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Old 05-07-2000, 07:05 PM   #1
lightbulba
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Lightbulb gamera won't help you on this one.

1. how would you stay alive if you were, say, stranded on a desert island?

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personally, i would invite my good friend scott over to a beach party. then i would eat him.
send in your responses! the best one will be chosen by our lineup of judges next monday.

may the fifteenth be with you.
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Old 05-07-2000, 07:48 PM   #2
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Wow! Good one...

Ahem. I would draw a magic circle on the beach and create a space/time translocation matrix which would allow me to go anywhere, anytime. I would plunder rare art, treasures, any thing or person I desired and bring them to my island.

Go ahead! Send me to an island.

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Old 05-07-2000, 07:54 PM   #3
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Well...I don't know what I'd do. One time I asked Mommy, 'Mommy, what if I were stranded on a desert island?' Well, she sent for the astrologist to find out. So there I was in the desert, and I'd eaten my horse to stay alive. All I had was my gun, and one bullet, which Mikhael said I should give to him. I said no. I had to send my bullets to Nicaragua, but I don't remember telling anyone to do so. Since commies all burn anyway, I built a library. Can I have my medicine now?

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Old 05-07-2000, 07:56 PM   #4
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Lightbulb

Pink Monkey loves islands!

Things would be just fine.

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Old 05-07-2000, 08:00 PM   #5
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Well, I'd gather all of the animals (if any - if there aren't I'll gather the plants), and train them into a highly efficient fighting force with which I would use to fight back the vile forces of the sea, thus creating a path back to land. Then, when I'm there, I'd run every damn house into the ground, blow up all the opposing trees which have been sent to stop me, gun down any of those damn politicians, and then make a nice pizza.
Yeah, the joys of being stranded on a desert island...
Or was that my plan for world domination? Hmm...


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Old 05-07-2000, 08:22 PM   #6
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First I'd have a look around the island. then I'd kill myself because I'm really, really tired. Anyone else tired?
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Old 05-08-2000, 04:20 PM   #7
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Sounds simple; I'd leave the island.

BTW, did anyone else know who Gamera is or will Lightbulba or I have to explain it/him?

(BTW 2, Gojira is cooler )

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Old 05-08-2000, 05:06 PM   #8
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1)Squeeze the monkey.

2)Monkey spits out banana.

3)Banana lands on ground near passing elephant.

4)Elephant slips, falling into a coconut tree.

5)Two coconuts fall, landing in the hands of a beautiful female island native.

6)Male island native mistakes the woman's coconuts for "the woman's coconuts" and starts whistling madly and whooping at the splendid sight.

7)Neighboring village hears sound, which is interpreted to be a war cry.

8)Through all the commotion, those National Geographic pervs who film the island natives get frightened, making a run for the nearest cave.

9)On their way, they trip the motion sensor device I set up, which sends a 10 ft. tall granite ball rolling down the side of the island mountain.

10)Ball knocks over all ten 12 ft. tall granite pins.

11)Island umpire yells "STRIKE" during the native baseball championship when he sees how the pins were all knocked down. Everyone thinks he said strike to the pitch when clearly the pitch was foul.

12)Angry fan throws banana at umpire.

13)Banana bounces off umpires head, and is miraculously hit by the batter.

14)Banana flies clear out of the stadium, over the island waterhole, over the island mountain, and lands in lap.

15)Eat the banana.

16)Repeat.

*note: some find it easier to just take the banana from the monkey*

And has anyone ever seen that commercial with that guy who is stranded on the island? The island is about 9 square feet, and only has two palm trees on either side. Suddenly he sees a treasure chest floating about six feet out. He knocks down one of the palm trees, walks out on it, and grabs the chest. He opens it, only to find the chest only has one item - a hammock.

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Old 05-08-2000, 07:11 PM   #9
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B: Well, I would steal my parents' TV set beforehand, so I could tune into Gilligan's Island and learn how to make a transistor radio out of coconuts like Professor. That is, assuming I could find an outlet. Then, I would make a lasso out of finely stitched coconut hairs, and lasso things for entertainment. And when my parents came, looking for their TV set, I would make smoke signals. Or maybe I'd just lasso 'em in.

A: No, you wouldn't. You're too lazy. You'd probably just let the tropical rats eat you alive or something.

B: Shush.
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Old 05-09-2000, 12:08 AM   #10
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What the monkey?!?
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Old 05-09-2000, 02:23 AM   #11
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BAD pink monkey, BAD!

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Old 05-17-2000, 08:48 PM   #12
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all right...our panel of judges have been "sleeping on it" for the last two days, so i'll judge them myself.

3rd place: antimony & bismuth.

2nd place: president reagan.

1st place: lightbulba! er, the ahnfahn!

great job, everyone! now, for the next puzzler:

1. what is your ideal arch-enemy?

Quote:
catbert; that's one square dude, pops.
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Old 05-17-2000, 08:51 PM   #13
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My left hand. It's been conspiring against me since the early 70's. Shhh, I think it can hear us.
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Old 05-17-2000, 09:32 PM   #14
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Yay, I won, I won! I love these competitions! Expect the reigning champion of lightbulba's competitions to come up with one crazy enemy
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Old 05-18-2000, 04:30 AM   #15
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My ideal arch enemy would have to be Martha Stewart!
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Old 05-18-2000, 04:34 AM   #16
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Pink Monkey thinks that his ultimate arch enemy would have to be the American sense of late twentieth-century political apathy and general social disillusionment.

The primary instigating historical factor in this was the assassination of JFK in 1963...but I'm not even going to get into pinning the blame for that one!

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Old 05-18-2000, 04:36 AM   #17
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My ultimate arch enemy is entropy. That or Timothy Leary.

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Old 05-23-2000, 09:49 PM   #18
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Quote:
"I thought you said you don't hold a grudge."
"I don't! I have no surviving enemies. . . not one."
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Old 05-24-2000, 02:28 AM   #19
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My archenemy is the Junior Class President.

He's a jerk.

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Old 05-24-2000, 08:25 PM   #20
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My archenemies are those little smilies that ppl put in their posts.
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Old 05-25-2000, 04:29 AM   #21
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Aha! Now we know your weakness!

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Old 05-28-2000, 01:50 PM   #22
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well now, it appears that theahnfahn made the mistake of gloating to a disgruntled tuvan throat-singing champion, was subsequently beaten to death with beaver tails, and reincarnated as an obsolete apple printer, because he's not coming up with one crazy enemy!
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Old 05-28-2000, 09:05 PM   #23
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Any alien from Mars with a big head and big beady eyes.Also known as little green men.

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Old 05-28-2000, 10:08 PM   #24
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In other word little green men from mars.
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Old 05-29-2000, 02:33 AM   #25
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Well I am small and green with a big head and beady eyes but I'm not an alien from Mars.

I'm probably the closest you'll get.
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Old 05-31-2000, 06:39 PM   #26
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Welcome, hominids! A word of caution: this site is a little rougher than RS.net. Don't take your droids into the bar, and don't sit with your back to the door...

Just kidding. I have a new ultimate arch enemy to announce: Ronald McDonald. You know...the cheeseburger clown, whose sole reason for corporate existance is brainwashing little kids into thinking that a visit to the local McDonald's is actually a positive and happy experience instead of a one-way hay ride directly into the hellish trap of twenty-first century mass-produced and nutritionless 'food.'

So now I'm waiting for that puffy-haired bastard outside the restaurant with a broadsword. He's gotta come out sooner or later...

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Old 05-31-2000, 06:52 PM   #27
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Lightbulb

Quote:
the part of your brain that tells you it's completely logical to remove a nail with your teeth.
reminder: you have but one day to complete that yam-powered clock! your entry, also!
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Old 06-01-2000, 06:26 AM   #28
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The wires won't stay in the yam! Help!

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Old 06-01-2000, 03:41 PM   #29
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quick! keep them detained while i call upon the aid of glover, africa's famed glue-spitting turantula, and a few of his trainers, and perhaps some of their immediate family; his glue acts as a wire-to-yam "tendon", which without we haven't but a chance! if we do not complete the project before the snapping compact disc cases of togor emerge from the clouds, we are surely doomed! hold me, pink monkey, for i am scared!
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Old 06-01-2000, 07:31 PM   #30
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Nevermind. I got it to work by substituting Richard Simmons for the yam and an industrial floor buffer for the clock.

If they come looking for me, tell them I'm not here yet.

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Old 06-01-2000, 08:17 PM   #31
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Colonel Sanders: because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken which makes ya crrrave it fortnightly, smartass!
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Old 06-04-2000, 01:12 AM   #32
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on that matter, this laughable entry made no. 3 on cnet's favorite net hoaxes of all time:
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Just some information for those who care.

KFC has been a part of our American traditions for many years. Many people, day in and day out, eat at KFC religiously. Do they really know what they are eating? During a recent study of KFC done at the University of New Hampshire, they found some very upsetting facts.

First of all, has anybody noticed that just recently, the company has changed their name? Kentucky Fried Chicken has become KFC. Does anybody know why? We thought the real reason was because of the "FRIED" food issue. It's not. The reason why they call it KFC is because they can not use the word chicken anymore. Why? KFC does not use real chickens. They actually use genetically manipulated organisms.

These so called "chickens" are kept alive by tubes inserted into their bodies to pump blood and nutrients throughout their structure. They have no beaks, no feathers, and no feet. Their bone structure is dramatically shrunk to get more meat out of them. This is great for KFC because they do not have to pay so much for their production costs. There is no more plucking of the feathers or the removal of the beaks and feet.

The government has told them to change all of their menus so they do not say chicken anywhere. If you look closely you will notice this. Listen to their commercials, I guarantee you will not see or hear the word chicken. I find this matter to be very disturbing. I hope people will start to realize this and let other people know.

Please forward this message to as many people as you can. Together we make KFC start using real chicken again.
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Old 06-04-2000, 01:48 AM   #33
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and now, as we gently push the knife into its soft, just-baked crust, we see a tiny speck of red preserves ooze out of the delectable competition, pressing us to quickly slide the knife strategically around a precious slice of victory, and let it creep off the curved spatula onto the plate of our third place winner, psyduck! kudos on your down-to-earth point of view.

we then unceremoniously plop the rest onto president reagan's plate.

and for our first place winner, we have made something extra-special: glover the african glue-spitting turantula leg soup! made with a very flavorful chicken consumme, this gooey mixture steams and bubbles, occasionally spitting a spicy "glue" that proves irresistable to anyone! along with seven lucky hairs from glover's back, its prime ingredient is glover's delicious leg, which is rumored to be more tender than a slab of ground antler. i certainly hope hannibal likes it...

and our next question is:
if you were a trader in the old west, roving along the countryside in your makeshift wagon, what immediately accesible object would you use to replace a broken spoke on one of your wheels?
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vials of iodine will be hastily thrown out to the winners on june 6th.

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Old 06-04-2000, 02:12 PM   #34
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Tree,large rock,chicken,dirt,grass,Leave the wagon and drive home in my car.

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Old 06-04-2000, 09:16 PM   #35
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A wooden stirring spoon!
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Old 06-04-2000, 11:18 PM   #36
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add to list:komodo dragon,dragon,godzilla,chicken egg,death star,mule(jackass),rubber chicken,pikachu,sun,rubber tree,replace all wheels with metal wheels and tires.

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Old 06-04-2000, 11:56 PM   #37
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ok, shut up.
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Old 06-05-2000, 02:23 AM   #38
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Who!?

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Old 06-05-2000, 02:36 AM   #39
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none other than you, my over-indulgent glutton of a friend.
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Old 06-05-2000, 10:12 AM   #40
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Well, I think that I would sidestep the spoke replacement issue altogether by piling all of my earthly belongings on the backs of horses and rebuilding the wooden cart into a Roman ballista with which I could hurl enormous crossbow bolts at my opponents. Then I would strip naked, paint myself blue and shout angrily at the neighboring indians.

Would a chicken without a beak say 'Mawk! Mawk!' or would it just get a press agent to release a prepared statement?

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