HOAGIE: Oh, great. I'm stuck in Colonial times, tentacles are taking over the world and now the toilets acting up!
LAVEARNE: This must be that Woodstock place mom & dad are always talking about...
WASHINGTON: Well, what do you know? There is a cherry tree out there! Well, let's go chop the sucker down!
JEFFERSON: You big baby.
BERNARD: Well, when you gotta save the world, you have to push some old women down the stairs.
HOAGIE: What are you looking at? WASHINGTON: The future of our nation? HOAGIE: Those outhouses?
LAVEARNE: Damn that doctor Fred! ZED: Hey, she knows the Edison family motto!
ZED: Oh, look. A skunk...
LAVEARNE: I need to go to the bathroom. GUARD: Hah! Imagine that! A human using a bathroom!
HOAGIE: The real question is which one's stuffed and which one's the real McCoy?
JED/NED: It sounds like the cat's caught a Moose up there...
FAT NOVELTY GUY: Hey, kid! You missed the party! BERNARD: You and the clown were having a party???