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the great ring spammery
ive edited my spoof and even added some new stuff so tell me what you think
the prolog
a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...oh never mind lets just get on with it.
*Gandalf rides on his carriage singing, "Follow the yellow brick road" *
Frodo: Gandalf! You're back!
Gandalf: What about my back?
Frodo: You know what I mean! It is so good to see you!
Gandalf: So, my young hobbit, your infactuation has not ceased, I see.
Frodo: Pfft! Like that can happen! Anyway, on to more things, how is the world?
Gandalf: You know i can’t tell you important things
Frodo: Well that’s good to hear! Tell me, Will you be going to uncle Bilbo's birthday party?
Gandalf: They aren't bringing back that clown this year, are they?
Frodo: After last year, I doubt it!
*frodo gets off carraige*
Frodo: Well, see you later!
Gandalf mutters under his breath on a lose up shot: good riddance.......
*gandalf rides up to bilbos house and knocks on the door*
bilbo: oh do come in
*gandalf goes to the side of the door and opens it with his staff. a shotgun blast goes through the door and bilbo comes out with a shotgun and looks around*
gandalf: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
bilbo: oh hello gandalf i uh...thought you were a sackvillbaggins
gandalf: nevermind that do you have the old toby
bilbo: shhhhh later
*they both go inside*
bilbo: i need to ask you a question. do any rings ever talk to you
gandalf: so what do you have to drink
ring: eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s
bilbo: yeah....by the way im going away and im taking the evil ring with me
gandalf: just tea thank you
*later. Bilbo gives his birthday speech*
bilbo: you all suck so bye
*bilbo dissapears*
frodo: ohhhhhhhhh boy
gandalf: ok got to run frodo
*a few days later frodo finds his house broken into*
gandalf: BOO
frodo: HOLY $#!+
gandalf: the ring is evil, that’s why it talks
frodo: you hear it to, thank God
ring: HEY I HAVE FEELINGS TOO
gandalf:......yeah so i need to see the obviously evil saruman and get my ass kicked. you need to go to bree and make sure that if you hear tom bombadil shoot him
*they hear a noise and gandalf pulls sam out of thin air*
sam: ack! gardening at night!
gandalf: whatever. i need some one to loose frodo
sam: dont worry mr. gandalf i wont loose him
gandalf: thats not what i said
sam: please mr gandalf sir dont turn me into anything unnateral
*gandalf turns sam into a rubber chicken and then turns him back*
gandalf: that unnateral enough for you
*all three are in a spooky part of the forest*
gandalf: so um bye
*gandalf takes out two empty halves of coconuts and starts banging them together as he gallops away*
frodo: this is gonna be one long spoof
*gandalf meets radagast the brown*
gandalf: your not supposed to be in the movie
radagast: where are you going
gandalf: isengard
radagast: are you rideing on a horse
gandalf: yes
radagast: your using coconuts
gandalf: what
radagast: you have two empty halves of coconut and your banging them to ether. where did you get them
gandalf: i found them
radagast: in the shire? the coconut is tropical. this is a temperate zone
gandalf: LOOK ITS ELVIS
*gandalf slips away*
gandalf: saruman the dark lord whats his name...star man has found the ring in the shire.
saruman: and you didn’t notice it before. have you been smoking old toby again.
*they go inside*
gandalf: WHAT YOUR JOINING SAMMEY
saruman: he said he’d give me 5 bucks
*gandalf gets ass kicked and frodo, sam, mary and pippin meet up with eachother*
pippen: SHROOMS
frodo: scary scream from man in black robe usually means to get off the road
*nazgul appears banging coconuts together*
nazgul#1: where is this person shire from the land of baggins. *sniff sniff* i smell shrooms.
ring: IM DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT
*nazgul goes after shrooms instead*
mary: it gets dark really fast around here
*nazgul chase hobbits to buckelbarry ferry and frodo falls in water*
nazgul#1: HA HA HA HA HA HA
*hobbits go to prancing pony and drink*
pippen: FOOD
mary: BEER
sam: SPOOKY MAN IN CORNER
*agenct all odds by throwing the ring in the air frodo gets it stuck on his finger*
sam, mary, pippen: ohhhhhhhhh boy
*frodo finds himself in weird shadow world*
sauron: peek a boo
frodo: HOLY $#!+
*frodo takes off ring*
aragorn: do it again uh i mean come with me
frodo: can i ask you a personal question do you uh wash your hair
aragorn: am i scary
frodo: no
*scean changes nazgul stabbing beds and finding out that the hobbits aren’t there*
nazgul#2: do you know if there are any ring makers in bree
*hobbits and aragorn get to weather top*
frodo: i hope you know strider that when you wander off where ever your going mary and pippen are going to do something stupid to attract evil.
aragorn: yes but i must rescue you hobbits in my own particular...uh
sam: idiom
aragorn: IDIOM
nazgul#1: what’s going on
nazgul#2: some midgets are making smoke signals that say "baggins is here"
nazgul#1: im glad they know where that place is cause its not on the map
*nazgul attack hobbits*
nazgul#1: so do you guys know a Mr. shire from...
sam: BACK YOU DEVILS
nazgul#1: ouch man thats harsh
*frodo gets stabbed*
nazgul#2: hey aragorn do you think that you could just scare us away like in the book
aragorn: sorry but i must fight you more uh...
nazgul#3: dramatically
aragorn: DRAMATICALLY
*aragorn + hobbits meet up with arwen*
sam: WOAH BABE-O-RAMA
arwen: so you don’t wash you hair on journeys
aragorn: oh shut up
*nazgul try to ask arwen for directions*
nazgul#1: hi uh were lost
arwen: if you want him come and clame him
nazgul#2: dose he owe us money or something
*big wave shaped like horses sweep nazgul away*
all nazgul: HOLY $#!+
frodo: gasp choke cough
arwen: oh don’t be such a baby
*and now we go to the happy land of rivendell*
gandalf: ah old toby
frodo: gandalf
*gandalf hides pipe*
gandalf: ok now time for flashbacks
*flash back time "yipee"*
saruman: embrace the power of the ring or embrace your own destruction!
gandalf: there is only one lord of the rings, and i cant remember his name...LOOK ITS TONY DANZA
*gandalf hitches a ride with the lord of the eagles*
lord of the eagles: WHAT THE...WHOS ON MY BACK
saruman: gandalf?......
frodo: your not making any sense
gandalf: fool of a took you know i cant tell you important things
frodo: wrong hobbit
gandalf: oh well i like to say fool of a took he he
Elrond : Welcome to the Matrix, wait, I mean Rivendell, Mr. Anderson err uh, Frodo Baggins.
frodo: ohhhhhh boy
elrond: the matrix has you frodo uh ring i ment ring
*gandalf and elrond talk about...stuff*
elrond: the ring cannot stay here mr. anderson uh gandalf
*legolas and unimportant elves arrive. gimli and unimportant dwarves arrive. boromir and old farts of gondor arrive. boromir drops the shards of narsil *
boromir: oops
aragorn: im trying to read
*arwen meets gimli*
arwen: all aragorn wants to do is read his book, he has no time for me
gimli: there there. hey do you want to play a game of hide the helmet
arwen: how do you play
*...then other things happened and aragorn managed to finish "a catcher in the rye"......meanwhile at elronds counsel*
elrond: big bombad sauron has found ring and him mucho happey.
all:....what
elrond: you don’t like my boss nass impression
all:..........
elrond: you have to take the ring into mordor and you all mite die horrible deaths. any questions...gimli
gimli: how do elves walk on snow
elrond: any intelligent questions...boromir
boromir: can i borrow the ring
elrond: no. anything else...gimli what is it now
gimli: can i borrow you JKII game
elrond: NO!!!
gimli: sheesh sorry
elrond: so who wants to die
frodo: ill go. the ring is driving me insane with repeating that damn poem
ring: everyone hates me no one loves me im gonna eat some worms
aragorn: you have my sword
legolas: and my bow
gimli: and my accent
gandalf: well i have nothing better to do
boromir: you’ll need some conflict for the story
sam: im not supposed to loose frodo
mary, pippen: you’ll need comic relief
elrond: well at least we'll only loose one elf
gandalf: well elrond we cant screw up too bad
elrond: no gandalf your men are already dead uh i mean good luck
*annnnnd there off....first they try to go around the misty mountains*
gandalf: no we cant go that way
all: well that was a waste of time
*then they try to go on top of it*
gimli: how do elves walk on snow
legolas: its the shoes
gimli: cool. new balance
gandalf: no we cant go here either
gimli: who wants to go to the spooky place
*all but gandalf raise hands*
gandalf: what have i gotten myself into
*they go to moria and find everyone’s dead*
gimli: i thought something was funny when i didn’t get any Christmas cards for 60 years. oh well cant keep track of everthing
*frodo gets violated by "the watcher in the water" and all get trapped in the mines*
pippen: they still have malt beer here right...right???
gandalf: im lost
boromir: who put him in charge again
gimli: i like it here. its nice and snug on these sharp rocks
aragorn: dwarves are so weird
gimli: thats not what arwen thought when we played hide the helmet
aragorn: WHAT!!!
*aragorn starts choking gimli and gandalf remembers just in time then they see the great hall of dwarrowdelf*
aragorn: dwarrowdelf
gimli: dwarrowdelf
gandalf: dwarrowdelf
legolas: its only a model
all: shhhh
*gimli gets mopey over baliens death and gandalf finds oris long lost diary*
gandalf: "bought the new jedi knight 2 game and i can own dori any day on MP" *skips abit* "they have taken the bridge and the second hall. we have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. drums, drums in the deep. we cannot get out. a shadow moves in the dark. we cannot get out....they are coming........P.S. if i get out of this i need to remember to pay gimli that 5 bucks i owe him.
*pippen attracts the presence of evil and thus big fight breaks out*
gimli: were in my own country and the elf get the better fight sceans
peter Jackson: yeah throw those rocks you hobbits
*frodo gets stabbed again but has dwarf mail to protect him*
gandalf: aww shoot uh i mean hooray for dwarf mail
*balrog appears and chases them. gimli thinks he can make a 50 foot jump...right. balrog chases them to the bridge of kazad dum "don’t you just love to say those words*
gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS!
balrog: hey your that wizard who stole my wallet!
gandalf: uh....if i pay you back will you let us go
balrog: yeah
gandalf: how much
balrog: 10000
gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!
*gandalf and balrog fall into an abyss "bye bye" hobbits have a teary moment*
boromir: don’t cry gimli
gimli: LET GO OF ME YOU OAF
aragorn: quit crying you wusses
gimli: i hope that was the horn of gondor that you were jabbing into my chest
*they go to woods of lothloriean*
gimli: they say there is a great elf witch who lives in these woods
mary: ooooooo spooooky
gimli: but she wont get me, i have foxy eyes
haldir: the dwarf breaths so loud that...HOLY, jeese dwarf what did you eat
gimli: gaze into my foxy eyes elf
*haldir ignors gimli*
aragorn: forgive the company i travel with. they're all...well...stupid
gimli: what about the stuff your going to say about "we havent had dealing with a dwarf sence durins bane was awokend"
haldir: its in the special edition
*they meet galadriel*
all: TURN OFF THOSE FREAKING LIGHTS
galadriel: muwhahahaha scary aren’t i
all: no
*yada yada yada blah blah blah*
galadriel: farewell frodo baggins. i give you this...shiny thing
frodo: where do you put the quarter
*company gets to the argonath*
the argonath: stop. hey you cant go through here. stop cut it out. no dont do it. awww crap....shut up stupid birds and get out of my ear
*.....companey gets to amon hen*
gimli: recover strength!? what do you mean by that!
legolas: a lot of orcs are on the other side. Can we go
aragorn: ummmmm no
*boromir fights frodo for the ring*
boromir: ill give it right back. i promis
frodo: instead ill show you a magic trick
*frodo dissapears*
boromir: oohhhhhhhhh $#!+ im in deep $#!+
*frodo gets a boat and goes off to mordor with Sam*
Sam: im not supposed to loose you
frodo: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
*aragorn legolas and gimli kill half saurons army in woods, boromir gets killed and mary and pippen get captured "perfect end to a perfect day"*
mary: even after we painted those bullseyes on boromir your still going to capture us
boromir: aragorn ive always loved you
aragorn: ok ill just be over there
*they put boromir in a boat and bury him*
gimli: the boats stuck on a rock
aragorn: er
legolas: don’t look at me, im not getting it
THE END
Dont mess with retarded scientists.
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owww, my side hurts........ 
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