master at first was thought to have joined the Federation, but Viceroy Venrik denied any knowlage on Darak's wereabouts. The order almost gave up all hope of finding him, until Jona claimed to have felt his master suffering on Dromund Kaas. Great stress was place on the Council. The only Jedi worthy of the position of Watchmen might be on Dromund Kaas, a Federation world. They only one able to track him was his apprentice, Jona K'har.

But Jona's training was not nearly complete, and sedind someone highly secseptable to the lure of the dark side with the knowlage of one of the greatest Jedi to a planet covered with darkness was not an dea that the Council liked at all. But They knew that they could not risk loosing their greatest Jedi Watchmen ever known, so they sent Jona to Dromund Kaas, to find out about his master.

"And thats how I ended up here." Said Jona out loud while in the cell.

"Oh, did I miss something?"
Jona looked up and saw not only Braiden, but his master standing there as well.

"In case you didn't guess," said Braiden," we're here to rescue you."

Jona replied, "Well make it fast. We need to get out of here. And..." Jona paused." ...there's something i need to discuss with you master."

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Old 01-15-2012, 07:45 AM   #6
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It is well written.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:02 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mr_dad View Post
Chapter 1
Enemy Teritory

Dromund Kaas. The last home of the remnents of the Sith race, and the new found capital of the Galactic Federation. Jona K'har never expected coming here as a full fleged Jedi Knight, much less a Padawan. Stranger still is that he was sent alone with no master to guide him; an action never before taken in the history of the Jedi.

"You're not worried, are you K'har?" Said Braiden. Braiden and Jona had been friends for nearly their entire lives. Braiden was always willing to help Jona out with his training and readily assisted him in his mission to Drumond Kaas. Braiden's ship, The Emulator haden't entered the planet's atmosphere yet. He was waiting for Jona's order.

"I'm just confused." Jona replied. "Take us down, but try not to
attract any unwanted attention."

"You worry too much, Jona."

"Still, be careful."

The Emulator, slowly glided throught the atmosphere and landed in a small clearing outside a Federation outpost. "You're sure they won't notice us here?" Jona asked, to which Braiden replied, "Now when have I ever let you down?"

"Well..."

"Don't answer that." Braiden interupted, "I'll be waiting here. You had better make this quick though, I'm not sure how long I can keep the ship hidden." Jona nodded to his friend and was off.

*

Inside the outpost, Jona was suprised by how weakly guarded the building was. A few sentry droids and soldiers were stationed in the passage leading to the command center. Unfortunately, That was still too many. Jona needed to reach the Federation database without being seen. The only visable means of hidden movement was an air vent that was much too small for him to fit through.

"I hate Dromund Kaas. It's impossible to tell when your shift is up with the sky always dark[b]," said on of the federation guards.

"C'mon, it's really not that bad. I mean, sure, the shifts are way too long, but we could be doing worse jobs. You really should lighten up."

"Tell the sky to lighten up, not me. At least I would have something to do as a Janitor or a garbage hauler. Now I just...have...to guard...are...do you feel tired." Jona was using the force to mess with the soldiers senses.

"What? No! Do you realize what would happen if the sergent...caught us...laying...down..on...I...think I'm going to..." Both sodiers fell over asleep. Jona could take care of the droids, but he prefered as little bloodshed as possible, although, technicaly his lightsaber couldn't shed blood.

Jona lept from his hiding place and used telekinesis to throw nearby crates at the droids before they had a chance to fire at him. His aim needed some improvement. He hit three of the five droids, ignited his saber and charged at the others. After making short work of two of them, he threw his lightsaber in a boomerang fashion and cut down the last droid. (Technically, he wouldn't be able to do that I don't think. I'm pretty sure you mean the 'lightsaber throw' technique? If so, I would suggest typing it as something like: 'He released his lightsaber from his grasp and guided it to the last droid with the Force.' Something like that anyway.)

Wasting no time Jona ran to the central computer. It took some working but he eventually hacked into the mainframe. But to his suprise he wasn't alone in the command center. He suddenly felt a sharp object trust at [[b]'press against' I think would work better here.. his back, and heard a familiar female voice speak to him from behind. "Hello Jona. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

Jona stood up and turned. {no need to say 'around'. I feel it is justified without encumbering the sentence with an extra word} "Tanara Antilles; what a surprise." Tanara only grinned and made a gesture with her hand. Jona all of a sudden lost conciousness and fell to the ground.

See here I have made a few corrections and maybe I am wrong, but I tried my best It's an interesting story so far, and I will be keeping an eye on it.

PS: What mod were you talking about, and for which game?

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Old 02-20-2012, 06:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Catto View Post
See here I have made a few corrections and maybe I am wrong, but I tried my best It's an interesting story so far, and I will be keeping an eye on it.

PS: What mod were you talking about, and for which game?
Thank you for the corrections They will be added into the 2nd edition.
As for the story, It's the back story to Jona K'har, one of the main Characters on the TSL mod I have planned. That mod isn't being worked on at the moment because I haven't written the story yet.

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