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Old 10-30-2002, 06:14 PM   #1
Isis Kaldara
 
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"Broken"

(Okay, people, this is a song I wrote for my new band. There's a dialogue first and everything in *'s is notes as to what the music and sounds are like. ^^ Thankies for taking the time and reading my song.)

Broken

*Enter Child's Music Box*
{Dialogue}

I never wanted to grow up. I guess I was scared to know so much. But it's different now. I'm different. They can't deal, they can't deal. I'm not gonna be pushed around anymore. I'm gonna show 'em who they're messin' with. I'm gonna show 'em who...I...am.

*Hinges creak as the music box closes and 3 deep careful breaths are heard.*
*Enter all band loud for intro, backing off to a quiet background for Verse 1.*
{Verse 1}

What's been goin' on?
Can you tell me what you see?
What is through the mirror?
What is through your eyes reflecting?

*Bring in louder, raising dynamics.*
{Lead to Chorus 1}

How I've changed.
How things are.
You can't see...

*Enter loudly, fully blown dynamics.*
{Chorus}

See the changes.
Change in the image.
The image of myself in my old life's mirror.
The mirror's broken.
But not broken hearted.
Heart of my rose left to wilt in the fire...
Fire of this world.

*Fade band to background again for Verse 2.*{Verse 2}

Can't you see this world?
See it for the hell it is?
There is no heaven here.
At least not one for me.

*Bring in again louder, raising dynamics.*{Lead to Chorus 2}

I'm alone.
But that's okay.
Don't cry! Just see...

*Fully blown dynamics, all band brought in loud again.*
{Chorus 2 (Repeat Chorus 1)}

*Change key, make softer, but still louder than Leads.*
{Bridge}

This world is real.
Reality sucks.
Just like the old me.
That old life's SO USE-LESS!

*Bring in loud again and, if possible, make louder as Choruses go.*
{Chorus x2}

*Immediate end to music. Small laughs can be heard. Cut track finally.*

Copyright 2002 Danielle Nicole Weisgerber

(I have a music video in mind and everything. Please tell me what you think. And don't think twice about being critical... I'm always looking for new opinions.)


That Neko Punk Gurl you keep seeing everywhere? Yeah, that's me! BOO!

"If my arms weren't wrapped up in this stupid white coat, I'd come over there and kick your arse!"
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Old 10-31-2002, 06:17 PM   #2
GendoTheGreat
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It seems solid enough as lyrics go, though to be honest I don't know much about that kind of thing. I'd have to hear it set to music to make a proper judgement.


Jolly good.
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Old 11-01-2002, 07:23 AM   #3
Darth Eggplant
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I switched email programs
and lost your email address,
email me at sinistereggplant@hotmail.com
so I can get it back.

*snaps* cool a musician chick!
is your band a girl band?
how Bangles-esque.

ooo! send me a band photo
when you get one. and I want to sign up
as your bands first, Canadian fan.
I could start up an unofficial fan site
dedicated to (insert band name later)





Beware the lollipop of mediocrity, lick once and you suck forever
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Old 11-01-2002, 02:52 PM   #4
Lateralis
 
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I'd never judge a piece of music without hearing it.


www.smoking-monkey.org

This is the night. This is the end of one hope, the dawn of another . This is the beginning of all that may yet be. This is solitude. This is moonlight. This is the darkness.

"I will do what I have to do. I will do what I must." - The Sandman.
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Old 11-01-2002, 07:39 PM   #5
Isis Kaldara
 
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^^ Thankies! Well, perhaps you'll hear it soon! ^^


That Neko Punk Gurl you keep seeing everywhere? Yeah, that's me! BOO!

"If my arms weren't wrapped up in this stupid white coat, I'd come over there and kick your arse!"
Isis Kaldara is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 11-01-2002, 07:40 PM   #6
Isis Kaldara
 
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Posts: 277
BTW, my band has two girls and two guys. ^^


That Neko Punk Gurl you keep seeing everywhere? Yeah, that's me! BOO!

"If my arms weren't wrapped up in this stupid white coat, I'd come over there and kick your arse!"
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Old 11-02-2002, 10:00 PM   #7
Darth Eggplant
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the Blue casket is getting
a lot more thread traffic
and older threads are dissapearing
I think we should all collectively
post in one thread to keep our poems
alive and online. I have started
a thread called More Or Less Poetry.
It is also a place for giving
poetry lessons, and for sharing
poetic devices.
If you wish to insure your words
poetic posterity, transfer them
over into this thread. that way
we all can keep the thread alive
and kicking.




Beware the lollipop of mediocrity, lick once and you suck forever
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Old 11-09-2002, 01:16 PM   #8
Darth Eggplant
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Rock N Roll Kitten!
you seem to be a musician
and are out there now,
crazy! does your band have a name?
are you having grouppy troubles?
do you have any roadies yet?

whatz UP!!!!!




Beware the lollipop of mediocrity, lick once and you suck forever
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